[doggiedo]

I've been dating someone I knew from college- about 12 years ago. Hinge have been going great, until this week. He was in a crappy mood and being negative. I called him while he was riding his motorcycle, thinking it would be nice to leave him a sweet message to cheer him up. Later that night I asked if he got my message and he was like no- I didn't check my phone or listen to the voicemail. I was thinking- then how are you texting me right now?? Plus if I was in a crappy mood and someone I liked called to cheer me up, I'd think that was nice! So I said, "nothing I can do or say to make u feel better. I'll just talk to you tomorrow."

He was rude and disrespectful back to me. His response to me asking if he got my message was something along the lines of "Christ- I didn't check my freaking messages okay? It has nothing to do with you!'"

All I responded was ok. I gave it a day and sent him a message telling him I'm here for him if he wants to talk. I also asked if he was able to let me know about this weekend- we were planning a trip out of state for him to meet my grandmother. He responded and said- I've been working a double. I said ok, if u feel like talking, I'm around tonight and tomorrow. Nothing. I haven't heard from him in 4 days.

I know I don't do anything wrong to make him not want to talk to me? How could he just stop communicating? I mean things were going well. Maybe something happened and he's upset, but if he doesn't let me in, I can't help him or understand him.

And who breaks up with someone by just not talking to them? Tell me how mature that is!!!! So it's taking everything I've got to not text him and be like what the heck- so u just drop people??? What did I do besides want to be there for you? Right now I assume he has broken up with me.

[Sojourn]

Hi doggiedo,

I'm sorry to hear about all the confusion and suffering you are enduring right now. I can certainly see why you feel that way as things seem to have suddenly and drastically changed.

I don't know what is going on with your boyfriend but as you know, men and women often react differently to difficulties. From what you described, I don't see any reason why he should be upset with you. However, he is obviously very upset about something. It could be that he feels if he shares it with you, it might be a topic that will make you upset and that will just compound the matter. Nonetheless, that is no excuse for ignoring you. I imagine he has a lot to learn about communicating. Intimate relationships often require a long time for partners to learn how to interact in a healthy way with each other. Unfortunately, many couples are never able to truly connect and eventually separate.

If you feel like you have the ability to allow him his space and extend him a very generous amount of patience, then you can wait it out and let him work through whatever is bothering him. Honestly, I think you will learn more about who he really is by giving him more time. Either he will do the right thing and reach out to you or he will show himself to be a person who has his own personal problems to work through and he is not ready for a real relationship. Since this is the first time that something like this has happened with him, I think it is fair to give him the benefit of a doubt and grant him a little more time. There is the chance he is struggling with something and he is just not ready to share with you. It could be he is in the habit of handling certain things on his own. When things calm down, you can let him know that communication and trust are essential for your relationship to continue.

I understand that all of this is difficult for you and it is unfair. All too often though, relationships are unfair at one time or another. I say that in reference to all relationships. We all struggle with our own weaknesses and we can hope others will bear with us when our faults slip through. Some people have more difficulty being aware of and controlling their imperfections. If you and your boyfriend get past this and stay together longer, I have a feeling you will be a good influence on him. Hopefully he will be observant enough to appreciate that. I hope things get better for you. For now, try to concentrate on taking care of yourself and maybe he will come around. Take care.

[waiting4]

I agree with Sojourn and emphasize....just let it be. If he contacts you, then it was meant to be...if he doesn't, then you may be better off for the lack. In any case, don't beat yourself up, and don't tear yourself apart trying to figure out what is wrong. Thats a mistake lots of us women make...over thinking. It's not your issue. It's his.

Take care of yourself, as Sojourn said; don't allow yourself to become a doormat for him to wipe his nasty emotions on. If you create boundries now, it will pay off in the future whether that future is with him, or someone else.

Take care

[Perna]

How long have you been dating him? It sounds like this is the longest you have not texted/talked? Four days is not that long that I would automatically decide he has broken up with me. People need different amounts of space and time to work through things in their lives and no one shares everything. I've been married 25 years but there are times my husband is quiet, thinking things on his own mind through or I am not so keen, etc. It does not mean it is about you or the relationship! Sounds like working a double shift took a lot out of him. I bet he contacts you maybe by tomorrow/Sunday evening. Sounds like he just wanted a bit of space for the weekend.

[doggiedo]

We've been dating for a few months but I've known him for years now. I thought I was giving him space, but I don't think he wants to be with me at all.

Last night he posted a pick on Facebook about how he was partying with the guys and took a pick of all the alcohol. Which is odd bc he doesn't really drink. I also saw that he "liked" all these half naked women on fbook. Like he knows I'm going to see them...it's like he's trying to tell me he doesn't care.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

We've been dating for a few months but I've known him for years now. I thought I was giving him space, but I don't think he wants to be with me at all.

Last night he posted a pick on Facebook about how he was partying with the guys and took a pick of all the alcohol. Which is odd bc he doesn't really drink. I also saw that he "liked" all these half naked women on fbook. Like he knows I'm going to see them...it's like he's trying to tell me he doesn't care.

We do tend to over think things....and maybe he is hoping you'll see the pics. Whether that's true is immaterial. You DID see them.

Walk away now. You may still have a 'friendship' if that's what it was in the past. But I don't see you having a bf in him, at this point. And if he is immature enough to take pics of alcohol and 'like' half-naked women on other pages so the 'boys' can appreciate it...you don't need him. Unless you want to become his mother. Because that's what he wants from you, sorry to say.

Good luck to you...you deserve better.

[doggiedo]

You're right. You are all right. Completely. I know I don't want him at this point but I DO want to know what the heck I did! I just don't understand and I know I prob never will. I want move on but idk how just yet. I really liked him, irregardless of how immature he's being now. I was hopeful our relationship would actually lead somewhere. Now I'm back to square one.

I am 34 and I feel like I'll be alone for the rest of my life

[waiting4]

34 is a great age. You have plenty of time, even tho it may not seem like it. I'm 55 and dating, but have no interest of having an actual bf at this point. I'm still taking care of me after an unsuccessful relationship and awful break up. Focus on yourself, and you'll be astonished how quickly someone 'finds' you.

People always gravitate to positve people...be one of them and you'll enjoy the rest of your life, with or without a bf.

Good luck!

[doggiedo]

Thanks but I kinda feel like my clock is ticking in the baby dept. All I've ever wanted is to have a family.

I did speak with my bf and it was my suggestion we go out seperate ways. Tough decision but he has such a skewed sense of what happened. And his quickness to anger is just a sign of things to come, I would guess. There were a few other things as well that were red flags.

Back to square one. I'm sorry you have had a painful experience as well. But you are right. Keep trying to look on the positive side.

[brainhi]

Maybe he is aware that you feel the clock is ticking and he is not on board. You would both have to be very honest about what you want. He may not be the one but it's fair to let someone know, that you are getting into a relationship with, you value having a family sooner rather than later. You really do not get to know more about "who someone really is" until about 6 months or more into a relationship. It's how you get through the difficult times that matter.

[healingme4me]

If it's upsetting, so soon into things, certainly not a good indicator of things to come.

Something stood out to me, of your expressions. I'm here, if you want to talk. Perhaps something more direct, I'm not busy right now,I'm headed to bed around, say 11. You can call, if you want, otherwise, I'll text in the morning, when i wake up.
A little word change, to take the submissive angle out of the equation and reminds him, you are to be desired and not an afterthought.
Sorry, this guy didn't work out.

[kate33624]

I'm 33 and going thru the same experience right now with a guy I thought was great! He flipped out on me 2 days ago and said that he doesn't want a relationship. Deleted me on fb. Idk understand. I don't feel like I did anything wrong and he told me he loved me. Hurts. Sucks. I need answers from him as to why but I will probably never get it and I'm definitely not going to contact him and give him the benefit of knowing I'm miserable.

[MissBelle00]

He doesn't sound like the kind of person you would want to have kids with anyway.
More trouble than it's worth, in my opinion.

I'm sure you'll find someone who will be worthy of having a family with you!

Best of luck, and I hope you feel better.

[doggiedo]

Thanks. I'm just in a funk right now. I have to work for the next 3 weeks without a break or a day off- not looking forward to it but atleast it's a distraction.

I do miss him.

[kate33624]

I've been off of work for 2 days and I don't go back until Tuesday. Im looking forward to the distraction.
Hugs!

[MissBelle00]

Keep us updated.

We're always here to talk if you need.