[curlyone]

I am involved with a married man in a self distructive relationship.He will never marry me,says he loves his wife.INone of the needs that are normally met in a relationship are are being met and I am isolated ,depressed and extremely lonely. I know that this is not good and I should break it of .
In the past I have been able to shake of feelings of depression but this time it is tough and is actually getting worse.I don't sleep,don't eat have no support network or anyone to turn to.HELP

he's in a self-destructive mode? or you are? or you both are?

affairs with married people rarely ever turn out positive. i'd advise you to find a therapist and book a few appointments and talk it out IRL........good luck, pat

[drunksunflower]

Well he's being straight up with you that he won't leave his wife.

IMO you are both in a position to make an informed decision.

I once started seeing someone who I did not know had a gf (we lived in diff cities). At least you know where you stand...

[curlyone]

By self destructive I meant that this man does not meet my emotional needs,I am tearing myself up over this yet I have stayed involved..He will never marry me,yet I am expected to stay alone by myself while he goes home and lies to his wife,lay up with her carrying on a degree of normal.
Self destructive is the anger I feel from being lied to and used,self destructive is my passive acceptance of the anger and the lies when I know it is eating me up inside.I know where he lives and know how to call his wife and am soo tempted to call and bring this fake world of his to light.
Self destructive is putting up awith and tolerating being treated like a second class citizen-Never in my life have I settled for second best or begged for a man to love and care for me,yet I do It now.Maybe a lack of self respect and self esteem.I am a reasonably attractive woman for my age-46,and there is no reason why I cant find a man that will treat me right and will commit.I want to be married and know that this relationship now will never give it to me.

[drunksunflower]

IMO you have the power to make that choice - you are obviously aware you deserve much, much better.

Personally, I couldn't stand sleeping with a man who I knew was sharing a bed with someone else _no matter how insecure I was feeling_, but that's just me.

Good luck.

[curlyone]

Trust me,I don't like him laying up with his wife....or any other woman.All told it disgusts me.I am damn angry at myself for getting in to this ,and for letting this man hurt me and break my heart.Is there a man out there that is capable of the truth?Step forward,please,I would like to hear your two cents...
.

[SeptemberMorn]

I understood what you said and what you mean. You're definitely in "self-destruct mode" and you know it. What are you afraid of if you kick this man out of your life?

Some elements of what you may be afraid of already exist. He doesn't care for you the way you want to be cared for. You won't be missing that.

You are "settling for second best" which hurts you. Why not be "not at all"? You'd be happier with yourself.

Come out of the shadows, Hon. Make your own light! You can do it! It's really tough, but it is NOT impossible. We're here to help you through.

[drunksunflower]

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pearlywunz said:
Trust me,I don't like him laying up with his wife....or any other woman.All told it disgusts me.I am damn angry at myself for getting in to this ,and for letting this man hurt me and break my heart.Is there a man out there that is capable of the truth?Step forward,please,I would like to hear your two cents...
.

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Well there are two parts to this IMO:

a) You can't control who you're attracted to

b) You can control who you _ _ _ _.

And IMO? There are very few men who will not stray even just a little - esp with the dominence of the internet.

There are a LOT of men who will remain faithful physically and mostly mentally to their women.

There are a few who will not be faithful in either way, except maybe materially (e.g. they won't leave their wife because it is too difficult financially, don't wanna lose / split assets / etc).

Me, I don't like to share, and I've been burnt once, I swore never ever ever again.

I wish you all the best, but don't forget that it takes two to tango and he is clearly messing with your head.

[nothemama8]

you are worth more than sloppy seconds hun, drop him, if he cheats on his wife he'll cheat on you, also get a blood test done ASAP

[drunksunflower]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
nothemama8 said:
you are worth more than sloppy seconds hun,

if he cheats on his wife he'll cheat on you

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Please listen to this wise lady.

Leopards don't change their spots :>

[fatdaddy40]

Get out of it now !!

[curlyone]

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SeptemberMorn said:
I understood what you said and what you mean. You're definitely in "self-destruct mode" and you know it. What are you afraid of if you kick this man out of your life?


I know I need to say goodbye to this man but want him to be a man look me in the eye and tell me he doesnt want me,or If he does what for .I want him to have to look me in the eye when I tell him goodbye and why,the pain he has caused me.To let him just walk away without ever seeing me would be to let him off easy and I am not going to do that.Not after what he has put me through.He has hurt me deeply and I want him AND HIS WIFE to feel pain,too.He will not walk away from this unscathed.
You do not display such little consideration for someone who cared for you and get away with it.His selfishness is going to cost him dearly.I will see to It........

[mollydaisy]

It sounds to me like you know what you need to do. You are in an unhealthy relationship and are obviously hurting from it. I pray you can find the strength to leave.

[BlueFaith]

I agree that you should get out of this relationship ASAP. But I don't understand why you'd want his wife to feel pain. After all, she is the one being cheated on.

[Wants2Fly]

If you end it, the unhappiness will go on for a finite period of time, and eventually you will get over missing him and maybe even meet someone new.

If you continue, you will continue to be unhappy with the relationship, so the pain will go on and on without an end in sight. IMHO.

[nothemama8]

it is not your place to punish his wife, he has done that by cheating on her, you need to be compassionate towards her and possibly give support too her, after all it is her husband she married him, not trying to be unkind but he is to blame not her
talk to him get it over with then move on to better things

[GYPSYEYES]

Just a question if i may.

Did you knowingly get involved with a married man or did hide that fact until after you got intimate?

i understand your struggling right now just curious is to how it started.

[mollydaisy]

True, it's not the wife's fault her husband is a jerk and being unfaithful to her. Are there kids involved on either side?

[zapot7]

You know that leaving him is the best thing for you, and you won't do it. You want to hurt his wife because.. her husband has hurt you?

Please seek counselling.

[drunksunflower]

Okay my sympathy ends here.


ugggh. *leaves thread*

i see nothing positive, for YOU, coming out of your hurting his wife.

i do see that you better get tested for every sexually transmitted disease known to us and you should do it ASAP..........please remember this:

you're having sex with everyone that he's had sex with......end of story......period.........everywhere he's ever put it, involves you now..................

[seeker1950]

Your personal POWER will be shown in ending it..PERIOD!!
You don't need to involve the wife at all. This man needs the lesson you will provide by showing your self-worth and stopping it abruptly and without further contact. He hasn't shown you the consideration or caring you deserve, and by stopping all contact, he will be left to examine his own behavior.
No need to make him suffer further...He will suffer, but because he's a cad! His wife will eventually find out who she's married to without your help!
Patty

I KNOW YOU CANT HELP WHO YOU FALL FOR, I'M SORRY YOU HAVE BEEN HURT. I HAVE BEEN THE WIFE OF A STRAYING HUSBAND, HE TOLD ME IN THE END, PLEASE DO NOT HURT HIS WIFE SHE DOES NOT DESERVE IT, SHE WILL FIND OUT IN THE END WITHOUT YOU TELLING HER, THAT IS SELFISH. I FEEL SORRY ENOUGH FOR HER AS IT IS WITHOUT THIS COMING FROM YOU, YOU ARE ANGRY - UNDERSTANDABLE, BUT YOU KNEW HE WAS MARRIED - GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP IF IT TAKES ALL YOUR WILLPOWER FOR YOUR OWN SANITY AND SELF-ESTEEM. HE IS NOT WORTH IT.HE SOUNDSLIKE THE WORLDS WORSE TO ME.
PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT PUNISH HIS WIFE BY RANDOMLY TELLING HER WHAT HE HAS BEEN UP TO. I HOPE IF YOU EVER MARRY YOU WILL NOT HAVE THIS DONE TO YOU.

JINNY

[drunksunflower]

i know that must have been hard for you to post JA and seeker and fayerody are bang on.

Hurting innocent parties is NOT cool.

[darkeyes]

I agree, why would one want to hurt the wife of a cheating hubby? Hell, she's hurting enough or will be when she has her world devastated knowing about this cheap affair.
I can't be sympathetic, I've been hurt like that, hubby's slutty former co-worker, who also was married and had kids of her own, she even had an affair with her husband's twin brother, too.
Sure we worked on things and put the pieces back, and we are happy now. But definately triggered me into a meltdown, so unfair to do that to another person.
No man or woman in the world is worth ruining your life with.
Drop him and move on, leave his wife alone, he's the creep, and you can bet he'd eventualy be sneaking behind your back with someone else, that's if he isn't already.
Don't waste your life with this S.O.B.
Take care now