Healthy self esteem, or just being obnoxious?

I've been stepping on toes left and right around here the last couple of weeks. For what? Voicing my opinions.

Voicing my opinions that I wasn't allowed to have for the last 30 years.

Something clicked recently, I don't know what, I don't know why, I don't know how. I don't care to know. All I know is I have a voice, FINALLY.

So why is it that people find that offensive? Because they're jealous that they haven't found the strength to do the same for themselves yet? I don't know.

I thought this site was about personal growth, but the things I've experienced the last few weeks have made me think that the last thing anyone wants to see in here is improvement of any kind in anyone with the very rare exception of the few people who actually like me. If you love to hate me, then I get the feeling I should have my wings clipped. Misery loves company after all.

Don't clip your wings!!! WI! I love reading your posts.
Patty

wi I think it is wonderful!!!! maybe one day I will find my voice as you have!! congrats!!

I have no clue ok so don't get mad at me but could it be maybe HOW you state your opinion in some cases? Wording could be the only issue not the opinion or voice. And face it its the net and nobody can see your face or hear how soft your voice may be.
I do not know this to be true or false of your situation here I haven't been here for weeks but it is something I would ponder if I felt this way for a few weeks. You seem nice enough to me

Oh, so you're not gonna take my word for it, are you???

JOKING!! Just joking! LOL You go, Girl!

Of course I'm taking your word for it, but we're both opinionated and obnoxious. It's one of the things I've grown to love about you.

So maybe we're biased. LOL

I understand where you're coming from, but isn't being told you can't say things unless you word it a certain way similar to saying you can't say it at all?

If you aren't personally attacking a poster, it's within the guidelines to voice your opinion. There's no way you can say something in order to please everyone, and I've kept my voice hidden for so long that to have to continue to rein it in, to me, is the same as being told I can't say anything at all.

WHAT?????? ME????????? OPPINIONATED?????? Nevah!

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SeptemberMorn said:
WHAT?????? ME????????? OPPINIONATED?????? Nevah!

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Suuuuure, if you say so.

Ummm... Shirley? .... Ummm...

NOPE! Not gonna do it! Not gonna be an "I told you so." Nope! Sorry!

Well yes and no. I do agree with you and understand why you feel how you do, having been silenced for so long. I am sorry you were. I do however see room to make my point and not be censored nor say xy or z in a way that may hurt someone's feeling. No, you cannot avoid all hurt feelings but you said above you have run into this often the last couple or few weeks and that made me wonder if maybe it was the wording. Like I said I could be wrong but if you keep encountering this kind of thing , then maybe it is the way you use a word or two. That's all I mean. I myself can word things strongly in person.

i think finding your voice is a good thing. i know, from behind the scenes, how you were when you first came here. you had been beaten down for years and years and were afraid to speak up. now, you're woman, hear her roar!!!

That's where I'm coming from on this. March 2005 when I first joined, if I had an opinion on a hot topic, I wouldn't say a word, not one word. Once I was able to join in, I'd post and run because I was afraid of being disagreed with.

I've finally broken out of that, but I still feel I'm being chastised for it.

Yes, it has just started in the last two weeks, because in the last two weeks is when I finally got over that hurdle. I still have to give Mandyfins a lot of credit for that.

How is my getting my voice back any different than, say, an abuse survivor finally realizing it wasn't their fault? Would they be criticized for that? Probably not.

Finding your voice is a good thing... and it does take practice to learn how to speak, imo.... you haven't offended me by your posting... keep trying to state things nicely... our opinions don't need to offend, but some will feel offended no matter what (that's part of their illness and problems to solve?) TC!

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_Sky said:
.. keep trying to state things nicely... our opinions don't need to offend, but some will feel offended no matter what (that's part of their illness and problems to solve?) TC!

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That's the problem. When I have a strong opinion about something, I can't always be nice about it. So does that mean I have to continue to keep mum on things that are important to me, really important, for the sake of not possibly hurting feelings? I'm not a mind reader. I can't contemplate every possible scenario for a given topic. Even if I could, there would be someone who would be offended.

I guess I'll just shut up on anything that involves topics that could become heated.

I have not been offended by your posts... Seems to me some folks fly off the handle should another person disagree with them...... IMHO...

IMHO.....I did not direct that last comment to any one particular person at Psych Central. It was just a "GENERAL" statement ...I do believe my comment is keeping on topic.. IMHO .

Alot of times when I'm saying things to another person, especially in disagreement or voicing an opinion that might not be popular, I ask myself if it would upset me if someone were to use the words to me that I'm getting ready to type/say. It's helped me to reframe what I want to say and still get my point across just as well.

In other words, instead of saying, "What's up with your attitude?" I might say, "It seems that you're upset. That's my impression. would you like to discuss it?'

GL.

KD

Well... state things as nicely as you can. The very fact that each of us TRIES to be polite is important. Our intentions are good. I doubt few intend to offend here. That you are concerned is the first step. Some others here haven't made that step yet

You could even add something to your signature line, W I Fighter...that addresses your "finding your voice" and struggling with phrasing things nicely. I'll work with anyone who continues to try.

No, Shirley. DON'T shut up. Hard as it is to believe, we all need to learn communication. Some of us err on the "gentle" side and some on the "harsh" side. Some don't speak up. That's the worst of all!

I understand COMPLETELY what you're feeling. I've been there, too! Heck! I'm still getting it for saying it like it is! There's a few of us here like that.

Gee whiz!!! I made a positive difference in someone's life!!

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I still have to give Mandyfins a lot of credit for that.

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I never thought I could do that! I'm glad I helped you.

Thanks so much for letting me and -- oh dear everyone else know!!(I get a bit nervous when any attention is on me.... something I need to work on)

I agree that you've come a long way and I think that's awesome.

wi, I think you are doing well, I see such an improvment in you, and it makes me happy to see you have gained self-esteem.

Opinionated? Heck, I think most of us are, that is an area I have a struggle with, working on self-control but refuse to lose control of myself, and who I am.
Like many here, I've worked too hard to get where I am in my emotional 3D world.
I think I'm just rambling, possibly getting obnoxious. LOL!!!

Sept,
You remember our begining, wow it's worked out so well, we understand each other better now, where back then, was a different story.
I'm glad to see how things became so cool between you,other members and I.
Big deal if we all do not agree on the same issues, as long as we keep that respect, and offer support, as we have, things will be great.
LOL!! Okay, I am having healthy self-esteem, or just being obnoxious about now? LOL!! That's something I learned from my hubby, LOL!! Amazing what we can learn from them, like what you do not want to always be like. LOL!!
Take care y'all,
DE

You're so right, Roe! And I sure do remember our beginning! And I thought I was being NICE! LOL Well... that was when you didn't tick me off. You don't do that anymore. Wondery why?? Could it be that we've learned to calm down and understand each other?

HUH, Sky??? hehehe

I remember when I first joined, how I couldn't stand how you and _Sky could get away with being the way you were, and we had more than a few run ins in the process. Especially because I was a "newbie" and didn't "get it."

Now I have to say you two rank up there in my "favorite people" category.

BTW, am I still a newbie?

LOL No, Shirley. You're not a newbie anymore. DANG!!

To tell you the truth, I don't know how Sky and I got away with it! Probably a different Admin! LOL

What I find rather ironic is that for so long I was accused of not having or being able to form an opinion of my own. Now I'm being told to keep it to myself if I can't word it "gently."


I still stand by the feeling that the vast majority would rather see someone get better only if they're going to exit the forums rather than test out their new sense of self in a place that they're already comfortable with and where people know what they've struggled through to get where they are now.

To leave here and find forums where people are already established with their strong opinions would send me right back here, maybe less willing to speak up than before.

Is that the intent of PC? I don't think so, but I could be wrong.