Dating and Abortion

If you were on the same page... It would be nice to have the support from him.. but you are not morally the same. It is smart to have a friend that loves you help you out. Yes, you may miss work have to depend on a friend but as you said you learned a very big lesson. Good luck to you in your future relationships.

If he is as morally opposed to the procedure as you say, don't say anything. Ever.

Apart from the potential legal aspect beforehand, there is another reason to never tell him.

Social Media.

" _________________________ killed our baby"

imagine that on the internet, forever.

Excellent point toolman!!!

I am a firm believer of family planning. i.e. discussing the idea of pregnancy and or possibility or termination. Having said that if you do not have this before hand, then you will suffer the consequences, and cannot blame anyone or say this is "unfair". If this was a fluke then I say there is nothing worse than an unwanted baby, yet another one on the planet. So, good luck....
P.S.
I never wanted kids either, I guess subconsciously knew that perhaps I am not the best father figure and/or I might pass on unwanted genes, but we are seldom dealt a hand that we plan, life is funny this way. Now I'm a father. My daughter's birth (I was 44) and the first 6 years were the best years of my life.

I have been distant with him for a couple days since I found out about the pregnancy. He is asking me if I am mad at him, if everything's ok and wants to know how I'm doing. Does he suspect I might be pregnant or am I paranoid? How do I play it off that nothing's up?
Also I have been pregnant before by a previous abusive boyfriend but I miscarried before the abortion appointment. This was very emotionally draining. I was depressed and had anxiety attacks because I was so scared of being pregnant and my ex was not helpful at all. I felt I was losing myself and control over managing life's curve balls so I began to control my dieting and exercise in a non healthy way. I went to counseling and I am still dealing with the effects of the relationship. I am worried this might be the same hurdle again. Another reason why I'd rather not tell him to prevent more trauma. This time I am not at all close to a nervous breakdown as my first pregnancy but I do feel really alone in this situation.

Don't say anything. Only if he mentions it or obvious recognition of it bring it up then. You either trust him or you don't on that second part. You could use that as a template to follow what you want him to earn your trust on. Part of me feels if he does he does and not he won't. Despite that being in the bind rather if you do want him to trust you. Don't mention the story about the miscarriage and the ex, but make it feel that you have to use your gut instinct whether or not this is healthy for your and that in order for you to trust him. He needs to first earn your trust on this issue that he is pro life on. That he needs to see past his own beliefs in order to move forward or at least any compromise. Rather id wait and just not bring it up to avoid drama and figure our what your next move is.

I'm just a kid on a forum take it for a grain of salt. I honestly don't know and I enjoy giving advice helping others when bored out of my mind.

Just remember, you don't have to go through with it.

Why is this your choice, out of curiosity?

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Why if he's so pro life did he even have sex with you when you aren't married in the first place.....

But that aside....I know that my mother had an abortion....back in the days when german measels were a cause for serious concern if it happened in the beginning of the pregnancy.....to her dying day....she regretted that she had the abortion.......you may not think that it stick's with you what you are doing.....but then why do so many have so many serious issues after having an abortion because they didn't bother to really think HOW it would affect them?

To expect someone to support you who doesn't agree with you is totally ridiculous also. You want your pro-choice he's doesn't....you have to deal with that choice you are making on your own. Nothing about pro-choice comes with a guarantee of support when the other person believes in pro-life....or at least adoption.....it is your choice not his & it is a choice that you will live with for the rest of your life & that's not just the choice NOT to tell him.

How many people have you actually talked to who HAVE HAD abortions to truly know how it effects most of them in the long run?

I know a couple of people who regret having had abortions. I also know someone who had one, and was glad she did.

I know people who had unplanned children and were happy for it. I also know people who had unplanned children who deeply resented and poorly parented those children, and at least one who privately admitted that if she could go back and do it over, she would have an abortion.

It's not a simple decision any way you look at it, and the fact that someone has misgivings or regrets about the abortion does not mean that they might not ultimately think that it was still the best choice for them. There are some situations in life where there really is no happy winning option.

please, let us allow OP to make her own decision. there's a fine line between kindly advice and being pushy. if OP wants an abortion this is her choice and none of us should be questioning that or trying to persuade her to keep it.

I know of two people that have had abortions. One I've lost contact through the years, she was 13, at the time. The other person, heartfelt told me that she had at 15. Do I believe she told me, with regret? No, but with remorse, as certain ages are indeed young and then there's parental influence.
And it's such a decision that if decided needs to happen quickly before the 12 weeks are up. The earliest I've known I was pregnant was 6 weeks, but my obgyn refuses absolute testing prior to 9 weeks, since that's the earliest time to be clinically certain. There's not much room to think on it, imo.
Still, the desire to be honest seems to have driven the OP's latest post...
Not an easy decision, whatsoever...

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I'm not seeing the fine line. What I do see, is that if one wants to keep a secret hidden, it's very important to have one with resolve and to own their truth...

Almost seems agreed upon that secrecy is the better means, yet, if any ounce of remorse or regret...that secret could seep out in any given moment

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^ i was talking about various people/someone telling the OP about fetus heartbeats.

^^Thought that was already handled

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Want to say I know of a third one....man oh man, didn't that one travel the grapevine. He's now local, she's far accross the country...and the grapevine was humongous...

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This is a very sensitive topic for most. I understand your fear of sharing with him what it is you are dealing with and it is truly a decision you have to make.

Perhaps this is a test of your relationship - In more ways than the obvious. It may be a test as to how you view this man and of your vantage point on your future together.

If you believe in a full disclosure relationship then you must tell him about this situation. You two then can discuss the options you have and make a decision together while trusting that you both have each other's best interest at heart. From here you both can grow and see the mutual respect blossom.

That is an ideal situation. The actual situation has a lot of moving parts meaning a few variables here. You could tell him and he could turn on you out of fear, out of his political beliefs or any number of things he drums up.

You could also avoid telling him and have to live with the fact that you kept something rather larger from him in hopes of moving forward with him.

The real truth here is that it is not all black and white and there isn't a set right or wrong answer.

I can tell you what I would do but that won't be helpful to you because you are seeking support not a boss. So, I will say this: I am here for you. I mean here to listen and provide support not judgment.

I feel for you because this isn't an easy situation and not one you would choose for yourself. I am glad you are searching for answers and seeking support instead of letting this difficult situation consume you. That shows strength and bravery.

Post often and know you have some friends in your corner.

I think if you care about the man at all, you should tell him now. It would be deceitful to keep something that heavy a secret from him. I agree that he will be hurt and that you may also lose him. If you continue your relationship after concealing it, it would be a relationship built on a huge lie and it will certainly haunt you forever.

This is between both of you. Tell him. Hopefully, care and understanding and 2 people working together will come to the right solution. Good luck!

oh okay. i didn't see. i must get better at keeping up with threads.

I had an abortion and I have never regretted it.

I don't want to detour this thread with the situation I was in when I made that choice but for me at that time in my life it was the right thing to do.

It all depends how you feel about HIM being the father of your child.

In an ideal world, this wouldn't be an issue. However, this ISN'T an ideal world, and you are already thinking of having the abortion anyways, the only thing that is stopping you is disclosing it to him that you want to get one and see what he says or hide it from him.

My question here is, how do you feel about him? Are you ready to have a child? Do you think he'll approve? Do you expect that he'll oppose and you'll end up with an unwanted pregnancy? There's a lot of questions I could ask but the main one is: do you feel an abortion is right for you as a person going through it and do you care enough about your bf to let him be part of the decision making?

Whether to have an abortion or keep the pregnancy is not the question. I already made up my mind on that. That's nothing to be changed or even discussed.
I just wanted to know if it was best to let him know what I was doing even though he might be against it. The only reason I feel bad about hiding the pregnancy from him is because he has been a good person to me and I do feel bad about doing something behind his back without at least letting him know what's going on. I feel like if I have to be fair and let him know but then again I'm going to do something he's against so what's the point? I do not plan on being in a relationship with him any more so now I don't even see the point of telling him. I just hope the secret doesn't eat me up or something. He won't be happy about the abortion so why bother getting him upset.

You can always tell him any time if you are not going to continue with the relationship. Seems you don't care for him anymore so might as well tell him any time you feel like he has a right to know.

I certainly witnessed a ton of discussion about what to do about telling, about how regret and solid conviction can help along in deciding to tell or not factor.

Hope all works out for the best. Will be curious to hear about the final decision[about telling him or not ] and how that turns out.

Keep us posted.

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So, the way I see it, and correct me if I am wrong about this, is that you are distancing yourself from him because you can't face him anymore due to the guilt you feel. Why break his heart like this seemingly out of the blue? Just tell him and if he is a keeper he will understand.

If I understood correctly, you pretty much know that you are not interested in a relationship with him - with or without being pregnant.

Of course you feel bad about the situation - if you did not - that would be cause for concern.

Whatever your decision - do not torture yourself. Only you have control over that.

Friends I know that had an abortion felt relief - that does not mean it was not sad or they do not have a heart. It was honest.

PS: It is the responsibility of you BOTH to be careful having sex...especially if HE considers himself pro-life!