[MarlboroChick]

Because of me. A little while ago I didnt do what he asked, so he beat me and broke my rib. My girlfriend was there and called the police, and now it looks like hes going to jail for a long time. Everyone keeps telling me i should be glad hes out of my life and that I should thank my girlfriend, but im really angry at her and I just wanted things to go on as normal. Even if my parents beat me sometimes I still love them. Nobody hates their parents because they take away their phone or car; its the same to me. I guess she understands how I feel but she says things about how its 'not right' or how he should be in jail, and it pisses me off. We have to go to trial and everything and its a hell.
Im worried now that the same thing will happen to my mom, so ive been trying to listen to her but I cant follow any rules, and its stressing me out. I almost dont want my girlfriend to come to my house anymore, im scared she'll call the police if she sees my mom hitting me or something. Or that something will come up in trial and she'll be convicted.

[gayleggg]

I know you love your parents. You don't say how old you are, but I assume you are pretty young. Your friend did the right thing. I'm sorry if you don't like that but there is no reason for an adult to beat a child. Your father did a bad thing and you will suffer from that abuse for years to come, you just don't see it yet. I'm really sorry your family is being torn apart but don't blame your friend. She was just trying to protect you. I'm also sorry your mom beats on you. That is not right either, even if you can't follow the rules beating is not the way to cope with the issue. I feel really bad for you. Hope you stay safe.
Gayle

[mojo321]

My dad is going to jail Because of me.

You dad is going to jail because of what he did TO you. Not "because of you". You are not responsible for the physical abuse he hits you with.

I know you love your parents. This is not about that. When it comes to physical hurt, it goes in order of severity: spanking, using a belt, bruising, hitting, kicking, drawing blood, breaking bones, causing head injuries.

Somewhere in that line is a level of abuse that is worthy of the police. Breaking bones clearly is. Many people believe that spanking is as bad as it can get before the police SHOULD be called. What is the typical level of abuse that you get?

I know it is a lot of pain and trouble, but in this case this is the right thing. Stay strong. Do your best to meet the rules of your mom and dad before they get a chance to catch you not doing your jobs. Do them quick.

But if you fail, that isn't an excuse for a beating. I'll pray for you, sweetie.

[Nobodyandnothing]

Dear Marlboro Chick, You are a human being and no human being deserves what you have been going through. Do you have somebody at school who you can talk to like a counselor or a favorite teacher who can help? It is hard now to realize but this is not your fault. Please try to get some professional help. Your friend did the right thing. Do not punish her.
Please let us know how you are doing. There are a whole bunch of nice people here to listen to you.

Peace,
Nobody

[Joe-Anna]

It's clearly a very difficult situation, but you say it was because of you. Your father wasn't put in jail because of you, or your girlfriend, or anyone else but himself, and his own actions. He should have never raised his hand to you in anger like that. You shouldn't have to deal with parents like this. If you think you could, try to get your mother to see a counsellor to deal with her anger and stress, even if you say it's for yourself but would like her to come along. Most of all, don't blame yourself. You shouldn't have to put up with this.

[MarlboroChick]

I'm sorry if you don't like that but there is no reason for an adult to beat a child. Your father did a bad thing and you will suffer from that abuse for years to come, you just don't see it yet. I'm really sorry your family is being torn apart but don't blame your friend. She was just trying to protect you. I'm also sorry your mom beats on you.

Im 16, but it doesnt make me a child. Ive been through enough hell to handle adult situations. Either way, it sounds a lot worse then it is when you put it that way. My mom usually only hits me if I attack her or something.

You are not responsible for the physical abuse he hits you with.

I know you love your parents. This is not about that. When it comes to physical hurt, it goes in order of severity: spanking, using a belt, bruising, hitting, kicking, drawing blood, breaking bones, causing head injuries.

Somewhere in that line is a level of abuse that is worthy of the police. Breaking bones clearly is. Many people believe that spanking is as bad as it can get before the police SHOULD be called. What is the typical level of abuse that you get?

Really, i am. He'll only hit me if he has a reason to, like if i mess up.
Belting, smacking, getting kicked once in a while, but I dont think its abuse. Where the line of abuse is is so different for everyone, shouldnt the person getting 'abused' at least give someone permission to call the cops before they do and their entire life is changed?

Do you have somebody at school who you can talk to like a counselor or a favorite teacher who can help? Please try to get some professional help.

Dropped out I already see a few therapists and a psychiatrist.

If you think you could, try to get your mother to see a counsellor to deal with her anger and stress, even if you say it's for yourself but would like her to come along.

She does, for bipolar disorder. I dont know what he says to her though, and she'd never tell anyone she hits me. Shes got a good reputation haha.

[mojo321]

As far as "permission" goes, broken bones is definitely beyond requiring your permission. Hospitals are required to ask and report if the answer is "my dad broke my rib".

You are knee deep in a co-dependent relationship, which has you defending your abusers. I know it is tough now, but this is better for you in the long run. They have to take some responsibility for their actions. That won't happen if their actions are always "excusable".

[tinyrabbit]

I'm sorry but a beating that results in a broken rib is abuse. Your father is not going to jail because of you, but because of what he did, and your girlfriend was right.

But you don't see it that way because the people in charge of teaching you right from wrong, and of teaching you how to exist in the world and how to relate to other people, taught you to think it was fine for you to be beaten.

You're right when you say it can be hard to draw the line as to what is and isn't abuse. Some people think, say, hitting a kid with a belt is abuse, while some don't. But a broken bone? That is abuse. That is violent. That is not okay.

I know it's hard. I know it's painful and difficult and confusing and conflicting because you're attached to your parents and you don't want them to get into trouble.

But, one day, you will be glad someone did something, that someone noticed and spoke up. Honestly.

[winter4me]

You are still too young to begin to appreciate the negative affects the abuse you have endured will have on your life....once we get older and leave home, and the abusive situation, That is when it really begins to fall apart---you might look for "love" in abusive relationships, or even become abusive yourself if you decide to deal with it by rationalizing how you were treated, or simply out of an inability to control your feelings as you never had the opportunity to learn to do so----------think hard. Would you treat your child as you have been treated? Would you want it to be different? Your dad is being held accountable for his behaviors, which are criminal. Maybe, just maybe, he will have an opportunity to take responsibility for his actions and make a decision to change. Of course you love your parents, but that does not make what they do, or how you take it, right or healthy. Someone could literally die, a hit gone wrong or too far, a neck breaking in a fall, ....
Do you like your parents and what they do? Do you want to be just like them?
You deserve to be treated with respect and compassion, limits can be set without violence. Your friend was brave to call the police. Please do talk to a professional about this,
or at least stay here, read the forum for Survivors of Abuse---talk to others who have felt as you do and have "walked" in your shoes. Take care, give yourself a hug and accept hugs from others. I think you have a river to be cried one day. (((((hug))))))

[MarlboroChick]

But you don't see it that way because the people in charge of teaching you right from wrong, and of teaching you how to exist in the world and how to relate to other people, taught you to think it was fine for you to be beaten.

You're right when you say it can be hard to draw the line as to what is and isn't abuse. Some people think, say, hitting a kid with a belt is abuse, while some don't. But a broken bone? That is abuse. That is violent. That is not okay.

But, one day, you will be glad someone did something, that someone noticed and spoke up. Honestly.

Your right, I dont see anything wrong with it. It works. I guess it isnt good that I think like this, but if someone's railing off on you, they shut up a lot faster if you punch them in the neck then if you try and 'use your words' like a lot of people are taught.

You are still too young to begin to appreciate the negative affects the abuse you have endured will have on your life....once we get older and leave home, and the abusive situation, That is when it really begins to fall apart---you might look for "love" in abusive relationships, or even become abusive yourself if you decide to deal with it by rationalizing how you were treated, or simply out of an inability to control your feelings as you never had the opportunity to learn to do so----------think hard. Would you treat your child as you have been treated? Would you want it to be different? Your dad is being held accountable for his behaviors, which are criminal. Maybe, just maybe, he will have an opportunity to take responsibility for his actions and make a decision to change. Of course you love your parents, but that does not make what they do, or how you take it, right or healthy. Someone could literally die, a hit gone wrong or too far, a neck breaking in a fall, ....
Do you like your parents and what they do? Do you want to be just like them?
You deserve to be treated with respect and compassion, limits can be set without violence. Your friend was brave to call the police. Please do talk to a professional about this,
or at least stay here, read the forum for Survivors of Abuse---talk to others who have felt as you do and have "walked" in your shoes. Take care, give yourself a hug and accept hugs from others. I think you have a river to be cried one day. (((((hug))))))

My mom filed for this thing thatll state that im 'legally incompetent' or something. She didnt really explain it to me, she just said something about her being my guardian still when im 18+.
If I ever do have kids, yeah, ill probably beat them. I dont like it when im beat, but the point isnt for me to like it or my parents when their doing it. Its a punishment, and it makes people listen even if they hate it.
I have three brothers and my parents never beat them. They only beat me because im violent and ****ed in the head.

[mojo321]

Woah, there. You are 16, and your mom is already dreading you moving out from her co-dependent relationship when you turn 18. She is dreading it so much that she is going to file to keep you as an adult.

You REALLY need to tell your therapist about the beatings, and get his support about denying this "permanent guardianship". I really fear that your parents are dependent on you to be their punching bag to feel better about themselves.

You say you have a girlfriend that called the cops. What does she think of you? Does she think you are so incompetent that your abusing parents should own you for the rest of your life? What does your therapist think?

If you really are needing a guardian, there are VERY capable state guardians available that DON'T beat their clients. The courts need to know about these beatings when determining the status of her application!!!!

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by mojo321

Woah, there. You are 16, and your mom is already dreading you moving out from her co-dependent relationship when you turn 18. She is dreading it so much that she is going to file to keep you as an adult.

You REALLY need to tell your therapist about the beatings, and get his support about denying this "permanent guardianship". I really fear that your parents are dependent on you to be their punching bag to feel better about themselves.

You say you have a girlfriend that called the cops. What does she think of you? Does she think you are so incompetent that your abusing parents should own you for the rest of your life? What does your therapist think?

If you really are needing a guardian, there are VERY capable state guardians available that DON'T beat their clients. The courts need to know about these beatings when determining the status of her application!!!!

I dont think the point of the extended guardianship thing is to keep me as her personal punching bag, its because im suicidal and self harm a lot. Its kind of a bummer but im not going to try to cancel it, she could go to jail and i dont have enough energy.
My girlfriend is mad about it. My therapist thinks its a good idea. Im not going to bother telling him about getting beat, thered be to much drama, and again she could be arrested. I think it was my moms therapist that suggested it to her.

[tinyrabbit]

They don't beat you because of what YOU are like. They beat you because of what THEY are like.

You say they beat you because you're violent. Seems more likely it's the other way around. Maybe you're violent because they beat you?

While a punishment isn't meant to be enjoyable, that isn't justification to do just anything in the name of punishment.

You say it works. But you're not happy and you think you deserve to be beaten. It works for the beaters, not the person on the receiving end.

I know you can't see this now. But it's important to tell you.

[Nobodyandnothing]

Marlboro, You definately do not sound incompetent here. And if your mom proceeds with this action, you must seek legal representation. This is too important to you and your future to ignore or pretend it will go away. Every lawyer has a duty to provide some volunteer legal services as apart of obtaining and keeping their license. That means thewill give you legal advice for free. Look up Legal Aid in your phone book and if you can't find someone, you just let me know where you live and I will find somebody to represent you. I will be absent from PC until Saturday but just send me a pm and I will work on getting you some contacts.

Please do this for yourself. You will be so proud of yourself once you can be free of this distructive environment. Take care and I hope to hear from you very soon. I am a lawyer myself tho my license is inactive right now because it is very expensive to keep an active license when you are unable to gain employment in a field you love and were great at and could be great agsin, if someone would just give a 57 yo woman achance.

I have stepped down from my soapbox and I am asking you seriously to please pm me.
Peace,
Nobody

[MarlboroChick]

They don't beat you because of what YOU are like. They beat you because of what THEY are like.

You say they beat you because you're violent. Seems more likely it's the other way around. Maybe you're violent because they beat you?

I have "violent tendencies". I dont think that its because what they are like, they didnt beat any of my brothers or me when I was younger. It started when I started acting stupid.

Marlboro, You definately do not sound incompetent here. And if your mom proceeds with this action, you must seek legal representation. This is too important to you and your future to ignore or pretend it will go away. Every lawyer has a duty to provide some volunteer legal services as apart of obtaining and keeping their license. That means thewill give you legal advice for free. Look up Legal Aid in your phone book and if you can't find someone, you just let me know where you live and I will find somebody to represent you. I will be absent from PC until Saturday but just send me a pm and I will work on getting you some contacts.

Please do this for yourself. You will be so proud of yourself once you can be free of this distructive environment. Take care and I hope to hear from you very soon. I am a lawyer myself tho my license is inactive right now because it is very expensive to keep an active license when you are unable to gain employment in a field you love and were great at and could be great agsin, if someone would just give a 57 yo woman achance.

I have stepped down from my soapbox and I am asking you seriously to please pm me.
Peace,
Nobody

I dont really understand. Do i actually have to be represented? Id rather not. Its to much to deal with. Im fine with the guardianship thing i guess, since im not going to school and dont plan on working anyways.

[Nobodyandnothing]

No, you do not have to be represented by a lawyer if you are ok with the guardianship. However, before the judge signs the order limiting your tights, I strongly encourage you to at least talk to a lawyer about the consequences of this act.

[Confusedinomicon]

Are you pretty impulsive and lack a filter? Have you been hospitalized or had cops called on yourself for your behavior independent from your parents?

It almost sounds like your mom is defending herself from your outbursts.

Does your girlfriend ever see you in these 'violent' moments?

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

Are you pretty impulsive and lack a filter? Have you been hospitalized or had cops called on yourself for your behavior independent from your parents?

It almost sounds like your mom is defending herself from your outbursts.

Does your girlfriend ever see you in these 'violent' moments?

Yeah I am, and I have. I know its not an excuse but im bipolar, and sometimes when im manic its really hard to control myself. Im just impulsive in general. I think most of the time she is, she makes me take Valium sometimes if she cant control me.
She has. I feel really guilty about it but ive hit her a few times. I dont know why she stays with me.

[UniversalTruth]

It wont be too much trouble for Nobodyandnothing to assist you. You cant be so completely void of self preservation... otherwise, you wouldnt be posting here. You should at least READ into what you are signing over.

Also, being 16... you are going through some major hormonal changes. I have 4 family members that are bipolar (men and women) and they all went through the roughest part of this as teenagers. I also had a good friend who committed suicide. These years are the roughest. BUT - those that made it through have found ways to manage their condition and lead very successful, symptom free lives (with children and spouses).

I am glad that you are going to therapy and whatnot... but it wont work if you arent completely honest in your sessions... you only end up hiding things from yourself and hurting yourself when you avoid truth. You dont have anything to hide - really...

[UniversalTruth]

I also want to add that I came from an abusive household myself... both parents beat me. I have permanent facial scars from it so I think about it everytime I look in the mirror or see a picture of myself. I have suffered broken ribs too - and I have this indent in my chest area where I was hit. Now that I have children of my own and see how f-d up my parents were... I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO BE ABLE TO GO BACK AND REPORT THEM!!! Sure, I was unruly... but nobody deserves that especially if they really are trying to follow the household rules... and you should know your kids well enough to know when they are really trying.

[MarlboroChick]

It wont be too much trouble for Nobodyandnothing to assist you. You cant be so completely void of self preservation... otherwise, you wouldnt be posting here. You should at least READ into what you are signing over.

Also, being 16... you are going through some major hormonal changes. I have 4 family members that are bipolar (men and women) and they all went through the roughest part of this as teenagers. I also had a good friend who committed suicide. These years are the roughest. BUT - those that made it through have found ways to manage their condition and lead very successful, symptom free lives (with children and spouses).

I am glad that you are going to therapy and whatnot... but it wont work if you arent completely honest in your sessions... you only end up hiding things from yourself and hurting yourself when you avoid truth. You dont have anything to hide - really...

I read about it a little, but im still not going to interfere with it. It doesnt matter very much to me. Unfortunatly I do have a lot to hide if I dont want to go to jail or rehab or some ward. And id rather not spend any more time in those places...

Am sorry you feel bad about your Dad... but in the eyes of the law, he broke the law - and am sorry, folk should be punished. Seriously, this isn't your fault.

Your parents have been physically abusive and I daresay mentally abusive. The way you say that you deserve it etc shows me they've been controlling you for a long time and you're worn down.

I do hope, I really do hope that you will seek some good therapy soon. Please please break this pattern you're in. 16, wow, you should be having fun now, starting to explore the world out there, not dealing with abuse. It makes me so sad that you're going though all this, and even more so when you think the abuse is the correct way to handle you. It's not, it never will be and you deserve so much more kindness.

Please, for your future, for your future kids, your g/f, get some help. This abuse is so not your fault, and try too to get some better help with your bipolar. With help and effort you can be happy and much much calmer. Making mistakes in the past doesn't have to mean you always will do if you're strong enough to reach out.

Big hugs.

[MarlboroChick]

Originally Posted by riotgrrrl

Am sorry you feel bad about your Dad... but in the eyes of the law, he broke the law - and am sorry, folk should be punished. Seriously, this isn't your fault.

Your parents have been physically abusive and I daresay mentally abusive. The way you say that you deserve it etc shows me they've been controlling you for a long time and you're worn down.

I do hope, I really do hope that you will seek some good therapy soon. Please please break this pattern you're in. 16, wow, you should be having fun now, starting to explore the world out there, not dealing with abuse. It makes me so sad that you're going though all this, and even more so when you think the abuse is the correct way to handle you. It's not, it never will be and you deserve so much more kindness.

Please, for your future, for your future kids, your g/f, get some help. This abuse is so not your fault, and try too to get some better help with your bipolar. With help and effort you can be happy and much much calmer. Making mistakes in the past doesn't have to mean you always will do if you're strong enough to reach out.

Big hugs.

Im in therapy, for other things, not this. Theres to much crap that'll happen if I tell my therapist that **** like this is common. Even if it wasnt the 'correct' way to deal with me, Id have no idea what my parents could do other then this. I dont know what to do about all of this, because I dont want to get in anymore trouble with the police/authorities and dont want my parents to either.

I think getting help with the bipolar first may be of help - you say you don't want to get into trouble and you admit to being impulsive and manic at times. Perhaps with correct therapy, perhaps even meds to get you on a more even keel may help with that and also getting into trouble. I think it's worth going to see your family doctor and just see if they have any advice for you?

Even if you parents were totally frustrated with your behaviour and just reached the end of their tether, then they still should not have hit you. You're not a small child where you can smack on the bum for being naughty, you're nearly an adult and to be hit with such force that it breaks ribs.. well.. let me ask you, what did that teach you? What did it achieve? Did you feel loved? Did it make you feel better about yourself? Did it help with your bipolar? I can't see any positive result from this abuse.

Your parents should've got you help early on, doctors, therapists, the lot. If they were struggling and couldn't cope with your own violence in the home then even to ask for you to go into a hospice or one of those camps especially for troubled teenagers with bipolar where experts can help you would've been better than abuse. As horrible as that may have seemed for you, at least someone would've been there to help you learn to cope with bipolar and helped you get out of this pattern. Hitting really is not the answer, and it only teaches us to be more angry, upset, uncertain and it take away our self-esteem and many other negative things.

Again, I am really sorry that you're going through all of this, it's a rotten place to be. I do hope you get some help and find a way to get out of this pattern. Be rooting for you..

[winter4me]

You are an addict, with violent tendencies, but say "...I can handle adult stuff.." but are fine with having a guardian who can force decisions on you, you are all over the place and clearly beating you has made you a nice scapegoat but has done nothing to improve your situation/self worth/behavior, in other words, it doesn't work. Please do be sure your sexual partners know all about your behaviors and do them and yourself the favor of getting tested regularly for blood borne diseases, and STDs---use protection. As you know yourself, violence is a very temporary deterrent.
I wonder what you wanted to be when you were a little child...
How old are the other two and what are they doing with their lives?