I have a pregnant girlfriend but I'm in love with someone else

I've been with my current girlfriend for two years now and she is 7 months pregnant. We are expecting a baby girl. I'm 26 and she's 23 so we are both still young. I'm sure I'll get some negative replies to this post but I'm in serious need of advice, good or bad. I'm hoping i don't bore you with details but i would like to give you all an idea of my current situation. I’m not a very good writer so please bare with me.
I have been very good friends with her brother for the past 8 years so I'm very familiar with their family. They love me so when i started dating my current girlfriend they were more than thrilled. I had always been friends with her but never knew her on a personal level. Well we started dating and two months into the relationship she decides to leave me for her on again off again ex boyfriend. Four months later she leaves him and comes to me saying how much she regretted ever leaving me. I was skeptical at first but I ended up forgiving her and took her back. The first year of the relationship was great but I wasn't truly sure i was in love with her. I contemplated leaving her quite a few times but I ended up giving it some time and maybe it would get better. She ended up getting pregnant and I was worried because i wasn’t sure about our future. I figured our love would grow because we were having a child together. I was wrong. We hardly ever fight I just don’t feel a deep connection with her. It feels like we’re friends more than lovers. I’ve felt love before and this is not it. I’m in love with someone else…(I’ll refer to this person as “X” to keep things simple)
About three years ago I met X online and we really hit it off. We had a night out in the city and it was the strongest connection I’ve had with another person after just meeting. We had so much in common, great conversation, plenty of laughs. I found out that she had recently gotten out of a rocky relationship which is usually a red flag that I was going to be a rebound. She told me things like “I’ve never met anyone like you” “You’re the best guy I’ve ever been with” etc etc. She seemed so into me that i fell for her. But she still was not over her ex. She ended up getting back with him and got pregnant a few weeks later expecting a baby boy. Needless to say i was crushed. She thought a child would save her broken relationship. Of course she was wrong. We kept in contact with each other periodically but nothing serious. She was still unhappy with her boyfriend and always told me she wished we could be together but the situation was very complicated with a child involved.
A year later me and my current girlfriend got together. X and I lost contact with each other but every now and then we would talk to see how each other was doing. X had gotten engaged with her boyfriend shortly after the baby was born but no date has ever been set. Her baby boy is now 2 and my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant.
Two months ago X and I reconnected. X is 23. We talked on the phone all the time. Bringing back old feelings of us both wishing we were together. She wished she would have never left me 3 years ago. We both are having problems in our current relationships. I told my current girlfriend that i was working out of town when actually i spent the night out of town with X. I always wanted to leave my current girlfriend so i did because im in love with X. How can i stay with someone when i have such strong feeling for someone else? X claims to have the same feelings for me but she STILL is contemplating going back with her ex. This situation has been very stressful for both of us because there is so much in the way of us being together. She says shes in love with me. I have a strong feeling that she will go back to her fiance because its the easy way out and its her comfort zone. X and her fiance fight all the time and he is abusive. Even if me and X dont end up together i dont know if i should go back to my pregnant girlfriend or not. Should i try working things out with her for the babys sake? How can i be with her if i know im not in love with her? Should i continue to pursue X if she and i agree that we are each others true love? I know deep down that X wants to be with me but this situation is almost to much for us to handle. Me and my pregnant girlfriend have been broken up for two weeks and she is now living with her parents. I’m very sorry if my post is confusing but i would appreciate any kind of advice i can get.

I hope this helps. I want to draw your attention to something you wrote:

"She ended up getting pregnant"

If you re-wrote that to: "I ended up impregnating her" would that help shift your perspective to the idea that you are responsible for the outcome of your actions?

I get the impression that it is all about 'love' to you, and that sex is strongly tied up with love. But what I am really seeing in what you wrote is infatuation and lust. First for one young woman, then for another.

I'm going to be utterly practical here for a moment. If your baby mom has no means to support herself, I urge you to facilitate her getting the education or training she needs for your baby's sake so that she can create a healthy life for herself and the baby when you are out of the picture. Sit down with her and work out a plan to do this. Work out visitation for when the baby arrives.

In the meantime, then, think long and hard before becoming more deeply involved in a young woman's life who has a child and an abusive boyfriend, particularly when you are so ready to abandon the young woman you impregnated because you are no longer in love with her. I really do mean the best for you and your baby mom and the baby.

IceCreamKid said it all!!!

I would take a step back from X. Cut off communication for six months, learn to be a father, and see where that takes you. Stay single for six months. You can be there for the mother of your child without having to be in a relationship right now (assuming she is okay with that).

I agree that the situation with X sounds like too much to handle. There's also a big danger that you guys are just rebounding with each other, looking for an excuse to leave your current unhappy relationship.

Thank you both for replying.
I completely intend on being the best father I can be. I've already bought the mother a car and opened up an account for whatever needs she may have. Of course it pains me to know my daughter will grow up without a mom and dad who love each other. It was my actions that caused that and I know what is required of me. I already love my daughter so much and she isn't even born yet. She will bring me a lifetime of joy. The breakup between me and the mother was very civilized even though I know she is completly broken. I basically told her that I was not in love with her and that it was best for us to split up instead of raising our child in a home where the parents do not love each other. We still talk and plan the actions we need to take before and after the birth of our child.

As for X she does not intend for me to wait until she's ready to part with her fiance. We actually talked this morning and she told me she stayed at the fiances house for the night but all she could do was think of me. She says as much as she enjoyed seeing her son so happy with mommy and daddy she can't hide that fact that she doesn't love him anymore. She asked me this morning "how can I be with him if I'm in love with you" She is a very loving mother to her 2 year old son. She's very independent and has a great head on her shoulders. I'm sure she will need assistance of child support considering the father is not a very loving and caring one. I am completely prepared to take care of my daughter, the mother, X, and her son. It is a big burden I know but it's something that I would be more than happy to do.

I apologize if I did not explain my feelings for X adequately. I never was one to fall in love easily. As hard as this situation is, she makes it all worth it. Ive been with her to the city a few times now and when we're there it feels as if we're the only ones in sight. Everything else ceases to exist. Her laugh, eyes, smile, touch, kiss, everything about her gives me a feeling I've never felt. It's quite hard to put into words. We can converse for hours. She looks into my eyes and cries tears of joy because she cannot believe what is in front of her. There's no better feeling. It is not just physical attraction. Mad for a deep and genuine friendship I believe we've been just that for a long time now. She's there for me and I'm there for. I got the pleasure of meeting her family for a short time 3 years ago and they absolutely love me. Still to this day they ask about me. Her family cannot stand her fiance who is literally crazy and bipolar. My family also lived X the short time they were able to spend with her. Both of our families just want us to be happy. My family knows I am capable of being a great father to my daughter. Though I'm sure it pains them for her to have a broken home under the circumstances.

Is infatuation so taboo that it can only be considered an action that causes bad judgement? I agree that in some situations, that is the case. But, I also believe it can be followed by a deep love and connection and I hope to be infatuated by X all the days of my life. And vice versa. I was not infatuated with the mother of my child and yet I felt no love in the relationship. The timing is horrible I know. But I don't think moments like these should be brushed off as "puppy love". I hope I was able to shed a little more light on the situation. I look forward to a reply

How do you envision your upcoming role in the rearing of your daughter?

Well I work offshore and I'm home 4 months out of the year. (14days on 7days off) im hoping the 7 days I'm home I'll be able to have my daughter but I know while she's and infant that will be difficult because the mother is breast feeding. I'll most likely get her for the day 3-4 times when im home or spend the day where the mother of my child is staying, her parents house. I still have a relationship with her family so I don't think that would be a problem but I won't know until that time comes. I'll also be paying for everything considering the mother does not have a job. This is my first child so I'm still not sure what to expect. I absolutely want to be in my daughters life as much as possible but I know there will be a lot of obsticles.

I find myself wishing you had waited to say to your pregnant ex-girlfriend that you did not love her. It isn't good for an expectant mother to be stressed, they are finding that out more and more now, as the stress hormones are not good for the fetus. Also when a woman is pregnant she feels vulnerable enough already.

As far a the X girl with a child and on and off with an abusive father of her child, just know that once a child is in the picture, that abusive person is going to be connected to her and can put a strain on your relationship with her if you so decided to connect with her. AND, if your pregnant girlfriend ends up with someone you don't like, tough, your child will have to live with a man that is not her real father. Wait until the child is born and begins to be a little person, you say you love her already, well that can be a lot more when she is in your arms and calling you daddy and hugging you.

When one becomes a parent they can't just be thinking about themselves. A human child is a huge commitment.

What a mess. I do not know how you propose to continue on with this crazy making Ms X, that all by itself seems like an emotional roller coaster. Infatuation as you say, is by definition, temporary. But, leave that alone for a moment and think in real terms about how you intend to proceed.

I think your only option is to wait for her. Wait until she ditches the boyfriend, gets herself settled into some sort of life without him, as a single mother who works to support herself and her child. Like a grown up. She will also be juggling a baby daddy, so factor in you need to give him space to be a dad too, and his responsibilities to your lady-love.
Until she can put the boyfriend out and move on, how can you continue to confuse her situation/emotions? Give the girl a break dude! She may decide she wants to make a go of it with him. Do you love her enough to let her go if she does? I know you want her to choose you, give her the time she needs to make that choice.
You need to sacrifice contact and she needs to make a decision without your influence. Let her know that you will wait for her, then do it.

As to your baby mama, give her a break too. She needs to know you want to be as big a part of the baby's life as possible. Stop apologizing for the damage you have done, you can't fix it so do what you can to take care of her and the child. She deserves every bit of your respect as she wades into uncertain waters, being a single mom. She did not sign up for that when she fell in love with you.
You are on the right track, just stay on it, stop thinking about love or infatuation or whatever else keeps you distracted. Live with as much integrity as you can muster. Focus on that child. The love for this child will change everything in ways you can't know until it happens.

I really do wish you All the Best ...

The other thread was closed and I have no idea why. I still want to respond to your response to me.
Sorry, but ignorance=carelessness and getting pregnant.
And as far as sex without love in 2015, well that is just ego and arrogance on your part. I doubt the mother of your child would say she knew you didn't love her and had sex anyway.
Had you not lost your first love and at 26 were still together and in love, then Yep, now would have been the time to bring a child into the mix.

Good luck to you!

I'm not sure why it was closed.. Wish they would have closed this one instead, but anyway. Yes ignorance is carelessness and I can't Deny that. I can assure you me and her we're not in love when we had sex for the first time. Unfortunately that is the norm in most relationships today. Where I live, and I'm sure numerous other places, there are single mothers, children out of wedlock, broken family's. While I can't say I'm not proud to apart of that statistic but I can still say I will be there for my daughter and her mother.

As far as X, I will pursue that relationship. Whether it's infatuation or love (but apparently I have no idea what that is) If it doesn't work then I guess it's another life lesson. With the way I feel about her, To never try at all would be a failure in my book. And I've got plenty of them. I'm not perfect by a longshot. I'm sure you don't agree and I appriciate all the insight you have given

I think it was closed because this one is in the correct forum, the other was in New Member Intros.

I guess yes people do have sex with no love, casual sex or what not but there is no need to bring kids into the mix. It is rather easy nowadays to avoid having kids with people you don't love

. I am also rather surprised with your statement that
it is a norm in a relationship to have sex with no love. Why are you calling it relationship? Maybe friends with benefits casual hook up whatever but what kind of relationship is there with no love? And what for?

I understand sex with no love and had those experiences but heck why would You enter a relationship with someone You don't love?

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