[TishaBuv]

I messaged my married ex, "Let me know you haven't fallen into a sink hole and wish me a happy birthday." He didn't respond. My ridiculous obsession. I had a crazy booty call on again/off again relationship with him for ten years. I was crazy about him, he was just crazy. I lost touch with him for 20 years. We reconnected and emailed for a year. Nothing came of it. I left him alone for two years. Now I messaged him because I never stop thinking about him. He never wished me a happy birthday ever. I figured what the hell, hearing from him, even to just respond with an obligatory birthday greeting, would make my day. Can you say Relationship OCD??? Ugh! Kinda hate myself.

TishaBuv, we have all been there. Hard to let people go that we still emotionally are attached too. It happens. At some point, you will have to detach. Obviously, he has and has moved on. So should you. tc

[Quarter life]

Hi TishaBuv.

Slippery slope trying to re connect with ex loves, it certainly seems like he has moved on and is in a committed relationship now.

Best to let this one go and start buildng new connections & friendships.

Be kind to yourself TishaBuv.

[Permacultural]

Sometimes not saying something, not returning a message for instance, says a great deal. His silence is probably telling you something.

[divine1966]

Are you married right? That's kind of slippery slope....

My ex husband and I do say Happy birthday to each other but just because we are polite like that and it did our daughter lots of good that we are civil. Is he a father of your kids? If not then I don't see why you want to hear from him?

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[TishaBuv]

I know. It's an obsession. I've kept it in check in reality, but my mind doesn't stop obsessing over him. As far as him not answering, I think he doesn't even see Facebook messages. He's never on there and a mutual friend posted something to him recently that he didn't respond to, either. Maybe he really did fall down a sink hole.

This is the strangest guy and I LOVED IT. He totally fed into the whole thing, too. Toyed with me. Believed his own BS. He is absolutely not a person anyone would want to encourage, and why I feel the way I do is beyond my comprehension. Honestly, there must be some kind of disorder that has perpetuated my 35 year obsession. Seriously folks...

I made sure I deleted his phone number and email so I would never dial out again.

[TishaBuv]

When we were in our 20's, he took me out after not seeing me for months (his usual pattern) and asked me to marry him. I had just started dating the man that I married. I told him I had finally met a guy who was there for me and consistent and that I wanted to give that a chance. He hugged me and wished me well. That was the last time I saw him. When we reconnected 20 years later, he didn't remember that conversation ever happening! Lol, omg

[TishaBuv]

It was such a bizarre relationship that I think I never got over it because I am so traumatized. I let him treat me so strangely, use me, but he seemed to really care for me. He said to me 'I heard the wedding bells and I ran!". I know, he didn't run from the wedding bells he heard with the woman he eventually married. I got married years before him, lthough. My mother wouldn't let me advertise my wedding in the paper because she was afraid he was going to show up at the wedding and have a scene like from The Graduate. Wasn't just him, could have been a few boyfriends to play the Dustin Hoffman role. I was a dizzy young broad. Also, he was a pot head, Coke addict musician. I smoked pot with him, but never did Coke. Auto correct spelled Coke (I don't mean the soda :-)

Oh well, 50 years old and still just a dizzy broad...

[TishaBuv]

I moved on from other relationships. I don't know why he haunts me like this. My mind is a pretty disturbed place.

I am very blessed to have all that I do have and need to try to think only of that.

[TishaBuv]

My father died of cancer and nobody told me he was dying, so it was a total shock, a few years later I had a mad crush on this boy ( I was 16), instead of losing my virginity to him, I went on a date with an older brother of a friend who slipped me something and date raped me. I am not as obsessed with my father's death, I am not at all emotional about the rape, but for some reason I never stopped obsessing about the lack of love from this guy. I think all these things are related.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I get that he may be the love of your life, the one that got away ect. But you're both married correct? Would you like a woman to be texting your husband? Have respect for your relationship and their marriage and not expect a happy bday at all. I would try my best to get over it and seek therapy if needed.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 150mgs
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 600mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

[divine1966]

I think you are obsessing about your ex ( if that's 20 years ago young love then really it's not reasonable to expect contact) because your marriage isn't satisfactory. I would focus on that as it is more obtainable ( improving your marriage or leaving your husband rather than getting back with long lost ex)

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[TishaBuv]

Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) in which the sufferer experiences intrusive, unwanted and distressing thoughts about the strength, quality, and “true nature” of their love for their partner.

https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/relationship-ocd/

It's ROCD and beyond. It's beyond because this guy had everything NOT going for him. It's not like I'm a snob that is looking for perfection. It's like I set my sights on someone so flawed and am completely crushed that I was not good enough for him.

I had a dialing out relapse because it was my birthday and I just wanted him to be a true friend. I guess that would have validated how my mind stupidly obsesses about him. I guess I was just being massochistic, setting myself up for a hurt. Maybe I wanted to hurt myself. Ugh, again kinda hate myself. After a whole lifetime of obsessive thoughts, no therapy in the world will stop it. I just walk around, putting on a normal persona to the world, not letting anyone know the thoughts in my head.

And yes, Divine, you are right. If I were happy in my marriage, I think, I hoped, the obsessions would go away. But maybe part of the reason for my unhappiness is because I really have ROCD! BPD, ROCD, ADHD/ADD, BAD :-(

I have lots of family history of mental illness and suicide. My father in law made a stupid comment that I had bad DNA, and that was only because people in my family got divorced! But, he's right.

[divine1966]

My BF has Tourette's and rather severe OCD. He is on Meds for OCD ( not relationship kind) or he wouldn't be able to function, it takes edge off, ), and he did many years of CBT which gave him many strategies. Have you tried any of it?

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[Rose76]

Let it go. You know, yourself, that this is inappropriate. Stop trying to contact him. He has a right to be left alone by you. You are doing absolutely nothing positive for yourself, with this attempt to connect with him. That's energy and attention you should be putting into something else . . . anything else.