What is "baggage"?

Greetings. I keep my eye on the Yahoo personals. I'm not sure why, because I really don't have any intention of dating again as I approach my sixth decade of life.

Many of the men's ad say that they don't want a woman with "baggage." I find this confusing.

Who the devil lives for four or five or six decades and has no "baggage"? We have many people in high school and their twenties here who have seen enough of life to have plenty of "baggage" at these ages!

I interpret baggage to mean "life experience" which means we have experienced good and bad, happy and sad. We have allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and probably got hurt.

To me the request for a date who comes without baggage is like saying you want to date a Stepford Wife. It is unrealistic and suggests a vacuous approach to life and experience. In fact, I find the request darned annoying.

Am I looking at this the wrong way?

I agree with ya. Everyone in a way has baggage. I think that is just men's excuse to reject someone.

I think those who are looking for people without "baggage" mean they would rather associate with those who have worked through it. Everybody has it, but some people have it in the present, and some people have done the hard work and have it in the past.

Personally, I'd rather date someone who knows who he is and has dealt with where he's come from. What's so unreasonable about that?

Not sure I have much to add...other than agreement with all that has been said.

I guess just one thought - these type of blanket statements about not wanting someone with baggage from people have either been hurt really bad or are ignorant of the realities of life, or both?

If someone puts such a comment in an ad like that-- to me he is saying that he's not interested in compassion or understanding and wants things to go smoothly all the time. such an ad comes across to me as "cold" and "indifferent". I see it as a Gigantic <font color="#880000">RED </font> Flag!!! warning the reader that the author is one-sided, narrow minded and only open to "good" times. (yea, wouldn't we ALL like life to be that way?!!?)

I mean-- come on!!.... that's like asking for a fairy tale-- isn't it?? Everyone has baggage-- some are heavier than others but still, we're all human and unless the author is some sort of God-- I bet he has baggage too! such arrogance!!

I think, if I were you Wants2, I would ignore such a nearsighted add.

mandy...... wonder if the not-so-good-mood I'm in, can be detected in this reply??

The baggage theory ,,,

IMHO I agree that everyone will carry with them experiences from thier lives into another relationship ..

But what they are eluding to is that they do not want past marriages/ ex's , children , drama , bills per say .....

IMHO i feel that this is a petty way out of the dating process but to each there own

this is from a MALES Perspective and do not beat me up lol

Wants2fly!!! This is a great subject and thread for discussion!
Yes, I too have perused the singles' sites, though not recently. I've seen this statement "No baggage" also, many times.
I think I agree with the comment that it means one has moved on, rather than no life experience. I too am mid 50's, and have a huge load of experience. But...just let me share some examples:
The fella who sat over his "Surf and Turf" weeping over his girlfriend leaving him. Our first meeting, I tried to be supportive, saying goodnight politely at the end of the dinner. This was our first and only meeting, but I actually got several angry emails from him thereafter because I didn't invite him home with me for sex!!! Now that's baggage!
I've also dated a couple of fellas for more than one date who talked incessantly of their exwives...obsessively. I guess that's "baggage" too! These men were very bitter about their losses financially and were very stingy also! I began to actually feel this was the "norm" at my age.
Have even stopped thinking of meeting anyone now!
Patty

No baggage, huh? I take it to mean a lot of different things......... I think they are looking for someone with these qualities.....

1. no big butts
2. perfect hair and makeup
3. can support yourself
4. sex fiend
5. no children/pets or exes
6. willing to carry their fiber in your purse at all times.
7. no odors
8. handy with bunion files and toenail clippers
9. owns own home and two cars (just in case)
10. content with abuse of ANY kind.........(as in "when are you going to lose that 10 lbs...he weights 280 and is 5'4"....."where's my coffee, woman?", "you know i don't like music, books, travel, fun, eating out, anything but sweatpants that show my crack" and he snores and enjoys farting)

I guess I can stop now...........

Heavens -- lots of people with big chips on their shoulders here! You attract what you act ... if you go in expecting to get shat on, then don't be surprised when it happens!

It amuses me how people are so quick to look for "isms" to blame (ageism, sexism, racism) rather than examining themselves to see what might need adjusting.

it amazes me when someone doesn't understand a joke when they see it. and you definitely attract what you act...........

This post has been deleted per request.

KD

yes, i had forgotten it......xoxoxo pat

if he wants a woman without baggage does that mean he has none to carry into a relationship?

i think that is the general idea..........

Oh My Good Golly Miss Polly -

ya read my thoughts...

IMO "baggage" is anything from the past that will negatively affect the future.

Think of it this way; any profile that mentions 'baggage' is a sure sign of a man's pure shallowness; and their delusion that the world should have no negativity and look like Disneyland so there is absolutely no inconvenience imposed upon them. Consider it a perfect tool to help you weed out the losers.

people looking for someone with no baggage have to be deluded in some way, some folk have baggage literally hanging off them ,those that say they have not got it or want folk without it have the most! the only people without any are dead! to have none is to be a saint

I guess they're looking for people who have no current emotional hangups maybe? (think someone said that before).

This is more proof I will never understand the male psyche. Not that I understand my own either I guess...

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seeker1950 said:
Wants2fly!!! This is a great subject and thread for discussion!

I think I agree with the comment that it means one has moved on, rather than no life experience. I too am mid 50's, and have a huge load of experience. But...just let me share some examples:
The fella who sat over his "Surf and Turf" weeping over his girlfriend leaving him.
. . . This was our first and only meeting, but I actually got several angry emails from him thereafter because I didn't invite him home with me for sex!!! Now that's baggage!
I've also dated a couple of fellas for more than one date who talked incessantly of their exwives...obsessively. I guess that's "baggage" too! These men were very bitter about their losses financially and were very stingy also! I began to actually feel this was the "norm" at my age.
Have even stopped thinking of meeting anyone now!
Patty

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These are good examples of "baggage" that not only is going to adversely affect the future but makes it seem like torture to spend even a few moments in the present with these fellas. It has been good to get this perspective on what may be meant by baggage.

Well, I know [i]I[/ii] have a lot of baggage, and I guess that's why I merely scan the ads once in a while without actively seeking contact. However, I would call what ails me and the men in these stories is that we are seriously wounded.

I guess it wouldn't sound very good to write that in an ad; I don't want anyone who is still seriously wounded from your last encounter with the opposite sex. And, of course, so many people are in denial: Who me, wounded? Unh, uh, I just hate that loser, and s/he deserves it. Let me tell you about it . . .

I still have dreams every now and then of absolutely screaming at some male. These dreams scare the dickens out of me, because I rarely act like that -- meaning I haven't behaved like that since 2003 when I was abruptly abandoned by a very longterm partner. But it is clear to me the wound is still filled with pus that oozes out when I'm unconscious in dreamland. That is why I merely peruse the ads.

I also am glad that so many of you share my feelings that a person who writes "I don't anyone with baggage" is out in lalaland somewhere. I wondered if it was just me who decoded that phrase as a bit unrealistic.

People have children, ex's, debts, parents and close friends who are dying of one disease or another, jobs that are being downsized, health problems . . . and they have to handle all that plus the brand-new relationship with a wannabe beloved.

Thank you so much for all the responses and frank discussion.

"People have children, ex's, debts, parents and close friends who are dying of one disease or another, jobs that are being downsized, health problems . . . and they have to handle all that plus the brand-new relationship with a wannabe beloved."

that is the crux of it in the above sentence.........i think it is ridiculous that someone advertises for "no baggage" and also has the expectations that i listed in my "fun" baggage post. when i lived on the ranch, i would read those ads at night and die laughing from the absurdities and the contradictions. my daughter and i actually wrote one for me, didn't send it in, which had every contradiction, known to man, in it. it was hilarious.

for anyone, man or woman, to want a person with a blank slate is the height of hypocrisy to me. reminds me of the woman my ex married. he went on a three week fishing trip and she called a moving van and sent everything that he owned "pre-Beth", to me in another state. wiped his slate CLEAN.........

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fayerody said:
reminds me of the woman my ex married. he went on a three week fishing trip and she called a moving van and sent everything that he owned "pre-Beth", to me in another state. wiped his slate CLEAN.........

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Really, she sent you all the stuff? I think that was mighty considerate whatever her ultimate motives. A lot of women would have sent it to a charitable organization.

LOL, Pat,
I loved your "list!"
So true!!
I've stopped putting myself in the "meat market" because of just such things!
Yes, I too have "baggage!"...a stalker and several con artists...Makes me wary, but recovered fully now.
Love
Patty

I should also add that the "con artists" are all men I met thru singles' ads. They sounded promising!
Anyone can present themselves as anything online.
Patty