Is it normal or not for a husband to treat their wives like this?

To be honest, it kinda irks me that you've gone on a public forum and slagged off your husband, especially about something as private as sex. I'm just trying not to judge, as we're only getting one side of the story - pity he can't defend himself.

Psych Central is supposed to be a place where we can vent about private stuff like awful sex. Few people in real life want to hear about this stuff and even fewer people can be trusted with this information. So, who do you talk to?

Why is it a pity that the husband "can't defend himself"? Is it because as a man you feel personally attacked by the OP's post? Just curious. I couldn't care less what my exes say about me in a public forum like this. They have the right to their own opinions, to vent, or whatever. They can tell bald-faced lies. I only care if they use my name or picture.

I guess so, and I guess I'm a hypocrite, because I've talked about exes, too, it's just the sexy time I've always seen as really private, but to each their own. And yea, I suppose psychologically, I do feel a bit attacked as a man; strange really, since it has jack crap to do with me. Haha. I get like that sometimes. Pretty firm in my ways, sorry, OP.

We men may look and act like insensitive gorillas at times but inside we are achingly weak, timid, insecure, ready for fight or flight, oppressed by responsibility, and need reassurance and understanding.

Shy, a lot of men are like your husband. They're very disinterested in us as people.

Thanks.

I am sorry to hear you were bullied and emotionally abused.

My Wife was bullied almost every day at school when she was a kid because she was advanced and a bit overweight and some of the other students in her old classes would go out of their way to pick on her and did horrible things to her. She hated going to school because of it and she told me she didn’t have many friends back then outside of church so spent a lot of time by herself. Hailey suffered from severe depression when she was a teenager and she felt like she didn’t belong so she started cutting herself and her parents made her go to a therapist. Talking to a therapist about her problems helped her because it made her feel more confident with herself and stop worrying about how other people saw her and she chose to focus on things she was good at like art and music instead. Most of Hailey’s life has been one big battle and she was raped and got pregnant when she was 19 and as horrible as that was for her she says her daughter (Courtney) was the best thing that happened to her.

Hailey likes to live in her own world now because she thinks the real world is a yucky place and I love being a part of that world with her and our daughters. Do you and your husband have kids? We have 2 daughters and my Wife is pregnant with her third child (our second.) Our children mean everything to us and we love both of them very much and are very protective of them too. My Father was never a good role model for me growing up but if there was one good thing I learned from him it was what not to be as a Father to my children and for every time he hit me and put me down for not being the ‘normal’ son he wanted it just made me stronger. In a way I am grateful to him and other people like him because they made me want to succeed so much more in life and prove them wrong which I did.

I like being different and Hailey is far from normal. She is very kooky and my Sister (Kathy) thinks she is a fruitcake at times but she says we are soul mates. Hailey and I met each other through my sister’s best friend who is also one of Hailey’s best friends and we started out as friends and then we got engaged three years later. We never technically dated each other because Hailey never liked the term, ‘dating’ but we went out together and with my step daughter a lot as friends and I got close to both of them and things progressed from there. I apparently made quite the impression on Courtney at the time because Hailey told me she was always asking her questions about me and asking when I was coming over again and I guess I fell in love with both of them and even though Courtney isn’t my biological daughter I still love her like she is my own and she calls me Daddy now which means a lot.

My first girlfriend/best friend was awesome but she passed away when she was 17 and that was one of the things that lead to me going through depression because after her I didn’t think anyone would accept me for having disabilities like she did but I was wrong. My Great Uncle passed away way back in 2000 and my Great Auntie in 2009 and I was upset at the time especially over my Great Auntie as she was like a Grandmother to me because both my Grandmothers passed away in the 80s but I am okay now.

why are you with him then, if he sucks in bed, and doesn't make you feel good about yourself? Sounds like your just wasting your time in a relationship where's there's absouetly no lust. There's a lot more to relationships than just loving each other, and putting up with each other. Find someone who still makes you feel sexy, even after putting on some weight, or feeling a bit down on yourself.

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I'm with him for lots of reasons. He does take care of me, and I know that he does love me even though he rarely says it. He shows his love through actions. Honestly, I don't even like sex that much. I'm almost asexual. It just has very little appeal to me. I like using a vibrator instead of having actual sex. It's so much better IMHO. I've kissed a few guys before and felt nothing. I had a loser ex before I got married and he didn't do much for me either.

Sex is not a big deal to me. It's demeaning and it's just an unpleasant chore to me. I have issues with my looks and my body too. I don't want to be alone. When you have issues like I do, your options are extremely limited. I'm content with him. That's the best that I can ever hope for.

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I'm with him for lots of reasons. He does take care of me, and I know that he does love me even though he rarely says it. He shows his love through actions. Honestly, I don't even like sex that much. I'm almost asexual. It just has very little appeal to me. I like using a vibrator instead of having actual sex. It's so much better IMHO. I've kissed a few guys before and felt nothing. I had a loser ex before I got married and he didn't do much for me either.

Sex is not a big deal to me. It's demeaning and it's just an unpleasant chore to me. I have issues with my looks and my body too. I don't want to be alone. When you have issues like I do, your options are extremely limited. I'm content with him. That's the best that I can ever hope for.

That’s alright. I am usually quite busy and don’t have much free time to go on the internet.

My Wife did go through a lot when she was younger and from what she has told me she was shy and quiet like you back then and some people used to take advantage of her but now she is anything but shy or quiet and she is very outspoken and doesn’t let anybody walk over her. She is into politics and wants to be Prime Minister one day because like me and many other people she believes the system in our country is broken and wants to not only change it but throw it completely out the window and start afresh and knowing my Wife she won’t give up until she succeeds and I think if there is anybody that is capable of turning Australia around it is her. One of Hailey’s Uncle’s is a former Environmental Minister and her Mum’s close friend is a former Premiere and she has learned a lot from them.

I was never exactly quiet or shy when I was younger and my sister often says I was a handful in those days because I was out of control and hyperactive and I think part of that was because my Dad didn’t want to waste any money on regularly taking me to a specialist and medication like Ritalin but Jackie (my first girlfriend) helped me focus and she is the reason I started writing songs. Even though I used to get in trouble I liked going to school because it was an escape from the hell my Father used to put me through and at school nobody knew I had disabilities apart from a couple of the teachers whom I think might have suspected it but I didn’t have to worry about being put down by anybody for having them whereas when I was home and my Father was drunk that was all he would ever do to me.

You are right. There are a lot of so called ‘Norms’ who tend to shun people with disabilities but none of my friends ever shunned me until after I told them I had disabilities and that was around the same time I lost Jackie so as you could imagine I was upset and pissed off back then but I don’t hold malice towards those types of people anymore because I come to find they are no different than my Father and are full of hate and aren’t worth wasting my time on. My Dad hated all types of different people including what he called black bastards, wogs, bible bashers, curry burners, ******s, spastics, hippies, yanks and he has outdated sexist views about women which is one of the main reasons my sister has a hatred of most men and hasn’t talked to him since she moved out and took me with her. I thought he might have changed because he stopped drinking but I found out earlier this year he hadn’t.

I think we are both better off without our families and I am happy to hear you got away from yours if that is what they were doing to you because nobody deserves that. Be proud of being kooky because it means you are interesting and if you take a good look at the history books most of the people that are remembered for years to come are far from being normal. I can see how children can be expensive for some couples but money isn't a problem for me.

I think that sometimes men struggle to find the right words to say especially when it comes to compliments and what you want to hear. I recommend the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman- highlighting the way that each individual expresses as well as receives love. There are different love languages like words, gifts, acts of service, physical touch and quality time. He may be trying to express love (for example) through acts of service but you want to receive love in words such as compliments, for example. I recommend reading the book with him or explaining it to him if you read it alone- it really does highlight many points that are so common in marriages and relationships.

You’re right Shy Introvert. We are getting a bit off topic here so I have sent you a private message.