What do you do when you are with a partner who never takes any responsibility?

I am just wondering what people might suggest for the following scenario. What do you do when you ask your partner what they might like for dinner, and they say they are open. They never end up having any opinion, even after 13 years. Then, when you end up chosing something, and it is a bad choice, they do not take any responsibility? What do you do with a partner who never makes choices for the relationship, and never takes any responsibility for choices made in the relationship? Am I wrong to feel extremely frustrated with a person like that?

No, you're not wrong. If they don't like the dinner you made and they didn't make any suggestions, tell them to go hungry!

If you have to make all the decisions, and they don't like what you decided then tell THEM to take responsibility and QUIT GRIPING.

You're going to have to stand up to him and stop being abused. You might as well be living alone! It sure would be less stressful. If he won't pitch in with the decision making and suggestions, then tell him to go. Frustration and stress can take years off your life. Plus this is SUPPOSED to be a partnership. That's not what YOU have. You have a tramp living with you.

I wouldn't live like that. If I didn't have a partnership, then I'd rather live alone. Best of luck to you and God bless. Hugs, Lee

okay I'm thinking this has way more to do with something other than "whats for dinner?"
My husband seems to never choose what is for dinner, I get to do it. And, you're right, if he complains and doesn't like dinner, then it MUST be my responsibility. But I finally quit worrying about what he did and didn't like and had what I liked for dinner. Less stress for me, and I got what I wanted to eat! If this is one of your biggest relationship problems, then you are doing ok? No? or is there more to this?

No, it isn't just what is for dinner. It is everything in the relationship. He never makes a choice period. Everything is done by default for him. I guess I just want to vent.

(((sweetthinker))) I understand you're frustration. With my own issues, if you want me to go out and eat, you'd better have a plan. We've made some adjustments over the years but we still fall into what I call circular converstations. I will make a decsion and he will come up with a dozen alternatives. It's very frustrating! It is his idea of "talking things out." I've tried to explain to him that I find this annoying. It's like he hasn't heard me at all. Like he could have the entire conversation without me. He STILL doesn't understand why this irritates me and continues to do it! But now, I tell him since he didn't make a decsion, I have and that's the way it's going to be. It can be anything from what we are having for dinner to what time we have to get up in the morning. I try very hard not to get annoyed, but sometimes I just cannot help it.

Yeah, my fella is like that too. I don't think its too much of taking responsibility with my fella, more that just not interested in some things, esp the mundane stuff like dinner. I still ask occasionally to see if anything changes, but no.
I do what AAAAA says. Just make my own plans, if he doesn't like it, or complains then he can go eat something else that he can make himself, or get a takeaway. I've got to like it anyway, as I am a veggie and he isn't, so I get to eat what I like! I do go soft on him though and make him one or two meat meals a week.

He's like it with days out too, or things we can do as a couple. Hardly ever makes a decision or comes up with a plan. Now I just say to him, I fancy going here, wanna go? He either says yes or no, and I will go anyway with or without him. He nearly always goes, but very occasionally he drags his heels half way through the day or has a little strop like a 7 year old while we are out doing something because he doesn't want to be there. I just tell him to stop ruining it for me, and either buck up or go away as it was his choice to come. If he acts like a child, I will treat him like one!! Sounds rough, and it is, but it saves me from being resentful, gets it out in the open, and we work things through then and there.

I did know he was like this from the off tho, our first proper date at his house (200 miles away) he sat there and out a new kitchen blind up!! I mean, how romantic! I teased him and now he hates to be reminded of that day, say's he was awful! I think that knowing that about him, trying to change him (briefly) and then accepting him and his ways has really helped me. I just try to focus on the good points about him and the things I love about him and try not to let the stuff annoy me too much. Hard tho!! :-)

Sweetthinker-

In my relationship I have learned (through much therapy!) to do my part and nothing more. I cannot take on his responsibilities on top of mine. I agree with Leed- If he doesn't give you an answer and you make something he doesn't like, let him go hungry. He will learn. It sounds like he is the type who will only learn the hard way. It is a shame and quite frustrating, but sometimes that is where they are.

If it was me, next time the dinner situation happens, when he gripes about dinner, i would calmly say something like, "well, this is what I chose to make tonight, so this is what is for dinner. If you don't like it, you are more than happy to make something else, but this is what I am going to eat. Next time, if you tell me what you would like to have before dinner, I would be happy to make that for you." Something like that. I have found when I stick to my guns while maintaining calmness, I accomplish more than when I start a fight. Then my husband either lashes back or shuts down. In saying something like the above statement, I can rest assured that I have done my part responsibly, and it is now up to him to do the same. If he chooses not to, well, that is his choice and he has to live with the consequences.

Sorry that was so long, take it or leave it. I wish you luck.

I agree with all of you!!!

my ex 2nd H would not voice strong opposition or ANY opposition to some of my major decisions (when to start working outside the home, which school to place our children in, which house to rent,...) but when he did not like the outcome, he made it appear as if I had disregarded his very vocal opposition.

In other words, I was at fault in any case.

It was very frustrating and I am still infuriated.

if your partner is indecisive about so many things it might be time to re-evaluate what the relationship is worth to you? Not to him. To you. Perhaps you decide to make that decision for yourself regardless what he decides at this point.

Well, in my opinion, it's not that bad for you to decide sometimes. Other times, he should decide. But if you decide something when he says he's open to all kind of ideas, and then he doesn't like it, you have every right to be mad. I suggest you talk to him and then see if it works out. Explain what exactly is that makes you so frustrated.