[Only_Human1983]

I'm 32 and last year I came out of a 4 year on and off relationship. My ex was a narcissist and has a habit of coming back into my life every time I try and get myself back on my feet. I do still love him...at least it feels like I do, but maybe it's more that I miss having SOMEONE. All my friends are getting married and I'm slowly losing hope that my day will come. My dream was always to have a family of my own and I can feel it slipping further and further away from me. I've almost come to terms with the fact that it just won't happen for me, but it's hard to accept. I know having someone doesn't make you instantly happy and fix everything, but I'm so scared of ending up a lonely old woman that's never married or had children. I feel like there must be something very wrong with me and that I'm damaged. I get so lonely and I miss having someone to cuddle up to and be there. My ex even said in so many words that I wouldn't make a great mum as I have OCD and I couldn't be like that with children. Maybe he was right and I can never have what I always dreamed of.

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[sukothefox]

I think that there's always one person that will be attracted to you out there. Do you often go out? Do you have friends? Hobbies? Distract yourself. I know that it is hard since the fear of ending up alone is a scary one, but what else can you do?
Don't waste your life waiting for someone. Just live. Perhaps my advice isn't comforting, but I don't want this to become an echo chamber.

[iwonderaboutstuff]

7 billion people in the world! No reason or need to be alone. Really. 32 is way too young to be giving up the dream of a family, and your ex is ***** for suggesting you wouldn't make a good mum. If kids are really important to you, there are many already in the world who need a mum/family. it's also possible to have one on your own.

[dancinglady]

I am that old lonely lady at the age of 64. I have no hope for relationships. I am off work on short term disability and not one person from my work has called to see if I am okay. I could be dead for all they care.

I can tell you that the above advice is the best. If it is to be it will, if not, ou will learn to accept your life as it is. Everything is as it should be. Just live your life to the fullest and have fun.

[hannabee]

I had a child at 34 and my friend had one at 37. It is not too late. Just don't act desperate where men are involved! For some reason, they run the other way. Big hug. Look for someone who will treat you well and be kind. It is all about a man's character, it really is!

[divine1966]

When you meet the right person it will all work out. No need to give up at 32

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[Only_Human1983]

Thank you so much for all your replies. It's so nice to have support and helpful advice. Dancinglady, it makes me so sad to hear you talk like that. I know I sound like a hypocrite now, but 64 is not old and it is certainly not too late to find love. I find that everybody Is fighting their own battle in life and I'm sure it's not that they don't care, it's just they don't think!! Everyone is too wrapped up in their own s**t to think of others. Please don't feel you're alone

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[gma45]

I agree it is never to late! I am single and old ha! and it has been a learning lesson for me, but I think every thing happens for a reason and maybe right now it is just time for you to focus on you a bit. And don't let what your ex told you stick in your head, they just say things like that to keep you down and under their control. I know, been there done that! Some days it is hard being alone but other days it is wonderful!

[OtioseM3]

I feel like its too late for me. Im someone whos not so outgoing, poor communication skills, problem connecting with people Im 26. So scared

[healingme4me]

I'd say the first step is unraveling what remnants remain that your ex holds on you. OCD doesn't discount a woman from putting in an effort to be a kind, caring, attentive mum. Ick on him! He's clearly not partner material to say such things.
The women that I know that wound up without children were because of health reasons.
There's men out there looking and willing.
It's a matter of putting that chapter of your life aside. I have also known many women closer to 40 who've had remarkably loveable and healthy children.

[Nada w]

Originally Posted by Only_Human1983

I'm 32 and last year I came out of a 4 year on and off relationship. My ex was a narcissist and has a habit of coming back into my life every time I try and get myself back on my feet. I do still love him...at least it feels like I do, but maybe it's more that I miss having SOMEONE. All my friends are getting married and I'm slowly losing hope that my day will come. My dream was always to have a family of my own and I can feel it slipping further and further away from me. I've almost come to terms with the fact that it just won't happen for me, but it's hard to accept. I know having someone doesn't make you instantly happy and fix everything, but I'm so scared of ending up a lonely old woman that's never married or had children. I feel like there must be something very wrong with me and that I'm damaged. I get so lonely and I miss having someone to cuddle up to and be there. My ex even said in so many words that I wouldn't make a great mum as I have OCD and I couldn't be like that with children. Maybe he was right and I can never have what I always dreamed of.



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What you believe will become your reality. If you believe you wont find someone than you wont. You are allowing this man to negatively impact your outlook on your own life. Very classic of a narcissist. It is easier said as the third party out I know. But you need to look inside of you. Why do you feel others can live your dream but you cannot? Get out of your own way. Focus on what you want in a person and don't settle for less. I think going back and forth with someone who cannot give you want you want is the very thing making you disbelieve in yourself.

[crosstobear]

Originally Posted by Only_Human1983

I'm 32 and last year I came out of a 4 year on and off relationship. My ex was a narcissist and has a habit of coming back into my life every time I try and get myself back on my feet. I do still love him...at least it feels like I do, but maybe it's more that I miss having SOMEONE. All my friends are getting married and I'm slowly losing hope that my day will come. My dream was always to have a family of my own and I can feel it slipping further and further away from me. I've almost come to terms with the fact that it just won't happen for me, but it's hard to accept. I know having someone doesn't make you instantly happy and fix everything, but I'm so scared of ending up a lonely old woman that's never married or had children. I feel like there must be something very wrong with me and that I'm damaged. I get so lonely and I miss having someone to cuddle up to and be there. My ex even said in so many words that I wouldn't make a great mum as I have OCD and I couldn't be like that with children. Maybe he was right and I can never have what I always dreamed of.

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Your ex sounds like a real piece of ****. Try online dating? It's the craze these days. Put yourself out there. And love yourself- there's nothing wrong with you as a person, regardless of mental illness. Learn to love and respect yourself and being single will be tolerable. That way as you meet more people you can qualify and gauge whether or not they are worth your time and intimacy.

[Only_Human1983]

Thank you guys for all your support. I stupidly went on Facebook and saw my ex when he was in Florida a week ago with his arm around this girl that I think he's seeing. He has a place out there and she lives over there, but he lived here in the UK, so it's not the basis for a great relationship, but it just hurts as friends had commented on what a cute couple they looked etc. the hardest part is that he was texting me two weeks ago saying he'd realised that I was the only he could ever settle down with and that we are special etc I know everybody will tell me to forget him as we've have a very on and off relationship for 4 years, but it's hard to let go when you love someone and even harder to think they've found someone better than you

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[eskielover]

At the age of 62, alone is so much better than the 33 years I wasted in a dysfunctional marriage. I would have rather been alone that whole time than in the bad marriage I ended up in. I thought I would never escape the bad marriage but I did & NOW I am alone. I own a 10 acre farm 2100 miles away from where I was born, grew up, & lived for 54 years. I moved to a place where I didn't know anyone 8 years ago. I can honestly say I have more friends now that care & that check in on my than I ever did for 54 years of my life. I honestly NEVER want to be married again after what I got away from. If someone nice did come along, I would probably run the other way. I have no need or desire to be married. I finally have peace in my life & I am HAPPY even with all the work it takes to take care of a farm as only one person with no money to hire any help.

I am sure that what you are experiencing ISN'T LOVE....if more like feeling desperate to have someone in your life. You are young enough to wait for the right good person to be with & realize, if you don't find that person, being alone is still a lot better than being with the wrong person.....for that I can attest!!!!