Online friend says he is in love with me..

We have been talking since Nov 2011 and a 3days ago he told told me that he is falling in love with me.. And the next day he told me that there is no denying it he loved me all this time.And whatever I say will not change what he feels about me. I told him that you can't love someone you haven't met. He just laughed and said that it doesn't matter he can't help what he feels about me. Now I don't know what to think.

Can anyone give some advice on what to say or do? Am I being stupid and just play this off as a joke?

Have you at least skyped eachother or spoke over the phone?

Sylveon, I do think sometimes you feel like you are in love with people you have not met, I feel like this sometimes. I'd hate to think if you don't feel the same it should ruin your friendship with this person. Hopefully his feelings will ease over time but make it clear and be blunt that you are just friends right now. Give it time but if he persists be firm and clear with him.

This is tough. I have had lots of online friendships and some of which I can say that I have fallin in "like" with, as in I really like them A LOT.

I'm not going to deny your friend's feelings, but I agree with you, how could he love someone he never met? It seems hard for me. I at least have to talk to them on the phone or skype or whatever, then I could see it happening.

I don't think you should play his feelings off as a joke, that might really hurt him. It seems like you don't feel the same way, so let him down gently. Tell him you don't feel the same way, but you love being his friend. Truth always works, instead of dodgy mindgames.

I fell in love with someone online. Gave everything up I had to fly down to Texas and live with him, but also marry him. It turned out to be a disaster. I got stuck with his 6 and 8 year old 24/7. He would drink 12-18 beers at a time at least once a week and when he drank he would verbally abuse me for hours, call me names etc. I even got locked out of the house at 3 or 4 am one night in winter until 11 am that morning. I finally left in May 2013 and he basically left me abandoned and all alone with no food for a month. After some more traumatic events, I left for home up North. I drove over 1100 miles by myself, 2 1/2 days. He hung up on me the morning of the evening I was leaving and didn't even want to know if I got home ok. I was made all kinds of promises. He started contacting me and playing games again in August. So I had no choice but to file a police report. He now leaves me alone. But I now have PTSD and he interrupted my college degree program for over a year. I am on my way to my counselor and Doctor, to ask for a medical leave from school so I don't get into anymore trouble with the school, and also so I can put myself back together. Be careful when it comes to meeting people online. They are not always who they say they are!

I think you can be in love with the idea of someone, if that makes sense?

Yes, we have for a few months but I REALLY don't like being on skype nor talking on the phone to anyone so I kinda just stopped. He didn't seem to mind at all though.


Yeah I really don't want to lose him at all. He's like my only friend I have.

It's not that I don't like him nor couldn't love him..he's a cool person and if I met him in person I'd gladly date him. But right now I just can't I am waay to focused on getting my life together.

I don't really understand that one, tinyrabbit.

Hello Sylveon,

I think on the internet we can fall inlove with the 'idea' of someone. Have you seen his photo, has he seen yours?

My family love watching a programme on the TV called 'Catfish' which is about people meeting the real online friend/lover. Turns out they don't always realize who exactly they have been falling inlove with. I know you have been online friends since 2011 but still make sure they are who they say they are!

If anything it should be he worried that I may not be the person he thinks I am! I am not a very attractive person and he seen my picture and know exactly what I look like. And I do him.

It may not seem like a joke to him. There is, the notion of falling in love with someone, over the course of years and numerous communications, it may seem to him, that he has developed some really fond feelings for you, based upon what ever it is that you have shared with him, in the past 2 years.
Can't really say, one is compatible with someone, however, until meeting. Need to ensure there is chemistry there, to make sure, it isn't the 'fantasy' aspect of another that is coming to play here.

2 years is a long time, to get to know a person.

What to say or do, advice, you've asked? Why not meet, face to face and get this step out of the way? You'll either love one another, feel no chemistry, or realize it's time to move on.

I would like to meet up but I am mostly scared that their won't be anything there and he'd just end up leaving and I'll be all alone again. Not to mention that I am not in the best of shape financially, physically, or mentally.

I still need a passport and lose enough weight to even feel comfortable enough to actually meet him. I don't want to be a disappointment. I just don't want to lose him even if their is nothing there.

Bahh..this is all so new to me and I really don't like to feel like this.

Hmm. There is a difference between saying you love someone as a person and being in love with them.You can love someone online as a person.but i agree you can only be in love with them once you have spent time with them, gone out with them, got to know them. I think. But then what do i know. Women hate me anyway so meh.
It you can meet relatively easily i'd do it ( take the usual safety measures) at least you kind of know what to expect.

Yeah, I agree, online you can only really fall-in-love with the 'idea' of someone. There is no way of really knowing someone until you have met them and been around them face to face.

Tell him that you value his friendship and that it's best that right now you focus on getting your life together.
If he is a good person, he will understand and not push you. If he does push it, then it's time to move on and find a new friend. That isn't a friend or a relationship that will end well.

I would accept what he says; if he believes he loves you then he believes he loves you. Whether it is possible to feel what he feels or what it means, etc. is not possible for another to know because we are not him.

I would be concerned that he has not come to see you or get to know you in person in two years though? I know he probably has "logical"/practical reasons for not doing so but you have your reasons why you have not pursued an in-person relationship either and that you are worried about your weight and being a disappointment and think you can "hold" him/keep him from "leaving" by such physical means, after nearly 20 years of marriage, when my husband asked for a divorce, my husband's ex-wife changed her hair style, thought that would help. . .

I would think about if I want another person who is content to fall in love with me over the Internet. I know it is safe and controlled but do I want to live my life that way? It is a fantasy of sorts and the other person has the same sort of thing going and is reinforcing it with you; you cannot take chances and grow and find "real"/in-person friends from behind a computer screen?

i personally think it's quite possible to fall in love with someone via the internet even without having met them. There is so much that you can learn about people through talking, chatting and such. In fact in some ways those things are far deeper than what you get to know by dating someone too. many times in real life dating deeper subjects aren't even covered in the beginning because the physical attraction could overshadow these things and you're too busy being all giddy about it.

My thoughts based on your short post (and I haven't read all the replies, btw) is that if it's been this long he's been talking to you and now he is just saying he has fallen for you, I see this as quite possible and probably more valid than you think. It's not like he's faling for someone that he's talked to a week but it's been what around 2 years now? I don't think you should find that so shocking. He probably knows quite a bit about you by now.

I wouldn't brush this off at all. I don't know how you feel about it but in any case, it could be very real for him.

Just my 2c.

Well, he told me he tried to come see me once when he was in the Wisconsin area passing through but he couldn't get a hold of me. I think that was when I stopped using my phone. So at least he did try.

I don't think I mind living my life that way. To tell you the truth I think this is the best I am ever get on having a friend and or person who loves me. He is the only person online who hasn't left.

Until I stop being a fat person and finally get employed I am content with this. If he leaves well i'll always be on skype if he returns.

Thank you for all the posts guys. I think I am probably going to hold off the meeting, I just can't meet him if I am like this I am not perfect yet. Plus I don't want him to meet me either like this. I couldn't handle it. Hell, I wouldn't be mad that he would stop talking to me either.I'd be utterly devastated but wouldn't be mad.

he's fat too but looks cute that way, i just cannot let him see me as a fat person i just hope he understands.

Why would women hate you? lol And nope we can't meet reaticely easily he lives in Canada. If I am going by plane Ima need a passport. dont have one. don't have a car either. dont know how to drive.

Aww!!! Where there is a will, there is a way! Have you, also developed feelings?

What are you doing to reach that goal, of eventually meeting him, when you feel ready to? It takes time to get a passport, well, not eternity, but a couple of hundred, dollars wise. And the time it takes to save that up, you can start slow and work on your physical self. And, is he, at all aware of anything about mental health? Does he know what you cope with, on a daily basis?

OK, sometimes, fear holds us back. Have you talked about any of these things, with him? Causally mentioned, perhaps, not being happy with your figure, at the moment, or slipped into a conversation desire to lose weight? And if so, what was his reaction?

Sometimes, what's inside, still shines outside. I feel, it's great to read the realism in this post. Real, because you've acknowledged fear of the fantasy effect of meeting online, and fear of the fantasy effect of actually meeting in person.

You haven't been dishonest with him, have you?!

Nope. No catfish here. haha.

Sounds like you want to reach a place in your life, before taking such a leap, as meeting in person. I can respect that

I agree, about putting a best foot forward, so to speak, sometimes, all that's necessary is to be open an honest, in the moment, and let your words and actions speak for themselves, instead of bringing a label to the foreground. I asked, simply, because, if mental health was something he was also interested in knowing more about, for his own interests, then it's much easier to discuss, mental health on a personal level. Not to 'hide', per se, from reality, just there's ways around labels and sometimes, labels can be misleading and not truly define who we are, as people.

For instance, instead of saying, I sometimes battle depression and anxiety(which those labels, can mean many different things to many different people), I can say, that sometimes, I get a little stressed about xyz(as far as discussing anxiety), or sometimes I get really melancholic around certain anniversary dates of my deceased mom.(when describing depression). It's honest, and doesn't shove a label, in other people's face.

The workforce, is a tough one, to get into, really hope you find something!

And it's good to know, that he finds big beautiful, and I hope you find the beauty in yourself, as well

Who knows, sometimes, the long term things, are worth the wait. Has he mentioned, desiring to come and see you?

Sounds like you want to reach a place in your life, before taking such a leap, as meeting in person. I can respect that

Yes, when I am 80 pounds smaller ( I am 240 and don't mind being chubby) and at least have a steady part-time job. Then I could be at least a little bit comfortable meeting him.

I agree, about putting a best foot forward, so to speak, sometimes, all that's necessary is to be open an honest, in the moment, and let your words and actions speak for themselves, instead of bringing a label to the foreground. I asked, simply, because, if mental health was something he was also interested in knowing more about, for his own interests, then it's much easier to discuss, mental health on a personal level. Not to 'hide', per se, from reality, just there's ways around labels and sometimes, labels can be misleading and not truly define who we are, as people.

For instance, instead of saying, I sometimes battle depression and anxiety(which those labels, can mean many different things to many different people), I can say, that sometimes, I get a little stressed about xyz(as far as discussing anxiety), or sometimes I get really melancholic around certain anniversary dates of my deceased mom.(when describing depression). It's honest, and doesn't shove a label, in other people's face.

Wow. You are really smart Healing4Me. I agree with what you are saying but talking about mental health with him would be a big NO NO. I can't discuss that with him, even though he's been through all of it-worser even. It'll just make me seem like a whiny B.

The workforce, is a tough one, to get into, really hope you find something!

I really hope so too. I lied so many times to him saying someone has finally given worthless ol' me a job. Then broke down and told him I lied cause felt so bad. I don't want him thinking I aint doing nothing but don't see anyone hiring me for part-time in the future- AT ALL.

AM I that unqualified to do menial labor?

And it's good to know, that he finds big beautiful, and I hope you find the beauty in yourself, as well

Not until this weight is off. Their is nothing "beautiful" about what I am.
He tells me that he wants to be with me-only me cuz I the only one who hasn't run away from the real him and will love me regardless of what I think about myself.

I just can't see what he sees until I am skinny. It's bad enough I had so many years to get rid of this disgusting fat he would think it is OK to see me like this. NO WAY!

Who knows, sometimes, the long term things, are worth the wait. Has he mentioned, desiring to come and see you?

I am afraid to ask him about wanting to see me. He could probably have lost interest. But don't want him to also until I am pretty enough. It's probably selfish but I can't be the ugly fat black friend or girlfriend of his.

To be honest he sounds obsessive and/or desperate, and probably immature.

You need to be honest with him that you like him as an online friend but you don't love him, and you are not interested in him. Tell him if he wants to continue your online friendship, he needs to stop talking about "being in love" with you.

Whatever you do, do not get involved with this individual in real life.