He won't leave me alone

I talked earlier about how I was talking to another guy behind my husbands back a few weeks ago. I desperately needed advice, and I received it from ya'll in which I greatly appreciate. But new problems have surfaced, which of course is predicted to happen in these sorts of situations. I pretty much asked for this to happen by continuing it.

First problem is he will not take a hint and is persistent in persuading me. He says if I was to over stop talking to him he would come down here to try to persuade me face to face despite my wishes for him not too.

Second, when I do try to avoid him he calls here when my husband is home and messages me constant messages on MySpace. He doesn't get it....I have a husband.

Third, he's dramatic like a high school girl and drives me nuts.. I'm ready to stop this now. I've had a good talk with my husband and he's most definitely worth keeping around. I'm ready to stop this and keep my life good with my husband.

My question is what do I do, how do I tell this guy to stop this before we get anymore and depth and cause much more grief...my entire life here at home is on the line..

he's threatening me now...to blow my cover

Oh dear....So sorry you are going through this.

If you have told him to stop calling, messaging, emailing and he is not listening to you, then do the following.

As hard as it's going to be, IMO, you need to tell hubby what is going on. This guy is now stalking you. For your own safety, please tell your hubby then tell the police! Save every single message that he sends you to give to the police. If you can, make sure they are time stamped and if in email, that you choose to see all the "headers" and print them out along with the message. This gives them his address along with IP information for tracking purposes.

Please be careful....Good wishes sent your way!!

Hugsssss
J

call his mom. let her talk to him. most boys don't want mama involved but mama can usually get thru to them. tell him you are going to put a restraining order on him if this doesn't stop right this minute. if he doesn't stop follow thru with it. change your phone number and email addy today.

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sabau2 said:
As hard as it's going to be, IMO, you need to tell hubby what is going on.

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I agree!!! Tell him about it and enlist his help! I bet you'll end up closer because of it. (And if he learns more without your telling him, it's gonna be a big mess.)

Just my opinion.

Sidony

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desirae said:
First problem is he will not take a hint and is persistent in persuading me.

My question is what do I do, how do I tell this guy to stop this before we get anymore and depth and cause much more grief...my entire life here at home is on the line..

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I would suggest that you NOT hint around about it any more and that you come straight out and tell him to STOP!!!! -
and yes I agree it is time that the TRUTH of this matter come from your lips (and not his) - for while hubby might be angry and hurt... he will be more hurt if he has to find out from another (and) if it was just innocent chatting then you have nothing to loose if you speak up, but a lot to loose if you remain quite - Right?

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

I would tell your husband too. If he finds out some other way, he's going to be more hurt than if you tell him yourself. You could just be honest and say this was an old friend who doen't get the hint.

Delete this guy from Myspace. As long as he has a way to contact you, he's not going to stop. Granted he can still call, but internet is much more secret way of contact, so delete him. Tell him again that you're working on your marraige and he needs to leave you alone. And I would really tell your husband.....so that just in case this guy does try and blow your cover, your husband is already aware. Nothing happened aside from talking, right?

Hello Desiree.
I agree with the others above. Delete the person on myspace and change your phone number. Then go to the police with the fact you are being harassed, so they can help you if you need help. Take care I hope the best for you . Soidhonia

"Delete the person on myspace and change your phone number. Then go to the police with the fact you are being harassed, so they can help you if you need help. Take care I hope the best for you ."

Agreed, he went over the line.

Have no remorse for that animal.

You have to neutralize any of the things he can threaten you with. Either blow your cover "first" or call his bluff by ignoring him (feeling that if he blows your cover you will be okay). I would ignore him and/or go on the offensive and point out to him that his negative, excessively hurtful acts aren't exactly making you want to stay with him but showing him up for the cad/jerk/emotionally abusive person he is and think of some way to support yourself if he does blow your cover/hurt you or your loved ones.

If you don't feel you can tell your husband and the guy does blow your cover, then immediately apologize to your husband that he had to learn about it in such a hurtful way and that that is why you broke off relationships with the guy; you found/discovered he was exactly the way your husband will feel and you realize your husband is the more loving, stable, (add a zillion good/heavy adjectives :-) man for you. Imply that you broke off "long" before and tell your husband he's been harrassing and threatening you as a result and his words and actions are not to be counted on. Just make sure you thoroughly discredit the other guy's version and actions about things. Don't lie though :-) Just tell your story of what you "see" in your husband versus in the other guy and apologize well for any hurt you may have done your husband both literally and in getting mixed up with this guy who then has hurt your husband with what he has to say.

Someone who truly loves you would not hurt you or yours/would not "retaliate" no matter what you did/said! Your husband may/may not be able to forgive you and may/may not want to work things through. Good luck with whatever happens and I'm very glad you know this guy is not good for you and you don't want to go with him for sure now!

Thanks all for your replies. So far the cover is still sealed, but he called today while my husband was at work. I told him straight up that I was ending this and that there was not even a little bit of a possibility that we would ever be together again. I also mentioned the toll that our communicating has caused on my life here, and it does not phase him. He kept repeating, "I will have you", "I'm not going to go away that easily", "I won
t just give up that easily"...stuff like that. Kind of creepy really.

He then got crazy when I continued standing my ground and accused me of talking to other men....I was like I already have a man at home..isn't that enough!

Anyway, I didn't feel the need to explain myself to him and I didn't. I just pleaded for him to respect my decision and so far he refuses. I'm trying to keep this civilized..yet not nice. Maybe I can persuade him to move on. Maybe he'll meet a girl tonight..(crossing fingers).

Saddest part of this entire situation is I will miss him when he's gone, I find that pathetic.

No, we never did meet face to face. We have been initmate before because he's an ex from years ago. But recently no.

des hon get a restraining order against him today. change your email and phone number. close your myspace account. let the ones you want know where they can find you. you have to protect yourself and your family. this guy sounds dangerous to me. maybe it is time to let your husband know this man contacted you. you dont have to give him all the details. kind of candy coat it and tell him the guy has become obsessed with you and will not leave you alone. make your husband think everything this guy says is lies. spare his feelings and your marriage at all cost. good luck hon

I agree , you need to make your hubby aware of the problem so he can help you get rid of this person, he is cyber stacking you , don't allow him to do it IRL

{{{{{{{{Des}}}}}}}}}}} Since I weighed in on the issues when you first posted about it, I feel I need to weigh in here, too. You've gotten some pretty good advise. Listen and follow through.

First, tell hubby what is going on. Like someone said, you don't have to give hubby every detail. If this creep calls again when hubby is home, let hubby answer the phone (if you have caller ID). If not, pass the phone to hubby without saying a word to the creep.

Once before, I advised you to NOT tell hubby but he's come through for you in a positive way. Have faith in his love for you and let him be your ally.

Do like people have suggested and don't allow him to contact you through Myspace. You can have your phone # changed at no cost if you are being harrased.

Finally... and I hope I don't hurt your feelings, Hon, this isn't the first time you've been in a similar situation. If I were you, I'd look at my own behavior to see what it is I'm doing to cause these things to happen.

You're a beautiful woman and you're full of life. No doubt, that's one of the first things that men look at, but there's a look a woman gets about her when she's unapproachable "in that way." You may have to work on that.

On the same thread, I can relate to you and how you feel about this type of excitement. I often felt that way when I was married to my first husband. Maybe you can find something to do to spice up your married life... or... find a group of SAFE friends that will allow you to expend that extra youthful energy you have. You're entitled to your youth!

Take care of YOU.

you know tomi is right. when us old married women hear from a man that feeds us the way we need to be fed. meaning they say all the right things to win us over, we just melt. it screws with our heads and we believe the nonsense they tell us. it is only after they get us it changes. this man is a control freak and would hurt you badly in times to come. stay away from him hon.

des, i've had three stalkers. you deal with them the way you would a drug dealer, kidnapper, molester, etc. you deal with them through the POLICE>

you're letting this go on for far too long and i'm curious about that. kick his *** with a phone call to the cops or let it continue and end up in deep, deep trouble all around.

des, you asked us and we have given support and advice, Please for your safety and all of our sanity trust your hubby to help and call the police, this guy ain't playing a game

hey ive written you before im am sooooo glad youve figured it out. this next part is easy delete yourself off my space. if he continues to call your house go to the store and buy your husband a bat, tell him as much truth as you can invite the punk over and stand back and nature will take care of the rest he has earned it tell your husband dont hit him in the head or more then three times thats the law

Hi, Des....
I too have had a stalker. I dismissed it as harmless, though eventually I did seek the help of the local police. This fella wasn't even phased by that, and had told me things like '"You'll never get away from me!" He had assured me he wasn't violent, but he ended up breaking into my house with a gun and trying to shoot me. The gun jammed and that is the reason I'm alive today. Bottom line here is: you can't take this lightly. If he is ignoring your polite requests to stop contacting you, he is probably capable of anything. He has already threatened to tell your husband. I can see what a predicament you are in regarding telling your good husband, but what if this man calls him or shows up on your doorstep!? I think maybe the advice here is right: to call the police and also tell your husband what is going on!
Be safe!
Patty

Des , how are things going, are you safe?