Does he like me just for my body or more?

I have only this one really close guy friend in my university faculty and we basically have almost all of the same classes. I don't have any other friends that I talk to regularly and neither does he. I thought we were in a platonic friend relationship but now I'm not so sure.

A month ago, he hugged me. I've never been hugged by a guy before and he's not the type of guy to give out random hugs. Since then I've been confused about whether I just like him as a friend or more. I don't feel any butterflies unless he makes physical contact but I have no idea how he feels about me. We haven't talked about it either since then.

We talk almost every night for 2-3 hours via Facebook chat and there have been a few times when I called him because he requested a wake up call (also very new to me). We tease each other sometimes like poking or tickling and there have been a few times when he brushed the hair out of my face. Sometimes I catch him looking at me. But he has also talked to me about other girls (not for a few months now though) and by gut feeling, I don't get the vibe that he cares about me or likes me more than a friend. In fact there have been times when he said that he doesn't care about me,... jokingly?

Since finals are coming up, we decided to study together and for the sake of convenience, and curiosity on my part, we decided to study at his house. It was normal studying until after dinner when his dad left and then it was only the two of us in his room. I was stretching while standing and he suddenly hugs me from behind. It lasted for a few moments before he said "nvm, I don't know what I'm doing" and sat back down in his chair to browse through funny pictures.

I'm left standing there like an idiot with a thoroughly red face I'm sure and then we study for the next two hours. He mentions how hugging, kissing and even sex has lost meaning in the modern society. At one point when I lean closer to him to see the textbook, he leans in closer too as if to kiss me to which I respond with a "seriously?" look. He chuckles and backs off. After two hours I leave the room and come back to lie down on his bed because I'm tired.

He comes over me, hovering his body over mine and puts his arms on either side of me but I ignore him because I have no intention of going to second base with him. He then lies down next to me and I can feel his stare. I sit back up at which point he just hugs me again from behind and tries to indirectly seduce me, saying stuff about him being a virgin too and other personal things. I'll admit that his hugs feel really nice and I'm left with a fuzzy brain fog while he touches me while respecting my boundaries. He asks if he could touch my breasts and I say no. He says okay and drops the issue. We spend the next half hour cuddling/hugging which I really liked. To be honest, I don't even know if I like him or if I just like the physical contact with a guy since I've never experienced this before nor have I ever had a boyfriend. His smell is really attractive to me though. He drives me home after that (a thirty five minute drive) after I insist that I need to get home. He wanted me to stay longer and chat/play games with him. Does he actually like me or just my body since I'm a girl that close to him and wouldn't mind his touch?

Tldr version: I have a really close guy friend that tried to get to second base with me but respected my wishes and cuddled with me instead. Does he like me or just my body since I'm a closely accessible girl? Also, if I enjoyed his hugs, does that mean that I like him or just the contact?

Thanks for any advice! I'm just so confused right now and I have no idea how to face him tomorrow!! (though I still find myself wanting more of his hugs....)

Ask him ?

If he's a virgin, he won't go about everything the "right" way even if he has genuine interest in your mind as well as body. If you're genuinely interested, cut him some slack, although you might ask him about his interest to find out more before proceeding any further with this.

it sounds like there is more to this relationship than two mutual bodies finding each other. you have mutual interests (the classes you have taken together) and you have built an emotional bond with your long discussions over facebook each night. it sounds like you are both new to relationships and dont really know how to take it a step further. that is what this awkward evening was about. you will find your groove.

So are we just friends, or more than just friends now? I don't know if cuddling is still in friendship territory...
I'll ask him I suppose, but maybe indirectly because I don't want to disrupt the flow of this relationship.

I don't think he's thinking of cuddling as "friendship territory." Guys most often do not cuddle unless they are sexually attracted, or want a relationship. That's the problem with young relationships. Neither party knows how to act. It's like a blind person feeling around in the dark. If you ask him indirectly, there could be a misunderstanding. It's hard enough as it is to communicate with guys, because most of them think differently than we do. So if you ask him, ask directly. Don't send mixed messages either. He is likely just as confused and lost as you are.

It sounds like you both like each other for both reasons?
I'd follow Christina's advice and ask him.
And if you want* to be the only* girl, I'd ask him about that too.

Good for you for having boundaries that's awesome. (:

It sounds like you're saying that your feelings about him depend upon how he feels about you, and whether you're the only romantic interest of his. I can understand what you're saying perfectly.

However, perhaps a more important Q to ask is: How do YOU feel about your friend?

Your description of this relationship already sounds romantic to me. Cuddling is not friendship territory. If your intention is simply friendship, then you do need to work on building healthy boundaries. Boundaries are important to build and maintain our self-esteem.

Be honest with yourself first. Then, be honest with your friend. All of these laughs and teases can be fun, but you both ought to know where you stand with one another as well. Otherwise, it's way too confusing for both of you!

(((hugs)))

For one, he obviously likes you. For another, I would highly recommend not to pose any serious questions to him - at least not now. Teasingly/jokingly you may ask any questions you want to ask, but as in "let us have a sit down conversation" with an earnest look in your eyes - no.

You and this guy are having a complex and subtle relationship. This relationship can go in many different ways. You and he have settled into a complex way of relating that includes gentle teasing. This stage should be allowed to run its course, with all the evolution naturally progressing.

I think that you are very inexperienced if you are unsure that a guy who brushes your hair out of your face likes you. This may mean two things:

- plain lack of experience, which should also be allowed to run its course without intervention

- some deep seated insecurity seeping through your doubts, and if that is the case, interventions are needed.

What do you think is it - just lack of experience or are you unsure of yourself so much at some level that the self-doubt gets the better of you and makes you discount obvious signs of his attraction to you, such as your catching him looking at you?

When he talked to you about other girls, it might have meant one of several things that immediately jump to mind plus a myriad others:

1) He doubts himself. He might feel worried that he is falling for you, and he might have built an artificial boundary around himself and presented himself as interested in other girls so that you would not think he was interested in you by way of protecting his feelings from the possibility of being rejected by you (yes, you have the power to reject him, and yes, he might be worried that you would).

That he stopped talking about other girls several months ago is consistent with the hypothesis above - if he became more certain that he is attracted to you, he might have wanted that artificial barrier to disappear.

2) He is interested in several girls at once.
2a) ... and he wanted you to help him make his choice

3) He was testing your reaction

4) He was teasing you.

That he jokes, teases, and even says that he does not care about you jokigly is consistent with the hypothesis (4) above.

I am not willing to make bets, but if I absolutely had to, I would say that a combination of (1) and (4) were at play.

Good luck and keep us posted.

ie shezbut's, how do YOU feel about him? Take time to get to know each other. He may welcome your being honest and gentle with him. Not everybody is a player or wants to be.

Ok, thank you so much everyone!! I do understand the situation much better now. As for my feelings about him... He and I are both cynical people so I am doubting whether he would actually care about me. I have a sort of profile for the type of guy that I would like as a partner, however he only fits part-way. Nevertheless, I find myself liking him more than I would care to admit (and those hugs...) but I don't find myself wanting to be in contact with him all the time. I suppose that I just don't want to put myself out there since I don't feel like there's a likely percentage of him returning my light feelings (it's been a while since I last liked a guy too so I'm unsure about my feelings in general). I wouldn't mind just staying friends with him nor would I mind being in a relationship with him albeit I can't see a future with him. Perhaps that is the greatest reason off-putting any advances I would consider regardless of my feelings. I'm sure they can fade with time if necessary. In general, I guess I'm just unsure between balancing emotional and logical...

When the situation is appropriate, I'll try asking him casually ^^"

It is definitely lack of experience. I do have self-doubt but I don't think it is so imposing that I am ignoring signs. I suppose just the general vibe I get from him is much different than the other guys that have approached me with a clear intent of liking me. When he says stuff like how he doesn't care about me, I assume that he's joking, but really I can't tell if he's serious or not. To be honest, I always thought that him brushing hair out of my face was just a mild ocd trait of his and nothing more. Additionally, I thought his stares were just either out of boredom or him just being a pervert.

We look at what we like.

I did not even consider the possibility of OCD...

... without OCD as a hypothesis, the gesture with the hair is endearing and speaks louder than words. I do not think that talking to him would make any sense, because by asking him, you would learn what he chooses to tell you, and not his true feelings - people for a variety of reasons do not talk about their feelings when asked. So without the OCD I'd say just let it unfold because he obviously likes you and the gesture is his way of saying this without self-censorship. If you ask him, he might give you a self-censored response and then you would be more confused than you were before you asked.

But if he has OCD... well, let us see.. what other OCD behaviors did you notice? Did he wipe the kitchen counters that are clean?

In re: his possibly looking at you is boredom or his being perverted. I am not sure I can follow your train of thought.

If a young man is bored, he plays with this smart phone, but not gives his female friend long, pensive looks which he tries to hide. I keep reading about older people being pissed off at their children because the children (young people) cannot sit through a casual lunch without looking at their phones. We are told that the world is at risk of disconnect - what if 5 years from now people would only instant-message and never talk in person? And against this grim background we have the friend of yours who is actually for real looking at a live person who is his friend and not over Skype. I would say that it is a cause for celebration. I mean - you have a guy who looks at you, is interested in you, knows how to be facetious/cynical/joking etc., and is not glued to the screen As a conversation partner and not necessarily a bf, by modern standards the guy is literally worth his weight in gold.

About perversion I simply could not understand how that could be, or, what you define by perversion because different people use this word in vastly different ways. This word is also used in a purely pejorative way without any meaning. Given that this is such a nuance-laden term, could you clarify what YOU meant by it?

When I say mild ocd, I mean something like just seeing things out of order annoys him. I don't think he has serious ocd, but he has depression and anxiety like I do which is why we understand each other on many levels.

Your argument about boredom makes soo much sense! Haha, I do believe that he would play with his phone instead. Actually, once I caught him looking at and asked to which he replied that since we finished eating, he had nothing left to do except to watch me finish eat.

When I say pervert, I mean like when boys look at girls and are fantasizing about them in sexual ways like mentally undressing them, etc. I'm not sure about whether guys actually do that on a regular basis, but I'm under the impression that they do.

I suppose the main reason why I don't think he likes me is because of the way he acts around me feels completely platonic compared to guys that I know like me. From the guys that I know like me (via confession) they hide their barely restrained care while I get the impression that this guy doesn't care about me at all and is just friends because a)we're similar and b)I'm smarter so I can help him with school. He did mention his cynicism in which he believes people are all tools. Everything feels platonic until he hugs me which feels a lot different. And when he jokingly tried to kiss me. But then I wonder if he is just hugging me because he wants to get to second base with a girl.

I did consider him being untruthful with his words just like other guys hiding their feelings. In fact, sometimes I get the impression that he tells me things just to make sure that I don't think he likes me, such as saying he doesn't care about me and that I just look "okay". He almost avoids giving me compliments whereas the other guys complimented me whenever they could. The feeling and attitude I get from him is just much different than the guys that do like me. So unless he is a really good actor or really good at hiding his feelings (which I suppose is likely)....

I think he is hiding his feelings, does like you a lot, is a complex person, and there is also the undercurrent of your being smarter and helping him with school. You have a very complex relationship, with many interesting facets and several roles that you each play. Not every young gentleman would confess his love for a young lady who acts as his homework tutor. Some would and some would not. So that, too, is going on.

I think you are on the right track suspecting that he is saying exactly the opposite of truth in an attempt to hide his feelings. This is because when somebody does not care about you, they would not volunteer saying that - they would just not engage with you and pass by without as much as nodding their head. When a guy SAYS that he does not care about you, most likely the polar opposite is the truth. Imagine that he walks into a big auditorium full of students whom he knows just a bit but does not want to get to know better. Would he go from one student to the next proclaiming: "I do not care about you!" to each, until 15 minutes later he has made all the announcements and departed from the auditorium that by that time was full of very puzzled faces?

Mental undressing is something some guys do and others don't; neither case is a perversion.

Thank you so much! It really helped to clear things up!

"does he like me just for my body or more?"

You hang out together, you spend time on facebook together, you "get" each other, he touches you with affection and you enjoy it, you cuddle, you laugh.

I don't know, doesn't seem to anything going on (NOT!)

It seems to me that you like him as a friend, but when he touches you all logic goes out the window,yes?

Do you get "butterflies" around him? Do you feel threatened when he talks to other women? Do you look at his arms and wish they were around you?

If the answer is no, then find a guy (or girl) that does make you feel that

You'll never find that person if all you do is hang out exclusively with each other. You both need to meet other people.

If the idea of him being with someone else is unpleasant, then perhaps your feelings for him go deeper than you may like to admit.

As for him, guys don't hang out with girls they don't like. they don't look at girls they find unattractive and they certainly do not touch girls unless they want to.

He tests your boundaries because he wants more than your friendship and is wondering if you feel the same.

Trust me. I'm a guy . we are not that complicated.

If you don't see him as boyfriend material, then you need to tell him that. now. or risk losing his friendship. nobody likes to be strung along.

Yes, those are my exact thoughts. I suppose my question would be, would a guy do all this just in an attempt to get into my pants because he's sexually attracted to me? Or is he actually interested in me as a person?

I'm starting to think that I do like him, the more I think about it.... I don't get jealous but I do feel a bit insecure when I see him talking to other women, and most definitely I often wish that his arms would be around me

"or is he actually interested in me as a person"

I don't know. Do you consider yourself an interesting person to talk to? When you talk with him is it sometimes a deep conversation or is it always totally superficial?

The composition and quality of your posts suggests to me that you are no idiot.

How long have you two been talking? If it is more than a few weeks then i believe he really likes you. When he pushes the boundaries and you say "no" he stops. that to me is respect. While other guys are attempting to flatter you with complements, he shows restraint.

"would a guy do all this just in an attempt to get into my pants?" well, duh

Have you ever gone to see a chick flick at the cinema? Have you seen the guys that tag along just so they might get into their date's pants?

Kidding aside, i think you two have something special. Talk to him face to face and see where it goes.

These things are not a dichotomy. It happens, at times, that there is sexual interest only, but most of the time this is not the case. As you know, sexuality is part of being a person. An integral part. There is no dichotomy between his being sexually interested in you and being interested in you as a person, because just as his sexuality is part of his humanity, so is yours. The sooner you drop this "this OR that" confusion, the better for both you and him.

If you want his arms around you, put this arms around yourself. It does not require any verbal communication, and, in general, gestures that are well thought through are more effective than verbal communications. A communication that combines verbal and non-verbal signals would probably be the very best.

You can also wait for the next time when he does that thing with your hair - when he does, lock eyes with him, take his arms and put them around you. It would not be coming out of the blue this way, and it would be more mutual - he to you and you to him.

Personally, I don't consider myself an interesting person but that might possibly be just a part of my insecurities. We have had a number of deep conversations before though. We've been talking regularly for the past 8 months...

I suppose it is because of seeing movies and characters of that sort that made me think of this possibility at all, but I simply wasn't sure if those characters accurately portrayed real life (since female characters aren't necessarily true to life either).

Thank you very much! As you can probably tell, I'm extremely inexperienced in love/relationship matters; I actually thought it wouldn't be possible as long as I had depression. I won't see him for the next 2 weeks since I'm out of town but I'll be looking forward to when I go back

One cannot come up with your userid (Shriveled Muse) while not being an interesting person. Same for the avatar and for how well the avatar fits the userid.

to make sure I am not making it up (meaning - I thought your choice was very good, but perhaps it was not your unique choice, but some kind of a character - since I am out of the loop, never watch TV, etc., I could easily miss things that are common knowledge for others).

So I put "shriveled muse" as a query to Google.

You are UNIQUE. Unique and interesting.

Update! I finally got the chance to mention this to him last week. Apparently he didn't even think hugging and cuddling were pushing friendship boundaries. But we've concluded that we're just friends with hug benefits and that we're not looking for a relationship.

Thank you for all your advice everyone!

Happy you got that sorted out and kept the friendship.