[Aina]

I was in my last relationship for half year and even though it's not very long time, it's hard for me to cope with it. I broke up with him and told him I don't love him anymore, which was and still is true. I had thought I could deal with it and move on, but I was mistaken.

I think the first warning was, that I had the most terrible migraine in last 2 years just a day after a breakup. I had been fine for a few more days, but then depression came and I've been feeling emotional pain almost non stop. It's been 2 weeks now and I already had suicidal thoughts. I am not in a mood to do anything at all, I feel like I have no energy left and there's no meaning into anything. In the last 2 weeks I had about 5 terrible headaches and pills stopped working for me so I am in nearly constant pain. I feel like I don't want to talk to people, to go out, or to be with anyone. My self confidence dropped dramatically, I feel useless and unworthy of anyone and anything.

Somebody please help me with this... How can I deal this issue?

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Aina

I was in my last relationship for half year and even though it's not very long time, it's hard for me to cope with it. I broke up with him and told him I don't love him anymore, which was and still is true. I had thought I could deal with it and move on, but I was mistaken.

I think the first warning was, that I had the most terrible migraine in last 2 years just a day after a breakup. I had been fine for a few more days, but then depression came and I've been feeling emotional pain almost non stop. It's been 2 weeks now and I already had suicidal thoughts. I am not in a mood to do anything at all, I feel like I have no energy left and there's no meaning into anything. In the last 2 weeks I had about 5 terrible headaches and pills stopped working for me so I am in nearly constant pain. I feel like I don't want to talk to people, to go out, or to be with anyone. My self confidence dropped dramatically, I feel useless and unworthy of anyone and anything.

Somebody please help me with this... How can I deal this issue?

If you are feeling suicidal please seek help immediately. What you are describing is depression and also an extreme reaction to a situation that you initiated. Please see a therapist or counselor so that you can talk about the situation and explore why you feel this way. If you have a friend, family member, roommate that you can reach out to, please do. It does, can, and will get better.

[Aina]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

If you are feeling suicidal please seek help immediately. What you are describing is depression and also an extreme reaction to a situation that you initiated. Please see a therapist or counselor so that you can talk about the situation and explore why you feel this way. If you have a friend, family member, roommate that you can reach out to, please do. It does, can, and will get better.

For me personally there is a thick line between suicidal thoughts and actual attempt.
My emotions are definitely not normal though, I am not best at coping healthy with them.

[Bill3]

Do you see a therapist? Would you see a therapist if you don't already?

[Aina]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Do you see a therapist? Would you see a therapist if you don't already?

I do see a therapist, but I didn't tell him about the breakup yet. I know I should have, but ... talking is hard...it's complicated.

[Bill3]

What if you wrote about it and handed him or emailed him what you wrote?

[Aina]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What if you wrote about it and handed him or emailed him what you wrote?

That could work. I probably just should find the courage to tell him. It's been 2 months I've been seeing him and I haven't really said anything personal yet.

[divine1966]

The way you feel is certainly very intense and please find courage to tell your t

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Aina

That could work. I probably just should find the courage to tell him. It's been 2 months I've been seeing him and I haven't really said anything personal yet.

Do you go every week? I'd think after 2 months you should be able to trust him more, do you think it's the right fit? Sometimes a therapist can be great but just not right for us for any number of reasons. I've always preferred seeing a woman.

[Aina]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

Do you go every week? I'd think after 2 months you should be able to trust him more, do you think it's the right fit? Sometimes a therapist can be great but just not right for us for any number of reasons. I've always preferred seeing a woman.

Yes, I do go there every week. I've gone through several therapists and I also dealt with the same issue, inability to open-up.
I honestly think it's absolutely twisted that you are expected to say all your troubles and feelings to a stranger. I mean.... I need years to be able to open up to people and even after years I still select people based on how much they understand me or are like me. I don't talk to anyone and I really select just a few... so seeing a therapist and being open there feels like rape for me, I am serious about that... a rape of my privacy... i am not sure what do to about it.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Aina

Yes, I do go there every week. I've gone through several therapists and I also dealt with the same issue, inability to open-up.
I honestly think it's absolutely twisted that you are expected to say all your troubles and feelings to a stranger. I mean.... I need years to be able to open up to people and even after years I still select people based on how much they understand me or are like me. I don't talk to anyone and I really select just a few... so seeing a therapist and being open there feels like rape for me, I am serious about that... a rape of my privacy... i am not sure what do to about it.

Sometimes people feel better knowing that the person is a trained professional who can't betray your confidence. I sort of look at it like you're paying them to listen so you want them to their job! I've always felt like it's the one place it's safe to spill everything, so I'm completely the opposite from you. That's got to be horrible, feeling like sharing your thoughts and feelings is such an extreme violation. Have you considered what is the worst possible scenario if you open up? Assuming you're not talking to them about killing yourself or someone else, what is the worst possible outcome that might follow opening up more?

[littleowl2006]

Originally Posted by Aina

Yes, I do go there every week. I've gone through several therapists and I also dealt with the same issue, inability to open-up.
I honestly think it's absolutely twisted that you are expected to say all your troubles and feelings to a stranger. I mean.... I need years to be able to open up to people and even after years I still select people based on how much they understand me or are like me. I don't talk to anyone and I really select just a few... so seeing a therapist and being open there feels like rape for me, I am serious about that... a rape of my privacy... i am not sure what do to about it.

I hear you, it is the same feeling for me, and it is awful. Maybe it is worth talking about the reasons, why do you feel that way? What makes it so hard to open up? I found it helpful to switch therapists. I need someone who is unprovoking and I also prefer talking to women.
You said rape of privacy - is this a trigger for you? Have your boundaries been disrespected by someone before?
Please find help, I hope this gets better for you

[Aina]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

Sometimes people feel better knowing that the person is a trained professional who can't betray your confidence. I sort of look at it like you're paying them to listen so you want them to their job! I've always felt like it's the one place it's safe to spill everything, so I'm completely the opposite from you. That's got to be horrible, feeling like sharing your thoughts and feelings is such an extreme violation. Have you considered what is the worst possible scenario if you open up? Assuming you're not talking to them about killing yourself or someone else, what is the worst possible outcome that might follow opening up more?

I think it is not really about the outcome.... All I know is how I feel at that particular moment and I feel violated. It just goes against my very nature to open up to people like that. I don't think I fear betrayal, it simply doesn't work for me. It's like you'd force a cat to bark... it won't bark because it is a cat, all it can do is meowing.
(I don't know if I make any sense at all)

[Aina]

Originally Posted by littleowl2006

I hear you, it is the same feeling for me, and it is awful. Maybe it is worth talking about the reasons, why do you feel that way? What makes it so hard to open up? I found it helpful to switch therapists. I need someone who is unprovoking and I also prefer talking to women.
You said rape of privacy - is this a trigger for you? Have your boundaries been disrespected by someone before?
Please find help, I hope this gets better for you

I don't know... maybe it is a deeper issue, I am used to have cold/nice relationships with people. Which means I am generally nice and friendly to people, but I prefer to keep my distance, I am reserved and very private and usually keep the conversation on general chit-chats.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Aina

I think it is not really about the outcome.... All I know is how I feel at that particular moment and I feel violated. It just goes against my very nature to open up to people like that. I don't think I fear betrayal, it simply doesn't work for me. It's like you'd force a cat to bark... it won't bark because it is a cat, all it can do is meowing.
(I don't know if I make any sense at all)

Have you tried journaling or using guided journals? That might be away to get it out without having to tell another person. You can always shred it or throw it away if you're afraid of someone getting ahold of it.

[Aina]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

Have you tried journaling or using guided journals? That might be away to get it out without having to tell another person. You can always shred it or throw it away if you're afraid of someone getting ahold of it.

I did write a journal when I was a teenager. I probably should start it again, it's really a good thing.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

It sounds to me like it isn't the breakup itself causing the feelings of loss n emptiness but rather an irrational feeling of abandonment that often occurs when a relationship is severed either by the person or their partner if the person deals with borderline personality disorder in their life as well - i know this because it is something i deal with, another part of it is self-blame for the relationship ending and ultimately spiraling into suicidal feelings or actions - so i want to ask you, is this something you too deal with? Borderline Personality i mean? The reason I ask is because if you do, the ways in which others who do not deal with Borderline Personality Disorder, handle and deal with the stress of a break up is usually quite different, as are the ways that create a healthy healing process.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

It sounds to me like it isn't the breakup itself causing the feelings of loss n emptiness but rather an irrational feeling of abandonment that often occurs when a relationship is severed either by the person or their partner if the person deals with borderline personality disorder in their life as well - i know this because it is something i deal with, another part of it is self-blame for the relationship ending and ultimately spiraling into suicidal feelings or actions - so i want to ask you, is this something you too deal with? Borderline Personality i mean? The reason I ask is because if you do, the ways in which others who do not deal with Borderline Personality Disorder, handle and deal with the stress of a break up is usually quite different, as are the ways that create a healthy healing process.

I have BPD and I take breakups horribly. I completely shut down and start self medicating with drugs/alcohol/anything! I can relate to how you're hesitant to open up with your tdoc. No, it's not healthy but I get how you're just not comfortable yet. Maybe it's time to find a new tdoc? I know it's easier said than done, but try not to blame yourself or let this reflect on your self worth. It just didn't work out. There's plenty others out there but maybe take this time to do some healing and take care of yourself. Please don't turn to dark thoughts of suicide. It really isn't the end of the world. "This too shall pass". Hang in there Hun. ((Hugs)).

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

[Aina]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

It sounds to me like it isn't the breakup itself causing the feelings of loss n emptiness but rather an irrational feeling of abandonment that often occurs when a relationship is severed either by the person or their partner if the person deals with borderline personality disorder in their life as well - i know this because it is something i deal with, another part of it is self-blame for the relationship ending and ultimately spiraling into suicidal feelings or actions - so i want to ask you, is this something you too deal with? Borderline Personality i mean? The reason I ask is because if you do, the ways in which others who do not deal with Borderline Personality Disorder, handle and deal with the stress of a break up is usually quite different, as are the ways that create a healthy healing process.

I actually only dealt with thoughts and feelings, I haven't slipped into self destructive behavior i.e no excessive drinking, no self harming, no drugs, no nothing really.. I just think about life and how it will go now and I thought it's ****ed... but I am better now, at least I think I am. I might have BPD though.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I am glad you are doing better now Aina- if you think you may have BPD please get it checked because there is no drug for it or cure really - they give you drugs for the symptoms and teach you how to retrain your mind - so the sooner you start the better it is, IF thar is something you have to deal with - also, the test on this site is the most accurate online one I have ever found (as long as you are completely honest).

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

RxQueen- atm I am not struggling with a break up so I am ok but I felt I recognized a bit of how I felt in my last couple break ups in Aina's post

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

I am glad you are doing better now Aina- if you think you may have BPD please get it checked because there is no drug for it or cure really - they give you drugs for the symptoms and teach you how to retrain your mind - so the sooner you start the better it is, IF thar is something you have to deal with - also, the test on this site is the most accurate online one I have ever found (as long as you are completely honest).

Oh where's the test on here? I'm using the tapatalk app on my phone for forums so I can't find it.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Borderline Personality Test - Psych Central

That's the link

[Aina]

I took the test and my score was 13 which means having a BPD is unlikely for me. Though my feelings after the break up were intense, and I still feel very low for ending the relationship, I did not relate to most of the stuff in the test like;

"Feeling of emptiness" - I don't feel empty. I usually feel something, I can hardly say it's emptiness.
I never found myself being paranoid, I am more or less naive when it comes to the intentions of others I think.
I am too perfectionist to idealize people too, I see many faults in many people, it makes it hard to open up and to be warm in a relationship. This is the reason why the other thing about intense relationships can't be true too... I also don't want to make myself look a fool in a romantic relationship so I hold back as much as I can even after a longer time. And... The thing about the unstable ego image... just no... I haven't changed my opinion of myself in many many years and I've been following the same goals since elementary school really...so ... no

I do have intense emotions... which might seems borderline...but as far as I know, I do not show much of other symptoms... I am just hypersenstive, but also in very introverted and reserved manner...I don't show much of what I feel out of the fear of being seen as stupid or too emotional, so I usually play it really cold and cool.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Ok then you most likely do not have BPD - intense emotions can be a symptom to a variety of things, I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist so I wouldn't want to try to diagnose you - but the biggest question is: does any of the things you describe about yourself seem to cause you difficulty in your day to day life or in most all of your relationships?