help me stay away from him

I have been dating a man on and off for 5 yrs. I dont know how to end it and not let him come back.. I want a full time relationship,he says he does too but here is the problem...5 yrs of on and off ..I moved across country for him and I now live about 12 miles from him ..he comes over BUT never spends the night. I told him I dont want to be a friend with benefits and we break up..he will call me & tell me he loves me so we try again .only for him to come over stay for awhile and never spend the night again...I go to his house for the weekend because he has a too do list that he needs to get done around his house and I go over and help him . When I tell him I dont want to be part time he will stay away for about a week or two and then starts calling again...I know I am at fault for letting him treat me the way he has But I have nobody here except for my kids who have their own lives and can care less for how I am hurting or they just dont want to deal with it..I want to move on and stay away from him BUT , I dont know how...he is real good about emotionally draining me into thinking its me and my issues..he is 40 yrs old ,never married,no kids, he moved into a house he built 2 yrs ago that is in his parents backyard..he tells me Im crazy and always turns it back onto me and tells me he loves me and how I should see the good he does for me..yes, he is good to me as long as I let him have his way and dont complain .I DONT want to be just a friend who he can sleep with and then run home ..how do I go on without him and get over the hurt ..I cry all the time and cant sleep.its getting hard for me to even go to work because I cant function..I dont have the money it takes to seek counseling so thats why Im here..If anyone has some advice on how to move on please help me ..thank you

YOU have to decide if YOU love him or not.... YOU have to decide do YOU want a relationship with him or not.... YOU have to decide can YOU live with out him or not.... then YOU must make the decision stick.

Good Luck.......

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

thank you Rhapsody...I DO LOVE HIM ..we have a wonderful time together but if its only going to go so far then I have to find a way to let him go. I know he loves me too but NOT enough. I have tried so many times to let him go ..he knows my weakness and knows that I love him and Im not strong enough thats why Im here...he breaks me down everytime and he knows it.

It sounds like you are an emotionally battered woman.
One can go on for a lifetime saying she loves him, enduring what you are going thru. And you moved across country to be near him! This man is not going to make a commitment to you....sorry. He sounds like an adolescent in a man's body. He will continue to call you back when you try to extricate yourself from him...This will continue to go on as long as you allow it.
Patty

Knowing you love someone isn't always ENOUGH or knowing they love you. You have to be happy inside and out, and the way it sounds he is hurting you more than making you happy. He is putting you through an emotional roller coaster. And he will probably continue as long as you allow it. I know it is HARD to walk away. but I guess it just comes to the point where you almost have to ya know?
Wishing you the best...
JEN

LOVE—Synonyms 1. tenderness, fondness, predilection, warmth, passion, adoration. 1, 2. Love, affection, devotion all mean a deep and enduring emotional regard, usually for another person. Love may apply to various kinds of regard: the charity of the Creator, reverent adoration toward God or toward a person, the relation of parent and child, the regard of friends for each other, romantic feelings for another person, etc. Affection is a fondness for others that is enduring and tender, but calm. Devotion is an intense love and steadfast, enduring loyalty to a person; it may also imply consecration to a cause. 2. liking, inclination, regard, friendliness. 15. like. 16. adore, adulate, worship.

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but where in what you described can you find the parallels of what I have listed? This man has you on a yo-yo. A man that loves you respects you, he doesn't manipulate the situation to get what he wants, and all of what you wrote screams that. Both Jen & Patty have given you some sound advice, I agree with them. The longer you stay in this, the more confined by this relationship you will become. Love is expansive, not constraining. You know how they say love blossoms, our love has grown...etc..It's positive, forward moving. This relationship isn't and it will always be this way, if it hasn't changed for the better yet, it won't.

What qualities do you love about him? I haven't seen any attractive qualities here, and what little there might be are overshadowed by his immaturity and lack to commit.

Wishing you the best, I hope you can take a step back and look at all this and see it in an unbiased way. Then give yourself the advice you would a best friend, because you deserve the best, and this isn't it.

Hugs, Lisa

Alis....such a great definition of love...I (we) all should keep this in mind as we involve ourselves with people.
Love
Patty

I can't thank you all enough for your encouragement & support..I know what I have to do .I think for the most part being so far away from home has been the thing that caused me to keep accepting his behavoir. We had some good times yes. but , the bad times and the amount of time I spend without him are so much worse.We are great together IN THE MOMENT and when I was in HIS world .HIS house,HIS life ..But he was never really in mine.I live in a very bad neighborhood and lastnight there was a shooting ..while he lays in HIS safe place,,Is he here for me now that Im scared? NOOO and he never has been ..I don't understand how two people can be so good together in oneway but not in otherways? why did he quit on me? on us? doesnt matter now because I will be back home as soon as possible but it hurts to think that he can say HE LOVES ME & never be with me or comfort me when I need him...Its not the sexual part Im talking about its the emotional . He will always turn it around somehow to make everything my fault..I know that I need to get away and I also know that I should never give someone so much power over me ..I CAN DO THIS !!! its been a week and I know im going to go through different emotions but I need to stay strong ..please stay in touch . I read post everyday and need some positive feedback..thank you soooo very much

JO!!! This sounds like a great plan on your part...a very strong woman you are, and you will be back in familiar surroundings wiht supportive family and friends. I am going ot PM you!
LOVE and healing thoughts,
Patty

wow ! I'm sitting here in tears ...This is the hardest choice I have ever made in my life . I truly thought he was my night and shinning armor.. but then, I realized he was just in disquise ..but thats not why Im crying ..its because Im NOT ALONE I have you all & my family ..I will miss him dearly but its wasted yrs..being able to come here to this sight has been a blessing I"m sooo glad I found you .. thanks you ,bye 4 now

(((joannof3))) good for you!!! Some relationships are only meant for a short time, sometimes we outgrow them. You are doing the right thing for you. It's been a week, a week closer to something new, something familiar, something better!!!

Be strong!!! You can do this, it's hard, but you deserve better. You deserve someone that will reciprocate your feelings openingly, lovingly, and without games.

hugs, Lisa