What is "falling in love is"-

-if not a bunch of stupid illussions we throw on each other,,,,just to get dissaopinted. i wonder. i hope..that it si possible to love WITHOUT FALLING....

without being all in illussions, without depending on a single phone call,,,, eh, stupid me ( in the past)

i don`t know...was lying at night in bed and thought to myself how good it is that behind this wall i have Mom and Dad and our 3 dogs and behind the other wall are Grandmother and Grandfather,,,,,and thought to myself that when i will be 50 and 60 not all of them will be alive, and it`s good to have a nice big family of upir won because whe you are old you need care. and don`t want to be alone.

some time ago i would feel terribly sad after seeing a couple ...like my roomate and her bf....i felt lonely.
now i feel so good why the heck i need another stupid relatioship, recalling my last one, and my [arets want me to meet someonw, he is 31 years old. and i am 22. and i odn`t care and don`t think of it untill this moment:

why do you have to love THAT MUCH the 1 you get married...it`s good if he is a good man..if he is ready to take care of childred, (and doesn`t insist on having too much) and leaves you alone to your business.
my business is graphic design
wiritng novels,
physchology and phylosophy/spirituality,
dancing and choreography
singing and songwriting

and my big dream that will neer leave me-tryring to make a band...........

how much the "fallig in love" thing is important to those "relashionships" ?

Hi, Lady...You sound very much like I was thinkng when I finally met and married my husband (now ex of 11 years)...
Please don't kid yourself that you can marry someone who is a nice guy, and all will be well. It won't...I did that! and spent a very long unhappily married.
You are very young, and it sounds like you have a lot of creative interests in music art and writing....I say focus on those and let the men come as you pursue your interests.
Patty

thanks Seeker

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seeker1950 said:
You are very young, and it sounds like you have a lot of creative interests in music art and writing....I say focus on those and let the men come as you pursue your interests.
Patty

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that what i actually do. i feel fine. i don`t NEED anything and that`s what it`s all about.
we don`t have to need anyithing from a partner. we have to give and not to take,

anyways.
i am actually working on my goals..(so harrd to believe i call my goal and not just dreamsbut what can i do)
and they are my love my life i am not bored and not unhappy.
i am rewriting my old lyrics and composing them
now that i have the summer vecation.

I visited my grandfather in Denmark when I was a little girl, and he'd tell me stories in the evening of his travels. My grandmother didn't speak English, but she sat with us. I looked over at her while he was speaking, knowing she didn't understand a word he was saying, and the look of pure love in her eyes for him was truly amazing.

I don't remember ever wanting to "be" anything when I grew up, but I wanted to have what I saw in my grandmother's eyes that day.

My first marriage was a disaster. We divorced when I became pregnant. It was difficult being a single mother, working full-time and caring for elderly parents.

My neighbor and best friend at the time hit it rich. He asked me to move to California with him and marry him. He said he'd treat me like a queen and give me the world on a silver platter. I hesitated because I only loved him like a brother, but he told me I could learn to love him as a husband.

I was driving home from work one day and the song "Groovy Kind of Love" by Phil Collins came on the radio. It's a remake of a song I knew from the 60s, and I immediately thought of my grandmother and that look in her eyes.

I told my friend to go on to California without me. I didn't want to feel comfort and luxury - I wanted to feel passion for my partner in life.

Several months later I met my husband. Three years later we got married. We've been together for 18 years, and I still get all warm and tingly when he enters the room. Just the sight of him makes my heart smile.

Follow your dream. Don't give up, and don't settle for the next best thing.

how funny it is that i forget about this post all the time and then enter the forum and see it and remember.

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KathyM said:

Follow your dream. Don't give up, and don't settle for the next best thing.

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ho well , i really am not as desperate as to run after the first am i see. as i siad, i feel sort of careless about it.
i also can`t imagine myself a mother.
don`t know.
in our family i am always in my room doing one of the htings meitoned in the first post above. i don`t talk a lot ot my parets or grandparetns. i don`t do much in the house. and sometiems i aks myself if i feel so careless..( idon`t have many fiends too again i don`t feel as if it botheres me)

i wonder what kind of a mother and wife i can be....

Kathy, thanks for sharying your story.

Girlie, you should not get into a reletionship because your parents want you too. I made that mistake with my first marriage. Next go round will be with someone I know like the back of my hand, and love with my whole heart. You want a best friend, a lover, and someone you can really share with. Don't settle for the mundane when you can have the extraordinary. A lot of us here have made that mistake, and have the emotional and or physical battle scars to show for it. If you ever need someone to vent on, feel free to pm me.
TCCIC!

GPG

hi i feel the best description of falling in love is given by scott peck in the road less travelled. i'd say falling madly in love is just - mad!!

I think my favourite description of love come from Buffy the Vampire slayer (3rd series I believe) from the character Spike (James Masters):

"Love isn't brains children, it's blood - blood screaming inside you to work its will...

now I may by love's *****, but at least I'm man enough to admit it!"

x

Not to throw a kink in the idea of falling in love, but from experience, I think it's insanity....really...One doesn't think clearly, for sure! I had a cynicall and highly sexual art professor say one time that it is the biological drive to procreate (all the while seducing his female students)!
There really does seem to be a substantial loss of judgment while "under the influence" of "falling in love," and I have been no exception.
Patty

It's interesting as I read your post and see that you are 22 and I start to think about where I was at 22 and where I am now.

I met my first husband at 19. We dated for one month and got engaged (red flag number one). We set a date for the wedding but he lost his job, so we ended up dating for 3 1/2 years before we got married. I was not in tune with myself so I didn't see the warning signs then.

At the back of the church I had an empty beer bottle that I filled with brandy and was drinking before I walked down the aisle hmmm......Then my dad walks me down the aisle and gives me to my husband to be, who turns to me looks at my chest and says "nice cleavage" hmmm......(I looked at the pastor in embarrassment and he said "you look beautiful".

Did I run down the aisle - nope? Why? Because no one else would ever love me and I better take what I could get. Needless to say, the marriage lasted less than a year and a half and ended with stalking and a restraining order (I still don't have a phone number listed to this day).

It took me until I was 40 to realize that I don't want a long term relationship until I am ready and comfortable in my own skin. That I don't want someone to make me better, I just want someone to share in how good I am.

I'm glad you're thinking about this and identifying all the goals that you have. Chase those dreams and when things are right you will find love, not fall in love.

Tranquility

Good post, Tranquility.

I think things like this happen to many of us when we are young. The racing pheromones and hormones can be overwhelming. Add to that, our popular culture glorifies an unrealistic ideal of what true love should be, in film, TV, and above all, popular songs.

Anything else than a feeling that the earth is moving for us causes us to wonder if it's really love.

I like Patty's quote that falling madly in love is madness in the old meaning of insanity. Sometimes, when I was getting in too deeply with someone I knew was bad for me, I'd think of a line for Shakespeare's King Lear, "O this way madness lies."

Tranquility! I can so identify with your wedding! Just as I was about to walk down the aisle, my dad (who never really talked to me in my whole young life said, "You know, you don't have to do this!) But there I was...the wedding arrangement, the church, flowers, presents, families, and I lacked the courage to have a disaster like in THE GRADUATE movie! Shortly thereafter, Paul Simon's song FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER played repeatedly on the radio, and I identified totally. But unlike Tranquility, I stayed for an agonizing 20 years, raising a daughter who witnessed my unhappiness the whole time! Thankfully, she has emerged well despite this, happily married with lovely twin boys.
As Want2fly has so accurately stated, the hormones are raging when we are young. There is also the glorification of the wedding ceremony as a goal for many young women (of which I was one....thinking I deserved it!). This is just one day! The lifetime together afterward is what's important!
Patty

Patty - it's crazy isn't it? I had a moment of clarity a year and a half later when I caught him in a big lie. Trust is my biggest thing and I just couldn't get over that so I found the strength to leave.

Tranquility

to add further info, a dr friend told me that falling in love released dopamine in the brain the chemical involved in schizophrenia, i'm 51 have fell in love in my life 4 times, i look back and say my thinking was clouded and i said and did some strange things while i was in love. i'm convinced it's natures way of making us reproduce, i'm now very careful and a little cynical if i find myself being very attracted to someone--boring i know ,but that's where i am at the moment

Jefftele...exactly...

jefftele, that makes a lot of sense. Good info. I know there's been studies that say chocolate releases some brain chemical similar to the being-in-love chemical/s.

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tranquility said:

. That I don't want someone to make me better, I just want someone to share in how good I am.

. Chase those dreams and when things are right you will find love, not fall in love.

Tranquility

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also. my T says that when we fall in love it is not that much with the other person as with OURSELVES through that person-sort of somehitng reflective, you tned to think "we are alike"...

I agree, LadyM -- When we see ourselves reflected as a "better being," it is intoxicating.

I knew a disabled man in my youth; I knew he was in love with me and that it could never come to anything beyond friendship. At times when I felt especially low and worthless, I would remind myself that I was, at least, one person's "dream girl."

ho that was nice to remember i guess.