Why are people so mean?

Since grade 1, I've had little friends. I mean friends that are willing to hang out after school. I've always seemed to have this one best friend who lived across the street and went to a different school. This kept my spirits up and allowed me to cope through my childhood. Although, I learned that being alone can be liberating and fun.
In school, and sometimes out of school, I would be picked on, teased, insulted, rumors abound and completely isolated and alienated from the majority of my class. It wouldn't have been that bad if they would just leave me alone. But putting tape in my hair, pushing me over chairs, trying to trip me in the halls, etc. Come on. The severest bullying I endured was when I was in grade 1. I was horrible at math. I had trouble with the simplest equations. Word got around to the older grades and they made it a custom at every recess and before school they would corner me, form a circle and link their hands so I couldn't escape. This was truly Hell to me. They would spit out math equations and said they wouldn't let me go unless I got it right and proved to them I wasn't stupid. Of course I couldn't figure the answer out. I was crying, scared. They would start calling me all sorts of names and criticizing me. I started to get my mom to walk me to school and stay with me until the bell rang. I didn't care if it was geeky. I didn't stay at that school for too long. Perhaps 6 months to a year.
My family moved to another city. This school was similar in that there were much older kids picking on me. But this time it was on the school bus all because I sat in the one seat that was free but there was bird poop on the outside of the window. They never let it go. The teacher was frightening and threatened the class with abuse. She once told us, during carpet time, that if one kid spoke out of turn she would cut their hand off with the big paper cutter. I remember that very well. She would, also, place you in front of her in between 2 boys (it was the cootie age) in order to embarrass you, and she always put on leg on the other so her one foot dangles and she would make sure your head was close to her dangled foot. She told us if you talk or make one disturbance she was kick you in the head.
I didn't stay in that city for long, either.
The next school was okay at first. But then they realized I couldn't pronounce one of the students names properly. This led to a HATE ME campaign and just about the whole school was against me by the time I was in grade 4. I once tried to befriend a new girl. I jumped at the opportunity to greet her. She seemed nice. But then, just as immediately, the more popular girls went up to her and just slandered me. She never wanted to be my friend after that.
I had a couple friends. Some of the better ones were younger than me and went to my daycare. But these weren't super good friends. I complained to my mom about the bullying and I felt like she was ignoring me. I begged to be homeschooled or switch schools.
I went to another school for grade 6 and junior high. Okay, this may be all my fault. I was obsessed with Sailor Moon. I took a shiny clip on earring and clipped it on a headband to emulate Sailor Moon's tiara. I wore this to school on the first day. So...yeah. But I did manage to make friends with the girls at my table. They were into anime. At this point, I just wanted to be me and not care. I didn't care. There were kids in my class that were just downright mean. One girl took a long strip of scotch tape and put it in my hair. She thought it was funny. I don't see how it was.
In the area I was living in during these times was/is snobby. I was pushed into snowbanks by the older teenagers, picked on by them, threatened, intimidated. In my teens, I developed a tough-girl rep. It was purely for survival mode. I thought, if kindness is getting me pushed around, then I would rather them be scared. I did punch one kid. Looking back, I'm not really sure why I did it other than trying to be someone I'm not. I tried to act like all sorts of characters. I would try to be snobby like everyone else, nice, tough, athletic. This wouldn't last as it just wasn't me. I noticed I got respect when I was into my art projects.
In high school, there were people that still went out of their way to make me feel awful. But it wasn't as bad. And I noticed that this one girl that would keep making jabs at me was not winning points with the rest of the class because she came off as too obnoxious and arrogant. I thought that people were starting to grow up and I wouldn't have to worry about being picked on and made to feel like misfortunes are my fault. However, this bad treatment towards me continues by random people and I don't know why. Why me?

I'm sorry that you went through all that! Why did you move so much? People/kids usually bully because they are insecure and afraid of people bullying them so they try to become the aggressor before they become the focus of a bully. The "new kid" is the easiest target because they're new - they don't have a network of friends to support and defend them.

Me and my mom moved for all sorts of reasons. Work, divorce, renting, marriage, divorce, etc. The place I'm in right now is the longest I've consecutively lived over 4 years.
I'm a pretty nice person. But these days I have my guard up and I will defend myself if I have to.

I think it's sensible to have your guard up, given your experiences. Do you keep your guard up even with friends/new friends?

Nothing breaks my heart like a child getting bullied. Children really can be nasty. My mom passed when I was in 4th grade and ppl used to say "at least I have a mom!" That hurt more than a blow to the face and I still think about it quite often (I'm 28 now). It's a cruel fact, people are mean. But because of my experience, I treat ppl different. No matter how bad the argument, I would never bully or name call. That's just a low I won't let myself get to.

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It has been my experience that people will torment anyone who dares to be even the slightest bit different. It is in their nature to conform-to completely alternate their very being to better fit what everyone else considers "normal". There is something wrong with those who don't, clearly.
That theory would make a lot more sense if they allowed those targeted to try to fit in as well, I suppose, but they never do.
When I was in grade-school, I was treated like a soggy wad of cooties. All the school was the cool-kid's table and I was not allowed to sit. I couldn't figure out what their reasoning was for teasing me so, and by middle-school I'd decided to stop asking. That is when I entered what I like to call "****-it mode" and when their attitude toward me changed. Of course I was still teased, but it was a different sort of teasing. In high-school, I was treated like some bizarre creature in a circus. They would talk about me in hushed tones. Right next to me, which made no sense. They would come over to say "hello", then rush back to their seat and excitedly exclaim that, holy cow, the weird girl talks. There was a rumor that I was a vampire and I really wish I were joking. They actually thought I was a bloodsucking demon of the night. I blame the then very popular book series "Twilight".

I share your difficulties with mathematics, though it was my teacher, not my peers, who made that fact unbearable. I can remember her yelling at me. "Why can't you get this!?" Division was especially difficult. "Edgar," She called a boy over. "Help her because we can't move on until [I]she[I] gets it." She spat the words out. I felt like complete ****. The only thing I could focus on was keeping my face down so the boy didn't see how badly I was crying. I managed to keep fairly good grades in math throughout school, though I'm really not sure how. I still have difficulty dividing and I can only multiply by single-digits. 30 * 4? Easy, 120. 47 * 28? That involves a lot more. I know 28 is divisible by 4, so 47 * 4 = 188, then 188 * 7 = 1316.
I suppose what I'm saying is: Welcome to the Loser's Table, you've clearly got more than enough experience and I elect you our President.

I identify with this so much, as well as the post from MiddayNap. I was always the new kid; due to my mother's mental instability, we were always moving around. The longest I stayed anywhere was the 4 years of high school which were actually pretty good. Junior high was the worst. I had a math teacher similar to Midday's who would yell at me in class and call me stupid. To this day, I have trouble with math. And though I have a degree in science, if someone pushes at me where math is concerned I shut down. I once saw a chemistry prof during office hours for a refresher on balancing equations, which requires some algebra 2 knowledge. It had just been a while is all, so I wanted help going through it. When I hesitated (I get slow sometimes), she snapped, "Well, you should know all of this before coming to this class; I don't have time to teach you remedial math and chemistry." I ran out of the office so fast, lol.

I don't know why people are mean. Maybe it has something to do with our animal instincts? Survival of the fittest? No really, I don't know. I'm in my 30's and still experience it, though it's not as overt.

Humanity sucks. Hate to break it to you. You're better off without the fakeness.

Humanity doesn't suck. Some people are mean, and there is a lot wrong with the world, but I believe there are truly genuine people out there. If there aren't, then this site would be useless.

I agree. I don't like "people" as whole but I think that it's easy to see the good, nice, supportive, non-judgmental, open minded people we meet as the exception rather than the rule. If everyone on this message board was put in a room together, we may or may not interact the way we do here. Probably many of us would have our walls up because we are used to being hurt and rejected, and we wouldn't give the people we open up so freely to on the message boards a chance. Just something to think about.

Be mean to them. Get your retaliation in first. Just joking - it is the human condition, ugly indeed but there it is.

I've the same issue. I worked as a cashier from the age of 17 to just a month ago and my poor math-skills could be quite a hindrance. Sometimes people will change their minds about how they wish to pay after I've already gotten their change, for example. "Here, you give me this and I'll give you that. Now if you do this, and that's that." I can't do math under the pressure of another's judging gaze. I shut down, as you say.
It's funny, they always sort of group mathematics and sciences together. It makes sense, I suppose, to assume a person well-versed in physics or chemistry would also have profound knowledge in mathematics. That isn't always the case, as you've proven. In fifth grade, I was in an advanced science class, despite being the only student who didn't know her multiplication-tables. I understand how to work formulae and equations perfectly; it just takes a bit to complete them when you can hardly multiply. You understand, surely.
I honestly think our mathematics skills would be much better developed if a rude teacher hadn't instilled into us the idea we were stupid at such an early age.

I think it's good to remember that people who are hurting hurt other people. Someone told me that once and I was like, "Well, that sounds trite and silly." But it's true. Think of the times when you just lashed out at someone for nothing: how did you feel at the very root of it all? I can definitely say that any time I've been a truly horrid person to someone else, I've been dying inside. And I've dealt with some really unpleasant people who have been just beaten down by life. I'm not saying they're easy to deal with or that you should necessarily put up with someone being mean, but the math teacher I talked about before was a single mother whose ex-husband had abruptly walked out on her and her daughter to move in with his secretary right about the time I was her student. I found out about that by listening to the parents of my friends talking. Don't know how they knew.

Anyway. Humans have a great capacity for destruction, but we are also capable of great compassion. I am working on that (not always easy).

I don't think blanket statements are helpful because everybody hurts!

In this case, it's one person getting the brunt from a LOT of people through out her schooling. Now go talk to some who were popular in school.....very different experiences, likely with little bullying.

Maybe not. I certainly didn't think so when my friend reiterated it to me. But I think the point of my comment is to remember to be compassionate to other people and to think about what they're going through. That is helpful in all occasions, don't you think so? I certainly do.

Also I had the same experience as the OP, if you read any of my previous comments. We're referencing (the OP and I) a specific encounter.

So when you're getting the emotional shyte beaten out of you, you're supposed to be compassionate with your abusers?!?!

I have no words for this. I feel you have no experience with being abused! Maybe I should go show compassion for those who raped me or beat the crap out of me, because they were suffering, too!

You fail to realize that humans have free will. Just because *i* am hurting doesn't mean I have free reign to verbally, physically and sexually abuse others.

Oh, and I think your second paragraph may be indicative of the other struggles you post about.

I'm sorry, I don't really understand where this vitriol is coming from nor do I think I deserve it.

My reply was to something the OP said. I wasn't speaking to you. If you're taking issue with my reply to something specific that the OP said, I really am sorry. But again, I wasn't speaking to you.

I had a graphics art teacher who had a similar situation in the middle of the school year. I remember she was physically upset in class and word got around as to what happened and we all felt sorry for her. She was an awesome teacher. Dedicated. No nonsense. I checked up on my school in this rate your teacher site and she's still teaching graphic arts. (I loved that class.) She never took out her bad days on us. She was almost strangely the same mood all the time. Gave praise and criticism where you needed it. Didn't let you lag on your work. Any class having to do with creative arts I always relished and spent as much time as possible in. It was a refuge to get away from the jerks. And then some real big brutes enrolled the following year. They would come up to me and tell me my artwork sucked because everyone else was gushing about mine. I didn't care what THEY thought. Rumor had it that one of them was abusive to his girlfriend and he was so offensive to everyone. He was actually kinda scary.

I try to be nice to everyone. Even with walls up, I still warm up to people. But I find once I offer my number to them they never call me, and sometimes never see them again. I then start questioning their sincerity with their friendship towards me. I usually can't call them because they won't offer their to me or tell me they only text. Or, in one case, give me a number that's not in service or never used and always has their voice mail full. I just don't get it. I have a few acquaintances, some well-wishers, and occasionally talk to other parents.

That is horrible chippermonkey. I think all sexual assaulters and pervs should be castrated, tagged and have microchips embedded into them. I don't view them as human. I once was on another forum (it was a pagan/new age forum) and the topic on one thread came to a subject on why pediaphelia is wrong. Some sicko said that he should actually be allowed to freely look at kids and do what he wants to them and didn't have any consideration for what's good for a child. As a parent, I was deeply disturbed and wonder exactly who the people really were on this forum.

I just thought of something about myself.
I could never figure out why people cry when their happy. I don't get upset when people are mean to me as much as it used to for some time. I feel almost completely emotionally numb. Of course I have outrage when I see injustices, I cannot handle seeing other people and animals abused and I get upset when over things people have said and done to me in the past. But I just don't feel waves of emotion as easily as others. I have to force myself to appear that I'm grateful. Not that I'm not when I get nice gifts but my mom has scrutinized how small my voice gets when I say thank you. It doesn't seem abnormal to me and I don't feel unemotional. But on the outside I guess I appear that way.

I was never a victim of bullying, but was always an outcas. When I was 15, I moved to a different school and met this girl who seemed to have similar interests, but then I started noticing she was a liar: se pretended to like the same things I liked, but truth was she was really lazy and was trying to build the image of being smart, liking to read and all.

We were asked to write an arcticle for the school's newspaper and, as she was a faker and her writing sucked, I wrote the whole thing and she happily got the compliments. Then I found a couple of newspapers where people drew things on my face but nothing on hers, in the picture that was published with the arcticle. Probably done by people from my class. :/

Months later, she came to my house with the excuse that she wanted to hang out, but truth was that her mother had forbidden her to see a guy that lived close to me. She was constantly using me, so I backed off. I'm constantly exposed to situations where people come to me because they objectively needed something, so I'm also pretty guarded and mistrustful of people's intentions and "friendship" offers. Even now it happens and it's awful.

On the other hand, while I'm nice to others, I sometimes don't want to be their friends for many reasons (they have nothing in common with me, I have no patience with them or whatever), so I tend to back off in these situations too. I still offer help and we connect through mutual needs, but I wonder if I let them down because they expect me be bffs with them. It's complicate.

Bullying isn't always physical or obvious. Girls are deemed the cruelest because we tend to go after the self-esteem, reputations and inner psyche of others, which is the hardest to fix and recover from. Using people can be a form of bullying.
I went through the same thing many times. I got a re. as being gullible and people would use that weakness against me.

You sound sort of like me. I went through a time when I just didn't care if I had friends.
I had this one best friend who didn't live near me. Her mom was a caretaker and they were always moving. But we would have sleep-overs almost every other weekend for the whole weekend. My mom would get irritated but I didn't care and still don't. That was my only friend that came around and if we didn't have the sleep=overs I would have no one. My mom was only concerned with her stupid husband at the time. (That's another story)
At this time, I would love to have people over and hang out. My mom is always telling me that people will come over if I hold dinner parties. I don't want people over just because their expecting a free feast. And she's been complaining that I'm going to have such a lonely life. I don't care. It's a taboo to be alone but it doesn't mean it's a bad thing.
One thing I don't miss about having friends is them telling you what you should like, who you should go out with, what you should do. I don't do that to anyone else but people sure like doing that to me.