Dad's letter to me

I got a letter from my Dad. My husband read it and only told me a little. He told me what he thought I could handle. The letter was 3 pages. He told me that he thought I was lying what was wrong with me and my ex husband and his mother told him lies about me. The bad thing about going home is that my ex husband lives acroos the street and his mother lives next door. I have to go home to see my 16 year old son. Please give me some tips on how to handle this. I know that they are " unsafe people" but I have to see my son. I live 14 hours away so I don't get to see him everyday.

i think there is strength in anyone who can stand eye to eye with a family member or otherwise,for the sake of having their child by their side, even if its just for a moment in time.I am a mother, you see, of five. my oldest is the same age as your child. 16,12,8,6,&4...and their mother,thats me, be broken in pieces,with the world at her back,trying to tell them she deserts them,from time to time, because of the fact that my soul isnt perfect. but I say that my children are worth it. the fight that i choose as a fragmented person is a battlefront chalk full of landmines, put there by the hands of my mother my father my sister my brother my aunt and all who just dont understand my ways of reason& rhyme. today my aunt by landmine mentality,told me to sign custody papers, giving my mother the rights to raise my fourth son,cause it would be giving him a better chance at life. 'five is too many to hold in your pocket with the crumbling effects of your unquiet mind and your unstable persons you consist of my child, so give him to me and choose to be selfless because claiming a better chance of stablility simply because of your five, is robbing him of a chance to become everything he cant when he walks by your side.' my response to this as guilt crept on in was "im sorry my life doesnt provide, by way of possesions and excessive time, but the blood in my veins flows through my heart which beats in my chest in a synchronized time because of the fact that he walks in my world and accepts his jigsaw puzzle of a mother and we survive, with love as our guide.i love you but no thanks and goodbye."
so, for what its worth, i say, go to your son and look in his eyes, walk by his side and hold your head high, dont let the others around, that may upset you, rob him, or you, of those precious moments, he's worth it! <font color="pink"> </font>

lashaine,

Do you have a therapist/counselor? It sounds like you may need someone who you can call if you need support on this trip to see your son.

Sometimes people set up some things to help them stay safe when they must go on trips or go into unsafe places.

It helps to think through situations and how you will handle them BEFORE you get there.

You DO NOT need to see your ex-husband and his mother if you do not want to do so.

Try to think of ways to have time alone with your son to just be with him and shut out the annoying others.

On the trip be sure to eat, rest and sleep correctly to protect yourself physically from getting over-stressed. Take proper care of yourself.

When things bother you, REMIND yourself of why you are here and what you are accomplishing. It will help you stay strong.

I can't think of anything else that may be helpful to you, but I do wish you well and hope this trip is ALL you desire

Leslie and the Pixies

I do have a wonderful christain counselor. We have started to talk about things. I got the leteer from dad after I came home from a session with her yeaterday. My husband read the letter because I knew if I did I would have a meltdown. He only told me two things that Dad said in a three page letter. I am also calling my counselor today to see if I can get in today. Why is families so mean. This is what I think, when a child has something wrong with them like DID, Bi-Polar, Depression, or whatever it may be, They feel like failures and they want the persons child to raise so that they can feel that it's not something they did. In my case it's my mother. She wasn't there for me in all my life. She was only there when she wanted to be. And I know that's why she wanted my son. And when I tell her,which I don't anymore, that she is trying to make herself feel better by raising my son. Now my son suffers from depression and she is always taking him to a therepist to get different meds when he has an outburst. Well his therepist now says he is ADD. Mom doesn't want to deal with it with talk therepy. All she wants is a pill to fix it. It's the same thing that happened with me and I am so worried that my son isn't getting what he needs. You know what they say, history has a way of repeating itself.

Can you work with your counselor on making contingencies for coping with your trip? How to keep yourself safe. Who you will be able to visit without being triggered too much? How to spend the time you want alone with your son. Maybe if you get a plan you won't feel so apprehensive. It is nice to work thorugh it with someone too. I so hope you have a good visit with your son.

BB

This is what me and my counselor is going to do Thursday

lashaine,

I'm glad you have a good T who is there for you. I'm sorry things are so complicated with your parents. I know what that is like. My mom made some mistakes that cost me a lot in this life. I am trying to do better by my own children so they won't spend their adult life trying to get over their childhood as I have done. You are right in that just pushing pills for a solution is not enough. I will pray that you can make this trip something OK and good for you and your son without too much nonsense from other family members.

Hugs and Hope, Leslie and the Pixies

Working with your counselor is the best thing, She knows you best and can guide you where and how you should go.

Good Luck and Blessings!
Lilith

How did it go with T? I'm glad you have T to help you through.

How did it go today? I hope well.

BB

Well I had a very sad t session. My t help me to take Dads letter and break it down into parts so I could process it better and try to keep my alters from really coming out. Especially the alter that protects me. He accused me of physically abusing my son and my son took up for me and told him that I wasn't the one to hit him and leave marks. My son told him that he was the one who abused. I was having alot of different emotions and I still am. I just can't believe that my own father lied. He just outright lied. I can't believe it! So my t and I made a gameplan. For now I only go down to visit for two or three nights at a time and I am going to cut going down to visit so much. I really need to heal and going down and having to deal with all the fighting and emotion isn't going to help me. I have started to come to terms that my family are unsafe and triggers for me. I have suffered at their hands for 39 years. It's time for me to start taking my life back. I just realize today that my dad hit me also. He would whip me so hard that I would have blood running down my legs. I have also come to terms with the fact that my dad is never going to accept me for who I am and what I am going through. I hope that you will be my new family because I look forward to talking to all of you and feel the support, warmth, and love. And I like trying to help others. I just don't know what I would do without you all!

hi lashaine,
I'm glad you have a good t to help you process and to make a plan. It's so hard for me sometimes to distance myself from the very people who had a hand in my illness. I think it's wonderful that all of you are willing and able to try to stay away more so that you can heal.

I have a part of me that goes to mine when called. I have not figured out how to stop it yet but always the outcome of the visits are negative. I am hoping as I get more awareness, that I can do the same.

We're really glad you're here and look forward to hearing more from you.

Everytime I think of my parents or sister my alter that protects me and really cause trouble is so hard to control. I just need to stay from home as much as possible. I know what you mean in trying to stay away from those who have a hand in my illness. My alter just wants to make them hurt as much as I have. In fact all my alters gets going when I think of home. Well it's not home anymore. It's just another state to me. If you ever need someone to talk to, let me know. Even if I can't give you ideas on handling stuff, I'll be here to listen. That goes for everyone,

lashaine,

All you said sounds so familiar. When I got married my husband finally learned to make a 3 day max. limit on trips to the town I grew up in. Visits with my parents always ended up with me in tears or a migraine and all messed up emotionally.

I will be happy to be "extra" family to you here. I had to find all my real family some place far away from fam.of origin. They were so toxic.

I'm glad you realized how unsafe the dad is - what you described was certainly physical abuse to hit you so hard is just awfu. He was soo wrong!!!

The more you learn to protect yourself the better you will come off on these trips back to the old place. Then you can help your children learn to protect themselves from him too!!

I hope tomorrow is a decent day for you!

Leslie and Pixies

Thanks for being my extra family and I am so glad that someone knows what I am talking about. I feel better today and more in control. I hope that I can stay this way for a bit.