Why do most women ditch or mostly ignore their friends once they get a b.f?

It seems like almost every time a female friend of mine gets a new b.f, they become really obsessed with that guy to where they'll either end up ditching me or almost ignoring me completely until some issue with that guy comes up, UGH!

Do men do this too? Is this common behavior for most women or not? The funny thing is that I'm not young, and neither are any of these women who I'm talking about, and yet they act like love struck teenagers when they find a new guy!

I've been married a long time, but I've never ONCE ditched or ignored a friend at any time in my life! So I don't get this at all. Are friends just not that important to some people? These women will often ignore my calls, emails, and texts at times, but they'll respond to a guy right away and obsess over why a guy isn't returning their calls.

They'll even ignore most of a movie to text a guy! Sometimes they'll talk about a guy way to much, and it's really annoying! I try hard to not show that I'm annoyed when this happens! I'm always happy for them of course, but enough is enough sometimes!

Even my bff called me past midnight once and I thought the call was an emergency based on how she complained about me not picking up the phone on my v.m. So I called her back and I found out that she was freaking out about some lame guy and panickig about why he didn't text her back yet. WTH?

I try to be patient and put up with their nonsense, but it does irritate me and since there isn't anything I can do about this behavior other than to give them good advice on how to tell when some stupid guy is playing games with them. I think that some of my good advice helped my two current best friends decide to dump at least one loser guy in the past-

Has anyone else had issue with female friends like this? Is this normal behaviour for women in general of not? If so, why do some women act as if their friends don't exist most of the time when they get a b.f?

I think it is pretty normal for this to happen, especially for a woman who doesn't have a stable relationship in her life. Coming from someone who spent the majority of my life without any guys showing romantic interest, it can be pretty exciting when someone finally dates you. It gets very easy to pass up a night with friends to go out with your boyfriend, and I know that I'm guilty of doing that a lot. Once my boyfriend and I had been dating for a while though, I realized I didn't have a lot of friends and I realized just how badly I needed them. I think the best advice I can give you is to be honest with your friends and tell them that it's not cool for them to ignore you for their boyfriend. It may be hard for them to hear, but try to just be as honest as possible without getting angry. Don't make them feel like they're being attacked, or they'll probably just get defensive. Make sure they know how important their friendship is to you, and how hurtful it is to be pushed to the side. A lot of times, they may not even realize they're doing it. That's the best advice I've got, anyways.

IMHO it is a younger womans' game. As a woman gets older, and we hope wiser, she appreciates her friends more than any man, even if he is the love of her life.
Friends and dogs will never leave you

I have experienced that, but only during highschool. Most mature women (and I'm guessing men) don't disappear when they find a love interest...if anything, after the initial 'getting to know' the new bf/gf, they want very much to include them with their friends. Sometimes, it's to gain approval, sometimes to show off...sometimes, both. At any rate, if your friends are still stuck in that loop, then I suggest they are still on the same maturity level as teenagers....as you suggested.

Try not to take it personally. Fact is, if they can't come to grips with 'sharing the wealth' with their good friends...odds are they are also smothering the bf/gf...and the relationship is doomed anyway. Just wait a few months.

Take care.

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You're right about what you said. I'll just let them enjoy their time with their latest love interest and hopefully they'll eventually realize that other people do exist, lol! Usually the "honeymoon" phase doesn't last to long. Once reality sets in, and the novelty wears off a little, then they usually act like their old selves again.

My bff has told me a few times that w/o love, she'd shrivel up and die! She seems to need a guy to feel loved, wanted, and special! She even went so far as to pressure this one guy to marry her! Well, that didn't work out and now they'll eventually get a divorce. He ended up cheating on her twice! She is currently single, but I'm sure that it won't be long until she finds a new guy to obsess over. She is also super desperate to get married and have kids.

Seriously though, these friends of mine tend to be super obsessed with guys! One of my other friends is letting her new b.f live with her and she won't spend any time with me unless he's with his kids. He's divorced and so is she. With her last b.f, she would make tentative plans with me when she thought her super flaky b.f might show up at her place, ugh!

Long story short, I finally talked her into dumping him! This new guy though treats her like a queen which is something that has never happened to her before with any guy that I know of! Her last two ex husbands cheated on her and both of them were drug addicts too.

If she continues to act like this, then I'll have to speak up and let her know how I feel. I just hope that she won't get upset and defensive. I'll be as nice and open about things as possible though without hurting her feelings of course! I just hope that I will never have to have that talk with her!

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It's not always a younger woman's game from my own experience- My bff is almost 40, and my other friend is 51. This behavior is really silly and annoying! I feel as if these women don't really value friendship as much as I do-

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I think that you're right about what you said, especially about the showing off aspect of things. Both of my friends think that it's nice to have a man around to help out with things and to be taken care of. They're right, it is nice, but it's also nice to have friends to be there for you too!

Sometimes it seems as if they rely to much on a man to make them feel attractive, confident, special, and loved. I know that my bff has probably smothered her soon to be ex to much as she pressured him into marriage after only knowing him for less than a year. She expected him to stop hanging out with his friends most of the time. To make a long story short, things didn't work out and although they're still living together, she is planning on divorcing him in the near future. She has no place to go for now, so she's stuck.

I hate to say this, but both of my friends do seem to have a h.s mentality when it comes to guys. I do understand how great it is to be in a relationship, but I would never end up ignoring my friends once I'm in one! So this behaviour is hurtful and unfortunately, I might have to have a talk with one of my friends about this soon if things don't change. Of course, I'll be as diplomatic about things as possible!

I also had friends who ditched their friends once they had a boyfriend and they would only resurface when they broke up. Like you Shy Introvert, I never once did that when I had a boyfriend. I introduced my bf (now my husband) to all of my friends, invited him to go to parties, concerts, etc.

What happened then is my friends ditched me. I was more than willing to make time for them individually, but the fact is since my now husband is older than I am, I matured a bit faster than my friends did. I had to live an adult lifestyle a lot of them simply weren't ready for, because they didn't want to do the work or because they didn't have the maturity level. Either way, I noticed over time my friends separating from me because they didn't like that I went to bed at a reasonable time to go to work in the morning on the weekends, but it was the best way for me to get money and see my now-husband.

My husband really was the first guy to make me feel special and feel loved (even though we do have problems from time to time). But I didn't ditch my friends or push them away. People did that to me, so I guess what I am saying is it often works both ways.

However, I do see younger women doing this a lot. I think it's because younger women are drilled into believing that having a bf is what defines them as women and whether or not they are attractive. Once a woman gets a bf, they become her world because it validates all of the societal expectations on young women.

I think the first responder hit the nail on the head when they mentioned the lack of stable relationships in general within their lives.

Sometimes people then say that their friends are just jealous.

It often works the other way around, I have had friends basicly disapear once they start dating a woman.

I don't think it's gender specific, just that some people when first in a relationship devote all their time to their new significant other and ignore their long time friends.

This is pretty standard from what I see. I've had it done to me and done it to other people. After the honeymoon phase, things even out. For some people, the honeymoon phase doesn't end until the break up, but those people find they have fewer friends than they did before.

I think men's friendships are a bit different. It seems like they have more room for not seeing someone for a longer period of time.

It's hard to compete when they are "intoxicated" with their new man. Men do the same thing...usually when reality sets in..they come back to you. The other reality..
is friendships change. Some friends stay in your life and we accept that things change and there is not enough time like it use to be - you can still care about each other. It hurts for awhile. Sometimes we just outgrow a friendship. I understand it hurts.

Its called codependency. ...

It's mostly men that do this moreso than women, though I suppose there are percentages of both who do this.

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I see what you're saying. Sorry that's happened to you before- I'm doing a lot better now since my friend DID finally call me back! So I'll be seeing her this weekend. I hate it when people go for more than a day w/o calling back, but she got busy. I have anxiety issues, so I tend to worry a lot when people wait more than a day to call me back, etc...

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Wow, that's interesting. You're probably right about what you said. Thankfully, my friend did finally call me back-:

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You're right about what you said! Thankfully I was wrong about her! She finally did call me back a couple of days later and I'll be seeing her this weekend-

I used to do this a lot when I was younger: I put all my boyfriend's before my friends and I was ashamed of me doing this. In the end I realized that friends are very important, I'd never ditch a friend over a guy. Friends will always be my your side always, I get excited over a new relationship sure but I'd never ignore my friend if I was hanging out with them. Friendships have always been important to me, the only sad thing is half of all my good friends don't talk to me anymore. Cause I moved.

I hope things end up getting better for you however. I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk too ever.

with me being a guy, i can't say why some women do this..but to answer your question about do men do this too, the answer is absolutely! i have several guy friends that when the get into a relationship they DISSAPEAR! almost like magic, stop answering the phone and everything, now i admit i am guilty of this too, but like some of the other posters said after the "honeymoon phase"
it tends to taper off, i don't get too upset about it..but when we get together i do like to tease them about it! hee hee

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Hi, that's nice that you'd never ditch a friend for a guy! Friends will always be on your side and there for you after a break up! That is if you don't end up ditching them for to long usually! Sorry to hear about losing a lot of your friends due to moving-

There is this site called meetup.com to where you can meet people for friendship and more too. There are many different groups on there, and it's free to join. You can also start your own groups, but they do charge group organizers a monthly fee. There is always something going on, so if you live near a big city, you'll have more options to chose from!

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Wow, guys do that too? Interesting! Anyways, it's kind of nice to see that it's not just me this happens to! BTW, my friend did call me back yesterday, so things are back to normal now- I have anxiety issues, so I tend to worry when I don't hear from certain people after a couple of days or more. Perhaps I'll see and hear from her more often after this honeymoon phase-