going to be alone forever

I'm turning 25 soon, and I'm so afraid of and even kinda expecting to be alone forever. Guys never show even the slightest interest in me. I can't even get a horrible date, much less find a good guy for a committed relationship. I'm at the age where pretty much everyone is getting engaged, married, and having babies. Even friends and family members who are several years younger seem closer to marriage than me. People say I should be happy and not worry about finding someone, but honestly I'd rather die than get much older alone. I despise being single, and being single would be the ultimate life failure for me. I don't care about any specific career/hobby/whatever more than finding someone to love who loves me. I want a family more than anything, and I don't see that ever happening for me. I just want to die sometimes.

hmm, i understand- i'm 25, and not even been on a date (and also like you no one shows an interest)

though for now, that's how i want it- i've loads of stuff to sort out in my life before commiting myself to someone

but i do understand... hugs

Do you have any hobbies and career aspirations? You said you don't care as much about that, but do you have an interest in those things at all?

I dont want to downplay your feelings but 25 is still plenty of time to find someone. I met my boyfriend at 30 and I went through many of the same things you did. All my friends getting married and having babies (I am no longer friends with them cause I couldnt handle it). But I understand how you feel, you are not alone here. Just keep posting and keep letting it out, PC is a great way to deal with what youre going through.

(((((hugs)))))))

Yeah, I have grand goals for myself and a few hobbies that I really enjoy. I don't want to be too specific here, because I think sharing them would make me potentially identifiable. My thing is I don't want to go through life alone; I want someone to share these things with.

I know what you're going through Rainboots. I'm 39 and I've never been on a date, never been asked on a date, never even been kissed. I feel as though I've failed over half of my life because I've never managed to accomplish this thing that most people have accomplished in teenaged years.

I know I'm attractive and a good person, and it's really hard to see people around me having no problems with matching up with a mate. It's hard to even watch romantic movies or tv shows and not feel a large amount of frustration and hurt over it. It's as though God or the Universe or whatever deemed me to be alone for life.

I know I'm super shy but it just seems like by this age I would have had a first kiss from a guy. It's also hard not to just throw in the towel at this point and accept my fate. I don't know why any guy would willingly get into a relationship with a woman who has no experience.

if you get a hobby or an interest, that will lead you to find others with that same interest, and later on a boyfriend. voice of experience.

Don't feel down Rainboots. You're still young. You've plenty of time. I know it sucks being single and watching other couples...there's nothing on this earth more I envy than that. But if you throw in the towel for dating, only then have you truly lost.

I think other posters have got it right...find a hobby or an interest that requires you to meet others. That's usually a good way to get the ball rolling.

I can tell you that getting married and having children young, starting at 22, when I was not ready, was bad. 25 is still pretty young.

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

Although I have been on dates before, I feel exactly the same, because as others on PC know about me already, chronic loneliness is an issue I suffer from, since I can’t find a woman in real life that likes me. No woman ever asks me on a date or even likes me after we have met. Being alone forever does seem like an inevitability for me too, and there is little worse than living life believing oneself to be unlovable.

As someone that is close to your age (I am about to turn 22 years old), I don’t find that people telling me I am young and have lots of time helpful; indeed, I can find it counterproductive, because it makes me think, “I HAVE 50 MORE YEARS OF THIS?!” As you said, sometimes I feel like I would rather be dead, because it can be so painful to live each day alone and wishing for someone to care about you when nobody does. It can feel like I am drowning in loneliness and rejection - is that accurate for how you feel?

I don’t know what to say that would be of help other than that I totally understand these feelings.

I agree, 25 is young...who am I to say tho? I am only 14, but I do have knowledge when it comes to wanting a relationship. Me? Now I don't care about relationships but I have friends in there 20's and 30's that want one really bad. I am no one to say this, but as long as a friend is around ... my life is complete. You shouldn't want to die, life is better than a dude. I once wanted to die because I thought no one liked me, then I realized i wasn't putting myself "out there". Once I did that, I met one of my bestest friends...and I could not thank my therapist more for helping me with that.
What I am trying to say is, life is a waiting game sometimes...patience is the key.

OP,

If that makes you want to die, I would see a psychiatrist promptly. Do not delay. In my 20s, I had mild suicidal ideation and I did not see a doctor though I once called a suicide hotline... in my 30s I had a suicide attempt for real. Better safe than sorry - it is abnormal to want to die while being a healthy 25-y-o woman, OK, "uncoupled" but still, healthy and poised. So go get yourself tested.

I completely understand how you feel. I am 46 and I was married once and it was horrible! I have been single for 20 years and no one has looked my way for most of those years. When I was younger the only reason a man would want me was for the wrong reasons. My son is 25 and he has never been on a date. I feel for him. He is a good looking young man, but he is into himself too much at this point in his life. I believe he will find someone one day. I figure, the older he gets the wiser his decision will be about who he marries. I don't want him to ever experience what I did with my marriage. It is better to be single than to be married to the wrong person. Hang in there...you are still very young and don't worry about what everyone else is doing...do your own thing and if it is meant to be, it will happen. Take care!

rainboots87, I feel what you are going through. I'm a 26 years old guy who feel the same way as you in the same situation you are going through. I sometimes feel like I should disappear because no women would want me being a depressed guy who thinks of mild suicidal thoughts. Many friends try to help but somehow I'm always feeling down. I sometimes wonder if I had forgotten to smile. Hugs.

I was single all through middle and high school, only asked out once by an older creeper who asked out every girl who'd even talk to him. I technically had a boyfriend for the last two weeks of my study abroad program (at age 19) which were an awkward mess compared to our great friendship before that. Then we were in different cities for the next two months before finally breaking up.

My only long-term relationship was a guy I asked out at age 21, and we were only in the same metropolitan area for half of the 10 months we were "together." He was basically leading me on and canceled on me constantly, always had an excuse, and made me think everything was my fault, when he was the one who refused to get invested. Even the times we were in the same greater city area, I hardly saw him. I distinctly remember something like eight canceled plans in a two week period of time. I was basically fun for him when there was nothing better to do. He messed with my mind as "just friends" twice after that. Both this guy and the first bf I met while I was still struggling with an eating disorder, though I recovered early on during the long-term relationship.

I go to social/academic/artistic/athletic/religious/volunteer events and get zero attention from guys, whether I try to relax and let things happen naturally or try to be more active in socializing. I think I'm okay looking (some people have said that I'm pretty/beautiful), and I'm a really good, caring, intelligent person. This will sound arrogant or something, but I hate when I see people who are extremely unattractive and/or awful people (b****y, dishonest, selfish, obnoxious, etc.) or even with way worse self-esteem issues than I have who have no problems getting dates or maintaining a relationship. Not that some of them don't deserve a relationship, but if they can get one, what is so wrong with me that I can't? I don't understand why if I'm a good person with good qualities, decent looking, don't have any kids (not that it's a bad thing, but most guys prefer girls without), that no one even gives a first glance. I'm probably coming across as a whiny jerk now. I have great friends who love to spend time with me and who can confide in me (and I with them), and I just want a romantic partner for that deeper connection. As more time passes, I have less and less hope though.

And regarding the death thing, I'd rather BE dead, but I would absolutely never even hurt myself in anyway much less kill myself. These feelings have come up before, and I've discussed them in therapy, but I know I'm safe. I just want some force of nature to take me out sometimes. It depends on the day. I don't know if that clarifies a few things. So I'm not completely inexperienced, but I've never been close to a solid, healthy relationship. I hope I didn't make myself out to be a total jerk with this post though :/

You hit the nail on the head. Thanks for sharing, and I'm sorry you can relate.

I think 24 is too young to marry. I strongly suggest that before you marry you finish your education and work so that you would be able to support yourself if something were to happen to your spouse. If you want a family, have you considered mentoring a child like in a Big Brother/Big Sister program? No, it isn't the same as getting up at 3 am to feed and change the baby, but it is interacting with children. There are many ways to interact with children that don't involve giving birth to them. If it comes to pass that you never get married, there is single parent adoption to consider.

I urge all young people, men and women, to make the lives they want for themselves without desperately searching for someone else to "make them complete." Be complete and then look for someone else who is comfortable in his or her own skin, and then consider forming a family. I send you love and hope for a happy relationship in the future.

yep. it's getting to feel that way. alone. for awhile, at least while i get my inner life back in shape. it's all about patience, nay ENDURANCE. i just keep hoping one day I'll get to experience the joy of romantic stuff, for now I just got to put my head down and go. try and keep making friends. and keep growing.

i've always been a romantic, so i'm starved. sometimes it feels like, what you said. all i want in life is someone to share the caring thing. but alas i get nothing, yet i keep trying.

what can you do? idk. keep goin. endure is the word.

Loneliness is one of the worst feelings to have. On the flip side however I think being in a bad relationship is equally as painful. My advice would be to not rush into anything to quickly as you may regret it later on. You'll find someone don't worry

hello rainboots!

So it sounds to me that you are losing hope in finding the one for you. IS that it?

Well i guess if you do then you are totally putting an end towards the situation. Why? because you are still young! yes 25 is not a bad thing because others usually find their luck on love at the age of 35-40? really there is

so before you quit on dating and meeting new friends. Why don't you go for a quick cut, a new style of hair and color! a new outfit and new friends to hang around.

I can totally relate too! (39 and never had a relationship)

It's tough to date these days for either sex (although I think women still get approached more often than men).

I LONG for someone to look at me like I am the only one that matters but most people, especially women, seem to look 'through me'.

The saying that gets me the most mad (and is somewhat paradoxical) is:

"You have to be okay with yourself before you can be okay with somebody else."

Well, the problem with this is that it feeds on itself.

Lack high social functioning skills, therefore,
you find it hard to feel accepted, therefore,
you withdraw more, which,
hurts your esteem more and makes you feel worse about yourself.

The theory is to break the cycle by "fake it till you make it". I, however, have been unable to successfully do it.

Probably doesn't help much but it's the best I got.