Has anyone felt frustration with making friends?

I became somewhat isolated for some time after I lost a few good friends and got into other things to occupy my time. I read and got pets and kept busy. I had tried to make new friends many times but things just did not work out and I can't see that I did anything wrong then. Maybe I just did not meet the right people. It seems it's not as easy to make friends any more and I have given up on it at times. Now I am feeling frustrated and sometimes down right annoyed about it. Maybe I even give the impression that I am feeling that way and it may send people away. Any ideas on it? cq

hi curlyq,

i read your other post to docjohn, too. i'm sorry i haven't responded before now, but i tend to not come into this topic. i guess it's because relationships for me are scary and i try not to think of them.

i have a couple questions for you. how did you lose "a few good friends?" if i may ask... what kinds of things did you do to make friends?

i think you're on the right track to figuring this out. you seem to have done a lot of self-inquiry already. that's good! many people don't want to make the effort to comtemplate their situations.

i agree with you: it doesn't seem as easy these days to make friends. i haven't really thought of it much myself. (i usually do my contemplation and write it down long-hand. believe it or not, i can't think and type! crazy, huh?) to me, feeling frustrated and annoyed about something is good, because it means you're actively seeking change to improve the quality of your life (as you see it).

how do you think you give the impression that you're annoyed or frustrated by your current situation?

this is a great topic you've brought up, and i'm sure you are not alone in your feelings. i've given up on actively seeking relationships, and you know what? the relationships i do have are better (because my depression is lifting) and i'm more willing to engage people i hardly know.

take care,

splash

Splash, thanks for replying. My close male friends died (4 of them! I always had older friends.) and then my female friends all got very involved with men and set me aside. We talk on occasion but it's not the same any more. I guess I think I give the annoyed impression because the people I've sought friendships with have not reciprocated. I felt rejected. I guess those other folks have their friends already and come to think of it they really aren't my type. Maybe it's a good thing then that they did not reciprocate. So, I guess I should just move on to find people more compatible. I wasn't even trying to make any friends for a good long time. I also have OCD and hope to find those who understand. That's not always easy either. I'm disheartened but haven't given up...yet. Thanks so much for all you said. You've been very helpful. I feel like I just had therapy and that's a compliment!

I tried to make friends where I live-the apartment building. Just by talking, being friendly and saying hello, and trying to do nice things for others. They didn't seem to care. One person did but I'm afraid he has a girlfriend and I don't want to turn into the other woman. He says they are friends but I heard different.

"Things work out best for the people
Who make the best out of the way things work out."
--- Author Unknown ---

I think that everyone goes through ups and downs with the friends they have in their life. I know, for instance, that in graduate school, I had the best friends I've ever had in my entire life, before or since then. I believe that making friends is very much dependent on the situation you're in... work friends don't always translate well into social friends. Social friends are hard to make in a vacuum. A lot of people make friends via school (college, night classes, whatever) or similar interests (hobby classes, yoga, exercise, gym, etc.).

They are all possibilities to try, but I wouldn't pressure yourself too much. Good friends often come naturally into our lives, when we least expect them. Don't be so hard on yourself and be patient... and remember, good friends can also be had online (I've made a few over the years this way).

John

I appreciate your reply. Friends do usually come naturally but I don't get out enough to make them. I will some day. For now, I have made a wonderful bird friend and other pets at home. They are nice companions, too.

I had friends earlier in life and now it's a bit different and a bit difficult since I have OCD. I guess I think I haven't made friends over the past years because of it, too. I see myself as on the weird side in that regard. Perhaps I'm wrong, though. I have one friend yet from many years ago but we only talk on the phone. She's always busy with her guy.

I'll keep trying. Online is good to make friends, too. I write to a very nice person in Europe.

Thanks again.

Success is the best revenge.

I have a real hard time making friends, I can't talk fast enough to keep up with own thoughts, so I stand there with a blank look on my face........And try to look as interested as I can, even though I'm not, becuase I always have something else on my mind......I'ts hard being around normal people, because I feel so criminal, even though I don't break the law anymore, or try not to anyway, just don't leave your purse or billfold laying around.....So I, as well, hide out, and avoid as many people as possible, I don't want to get drawn into a commitment, I can't fullfil.....

Hello Eroswings,
I'm sorry to hear you have difficulty making friends, too. Have you tried running a personal ad on AOL or Yahoo? We all need a friend or two in this world. Maybe if you don't label yourself "criminal" you won't feel it as much and with time you may see yourself like everyone else. We all make mistakes in life. If my purse was near you, unfortunately, you would not find money in it. Because I have none. You're not the only one who has taken things not yours during life. But I see you as honest and even joking around about it. Some cannot say what they've done.

As for not being interesting in what others are saying. That can happen with anyone. Then when you have a lot on your mind it's even harder to listen because maybe your anxious about things.

Well, I wish you much luck and you are no less than anyone else and just as good as in God's eyes. I'm not real religious but thinking that has helped me at times. Peace to you.

Success is the best revenge.

Hi curlyq, I wasn't trying to ignore you, I just have a hard time relating to people, and many times don't know what words to use.....Without over-stepping my boundries, and I don't want to seem that I offend peoples rights.....I thought about placing a add, I don't know why, I guess because you said so....Folks don't have to worry about me robbing them, I learned my lesson, and I've been very good, and haven't been in jail in years......There are no Ladies in jail, if you catch my drift wink wink....But don't let my wife know, she might want to blacken my winking eye, sorry I don't have a picture of myself......I'm fortytwo, 5'11 and 165 pounds, I have blue eyes, which for some time haven't been blacken.....The last time my eyes were blacken, is when I was jumped by some street thugs in Springfield Massachuetts......They broke my nose, and I guess I deserved it, because of my being so out spoken....

Well, my persoanl experience with making friends is this: I only feel intimidated when I am the only one who doesn't know anyone in the room and they pretty much grew up together. take my young 20's singles sunday school class for example. they went to youth group toether and I spent most of my life 3 hours away. I gre up in a different community and when I first realized all these people knew each other, I almost ended up not going to the class and unintentionally osctrocizing myself. Fortunately, I had the good sense to jump right in. This is also a good chance to sit between two cute guys. if a chair is availible. in a normal situation, like at a prty where nobody knows each other I have my own secret formula: My sister absolutely loves this one. I get to know all the cute guys and at least one female. (I'm not bisexual but I would 1) be too obvious just talking to guys and 2) some stuff you just can't discuss with a guy.

I certainly have had this problem. I just started school in august and i dont really have any friends on my floor. I have different interests and dress differently and am also drug free while everyone else on my floor is completely different and spends there weekends drinking. My roomate and i get along pretty well, but im trying to move somewhere else on campus where people may have similar interests. I suggest trying to make friends with the same interests as you, or to join a club or some sort of extra curricular activity. Get yourself out there. I have yet to do that. I really wouldnt worry about the problem in general though, im not and things seem to have sort of adjusted for themselves. Just do what you enjoy but avoid keeping to yourself all the time. A little time for yourself is nice, but you dont want to isolate yourself. Good luck, and keep it real. Thinking about the situation may just get you more frustrated and then you may just give off a bad vibe. Give it time. Peace

After I got married the first time Iost alot of "good" friends who appearantly thought since I got married I was dead. That was hard and I went thru a time of depression and lack of self-confidence. I was so hurt that I closed off from alot of people and became very angry and scared to make friends. When I decided I didn't want to be that way anymore I opened myself up (after counseling) to start life over and make new friends. It took some time and I got screwed over by people along the way but I didn't give up. I guess I learned that friends come and go and I expect it so it doesn't hurt too much. I still give my heart but I know what's coming. Kinda cynical? Yes, I agree but history seems to repeat itself for me. I have made some nice friends who when I look at them I realize what a rare bunch of women they are but they are kind. After I moved to Norway there were a few that again thought I died so I never hear from them. That surprised me quite a bit actually but there are 2 from the states that have hung in there with me. I also have my new friend here in Norway but that is because she kept trying and calling and visiting. I was so depressed at teh time I just didn't have it in me. She is the one who has helped me alot and actually I believe saved my life. Friends can be friends for a moment, a season or a lifetime they say. I just try to enjoy the moment I can share with someone and move on when it's over.
Sorry I haven't been a real good friend here lately. I have been stopping in but not replying too much. Feeling a little down and not much liek being online.
Hope everyone has a good weekend,
Heidu
Heidu

I have a horrible time making friends. Even online. What I write doesn't get much responses and I'm just paranoid enough to freak out over it. Imaging trying to do that in real life? I'm better off isolated until I can figure out how to be a good friend and be someone people like.

I try to make friends but am not too successful at it. I just don't know how to do it I guess. Such is life. Sometimes it is lonely but most of the time I don't really care too much. I have always been my own best company. Go figure, I grew up in the woods with no one around to hear me scream. I kill monsters with my sharp pointy stick. I ran from ogres and picts. When they caught me I would slice them open with my shining sword and become the queen of all, standing at the precipice with the wind in my face and the sun on my back. Wild child who will climb to the top of the world and slide to the pits of hell with only my tennirunners to protect me from the fires and only my valiant spirit to vanquish the foe. How could those people out there understand this world I live in? How could they survive?
Zen

<font color=blue>I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but, it comes from within. It is there all the time.--Anna Freud

Just hang in there Willow. It does seem to be a slow time on the boards but that isn't your fault and it's not because you aren't liked or that you have nothing good to say. It's just the nature of the game (online)
Heidu

Cool... I have dreams like that. Very adventurous. One of my favorites was finding a secret passage into a hollow mountain that contained another civilization. There were gang members after me when they realized I was on their turf and chased me with knives. I grabbed a knife by the blade and tore it out of one of their hands. My feet were so light I ran so fast and free. Then I came to a cliff and wayyyy below was a valley. I jumped off and flew to the bottom leaving my pursuers looking down at me in confusion. By the time they got to the bottom I was in some kind of a dark cavern and noticed a see through barrier that I could see the street outside and if I crawled through a narrow passage I could come up through the manhole. I managed to squeeze through the tunnel almost getting trapped because it was so narrow. To be in the open air felt so free and I blended with the crowd and went on about daily life.

Anyway... I love active and creative imagination stuff Zen. You sound like a really cool person to get to know!

Actually, I feel a lot better today. Whatever spun me down is letting go and I'll be okay for awhile. I get spinned sometimes and I'm not sure what does it. It may be chemical stuff in my brain.

You are very kind. Thank you.

*laughs* I can just imagine you doing that Zen. Oh so cute and funny. I can't talk. I always use to play in the garden and gather my mum's pot plants together and pretend to play with fairies. Yup! You read it right. FAIRIES!!! *laughs*
I use to get my little dolls out and build houses in potplants among the little trees etc.
I had this best friend when i was in Grade 4 ( 9yrs old) and her and I would get together with our toys and make magical worlds for them to play in. Unfortunately she moved back to England but I will never forget her. We still keep in contact and she is still as imaginative as she was, when we were kids.

I think imagination is one thing we should always try to make use of. Its just a wonderful thing that can bring so much pleasure.

*hugs*

My imagination was always so self impowering. I was always the conquerer. Then I got raped and suddenly I was the victim. Part of my healing...that I haven't told T about yet...is trying to have those powerful fantasies again. One I love is when I am working the compost pile I imagine that I am the shaman of an ancient tribe who people come to for advice and wisdom. While I am working the compost I feel so very close to the circle of life and death so a shaman who can walk both worlds seems an appropriate person to fanstasize being don't you think? This fantasy also helps me explore my spiritual landscape. I find out what I believe when I answer the questions of the people in need. It makes me feel connected somehow.
Zen

<font color=blue>I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but, it comes from within. It is there all the time.--Anna Freud

Perhaps it makes you feel like your in control of yourself and the 'destiny' of others? That's how I look at things. If i can't handle my own problems, I prefer to help others. It helps to fast track my thoughts onto something else. It would be nice to have so much 'power' and to walk the line between both worlds. But we have already been walking the line of: victim or freedom. ?!

Take care always
*hugs*

I didn't even know anyone was replying to this thread from a year ago. I haven't been over here in awhile. Thank you all for your replies--I don't have all of your names in front of me to see at the moment or I would mention you all. I, at the moment, am not feeling well at all from the accident that happened.

I can say that I still do not find making friends easy, I still try to make friends somewhat but not as much as I used to. I do not get my hopes up a lot about making friends because of the disappointments I've had. I have my pets as my friends and to me they are as important as people. We communicate very well. I talk to a few people on the phone at a peer support place but we aren't actually friends who do things together.

If I should make a good friend it would make me happy yet I am not going to die over it if I don't. I have been on my own without anyone for years. I am friendly and helpful wherever I go and that makes me feel good as well as some others, I hope!

Still, I am thinking of joining a church. I am still healing from this accident and my brain and neck are not better yet. So, when I feel more solid I am going to check out a church. I'd like to sing with people for one thing and hopefully meet some people who have the same values as I do.


<font color=purple>Peace to you.</font color=purple>
<font color=red>My new web site: <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.freewebs.com/healthboards/> Getting Healthier Together</A></font color=red>

It sounds like a girls nite is in order (sorry guys). Maybe rent some sappy movies for backround noise and get some nice wine and snacks, some nice chatting and laughter......anybody in?
Heidu

OOh ooh Yes!!! [smiles]
I don't drink so I'll bring my favourite non alcoholic drink - KIRKS lemonade. mmmm...... and Chocolate!!!

Can I come, too??? I'll bring the wine! : )

mj

MmememeeeEEEeeeeeeee.... I wanna come!!!!!

Well, I have a dvd player and As Good As It Gets on dvd! Come on over! I'll have some diet pop and chips. I don't drink either but bring your wine and whatever else! Sounds like a good time ladies! lol.

<font color=purple>Peace to you.</font color=purple>
<font color=red>My new web site: <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.freewebs.com/healthboards/> Getting Healthier Together</A></font color=red>