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#26
Jun 14, 2015, 08:53 AM
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Quote:
The bottom line is he didn't want to be friends. It doesn't matter why. You asked for a reason and he gave you some. Who knows if it is true reason or not. He had to say something. I don't know why it matters. What's in his head isn't important. I don't think he has wrong views on friendship. He was encouraging and motivating so he is probably a good friend. Just didn't want to be friends with you. It sucks but why is it matter what reasons he gives and what he thinks of friendship ? Now you feel sorry for him. All of this takes focus of yourself. What's important how you can improve your own life. How to be happier and more fulfilled. .My t says not to waste time analyzing why others do what they do, but focus on myself. Good point I think. I do hope you find sliding scale therapy Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
 scorpiosis37
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#27
Jun 14, 2015, 03:22 PM
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It mattered to me because G-d wanted it to matter to me. He wouldn't have put this person in my life if there wasn't something to learn from it. I agree it doesn't matter what excuse this guy gave me or whether it's even the truth or not. What DOES matter are the lessons I learned from it. The mistakes I know I made that I know not to make again. I am focusing on myself. This IS all about ME. The fact that I now feel sorry for him just shows I've come out the other end and know that I don't want that kind of person in my life.
Believe me when I say I KNOW what I'm doing and my thinking process this past week HAS been for me and has helped me. We all have to process things in our own way and in our own time. You don't need to worry about me. I'm perfectly fine now. |
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#28
Jun 14, 2015, 09:05 PM
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I think it's great that you have learned more about yourself from this experience! That's a really great way to look at things.
I don't understand why you feel sorry for this man, though. Feeling sorry for someone is kind of insulting and condescending; it is a way of cutting that person down and saying there is something wrong with them.If he feels good about himself-- and he simply didn't want to be friends-- why does that mean there is something wrong with him? Why do you have to feel sorry for him? Just because YOU don't agree with his criteria for friendship doesn't make him wrong; he may simply need different things than you do or hold different values than you. Can't you just accept that he didn't want the friendship, and that his reasons worked well for him? |
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#29
Jun 16, 2015, 07:39 AM
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I've accepted it and I'm fine now. Looking back, I'm not sure why I even wanted to be friends with him. Aside from what was talked about in this post, I now realize he's a very judgmental person, as are some of the other people in that group I thought were friends. He made a lot of assumptions about me that weren't true and he couldn't accept me for who I was. Those are the reasons I feel sorry for him. I don't see it as insulting. His friends know this about him as well and they also feel sorry for him and are concerned about him. I know a lot more about the situation and this person than you do. I know what I'm talking about. There's a lot more to this person and what the situation was than the single excuse he gave me. It's not black and white.
Last edited by rr13; Jun 16, 2015 at 07:51 AM. |
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#30
Jun 16, 2015, 08:00 AM
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you seem to be insightful as to the situation, you're doing good if you don't want to see this guy anymore, the worst is over with and now you know.good luck
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#31
Jun 16, 2015, 09:25 AM
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Good job. It is same with dating , after time passes sometimes you think heck what did I like about him????
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#32
Jun 23, 2015, 08:03 AM
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Yup! It's like a huge lightbulb just went off. I've now realized that with all the people from that group I've hung out with for 10 years. None of them are real friends so I'm going to start distancing myself from all of them. I now see they all only liked me as long as I was behaving exactly like they wanted. Last week I reconnected with two other friends who are true friends that I hadn't seen in a long time and am going to try and meet some new single friends just to have people to see movies with now and then, since my other friends are all married.
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 avlady
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#33
Jun 23, 2015, 08:26 AM
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i hope you keep up your good friendships
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#34
Jun 23, 2015, 08:57 AM
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Awesome. Happy to hear it and keep us updated! I found surprising number of dovirced, single or widowed ladies of my age on meetup, i always thought everyone but me us married , nope, even the married ones but with grown kids like girl time anyways. I have two get togethers this week with two different groups. Good luck!!!!'
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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