Why are social outcasts blamed for their situation?

I think other people can feed the wolves too...

Do you, or would you allow random strangers to feed your pet dogs?


Then why allow them to feed your inner wolves?

No need to be in denial but what's the point of being angry if nothing could be done? Or something positive could be done? Instead of anger

What exactly did they do to you? What wrong actions are you referring to?

People did do me wrong. My house was broken into and robbed. Police couldn't find them. I did my part by reporting etc there is nothing I could do anymore. I've moved on. I am happy no one got hurt.

I was assaulted few times. Also nothing could be done. And I am glad I am alive

I was scammed. FBI and police can't find them. Nothing could be done. I do my part by educating others how to avoid being scammed and I work two jobs now trying to replenish my account

I was in a bad accident few months ago with my car totaled and me ending in a hospital. Got a new car. Glad I am alive

What's the point of being angry? What's done is done. Count your blessings as it could always be worse

What exact bad things are you referring to? And what do you do to improve your situation?

My grandparents survived holocaust and lost everyone. My grandpa lost his 8 sisters etc etc yet they lived their lives trying to do well and contribute to the betterment of society. They weren't angry or bitter. I know families who lost their kids in car accidents ( several of my students). Etc Etc I know many abused children. there is a lot of poverty abuse neglect etc in this world. I volunteer in homeless shelters. It's painful to see. I can go on. there is a lot of pain in this world.

What exact bad horrible things were done to you? What makes you do angry? What exactly do you do to better your own life? Or others lives?




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I faced bullying and social rejection from elementary school all the way through high school. I was constantly made fun of and not allowed to be socially integrated. I developed social awkwardness and self esteem issues and was never able to enjoy the fulfilling social experiences that others get to have.

However, the past is not the issue. The issue is that people are still very judgmental towards me, despite the fact that my issues were caused by THEIR behavior towards me in the past.

The reason I am angry is because I am still suffering. If I was able to pursue happiness freely, then there would be no need for me to be angry

If you say the issue is their behaviour towards you in the past then the issue still is the past.

I realize how pointless it is to keep replying to this. I dont think you want to give up your resentment. But know that you are not the only one who is suffering or has suffered or had harm done to them.

In some ways, I suppose, if this isnt getting through to you, it at least reminds me that I do have choice of how I move forward. I am not always accepted. I have not had a pretty past. But I do not want to live my life alone so I am finding those who do accept me. And I also accept them.

To be human is to accept ourselves just as we are, with our own history, and to accept others as they are.
- Jean Vanier

And you still aren't saying what are those exact bad wrong things that are being done to you? You can't even name one bad thing

Outside of bullying in school ( which certainly is sad but was years ago) what bad things are you referring to?

Also are those same people who bullied you in school that are judgmental now? If yes why are you associated with them? If not then how could you say they caused it? They weren't there! And How are they judgmental? What do they do? Even talking about dating. You never asked anyone out, do you don't know if you would be rejected. You assume

Outside of being angry and posting on the internet what do you do to improve your life? Are you at least in therapy? What do you do with your free time? Do you help others?

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🏻🏻🏻

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I have described numerous times on here the various ways in which people have been mean and judgmental towards me. And this is even as I am reserved and very careful to do anything to offend anyone. What will happen when I decide to be myself uncensored?

You may think that people being mean and judgmental is just a part of life and I shouldn't be so offended by it, but my situation is different. I need to succeed socially in order to validate myself. A person cannot be confident based on nothing. You need something to back your confidence. My life so far has been empty. I need positive experiences to change that. When people reject me, they are denying me that. So yes it is a big deal for me.

Yes I'm in therapy. In my free time I mostly just play video games. I help people when they need help with something. Yet nobody seems to help me.

How are they judgmental and how do they deny you anything? You never provided any examples.

Rather than playing video games you might try to volunteer. Anywhere. Shelters or hospitals or food banks. They won't care if you are socially awkward or not. Until you start doing something nothing is going to change. You make a choice. Until you make changes nothing will be Different

You are 27 able bodied male and claim no one helps you. Like with what? You still live at home. That's sufficient help. You can start making changes now and help others

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Why keep debating... Obviously not going to go anywhere...

As has been proven by every single other thread started by this particular OP.


There's simply no point in trying to help him improve, he's not interested, and that's perfectly ok too.


But it would benefit him and other members if he was clear in the beginning of the thread that he's just ranting, or starting an online journal. Instead of asking for input he doesn't want.

well i continue to debate because i have nothing else to do and i dont want to deal with my own problems but even i know there is a time to stop.

Well, in this post I wasn't so much asking for advice on how to improve, I was more so just asking a philosophical type question about why people seem to be blamed for their situation when it was caused by society ostracizing them in the first place.

To sum it up:

I am an unpleasant weirdo...

Because I was not allowed to develop social skills...

And now people blame me for being an unpleasant weirdo...

Doesn't it seem a tad bit unfair?

Life's not fair, not to anyone, and certainly not to members of this community.


You're preaching to the choir, yet you still don't seem to grasp this fact.

Yup.
Life is unfair pretty much to everyone. Healthy and sick, young and adult, rich and poor. No such thing is fairness.

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How, exactly, were you not allowed to develop social skills?

How exactly were you bullied?

How are people STILL actually treating you, presently. What actions and words have been said and done to you. Everything you post is always just your perceptions and trying to mind-read them.

There have been nothing concrete, at all, to justify the attitude that you have towards everyone. If you were to give one, actual, concrete thing... I'm sure you would have a lot more sympathy and understanding passed your way from people here.

A lot of us have been treated badly. And we still develop social skills, and don't spend all of our time blaming others - even when there is some seriously major people to blame!

I'll give you some examples from my own life that could lead me to have such a negative outlook. I am going to PM it to you because they are VERY easily identifiable to me.

----- PM sent with examples----

So, Shadix... with all of those examples I've given you? That's just the tip of the iceburg and examples that popped into my head very fast. And there's no physical or sexual abuse involved.

I just gave them to you as actual, concrete, examples of things that could lead to my behavior and trouble with social skills. Have they impacted me? Oh yes, of course they have. But with a lot of stubbornness I've been able to improve, and I keep going. I always keep going, even when I really, really, really want to give up on humanity.

And you know what? Guess what my perspective on people are? I still think that people are good, and I still keep taking risks. I treat every new person as if they're good, bbecause they've never hurt me. They don't deserve to have me treat and judge them as if they are the people from my past.

I refuse to place all the blame on the past - even though I don't have a SINGLE family member who actually showed any affection for me as a child. Not a single one. Is that unfair? Yes, it sure is. No one deserves to feel like that. Want to know what I did about it? I decided that as a teacher, I would openly let my students know that I love them, and am there for them. I decided that instead of being bitter (sometimes I am, I'm not perfect!!) that I would use my pain to try to help others not feel that same pain.

It's also why I keep replying to you even if you don't seem to really listen or want to change. Because I hope that some tiny part will sink in, and hope so much that you'll be able to start healing and move forward.

Well, if I list specific things that were said or done to me by individuals, it would seem really petty and not a big deal, because if it was just one individual saying or doing those things, it wouldn't be a big deal. But what makes my experience so horrible was that it was a CONSTANT thing by LOTS of different people. Pretty much anytime I would open my mouth, somebody would say something to put me down. It was often jokes about how I smell bad, but others things too. In elementary school I was really talkative and somewhat of a class clown, but by the time I was in high school, I had transformed into the quiet kid who never talks. There were many instances, however, where I kind of warmed up to groups of people and came out of my shell. But then they would always somehow make it clear to me that they find me annoying and want me to shut up. Then towards the end of high school, my middle brother, who was much more popular than me, took up this habit of rubbing it in my face that he was more popular than me and that I was a loser whenever we got into any sort of argument. I of course could never find anything to say because he was completely right. And then there was this other instance where another guy, who was a friend of a friend that I was sitting with in class, just randomly and with a sadistic tone started telling me that my brother, who was in one of his classes, was so much cooler than me because he actually has friends and talk to people, whereas I don't. I only had that one friend in high school. And I knew him from outside of school. My other friend was not really my friend, we had been friends before, but at this point it was clear we had grown apart and he couldn't stand me. The feeling was mutual. His other friend who would hang out with us hated me with a passion. We lost contact about one month after high school.

So basically, I went to college with self esteem issues and a lack of social skills. On top of that, something snapped in me and I suddenly felt that I need to be cool and hang out with a cool group of friends and get attention from girls. But because of my lack of social skills, it never happened. I found a new group of friends and hung out with them. I had some limited opportunities to meet girls, but my low self-esteem and social awkwardness. And even though there wasn't the same kind of bullying I faced in high school, I did notice that when I did try to be social in spite of my social anxiety, people would often give off this obvious vibe that they are annoyed by me. I would assume it is just them if not for the fact that this has happened in a lot of different situations.

I'm glad that's working for you. But in my experience, taking risks and letting my guard down usually leads to shaming and rejection. Good and bad is irrelevant. Good people do bad things and bad people do good things. I'm sure some of the people who treated me like crap were "good" people. And it is irrelevant to me whether or not they are justified in harming me, I will always fight against it.

This thread seems to have run it's course and will now be closed.

Please, keep in mind that this is a support site and if you find yourself getting frustrated with a situation, it may be best to walk away from it before posting unsupportively.

Thanks