[tiodlliwi]

Hi all-

Quick question- my dh is taking on a one-weekend side project in order to make a purchase for himself that he has been wanting. It's a significant amount of money and I'm jealous! We are also trying to save for a trip, but he wants to do this as something just for himself. His side is that it is ok to sometimes be selfish and buy something just for yourself. And also that every single one of his bonuses go towards bills and savings. I'm not going to tell him he needs to share some it but I can't help but feel like he is being selfish. If I had extra money, I feel that I would want it to go towards something for US. When I said that, he said, maybe it would be good for me to do something purely for MYSELF for once rather than US. Am I being unreasonable?

[lenjan]

I think it's just like letting a kid do what they want with their allowance, even if you don't think it's the best idea. He's doing the work and earning the money and personally, when I have had joint accounts, I have always gotten annoyed that everything had to go to the joint account. I don't think your husband's being selfish at all -- I think it's a normal thing to do, especially if you wouldn't approve of the purchase out of joint funds. and yes, definitely do something for yourself!

[seeker1950]

When married, we both had separate accounts. I agree that you should do something for yourself!
Patty

[sidony]

Well I'm not married so maybe I shouldn't weigh in.... But I will anyway. My eventual hope is that if I'm married, we would have one joint account and 2 individual accounts. Maybe each of us contribute part of our incomes to the joint account and pay bills out of that one. Then use the individual accounts for our own thing. Everybody needs to buy their own stuff once in a while. Do something for yourself!!!! Set aside individual money that you each have to use however you want!

That's just my 2 cents.

Sidony

[sabby]

We women, have engraved into our being that whatever we have we share. We don't think about ourselves, we take care of our families and we share.

Men on the other hand, don't have as difficult a time with the idea of doing only for themselves. (IMO)

I see nothing wrong with your hubby treating himself to something he wants, since he is putting in the time and effort to the job. And I would definitely take his suggestion for you to work towards something strictly for you! He's right, you should treat yourself.....leave that old feeling of having to share at home and hit the stores!

Hugssssss
J

[Direction]

I think sidony has what I plan on doing if I ever remarry...

I think it can go either way men or women not spending on themselves. You do need to treat yourself once in awhile. I never did until I was divorced. It feels good to be able to spend some of the money I earn the way I want to...

[tiodlliwi]

Can't thank you all enough for your responses! It really helps to get an outsiders perspective sometimes. We do have a joint account, a savings account, and then each have our own "fun" money for the week so I feel like we have a pretty good system. This is just something above and beyond all of that, so it was a new thing for me to wrap my head around. And you're right, I think a lot of women think in terms of using "fun" money for house stuff or other things that aren't truly for them alone- I'm going to make a point to try to do more for myself with my "fun" money!

[Perna]

I use to "trade" some of the things that were out of my account to get more money for something else. I buy a lot of books and use to not buy books so I could use "that" money for something bigger (a computer or college course or something like that). Maybe if you think of something you'd like for you and a way to get it just "rearranging" the money a little bit (remember when women had "egg" money :-) it will help you get into the spirit of it being okay to want things that you want just because you want them! You're special and sounds like your husband knows that and that he's special too. I bet if you thought of something you wanted just for you, it would please him. . . :-)

remember, you can sell used books on Amazon and make some extra dough!!!!!!!

[sabby]

I hope you can find something really cool that you want to do with your "fun" money! Enjoy yourself and best of all, enjoy the smile on your hubby's face when he gets what he truly wants too!

Hugssss
J