[Rhapsody]

I would like to talk with other wives that feel or think that their husbands have stop doing for them and now they are being taken for granted.... the man is assuming that his wife and her LoVe will always be there, rather he does or does not put time and energy is put into the relationship - like the good old days.... the early years of marriage / dating as to woo you.


Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[bebop]

I think that happens in most marriages. people don't try to keep the romance/love going. it stinks!!!!!

[SerenitysWave]

<font color="purple"> I am going through something similair.... There are times when I do feel like I am being taken advantaged of, most definately.... More than anything right now, I feel alone... I have talked with him about this and he says he just doesnt know what to do.... I told him we NEED to make time for us and our marriage.... He agrees, but seems as though he deosnt know how to help, or even tries... I know he is bombarded with so much right now.... He is taking care of two households right now.... Has been for 15 yrs... See his dad was diagnosed with brain cancer 15 yrs ago and after fighting it for 14 yrs his dad died a yr ago this coming Sept 11th ( of all days)..... So I know between working long hours, sometimes OTR..... Spending time with our 4 kids, repairs and other household duties, taking care of his mom ( whom lives right next door), running her errands, and me... I know he has a full plate..... but I cant help that I feel neglected..... I do try my very best to understand, help him in anyway I can, especially with his mom, and give him attention that I know he yearns and deserves....I deserve it too, I wanted it so bad.... And I have to keep myself in check.... I am keeping communication open as much as possible which helps..... I have strayed before and I certainly DO NOT want to do that again, so communciation is very important for me.... BUT again there is this great distance between us, and I told him this last night...... We have lost our selves in all this.... The 28th will mark 20 yrs that we have been together... Since I was 15!!! (he was 22) .... We have tried having a date night, I enjoyed that very much.... Seems as though every time we plann it something happens and we end up not being aboe to follow through..... I know I need patience.... I am trying... He is very good to me..... I know he loves me deeply.... We just need to work together and harder....and I will keep talking with him about it.... and hopefully we will both get what we need...... </font>

[Rhapsody]

Oh do I ever hear you here.... it was as though I was reading my mind put into words.... and we too have been married 20 years - April 2006.

Big Sigh! - oh what to do when one feels alone and left out of the loop.... wanting & needing, but still no action being taken by the other, no matter how hard you try.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
bebop said:
I think that happens in most marriages. people don't try to keep the romance/love going. it stinks!!!!!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

AND - that is so sad....... I try but when he does nothing, I tend to move on.
While he does remember anniversaries, birthdays, Mothers day and Christmas
I still need (and crave) that every day or weekly type of love that says:
YOU are SPECIAL and LOVED by me, even after all these years.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

..................................................... the WOES of a WOMAN!

[Rhapsody]

What do YOU do when neglect has been free & void to you and now he wants to be intimate with you (for its been a week or two) and yet how can you, for you have not been wooed, loved as to help you simmer emotionally for love-making?


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[bluesuntat80]

I hate to sound cleche but communtication is so important! does he know how neglected you feel? if he does then why continue? I think that we hold onto things that don't appropiatly serve us because we are affraid of failure and change. The greatest thing about change though is that you have more oppertunities and choices. Don't give up to the GRIND of life, it is far to short and precious to be passing by a content person. ANGELS ARE GROUNDED BECAUSE THEY ONLY HAVE ONE WING THE ONLY WAY TO FLY IS BY EMBRACING EACHOTHER

[SerenitysWave]

<font color="purple">I cannot answer that Rhap... for my view/ thoughts on sex is not the norm.... I undertsand that most find it emotionally connected, I do not..... I have a very distorted view.... it is just an activity.... to adhere any emotion to it sickens me and I feel dirty.... I place it in a pleasurable (sometimes even selfish) catergory , a recreational activity... For me intimacy & love making has nothing to do with sex at all.... for me love making is an emotional connection along with actions of care.... a call just to say I love you and how is your day..... A home cooked meal.... the dishes washed without being asked.... a simple thank you honey for folding my clothes... a rememberance of special dates..... a hug, a kiss, holding of hands, a massage....

In that aspect, I can understand that yes it is very hard to return any intimacy when I have felt neglected.... I feel used, uncherished and uncared for.... I want to be told or showed that my feelings are valid, a thoughful reassurtion of our commitment.... and then I will be willing to give him what he needs as well....

I am sorry that my wording is some what jumbled, I am not in a good place right now and my thoughts are not easily expressable.... </font>

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
bluesuntat80 said:
I hate to sound cleche but communtication is so important! does he know how neglected you feel? if he does then why continue?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Good QUESTION..... and one I have asked myself many times, and this is what I came up with.

* First and for most I LOVE HIM and I really do believe HE LOVES ME, he is just scared of being to close to any one due to his own past wounds.
* Second it goes against every thing I believe in, as far as GOD goes, and my husband has not done that of which would deem the right to divorce per my Faith.... no sexual affair.
* Third we have 20 years together and a family, not to mention that with my anxiety disorder and medical problems of RA - I cannot work as to support myself.
* Fourth we do have our good times and wonderful memories together.... it is not all bad.


</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SerenitysWave said:
<font color="purple">I cannot answer that Rhap... for my view/ thoughts on sex is not the norm.... I undertsand that most find it emotionally connected, I do not..... I have a very distorted view.... it is just an activity.... to adhere any emotion to it sickens me and I feel dirty.... I place it in a pleasurable (sometimes even selfish) catergory , a recreational activity...

In that aspect, I can understand that yes it is very hard to return any intimacy when I have felt neglected.... I feel used, uncherished and uncared for.... I want to be told or showed that my feelings are valid, a thoughful reassurtion of our commitment.... and then I will be willing to give him what he needs as well.... </font>

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yeah - my husband is like YOU - he sees sex more of as a recreational activity that gives him pleasure..... where as I see it and feel it as an inner bonding of two souls - I could never have sex with someone I did not LoVe.
... now don't get me wrong - I like a good quickie every now and then too and just for the mere pleasure of it.

In all I am just asking that I be placed a little higher on his list..... that of which I have been over the last twenty years, but I keep on getting replaced with other things in his mind and with his addictive personality.... I was not aware of this personality when I married at the young age of 18 - Big Sigh!
... I think it is time to renegotiate the contract again - .



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[nothemama8]

after 30 years of rollercoaster marriage, IMO, when we feel we're being taken for granted it usaually means we may have made them feel that somewhere along the way, hoping not to offend but this is how it has been with me & hubby
Angie

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
nothemama8 said:
after 30 years of rollercoaster marriage, IMO, when we feel we're being taken for granted it usaually means we may have made them feel that somewhere along the way, hoping not to offend but this is how it has been with me & hubby

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">


Hmm -

I really do not think that is the problem here.... long history, but I do hear you.
I always let him know that he is appreciated and that we need him - I take care of him very well.... plus he gets time to him self as he needs it, no arguments.... maybe that is the problem I give to much - lol.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[Rhapsody]

Guess I am needing to know (understand) how other wives might deal with this type of situation...... as to move forward.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[SerenitysWave]

<font color="purple">you tapped into something with the " maybe I give too much" ....

I now wonder if there isnt something to truthfully be said in that..... and then when we start to take back some of what we give, metaphorically of course, the other person feels shafted ( not the word I am really looking for here, but will have to do for now), then the distancing begins..... Maybe we dont command enough of the taking.... just a thought I am pondering.... I dont usually put up a stick when I am placed on the back burner, so maybe there is some enabling on my part..... </font>