Reationship Issues Regarding Sex

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AlteredState01 said:
(Agree, though!)

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Thank YOU very much for the support and back up on a side of sex & men that many females do not understand nor graps for they are all to often looking & interpeting relationship issue through rose color glasses... glasses made and created by a female for female use.

IMO - it always does one good to view things/feelings/actions through the eyes of the other person, hence UNDERSTANDING from their POV, not ours.

Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

sex is a spiritual connection of course you should question much about it.

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mlyn said:
sex is a spiritual connection of course you should question much about it.

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YES........ sex is a spiritual connection between two bodies that become one, but only when both parties involve have grown in a way that the connection becomes more than just mere pleasure.

I for one...... agree with YOU and I have found the connection of which you speak so strongly about.
May our poster be as lucky.... and as blessed.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

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On a lighter note, maybe start cooking more food for him.. I have learned over the years that "food" side tracks mens. Thinks (smile) they can only have one thing on their mind at a time. And when they smell food, they pretty much forget everything else.. including sex.. Oh and usually after chowen down food they fall asleep..

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AlteredState01 said:


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On a lighter note, maybe start cooking more food for him.. I have learned over the years that "food" side tracks mens. Thinks (smile) they can only have one thing on their mind at a time. And when they smell food, they pretty much forget everything else.. including sex.. Oh and usually after chowen down food they fall asleep..

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I hear YOU................. it is either SEX, FOOD or SLEEP.

MEN..................... Gotta LoVe them.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I want to thank EVERYONE who has replied to me in this thread, I really appreciate it and am surprised by all of the attention it has received.

We have talked about it a little more and it came out that his ex wanted it all the time 2-3 times per day!!! So he was used to that, I'm trying to get him to understand that I am not her. All I want is to say no for ONE day and not have him get all in a huff.

Recently I fully disclosed my sexual past and he became upset with me he would not talk to me for 2 days and then when I asked him if he wanted to have sex he said he wasn't in the mood!

Apparently he was jealous of how much time I spent "pleasuring" other guys. He has only had sex or kissed me and his ex. Lets just say my resume is quite a bit longer than his. That doesn't mean that I like him less than any of the others. Quantity does NOT mean quality.

Thank you again for taking your time to listen!

RULE NO. 1 - Never, ever go into details about your sexual history (unless you must advise of a recurrent STD you may have). They may want to know, they may think they can handle it, but it is none of their business and will only create exactly what has been created now between you two. I sincerely hope he will be able to deal with it maturely.

In my experience, I have yet to see a young man be able to do that. Older men, yes, because they are aware that with age comes the possibility of many more partners, so it is not such a big deal. Young men on the other hand, do not usually handle this well. Neither do young women, come to think of it. Most are not able to master the art of controlling their own jealousies and insecurities that well, at this stage of life.

Wishing you the best!

Altered State

Even as a male I can't have much sympathy for his situation... tell him to try my wife's arrangement of sex every 2-3.....

... months...

and ask if he would prefer your schedule instead.

-C

I'm actually trying to get him to come on this site... not to read what I'm posting... but just to talk to others about being in a relationship with someone who has mental health issues. Possibly resulting in my "LOW" sexual desire.

spaz, your low desire could be from meds, explain this to him

Spaz, I don't think directing him to this site is a good idea. That's my personal opinion. But, how about to a site for spouses/significant others of people who are depressed/anxious etc?

And the low sex drive might be due to meds... or it might not. I'd be cautious about suggesting this, because if he's already pressuring you beyond your boundaries, then the last thing you need is pressure to stop taking meds (if you're even taking them -- are you?).

wait - and one last thing -- it doesn't sound to me as though your sex drive is *low*. Yours sounds normal, for a female your age who has been in the relationship for a while. His drive sounds as though his hormones are raging, which isn't his fault, but pressuring you IS something he can and should control.

Honestly, if he's not willing to lay off on the pressure, then he's putting the relationship at risk because ONE of you is going to build up resentment toward the other to the point of no return. He needs to understand that no means no.

ditto all that LMO said.......

Sex It is something that is satisfing to each party invloled
This must be agreed on. it is not a one sided action. Sounds like this person is young though I; m may be wrong Hope Both of U can come to and agreement.

NOthemama, Lmo, faye, & Ster thanks for all of your insights. We had a long discussion about the sex issue, I ended up crying (I was confused because I don't know what caused me to even cry!). Yes, I am on meds 300mg Wellbutrin XL and 80mg Celexa. Anyhow it's been a little better, he's better at taking my I'm not interested cues. We're both young, I'm 23 and he's 22. He's the first person I've ever dated who's been younger than I.

Lmo Do you know of any good sites he could go to that would help him understand what I'm going through?

Anyhow.... another problem, oral sex I HATE it and he complains about how I never do it or if I DO he complains about how SHORT it is...which makes me not want to do it even MORE.

Thanks again!

I personally like these two books / website's in helping us all learn about and understand the opposite sex...
from their side of the fence - not ours.

Good Luck....

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

* * * * * * * * * *

WEBSITE:

His.... http://formenonlybook.com/index.aspx

Hers.... http://4-womenonly.com/index.aspx

BOOKS: http://www.amazon.com/
Buy them Together (and save) cost: $20

* * * * * * * * * *

<font color="red"> Disclaimer:
As all people are different, it is best to read the book and then talk about it with each other. </font>

thanks rap! Not too expensive either!

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... and am surprised by all of the attention it has received.

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Really? It's about S - E - X ! ! !

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... tell him to try my wife's arrangement of sex every 2-3........ months... and ask if he would prefer your schedule instead.
-C

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You poor thing! You have my empathy AND my sympathy - My boyfriend gets about that much, too! The worst part about it for him is that I don't have any drive left (meds/tension/"chilly") so it's a real battle! it's a good thing he likes a good challenge/battle....


oh, and is totally obsessed with computers and numbers and golf and...)

You are a good man, C! Most would not stick around. You are sticking around.... right?

Yup, I'm with LMo and fayerody, too.

I would not tell him about this site OR your site name! You are just asking for trouble if you do that...mark my words...

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.... another problem, oral sex I HATE it and he complains about how I never do it or if I DO he complains about how SHORT it is...which makes me not want to do it even MORE.

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More BS!! He is just changing tactics...or dare I say, changing....

Try to understand, it is going to take him a while to adjust - a long while, I think. He is, after all, working against the "forces of nature" at this point in his life. Your "force" is being artifically suppressed, by either your illness or your meds, or both!

I do hope there is more to your relationship to concentrate on then this issue. (although I can't think of anything else I was interested in at that age, except for my budding career).

Well I use this name on my messenger so if he does come across this site he'll know who I am. Can people who are not logged in see the posts in the forum?

Our relationship is not just sex, it's just the part that is bothering me. He's a really really funny guy. He's also the only person I've EVER known who can calm me down when I'm hysterical. He is the first guy who isn't scared of how much I cry, other boyfriends would say I'd cry on purpose or tell me to "grow up". He has told me that it's ok to cry and that sometimes he wishes he could cry.

When I mean hysterical... I mean crying so hard I hyperventalate, yelling screaming, saying how rotten, and terrible I am and just being completely irrational about "small" issues. For example, I got a letter from the insurance ageny of the person I got into a minor fender bender saying that I am 100% liable. I ended up having a complete breakdown for 2 hours...I called my b.f. multiple times to call me back as soon as possible. He did and stayed on the phone with me for another 2 hours untill I was calm again. I appologized later and he said there was no reason to appologize, he was just doing what he thinks a good boyfriend should do.

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SpazKatt said:
Well I use this name on my messenger so if he does come across this site he'll know who I am. Can people who are not logged in see the posts in the forum? .

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YES... they can read all the post with out having to log in as a member, and most forums are usually like this - to allow others to learn from as they read.

BUT - You do need to be a member to be able to Chat and to see who is in Chat, to view or upload a photos, and to post / reply to a post.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.

And YES... most relationships are not about SEX only, but when the SEX area has a problem it does seem, feels as though that is what it is all about.... LoVe = SeX (and) SeX should = LoVe.