[Ocean Swimmer]

To read the emls,he was King of the sack.

A real woman pleaser. Someone totally special.

Has an airplane 6 seater,drives a Lamborghini,has a successful law practice.

Most probably the worst lay in my whole life. I'm a little rusty but am good at intimacy. Fun loving,like to play.

He's only 57 years old,but we spent most of the evening keeping his tiny little thing from getting mushy.
He shaves his body and has someone shave his back. He was one big sharp stumble.

Rotten kisser.

Liked to slap and pinch as foreplay. Yuck.

I usually don't drink as I take meds. Needed to have 4 drinks just to put up with him. Bad news.

He flew down here to Costa Rica to meet me, but has other guys vacationing a few hours from him. He was the only one who rented a car, so decided to go back early to go ATV riding with them. Yay-yippee and I'm so glad.

Intellectually we were very compatible. I'm a Real Estate Broker and need to have an extensive law knowledge & he's a Real Estate Attorney. We both love exotic cars, I have 2 Porsches.

But online he always came off as a total giver and sexual savant.

Damn I couldn't have had a worse time if I tried.

Plus. Not handsome, voice not sexy and arrogant.

What a big fat drag. He lives close by to my California home, but it's very doubtful we will hook up again.

Has this ever happened to you? That you spent years online only to be crushed?

Pretty depressing. We'd eml several times per day and I'd always look forward to hearing from him.

Oh well. Love and learn. Boo-Hoo

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

He sounds a bit like like me, before I became happily married.

[divine1966]

Honestly I'd never spend years emailing anyone. Few weeks sure. But even then time to start phone conversation. Years?

Also he must be great con artist if he could pretend for that long. But he maybe really believed all that. Otherwise one can only pretend that long. Years of pretending? I hope you used condoms.

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[Ocean Swimmer]

How does one pretend that he's a good lover. And for what benefit??

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

How does one pretend that he's a good lover. And for what benefit??

People pretend and make up shyt for many reasons.. until you and him met and had actual sex there was no way to determine if he was truthful or not. Most people are afraid to bring up any ED issues, not that its taboo but maybe this person figured you two would not actually met and be intimate?

I also cant imagine emailing someone for years if there were a romantic interest.. Just friends? sure I have many people all around the world that I keep in close contact with.

This could be a great learning tool for future relationships. As mentioned I hope this was safe sex .

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

How does one pretend that he's a good lover. And for what benefit??

He might think he is a good lover actually. He might be in total denial.

But again people pretend for number of reasons. After years of emailing he maybe thought you two will never meet

. Also if it was his first time with you and you two don't really know each other ( emailing doesn't count as he clearly was full of surprises) maybe he was just very stressed and it often fails the first time under pressure. Why even go to bed right away? Maybe if you two focused on other things first like romance but not bedroom then maybe he wasn't that bad? So it was just one night stand type of thing? You slept together and that was it?

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[Ocean Swimmer]

Well we both live in CA. And he came down to Costa Rica.
He has to be in court next week, so couldn't stay long. I've been somewhat manic since my trip to Florida. My inhibitions were down and I also had 3-4 drinks.
When I was younger courtship would last a long time. I'm in my 50's now and I guess all of that eml time seemed like our courtship.

Or maybe I'm just making excuses.

My lover died about 2 yrs ago. I've been celibate since.

[divine1966]

If you live in the same state then emailing each other for years and not meet is a bit extreme in my opinion. I am your age. And dated/know people who are older than me etc and know other people my age or older who are dating. No, emailing for years isn't typical courtship at all. In fact never heard of it. Courtship would be actually dating. Even if it is long distance people don't just email for years. It could be anybody on the other side emailing you. Next time I'd speed up the process

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[healingme4me]

Why not meet in state?

Florida, Costa Rica, California, needs to be in court , a lawyer perhaps? Exact age,...

Not that I don't grapple with trust issues, but my flags are going up all over the place about this thread.

Maybe this is naïveté?

How frustrating that a first time was less than stellar. What happened to a second time? Didn't he not please you first? Wouldn't that leave things a bit more balanced? Especially after several drinks. I've heard of 20somethings under performing after a night of drinking

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[Ocean Swimmer]

Last year I was in the hospital 5 times.
No internet in patient.
Then thru ECT I actually forgot him. Plus I wasn't driving.

I had a nurse in the house every other day. I stopped eating.

When I'm in Costa Rica,at my ranch, unless I'm building it's pretty much chill time.
I'm online support groups more often and enjoy taking pictures and emling them.

So that's when the 4x per day emls with this guy resumed.

[divine1966]

I would maybe suggest to meet up again, but no sex. What's his take on all this?
Oh never mind. He likes to pinch and slap and shaves his body. You are better off.


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God, you guys are being pretty judgemental. I wouldn't want to see the guy again either. Emailing that long and then sleeping with someone isn't that unbelievable. Maybe I'm just in a different generation than you, but I've had friends email for a week then meet up and have sex.

She didn't dig the guy, big deal. I'd be pretty disappointed too. But op aren't you married? There I do have a problem. I don't dig cheating...

I'm confused (probably missed something somewhere). In recent posts you say you are married, in others you say your lover died a few years ago. If you are married, is your husband okay with these kinds of affairs?

[scorpiosis37]

You seem extremely angry and critical of a man that you spent two years talking to and developing a relationship with-- even if it was online. I realize that rhe sex was a disappointment, but you aren't cutting him any slack. It takes two to tango. Perhaps something about your personality, or your lack of connection, contributed to his "situation." Or perhaps the two of you are just incompatible sexually. That doesn't necesaarily mean he "lied"-- it just means you two don't click. Why the need to vent online about it? I cant imagine being that critical of someone I spent two year talking to and liked enough to sleep with them. The level of anger just seems disproportionate to the situation. Clearly, you two are not a match-- no need to see one another again-- I just don't understand why you are so upset about it.

[divine1966]

OMG. Op is married? Say what? Ugh? I feel stupid now that I took this thread seriously thinking this was long email exchange between single people in search for dating/romantic partner. Ugh

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[Ocean Swimmer]

I forgot I posted this on Relationships.
I've posted a new thread on Bipolar to give anyone who is confused or upset more background info.

It's important to me and I'm glad to have read your opinions and help. Thank you.

[divine1966]

I think sometimes it might be better to give a background info first because then we would be giving different advice. My advice was based on the assumption that you were looking for a relationship and not searching for extramarital affair/one night stand. I for one would never suggest you date him and get to know each other well if I knew you weren't looking for and aren't available for a relationship.

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[Ocean Swimmer]

My husband lives in another country.

I have had relationships concurrent with my marriage that have lasted 5 or more years.
It's not usually intercourse. But touching.

My husband wouldn't understand but is asexual. Or nonsexual. His first marriage ended because of this.

He did try to meet my advances while we were engaged. I had a lot of money ,property and 2 businesses.

He had a job and a pension. He's a good person.

My lifestyle is different than most people. I don't judge others. I struggle with bipolar and do have to keep my own needs met.

[INDCI48BL]

Perhaps it was because of the 2 1/2 years the let down was so deep. For me personally if I emailed someone for 2 1/2 years and it turned out like that I would start rethinking my tactics.

[divine1966]

There is no judgement as there are other people in open marriages. Whatever works for two of you. I am just saying it changes the nature of the story and our replies. Like if I asked for dating advise on here and fail to mention I am engaged.

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I may have an incurable mental illness that destroys lives and damages identities, but I don't have to shave the back of the King of the Sack.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Lefty. Thanks for lightening it up and making me laugh!

[Ocean Swimmer]

I'm disappointed that this situation did not work out for me.

Now I'm also wary of believing people on the Internet. That's been taken away from me.
I am so independent that the idea that there's other people in my life, it didn't cross my mind to make my post more complicated.

My husband is like my business partner. And we don't get a chance to even talk very much. Imo 20 years is a great success in any relationship - friend,lover, husband,brother.

Hi Ocean Swimmer...I was just thinking.

Can I ask if you are honest with your husband? Should you be? If the answer is no, then do you have a right to expect honesty from other people?

Just a couple of thoughts I had. Everyone needs to live their lives the best way they know how, but I think fairness rules.
(JMHO, no offense and just food for thought)

[Ocean Swimmer]

Hi Sofiesmom.
I guess I had a pretty lucky life so far. No one ( except my husband) has made a huge effort to deceive me.

It's ok. I'll get over it. Was nice to get all the attention online while it lasted I guess. This guy would always send me a cute or flirty wake up eml. Then if there was a beautiful sunset I'd take a photo and send it. He'd respond. Now I have fewer emls.

I knew there was a risk meeting him and losing him as an eml friend.

Husband is in China. He gets like 300 emls a day. So rarely writes to me or answers my eml. He's thinking about coming here mid March for 2 weeks.