[howohsocliche]

<font color="#880000"> My boyfriend seems to have it all: Brains, personality, and looks.

When asked about what he wants from life, he says otherwise respectable things...: A good job, and money.

But, during our year and a half long relationship, I discovered that while he is persuing a career, he does not plan on finding happiness, growth, maturity, or openness. In fact, not only does he believe happiness doesn't exist, he has often said that he cannot be happy. [Depression?]

He's very career focused, almost to the point of centering his life around it, which says that he has many excellent traits. But, he seems to have no desire for the whole "life fulfillment" thing. [....Depression?]

I could understand why he'd be soley career focused during this time in his life, since he's is making a tough decision between a career or grad school now...

But, somehow it doesn't seem fair that he does not value [or plan to value] things we're suppose to experience in a relationship such as growing, learning, exploring, or being happy......Yet he still wants to be in a relationship.

I've brought this up with him many times before....I've tried to explain my point of view, but he seems completely unable to comprehend it. I mean, men tend to not be into this kind of thing anyway. Maybe I'm nuts?

So....Is this [another] something we have to work through, or is it a sign of worse things to come? We've had a rather rough relationship, and I oftentimes wonder if I have anymore patience left for this kind of attitude......</font>

[adele96]

i'm going through something similar myself. my new man is very career orientated to the detriment of his suffering relationships in the past. but he still pursued me knowing and being open with me that he was not ideal. men seem to want their cake and eat it too. they like a relationship but don't like to put in the work that they put into their jobs. i can't explain that. i will say to any male readers that what i say is also a generalisation but it is very common.
no one can say if you should stay or should go but if you feel like leaving then that's your answer. i love my man too and i don't want to face the day i may have to take that decision if i'm not happy so i work at it as hard as i can, but we all have out limits. you got to do what makes you happy if you want happiness.
sorry, wish i had magic words to say that could help you.

[howohsocliche]

<font color="#880000">Hahahah! That's so weird I just read your whole situation and responded and I originally typed "You know, my guy is the same...." but I didn't want to try and distract you by saying that or something, hahah.

Ok now I'm gonna read what you wrote here, haha. </font>

[howohsocliche]

<font color="#880000">Sounds fine to me, I feel better just knowing someone relates.

.....&amp; I totally hear you on the whole "men wanting their cake and eating it too......" That's how it feels sometimes....

I do love him dearly. What it really comes down to is me just wanting his happiness, ,I just don't know if I can be a part of it. I really do just want to see him happy and stable...But I'd like to be happy, too. These hard times are pretty hard. I wish we could take a break, and then start this relationship over in a few months....</font>

[adele96]

lol, that's funny. it does really help when i read about other people's problems that are the same or similar. it is so darn hard when you love someone. heartbreak just isn't an option. we try to do anything to avoid that. if only our partners felt the same. they would work as hard at our relationships as you or i. ARGH! men! if mine wasn't so darn adorable and irresistible and a soulmate then....

[techun5717]

hmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm

I'm ..........the other side........lol............

After close to 21 yrs in a marriage I ended up leaving because of a lot of reasons but a big one was growth in many shapes and areas...........I was the one that continued reading, school, interests, seeking more to life and .........

All I can say is everybody is different........and seek differently, grow differently and stgnate differently........

You have to make your list and weigh your options.......I kept saying maybe next year maybe next year........sorry never really came ........and when it did I think it might have started it was too late.........frustration, resentment, anger.......and I think her new found friends were coaching her which made it worse..........I new it was doomed a long time ago but always thought ................one must truly know what is really is important and what is small stuff.................to me growth in alll forms is huge.........and I understand women tend to have less free time.............but soaps "soapoperas" don't cut it ....................sorry........waiting to be hit.............