[prinssa]

I have been dating my partner for a couple months. I just found out I am pregnant. I am having an abortion in 2 weeks. I do not know if I should tell him or not because he is pro life.

We discussed this topic before and he is still strongly against abortions as I am strongly pro choice. I don't know if telling him will only make it more stressing. I might need some help from him that's why I am tempted to tell him.

He is really mature and our relationship has been ok so far. But I don't know if he's better off not knowing. I will have the abortion regardless of what he says or does but I just need his help with the procedure. I don't feel comfortable telling someone else about this whole issue. What should I do?

[Crazy Hitch]

(((prinssa)))

I am unable to comment as to whether or not I personally believe you are making the right choice by having the abortion. So I will refrain from stating my opion.

However, I will acknowledge the difficulty of part of the situation that you are faced with -

To disclose?

Or not to disclose to your partner?

TO DISCLOSE OR NOT TO DISCLOSE

Like it or not, he did create this.

And is a part of this creation.

He will not support you on this if you disclose.

And if you don't disclose he will never know.

What he doesn't know won't hurt him emotionally.

But you will carry this until your dying day knowing that you hid a part of what he created.

I don't believe he will ever forgive you if you do disclose that you have had an abortion AFTER you have had one.



May you make the right decision.

[gayleggg]

If you are planning a long term relationship with this guy then you should be honest. Nothing kills relationships like dishonesty, of course, you are taking a chance on losing him if you go through with the procedure if he is really committed to prolife.

[healingme4me]

He has a right to know

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he has a right to know; it's his child too.

[Artchic528]

I personally would talk to him before getting an abortion. It's his baby too, and he has a right to make decisions for his/her health and future too.

[krisakira]

You've only been going out for two weeks. I would say to not tell him. It's really not worth him getting upset. It's your body, not his. It's your decision, not his.

[krisakira]

Whoops, I read that wrong. I read two weeks instead of two months. That's a little different. It's still your body and your choice though. You could tell him, and if he responds appropriately, then he's a keeper. If not, you know it will probably not work out. Let it be a test of your relationship perhaps.

[nicoleflynn]

Hate to be political here, but there are 2 bodies...the heartbeats at 25 days.

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Hate to be political here, but there are 2 bodies...the heartbeats at 25 days.

i think a lot of us are thinking the same as you nicole, but it is up to OP and we are merely here to offer support i do understand exactly where you are coming from though.

[TimTheEnchanter]

You seem to be quite grounded, so what is your reason? Too young? etc or just do not want to reproduce? I think that guy has some right to know but it is your body and your business. Long ago, I had a date who aborted and I knew and never forgave her, and finally we broke up (mainly my doing).

Originally Posted by prinssa

I have been dating my partner for a couple months. I just found out I am pregnant. I am having an abortion in 2 weeks. I do not know if I should tell him or not because he is pro life.

We discussed this topic before and he is still strongly against abortions as I am strongly pro choice. I don't know if telling him will only make it more stressing. I might need some help from him that's why I am tempted to tell him.

He is really mature and our relationship has been ok so far. But I don't know if he's better off not knowing. I will have the abortion regardless of what he says or does but I just need his help with the procedure. I don't feel comfortable telling someone else about this whole issue. What should I do?

[krisakira]

I don't think telling her that its two bodies is going to help. Already has her mind set. The question is whether or not she should tell her boyfriend. I think like I said earlier that it would be a good test of the relationship to see where you are and if you can overcome this together.

[Trippin2.0]

I wouldn't tell him, unless the outcome is, I carry the baby to term and you raise it autonomously.


Because exactly how else does that convo end up with us both winning???


My ex bf decided I was having an abortion, it was his idea and he was adamant about it.


Sounds like a prick move, and probably was, but it ended up being the best choice under the circumstances.


But guess,what? It was still me who dealt with it alone.


In hind sight, I would've been better off going through that in complete secrecy, as opposed to having him know and being completely unsupportive.

[brainhi]

I personally would not tell him. In my life experiences so far - it is really hard to know "who someone really is" after 2 months. There are enough unwanted children in this world.

On the other hand, you could inform him and try to be smart on both ends and give the child up for adoption???

I personally wished many many times that I was not born into the family I was born into. I know others do not feel that way.

Good luck with your decision - once you make that decision - do not torture yourself.

[toolman65]

"..... I will have the abortion regardless of what he says or does......"

In some U.S. states there have been cases where men have gotten court injunctions to prevent their partners from terminating the pregnancy.

Before you tell him,(if you tell him) make sure that there are no possible roadblocks to you getting an abortion.

[Yogurtz]

How is it helpful to the OP to be talking about "heartbeats" and other nonsensical and totally irrelevant information about fetuses? Ughh!

Women have every right to terminate a pregnancy; it is their body and their decision alone. OP, please don't listen to anyone (or anything) that tries to convince you otherwise

Honestly I think it will depend on if you feel you can live with hiding something like this from your BF indefinitely. If it was me, I would have to tell him, because I can't live with hiding information from my significant other; she is my bastion of support due to the fact that I don't have to hide anything from her.

On the other hand you could test your relationship and see if this is someone that is truly compatible with you by telling him; if he is unable or unwilling to respect the choice you make that you feel is best for you, it might be worth reconsidering him as a boyfriend.

[lucami]

How is it helpful to the OP to be talking about "heartbeats" and other nonsensical and totally irrelevant information about fetuses? Ughh!

well it's already a living thing, in 6th week fetus has already a brain, heart, etc.. so for many people abortion is just a killing..
anyway sorry but I don't like this talk 'my body my decision', it takes 2 people to get pregnant, and it's already something living, it's not about own body but the one inside.. eh. guy should know, better even the worst truth than a lie..

[prinssa]

This guy is someone who I honestly don't plan on committing too. I was just dating him and I don't see myself in a relationship with him any more.

He is a nice guy but we want different things in life right now which are topics we feel really strongly about. He's at the stage where he is ready to build a family and I am not. I think he deserves someone who will commit to him and his current goals.
I don't want to waste his time if I am not ready. I am still working on myself and having kids for me right now is not an option.
I feel bad that I will be doing this behind his back even though I am already ending the relationship. I just don't know if I tell him he would still be willing to support me. I feel it would be hard to convince him since I know he could never talk me into continuing the pregnancy.

[ChipperMonkey]

Since there is no future with this guy, terminate and do not tell him. You never know if he would be the type to try and get a court order in order to force you to carry the child to term. Simply telling him could result in your entire future changing....Worst case scenario, he takes you to court, you are forced to have this child, and he gets custody....but it doesn't end there because you'll likely think about this child every single day of your life, it will effect everything you do from this point forward. You'll have to explain to new partners that you got preggo and the guy forced you to have the baby, and that it has put an incredible emotional burden on you. Ok, so maybe you think all of this is a stretch, but if you're determined to terminate and see no future with this guy, there is no point in telling him you are pregnant.

[freaka]

i wouldn't tell. nothing is worse than having a pro-lifer harassing you to have a child you don't want; except maybe actually having the child.

[healingme4me]

The more I think of it...ChipperMonkey has a point. Then not only would you in a worst case scenario, find yourself legally obligated to carry to term, he gets custody And then you are obligated to pay child support. Then it'd be known by everyone.

To tell or not to tell was the question. ..

Big decision. Either way, it's not a simple matter...

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[Yoda]

I would not tell. Ever.

[prinssa]

I guess I will not say anything. It just feels unfair that now I have to deal with this myself when it was both of our faults for not being responsible. Now I have to take care of the procedure financially, miss work, and find a friend to drive me back because of the anesthesia. I wish he could just help me handle it and that will be the end of that. But it will be too risky to tell him. Oh well, you live and you learn.

[Yismymindblank12]

See in my case my ex aborted our daughter. She told me, I'm happy she did but rather it still kills me like it happened yesterday. 2 years ago, but two years of memories that I may or may had not enjoyed to see her grow up with an intolerant mother who would force her issues on my daughter. I will not say "our" in the sense how it should other than biologically. I'm saddened by the ordeal and even though I'm pro choice. Rather it be best you didn't tell him if he's unaware, but if it became known. Just prepare yourself to get through it together. It will be hard on both of you or maybe one of you idk the sitch.

My ex couldn't carry her to full term without being in danger of dying given her medical history. I am ok and comforted she is ok, but it was a sacrifice i felt was worthy. For the best of all of us...

Ik this sounds weird, but given to what I've read no just don't say anything about it ever. Unless it is crushing under your own weight and you need to let I out then, but otherwise don't mention it.

I just wish a lot of the days she be running around my house with my parents and we watch anime and Pokemon together.. She's been on my mind for awhile and we named her, "Melody"..

But anyways good luck

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by prinssa

I guess I will not say anything. It just feels unfair that now I have to deal with this myself when it was both of our faults for not being responsible. Now I have to take care of the procedure financially, miss work, and find a friend to drive me back because of the anesthesia. I wish he could just help me handle it and that will be the end of that. But it will be too risky to tell him. Oh well, you live and you learn.

I believe that's there is one expectation that needs to be let go of. This isn't some bonding experience where you are both remotely on the same page. I'm not certain discussion of fairness, comes close.

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