[Yismymindblank12]

I mean I had sexual tension recently the only time I've talked to her, but she isn't a good girl. She can't admit she is loose. Well she did, but my best friend couldn't see it when he told her. I love him so much I couldn't have sex with her when I could of done better than him according what she has said. I can't do him wrong, my heart goes to him. I love him so much, if I was a woman and was sexually attractive to him. We be married, that's what he needs a woman like that sees what I see. I know he can be an asshole, but I cry now, because he don't need that. I went through enough, my heart aches, because I love my best friend since we were kids growing up. If he was around more, I'd tell him you don't need that hoe. I don't care if did **** me in your house or anywhere behind you. I didn't do it, I would of turned it down. That's beyond disrespectful and I get it when women aren't satisfied in a relationship with a man I get these stories all the time and not being cocky. Deep down, I know I could treat them right, but then again. In this scenario, the bros before hoes goes to a whole new level. I wish he could see this, I really want to cry. She is so into me, when he was dating her for a long time being strung along losing his virginity to her. God I wish, I wish he knew I want to tell him. I don't want drama between the two and him hating me, but damn. I love him too much he was with me through my abuse I will pay him back with knowledge and wisdom I've learned from it. I kinda wish right now even though he can be an asshole hasn't trusted women recently and they didn't see some sides of him like I do. I want him to know, if those girls saw what I saw even though I am a man and not have any sexual attraction to him even though he looks good for women. I couldn't let him go through this. I have some ****ing strength. If I was a woman completely and he was attracted to me and we grew up like we did. We be married. I can be completely honest. That was horrible what I heard from her mouth. I appreciate her honesty, but she isn't responsible neither is my friend with himself. I know relationship are what you put in you get back. I a so sad and mad how he's going through this and doesn't know how she felt bout me. I am open to a poly physical emotional relationship, but I got to be distant, because this **** she pulled on him. I know him, and it makes me think she is no good and is a hoe. Despite what happened, I know what a hoe looks like. This hurt me, because he has no idea I wish he knew how much I care for him as a friend. This feeling I have I want to find a woman for him that can do this. I truly wish, **** it kills me. Truly does, no man shouldn't be treated like that I will tell him how to be more attractive than just looks. He needs to know how to get in a woman's mind and heart without being a **** and show them what I see. I want the best for him and she isn't good. He's truly lucky to have me I want to cry, because I do feel like this. He made my childhood great when I went through hell. I will never do him wrong. I want him to get a woman hold her tight and be a man to himself and deal with everything. I got this he doesn't it makes him uncomfortable because of his insecurities and feelings. I truly truly am going to tell him now. How I can help, he's got confidence and good appeal to women. He by definition can get a playboy model and better like I know he can, but he's so stupid. I would help him, but I want to teach him to show love and be a man bout it. Be sensitive and tell him how to have sex right with a woman. It's weird when I said, that I won't watch him, but give him advice he needs a woman. This kills me and I know I gotta do this peace. Please help me figure out in my head what am I seeing. OMG I just want to cry hard now

[Yismymindblank12]

To add to this, I've had to deal with sexual problems my whole life. I hate having being told how good I am at sex when they are telling the truth. I hate turning good girls to hoes. I hated losing my virginity to hoes, I don't want to marry a hoe. I want a wife, emotionally no ring no wedding. Just a true friend, the love I give to that man on the inside and that boy on the outside is endless. I truly love him, he doesn't understand how this works. How love emotions people work. Almost all women I've met my age don't get this at all. I think a woman finally matures in this society at 25 at the earliest to at least 40 maybe even older. Men it could be his whole life he is in the dark and not grown up till my case like me where I found out with a good family, but a bad scenario real world of being taken advantage of in many ways. Being raped a lot assaulted physically and emotionally over love has taught me that people are evil and don't understand love sometimes and sometimes people don't ever. I just would give that advice to him, because he needs it and I want him to be loved. Sometimes one of the reasons, I wish I wasn't straight nor a male, if I was a woman. He wouldn't need anyone else. That's how love works and people should get that through their head. The media is full of garbage these young celebrities mostly don't ever understand it like normal and people accept there advice as truth because they are young like them and make good honest points, because they are a "good" "role model" ***** please. I want to be famous to knock some sense into these children of my age from older generations to newer. Like seriously enough is enough, no man woman child or human should be treated like that. I can't bear watching that to him. I will tell him he needs a woman who will give you the right emotional love and attention, but love I mean is much stricter than what is face value rebound hookup what he did with this girl over a period of last summer. He needs to realize that vagina will die and wither away after death. That love will help him, through all life. I want him to be married have kids and tell them how his life has been changed through love. I want him to experience what true love is not this girl taking his virginity ******** and say she is the one. No you are guillible I know you. I don't tell you I am very aware and when you talk to me like I am stupid and you say you are a player and pimp kind of dude and feel like you are the coolest cat around. It's not what I see and it pisses me off you throw away close friends for a girl. He's done this to me too long, I want him to stop being stupid learn learn learn. I want him to marry a good woman till he dies with her. U know that's what I truly want him to have. I don't care how bad or stupid he can be, that boy saved me through my sexual abuse and I'll be damned if I hurt him myself or another woman talking to him like a dog. I am not afraid to go off and tell her get out. This is not needed. I'm sorry it greatly angers me what happened, but at the same time when things cool. I am open to having a poly relationship based on compatibility, but I doubt she would stay long even if I had one with her and idk how many other females, because she would bring trouble, because of her lack of self responsibility. In which I know she has it, this **** separates the men from the boys. I have also a very sexually attractive therapist, she doesn't dress provocatively nor seems like a bad slutty person I think, but I am truly afraid of jeopardizing my self help from in a weird way me on accident build sexual tension from her and she just wants me to have sex with her. I have that affect on people sometimes, and it's a curse when I go around dealing with constant orgasms from going anywhere and wanting to have a friend where I got to start a friendship with a female after having sex with her. It's the result of my abuse, I don't do that, I've had casual wasn't too bad, but didn't like it. The thing is, I don't mind having sex with many people in my life, because it's normal. It's a natural thing. I just hate having this pressure to get **** done like I got to have sex with this person or marry this person and so on. I don't want it, I want to live in a society to have the freedom a lot easier to pick who is right for me and not. When I am now as a mature adult through sex, ironically sounds odd, but makes sense to me. I want to be physically attracted to this person and they are to me, so sex is an easy caddy answer to a caddy problem, but on emotional deeper level. I want the tension to build overtime as a solid confide of real love not some bull crap made up from a soap opera. I seriously am poly I hate having to deal with being stuck to one woman and feeling like that's it. It really is something I struggle with in a sex negative society with many people stupid and wanting monogamy as the ultimate goal. I garuantee as a fact that most people especially young people are very poly and if the society was more sex positive and not stupid. It probably easily happen, and be much more prosperous in quality, but maybe too many babies too. idk. I just think, that guys now only want nudes to wank to, which is very sad to begin with. I don't ask for nudes even though some girls innately send them to me expect me to bust a load on it. I don't fly like that, if I think you're hot I will want sex with you in person not on a camera phone. Seriously that's what this society reflects on caddy crap. I think if people had a ****ing clue what I am saying this site would have a lot less people on this site. I'm not saying psych is bad, it's a wonderful service. It needs to be much more serious though like people take addiction seriously. I am truly indeed a sex addict, and idk why I might suffer from something where no matter where I am at the only stimulation I get is sexual arousal. I can't go anywhere or do anything without every second my genital are aroused and I have the need to blow the whole world in one day no problem. I couldn't do that because of physical stamina, sex is physically demanding not only sexually. It really takes a lot, it helps brings bonds and breaks them. I kind of think of sex as an icebreaker not the most cherished item in the store. It's literally, the view I have would save so much heartache in people. I'm not all for unprotected unsafe sex, that's just stupid and people need to have a brain bout who they are screwing. I don't let any girl try to screw me, I don't care. It's truly hard, and I don't want people to be stupid bout this anymore. I think religion needs to update and focus on bettering the self and human experience and not be so you do this and you die or you do this and you will go to hell. That's not how it works, seriously people should know this by now. I knew this in gradeschool what has happened to this world I loved. I am done with this rant. This has been a truly troubling occurance to me. I love sex as much as I fear it.

[nicoleflynn]

Calling women "hoes" is a problem right there. So disrespectful. Hope you will get some professional help

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Calling women "hoes" is a problem right there. So disrespectful. Hope you will get some professional help

I am sorry that was out of anger bout this girl, it's not true how I feel bout women. It's how I've been treated to what I've been exposed to sorry to sound like I am degrading women. It just greatly upsets me, my ignorant side came out. Sorry this is a very difficult thing I apologize women aren't hoes. I shouldn't call you ladies that, I was ****ing born and raised by you. I can't do you wrong, but I was just mad how this happened to a friend. I was exposed to something that was upsetting. She said that bout herself and admitted it. I am sorry for not being consistent. Let's get passed the hoes conversation. I am putting it out there. I don't think like that, trust me. Please this is why I am in therapy, because I am very much sad to becoming abusive to women. I truly fear it never cheated nor have I called women I dated or friends that are females hoes. Sorry I came off disrespectful with my emotions. Just try to understand. I am grieving now, sorry. Jeez it's like one word and that person is always either a hoe or a wife beater, or a person who wants nothing but the worst in people. He needs to die and go to hell. Seriously I am not like this, but this has cause me so many attempts of suicide on myself, because of being raped by men and being called a hoe and treated like **** myself. So please, I am sorry. I'll try to represent a better argument next time, is this thing really that important with the hoes word. I just can't take this stupidity this society put so much sex negative and focuses on the negative. If you want to be a "hoe" or I like to call sexually inclined of oneself either man or woman good for you. You know I don't care, I know I don't disrespect women went through too much hell being told that sorry. I am in so much damn pain from this. It's a crutch on my whole life you gotta understand. please

[healingme4me]

Can you cut off communication with this woman? She's your best friends 'ex'(?), and you've already stated you don't want her.

[Yismymindblank12]

yeah it's cool on that, note. I'm sorry this has been really killing me, in this society I am poly amorous I am straight which seems normal. I want to kill myself a lot of times, because of the society and stupid pressures I deal with this male patriachal perfect world. I don't know what to do, just have to internalize and abuse and beat myself up because the world doesn't allow people like me and my emotional feelings. The things I see people spread is like a disease with words being used. You know I don't think women as hoes at all. The only time I've used it on a woman was a woman wasn't a person who could take care of themselves and only pursued flings from many guys which isn't the bad part, but hurting so many people to get what they want. That's the definition of a hoe. Not some girl who is being accused by all these women for screwing some dude or whatever. You know she could be a really nice person, I just can't stand people base things how a human is based on their looks, sexual behavior, and who they are around with. The caddiest things are so stupid people eat it up like the bible, I'm not like any of these people. I don't want this stuff. I am afraid of telling any of my family or friends gay or straight bout this, because of persecutions and being feared for it. I seriously don't get why we have to focus only on homosexuality is the type of people being persecuted. I find it more offensive it's normal to make fun of gay people to begin with, men or women. Seriously I am a sex positive feminist. I hate having strong sexual desires for women I meet in public as a result of my sexual abuse and past holding it on like a crutch and forced to internalize because the people around me would put me through hell if I said a word bout it. The things we glamorize well it's shitting on me, and I'm the one being abused for it. That's why I will not get married and why I don't believe in monogamy. It works for people I've seen it work my damn grandpa loved his wife. I watched her die in front of my eyes. I wanted to die with her as a child. I know what I said was inconsiderate, but seriously this is gotten ridiculous. I am afraid of having an attractive therapist because it scares me. I hate talking bout myself, I'd rather be humble, but I have to be honest bout myself to get help. I am more scared of telling her the truth of my problems and she would have sex with me and my therapy would fly out the window I am currently in that dilemma now. I was raped many times, I don't want this anymore. I don't want this body. I truly say **** sex, **** race, **** culture, **** this crap. Why do we need it because men need some safety and save the tribe to look manly. Jesus get a life, this crap has gone too far. I just finally have courage and when I do I get torn down. Seriously was I born through women put my love and trust through them to be treated like this from both men and women alike and they all play the blame game. Seriously just bugs me to death. I don't go hit women, never do. I respect them, regardless what you see. It makes me so mad that, I am seen as that. When I am trying to be honest and get help. This has many times put me in the brink of suicide, because I love people so much I never hurt them. I never want to but when they treat me like ****, I take it because this society wants a man who can get a beat down. I had plenty with weapons fists and words and horrible people. You think I want to do this anymore, no! I don't want it, I can handle myself and I do take care of myself I just can't stand when people assume I am some horrible person when I am trying to do everything in my power trying not to kill myself because of a corrupt dead society that isn't even close to the values they are trying to preach. I am done with this, like I lost a daughter through a miscarriage you know even though my ex did sleep around. I didn't care, you know that girl when should of been born before being aborted. She would of been my shining star, because I wanted her to have my life that I'd never have be a very loving supportive father. I didn't care her mom was abusive despite her sexual prowess. You know I would never expose her to her mom growing up, like her, because that girl needed a role model. I knew her mom she wasn't even close to what she claims she is, she is good at parenting, but poor at role modeling all together. I don't want my child growing up like that, I hate saying this sometimes, but it was best she wasn't born for medical reasons for my ex, because she would suffered so much. I couldn't hold that weight and that would of made me kill myself. I would not mind being in the stigma and crap that single fathers go through, because I wouldn't replace any day for my child. I don't care. So don't think I mistreat people, because they did something stupid. You know people make mistakes, but then there are horrible human beings too both men and women I've had it all. This is my most vulnerable point. I just hate myself now

[allme]

You mentioned you're in therapy, have you brought these thoughts and feelings into therapy?

[Yismymindblank12]

Yes I didn't choose my therapist who I just saw last night because she is sexually attractive. I've not seen her till yesterday. I've worked with her at 14 and still was physically attracted to her, but I find this extremely helpful because it's the make it or break it to face my fear of sexuality and a fallacy of a sex negative culture where both men and women alike are being treated like crap like bad children being punished. I am reading more and more everyday bout asexuality and sex positive people and sex negative. This is so true, because I truly don't hate the women who doesn't want it hey it's her choice respect it. What I can't stand is when some mostly men, but there are way more times females younger females have done this lead a guy to see how he reacts then toss him like trash even if he is a good dude and the kicker is that she will never tell him and leave him begging for more. Like do I think that's respectful no not at all. I find it just as horrible when men beat women for being experimental with another dude. Like seriously this has gotten out of hand. I don't want to tell my therapist, but I have to to face my true fears. I go through persecution from this before silently. I take so many physical and true emotional scares. I am phyiscally ill now, and I don't want the sex anymore. I truly want to marry a woman who is a friend not some girl I just banged a week ago. I have a girl I truly love and care for tell her everything been friends with her for over 6 months now. I don't believe in marriage, because this society my parents things I've been exposed to for far to long made me lose hope in this concept. I am not closed to it entirely, but not open to it either based on stupid things. Like relationships take a lot of work and effort, the problem is the real work is the self responsibility. like knowing when to take care of your physical and emotional well being for the woman or man, like people think men and women are from two different planets. Is ******** lie made by men who are sexist to make women distant and finding true love, yes they think differently now, because of exposure and their life how they grew up they can't handle that. Same with women too, I've seen everything to know enough. That people need to stop being so ****** to others. You know when a guy comes up to me and talks to me that woman is a bad person she's not christian quality and she is screwing so many dudes and stuff, I'm like why do you care. What's in it for you something to get mad over and drink bout it later. Like seriously I knew this as a freaking toddler. I just had terrible things happen to me, but when I needed safety and could provide, because my parents are too ignorant to see my abuse and pain. I get damaged and internalize and push everyone away male and female, because I don't want them to go through the curse I go through. Sexual addiction is real, in the sense of people damaging self and others over it. I have it for myself and very abusive to self, I hate having these fantasies. I don't want to feel like an animal, but this sex negative pro "true love disney crap" that is being spread around like it will happen like this and you will be like this and everything will be hunky dorry no. Like relationships were never like that, I watched the best woman in the world my grandmother who actually was a proud motherly figure in my life. I would have her as my role model and still do in my heart that woman treated everyone with respect even her son my uncle who is openly gay. I love him, so much I grew up seeing the person not the queerness. That's why I internalize and get suicidal because when I did open up bout my poly feelings and life. I am told I am a man *****, I need men to balance it out. It won't work, you need to be gay to have it work. Like it's so innacurate of me. I've honestly never met people who are this understanding of culture and sub culture on a level I have. The sexuality brings out the ugliness in people and the best, but I always say the only thing that christianity got right in relationships is that the marriage isn't in the sex but the person in each other. I truly want and desire that, just too many stupid girls who need to grow up take care of themselves and say I am beautiful and really be really cool. That's how you real the guys in good and bad, but the trick is don't fall for the guy you know would be a fun night, but a lot of heartache. I know this lesson too well. Men and women are people they aren't two different species, they are human one has a penis and the other a vagina simple as that. I am only twenty didn't even go to any college and could figure that out instantly. It only takes a small amount of exposure to show something people need to hear not what they want.

[Yismymindblank12]

"This is why I think that it’s a misunderstanding to think that sex positivity is about saying that sex itself is good. It’s more that sex, in general, has the potential to be good. IF it’s done in a consensual way, but more than that, a way which values the satisfaction and emotional well-being of all participants. Consent is just the bare minimum requirement, but we need to aim higher than that."
I found this quote online. I am a straight male and know this much more than most people do this is my argument and this sums up why what people think what sex is what love is. What feeling their emotions living being happy truly is wrong. People learn from themselves and their innate nature is to love and mingle. It's been with us since before we were humans. It's like some sick idea bout some utopic idea that men need to choose what woman is nice for man cave and make good beer while he drinks and watches football. That stereotype needs to go and sadly will be here a lot longer. This is a mans world and this has caused me so much more pain as a man. I'm not even a woman, I couldn't fathom what women go through physically and stress themselves with this. You know, I truly respect women on how they pour their heart out and feel safe. I want that too, but some people don't want it and like this sex negative society good for them. I just see now the true divide in culture is people want this to continue and eradicate people like me. I see so many hateful things bout gays or any group of people online. I am at the point now, that since this has gone downhill long enough, I'd be damned I'm going to live in this society and country if people are being systematically killed or genocide for sexual/racial/things and keep culture "norms" in the levels of where it is. Like seriously children little girls are being forced to marry men in afganistan at the ages of like 11 and even earlier without consent of the child. If you seen the video of the poor child who would kill herself instead of living a life of abuse from a man and a society that promotes that culture. It literally kills me, like I know how that girl feels in small way, but damn she is only a child. I went through sexual abuse at that time too, but damn i cried very hard, because that is a child a human being who is going to go through that. Like I don't want to grow old and this is what I see left of this world this kind of hatred and negative culture and saying perfection is key to happiness. You know without mistakes apparently this world wouldn't exist this universe was apparently a mistake to astro physicist's who believe without the left over matter in the big bang and it went according to plan I wouldn't have this convo right now with all you lovely people bout my knowledge of the world. I don't care the **** I got through, I just do it to teach people and tell people you as an individual should start promoting self responsibility to save and help other people then when enough people do it together things can be resolved easier even if world peace isn't achieved don't expect it too. The universe was a mistake, a beautiful one at that, and just accept things how they are planned mistakes and just say you know I had a lot of crap happen to me. I didn't do much to deserve this or I did deserve what happened based on things I did that were wrong to people, don't be hard on yourself and overly critical take the facts as is leave the speculation accept the moment and live for tomorrow. Seriously am I the only one who does this and thinks like this.

[Confusedinomicon]

I think you need to calm down and relax. There is nothing wrong with being poly so long as your partners are aware and you get regular testing for hiv/std/etc.(I find your posts to be confusing. Paragraphs are your friend)

If you really want to help people you can volunteer at a domestic violence shelter and help people get back on their feet. No point in internalizing the world when you do have the power to make a difference.

[Yismymindblank12]

I'm calm now, just really stressed out bout things, that are scaring me bad.

[Yismymindblank12]

This is too confusing to explain, I'm going to bother with any more explanation, it's gender issues and my fear of being abusive, but ironically I get abused more than everyone else not in domestic relationships. I mean in general. I don't feel safe, telling my feelings. I don't want this crap anymore being told I am nothing, and feel guilty that other people have it worse. I get it, I know it, but seriously trying to pin my head in the ground to make a point is worth me hurting and abusing myself more. I try so hard, no one sees my good. They just want to cut me down asap when I say one thing they don't like. Seriously I don't do that to you, don't do that to me.