I AM FURIOUS

I am so mAD at myself for being sooooo stupid. I had lunch with my h, just like my t and I agreed to. I was supposed to let him know how I feel about our relationship without bringing up any of the "threatening things" and hopefully convince him to come to t with me.
Well, I am such an IDIOT. I could not bring up anything. What the H... is wrong with me? Why is that I cannot do it? I get all ready and worked out but the minute I see his face I justt cannot.
I AM SOOO ANGRY AND P.. OFF AT MYSELF right now.

gab

Will you have another chance to talk with him about it soon? Are you afraid he will say no? Maybe it would be better to ask him in another situation in case he says no you can feel some what comfortable expressing your dissapointment.

I've only read a couple of your posts, so I don't know the whole story, but it sounds like you've been with this man for a long time, and been living in a fearful situation. So, expecting yourself, to just flip a switch and suddenly face him without fear is asking a lot. Give yourself a break!!! Jeepers! Stop kicking Gloria right now!!

If anyone deserves a swift boot it would be the person who put you in this position in the first place - the one who made you fearful. Please redirect that anger! :-)

I'm sending only hugs in your direction! (((((((Gloria!)))))))

Hi Gloria,

it might be a good idea to have an index card written with topics or an introduction sentence to what you want to tell him. Is there someone who can be with you for moral support? Just some ideas. Just remind yourself how liberating it will be to take a stand. Try writing you plan of action out and read it back to yourself of what you are going to do. You CAN do it, you MUST do it.
Be brave,
sesquix

Thank you, I actually like your idea about the index card, it will help me stay focus.

I have some moral support, but the big hit is going to come from the family. I really wish nobody had to be hurt, and unfortunatelly, people in the family tend to take sides instead of just being there for the both of us.

Any way, thanks for your support.

gab

yeah gloria, I can't recall the whole story either... was it entirely your Ts idea or was it yours to do it this way?

Don't beat yourself up over it, obviously it didn't work out for you, you didn't feel safe enough to do it that way and that's just fine. Your frustration shows though, and it's probably because you want it done and you planned it and wanted to be able todo it. Oh well... plan b.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Gloria,
I think the most horrible thing in the world is when family starts taking sides. It always amazes me how when things are good in laws seem to get along. God forbid problems arise though because then everyone seems to take sides and both parties seem to be bashed.
When my parents got divorced my fathers side disowned my mother, sister, and I. I have not seen anyone from his side of the family since he passed away almost 8 years ago. Even my mothers side of the family disowned us for awhile because she decided to get the divorce.
It really saddens me how immature people can be sometimes. Especially since the children are usually the ones to get hurt.

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

I can understand your fear, but try not to knock yourself for not being able to express how you felt. Remember that you are dealing with someone who could lash out at any moment. Try to look inside yourself for some inner strength, that's what my therapist told me to try to do. When you can build that up, it won't matter how he reacts because you'll know inside that all you did was voice how you felt in a calm way and that you have a right to do that without getting abused. I try to remind myself of that whenever I get yelled at, that it's not me doing it, it's him. Good luck and try to build some strength.

This posting is a little old. I still get angry and disapointed at me when I choose not to express my feeling to him, but I have a better undestanding of why this happens to me.

gab

yeah it is an old post... but obviously (to me) you would still respond to the scenario the same way. Looks like a bit of PTSD to me... eh?

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

No kidding, Mr h as late as yesterday, when he came home the kids were still up so he approached me in front of them and hugged me and kissed me (yikes!), I felt I had to because of the kids!

Then he called me this morning and asked if I wanted to rent a movie we could watch with the kids and make it a family evening..

Like, we are not getting a divorce now, or what? Because I hugged him last night?

gab

ah he's winning the children over so they blame mommy....

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Gosh-I know exactly how you feel! Good luck and try to stay strong. Remember the advice you gave me, it was really good!

Hey soul sister,
I too can't seem to make the words leave the brain and roll over the lips. That is why is is good to have this community here to fall back on and be carried by sometimes. If you are like me you lay awake and go over in your mind what you will say, but it never comes out. It was tatooed in my brain that if you've nothing good to say, then say nothing at all. That might work for Martha Stewart, but for those of us that are litererally haunted by the desire to speak out and break free, it just keeps us awak all night. Good luck and hopefully one of us will have a success story to report in the next days.