Open Releationships

It is a very good list. I do not think that eight years is too much of a price to pay. For being able to come up with such a good list which will guide your future decisions.

Adam, That is so well put and thought out. It is very generous of you to allow her to stay and get things straightened out for herself for the next 2 months. That is the right things to do. No one ever said doing what was right was easy.

You have put alot of thought into what you needed from your relationship. It is a give and take and sounds like you were giving alot and she was taking alot, not giving back to you even if it is not financially giving. Time and emotional connections mean alot.

It sounds like you have a good plan.

Thanks big mama. I hope all is well with you and the hubby.

Adam, thanks. We are working at it. Some of the things you say ring true for my H and me. I have individual T next week. I gotta get the emotionally unavailable part of me to cooperate. It is not as simple as it sounds.

Keep your head up Adam. You are doing the right thing. How did T go. Hope it helped some anyway.

Yeah it went well. I like her. I found her easy to talk to about difficult subjects. She weaned receptive and willing to help. I talked about my major issues and she is hopeful about helping. She also said Sarah could come if I wanted to. I offered that to my wife or another therapist of her choosing but she refused and said she didn't need it.

That is promising that the T is open to Sara coming as well. That is to bad that Sara doesn't want to. That is just another sign you are doing the fight thing.

I am glad it appears that this T is a good fit for you. I hope all continues to go well.

She asked about it today. I think the reality of all of this has finally set in with her. I think she became complaciant with how much I do for her. Then she resented my hesitation with having children. I think she is starting to realise what life is going to be like without me. She says she is scared and doesn't know what to do. I gave her the best advice I can. She has to sort her own life out. I offered to pay for some therapy for her. I really hope she goes. I fear she won't be able to cope with this change.

Going through a similar thing Adam but have been married nearly thirty years. Good to get out now while you have a good chance of having a better relationship with someone in future. As the wife of someone who tried to commit suicide though...I do not feel it is a spouse's role to keep said spouse safe. It's for the person with the suicidal ideation etc to take those thoughts to trained therapists etc. I think it puts an unhealthy strain on the relationship. And all our individual therapists agree.

I have been in the open relationship for a few days now and it's going ok. Someone told me this might all be a test for my loyalty but I doubt it because I haven't been together for all that long with my original partner.

I think you are right. I got a therapist this week I started talking to. I regret telling my wife about my depression. I think it overwhelmed her and she couldn't help me. I am going to work on me before I start another releationship. I feel as if I ruined this one. I feel like if I would have dealt with this ten years ago I would have been better off.

I'm not looking for person to cure me of suicidal ideation. I know that has to be done with a trained professional. What I want is someone I can rely on when I am in crisis to help me not do anything rash. I have almost no support in my life. I masked me depression from everyone because I feared they wouldn't accept me or would judge me for feeling this way. I have a lot of shame for having depression. Everytime I have reached out for help it has ended badly for me.

Less than two months reaching out to my wife and we are about to seperate. My family made me feel horible in my teens when I reached out to them. I was laid off from my job a month after I took a week off to seek help.

I tried to bury it within myself and I ended up withdrawing and overworking myself. I feel as if I pushed my wife away from me with that. It feels like an unruly burden to carry and I have been unable to properly deal with it.

It's a burden that I, too, deal with every day on my own. PC is my only outlet for my problems.

It takes two to tango.

In a way you expected her to be responsible and she showed she wasn't as mature as you or ready to tackle the consequences of her own actions. There is nothing you can do about that. I think leed wrote a good post about it. (Maybe open eyes?)

Don't blame yourself for the separation. You may have contributed but it wasn't all your fault. Remember a marriage consists of two people.

It's so awful to have no support Adam..I know my family are no support nor are my husbands. My son and I luckily have good friendships we have nurtured over the years and they are invaluable now,

This is going to be a difficult time for you...as I am going through it too let us keep in touch. Your depression is nothing to e ashamed of...it annoys me that diabetes etc is acceptable but depression is often hidden.

Do you have things you like to do...go to movies, sports, have coffees, book clubs etc? If so can you start spoiling yourself with some of these things?

I noticed with my husband he went off everything he loved and enjoyed before the suicide because of depression...I think it's so good to have an outlet....he goes walking and trekking in national parks again now for exercise but he used to go for the challenge!

Anyway Adam...let me know how you are going ...please consider me your friend...although I have to get in line with a lot of the older ladies here!!!

I'm trying to reach out and build a support system. My cousin is staying with me right now. I'm trying to find support in him. He has depression too, and he has been where I am as well. I plan on getting an apartment in a couple months with him. I'm looking for my therapist for support. She seems capable of objectively looking at my life and hopefully she can help me be more mentally healthy.

I have an aunt that said I can stay with her if I needed as well.

It sounds like you're on the right track. I wish you all the best, adam_k.

Oh, please do not feel this way. As they say, it takes two people...

Sorry, a duplicate post - did not notice the post by Confused. But, more people saying the same thing is good...

Sadly depression is something of a stigma still, and it shouldn't be. There is a new (never seen anything like it before) advert on TV here in England talking about mental illnesses. Its darn good and not before time.

I really think that you're on the way.. the way you speak, even with all the awful stuff that you've gone through is really amazing and show's so much self-awareness. Surely that's the start of the recovery?

I agree with that you probably shouldn't have told your wife all the things you did, but you were not to know (or to blame) on how she handled it. She really should've told you she wasn't qualified enough to help and/or aided you with outside help. Having affairs isn't a kind thing to do, and this action is not your fault.

I also agree that you should try working of yourself first before starting on another relationship. I am a true believer that a person has to be reasonably happy in their own skin to have a good relationship. But I can feel it in my bones that when you start to feel better (and you will!) you're going to be one heck of a catch!

Good luck Mister, and big hugs.