Do girls consider outgoing guys more attractive than introverted guys?

People often act as if being outgoing is no better than being introverted, and it is considered totally acceptable to tell someone to their face that you see them as more introverted. For example people at work have said that about me. But at the same time, I often see people say that more outgoing guys are more attractive to girls than more introverted guys. If this is the case, then isn't it an insult to tell someone they are introverted? It is basically like you are telling them they aren't as attractive as the more extroverted person. In my book that isn't ok. Next time someone tells me I am an introvert should I tell them to go eat a turd?

If people tell you that you are an introvert, it must mean you are quiet and shy, withdrawn. I agree, their telling you that is a criticism. They're not complimenting you on your lack of personality. They're saying you are boring.

If you tell them off, you are then introverted and hostile.

As far as do girls like introverts or extroverts more, it's probably pretty balanced. An outgoing person usually partners with a more reserved one. Being an introvert isn't bad. But if people tell you that you are, yes, I think they think you are boring, and that can be frustrating to other people. You need to hold up your end of the conversation. You need to contribute something. Nobody likes to have to bring everything.

I think people are stupid in general and prone to pidgeonholing others in whatever way they feel like at the moment. Being an introvert or extrovert are just the tip of the iceberg for the true dynamics of what either characteristic brings to the table. So what if they say that? You will just alienate more people if you're hostile about their lack of knowledge.
It's true though, people who are gregarious and outgoing attract more attention. But, who cares? You get to choose who you hang out with. You should definitely be true to yourself though.
These guys who attract lots of attention don't give a damn about anyone else, unless something makes them look good. And then it's only temporary to fight boredom. They leave a wake of unhappy people behind them. I bet you don't want to be like that.
If it's a girl you want you just have to brave it out and talk to her. I'm guessing you don't really believe that a guy is better off having all the girls swooning after him. That's just silly.

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Ok, I am boring. Now what? Is there a way to change that or is it just the way I am? Perhaps my slow processing speed makes me unable to think of things to say in social situations? What then?

Personally, I don't go for the guys who are always the "on the go all the time", life of the party type. I like a man who's content to sit at home and be intimate, or who keeps to himself a little. I don't like feeling as though THE WHOLE WORLD knows more about my man then I do, if that makes sense. I don't mind some socializing or anything, as long as it doesn't interfere with one on one time. But then, I'm more of a home body too.

In what context did they say that? Being introverted isn't better or worse than extroverted. It's what it is but why do they even bring it up?

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So when you are part of a conversation, you listen to what people are saying, and you are processing that information and not having reactionary thoughts? Is that what you think is happening?

Do you have reactions once you do process? Is just takes you longer?

Yeah probably. I took an intelligence test and I got a really low score on cognitive processong speed.

You should talk to your doctor about that. You might just have a processing issue, and that can explain so much of your relationship issues.

But that isn't really something that changes, it is ingrained. I don't really know what talking to a doctor about it would do. I talked to my therapist about it and she doesn't even really seem to acknowledge it, she says it is probably not the issue.

They don't just straight up say it out of nowehere, it is typically that they would be talking about people's personalities or who is introverted and who is extroverted and I would always be labeled as shy and introverted.

I thought about my thoughts before posting and it seemed cliched but here's how it goes for me personally.

Being introverted or extroverted is of little significance to me.

What matters most is how someone treats me and interacts with me in front of others and equally important how they speak to me 1 on 1.

Outgoing is not what attracts me.

Kindness and genuine do it for me.

Also something I should point out is that when I try to force myself to talk in an attempt to avoid being boring, I end up saying stupid things and people seem to generally find me annoying as hell. So I don't really know what to do. I am basicallg in a lose-lose situation.

You're not in a lose-lose situation. You are just finding another thing to blame.

I am a mix of introvert and extrovert. I often act more extraverted as I leaned how to - but inwardly I am quite introverted. When I was younger I was definitely shy an introverted.

I like extraverted people. I like introverted people. I have had relationships with extraverted men. I have had relationships with introverted men.

Introverted doesn't mean boring. It means that you are more internal. Often quiet, sometimes shy. But boring? No. I know lots of very amazing introverted people whom I am never bored with. I also know plenty of extraverted people who bore me to death!

As an introvert, I can almost for 98% say I am sure in general being extrovert is more attractive to females.

And female extroverts are more attractive to males. Just ask yourself this question. What do you prefer?

And even when the introvert is actually more attractive, you won't notice it as fast.

Of course, every day many people fall hopelessly in love with introverts, but I would say not because they are introvert.
And there's a lot of extrovert losers out there.

That said, you can learn to be extrovert or fake yourself as an extrovert.



I can relate to being slow to generate a response in social environments. Some people instantly have the exact best counter or continuation. For me, sometimes never pops up. Or an idea comes up and you want to second guess yourself and you discard it, but then no alternative emerges.

I don't understand how its an insult unless you are outright choosing to take offense.


If you take a personality test, like the Myers Briggs for instance and it states you're introverted, will you also feel offended?


Sigh 😔


Obviously both introverts and extroverts find love, there is no "favorite", its part of the whole "opposites attract" rule. There are obviously exceptions to the rule, like my bf and I.


Both introverts, but have excellent social skills when necessary.


Extroverts, or people who appear to be extroverted, just make it easier to approach them, or to relax in their company, they're not superior to introverts.


You don't have to be an extrovert to learn good social skills.

If you have low processing speed than it explains why you have difficulty communicating. Yet people with very slow processing speed often have cognitive difficulties which you don't seem to have ( judging by how well you write). The only people I know with slow processing speed but overall average intelligence and ability to express themselves in writing are people with ASD. I am not attempting to diagnose you but that's what I do for a living so I am wondering. I wish I could communicate with you in person and observe. I recommend you see your doc and discuss it. It might help you figure out why yo are struggling so

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A slow cognitive processing speed is not necessarily correlated with low intelligence nor does it fully explain a lack of social skills. I was diagnosed with a slow processing speed but I also have a 141 IQ and a PhD. While I'm more on the introverted side, I don't have the struggles with communication that you describe. From your other threads, it seems that your problem has more to do with suppressed anger, misogyny, a feeling of "life is not fair!" and a lack of imitative to work on distorted thought patterns. Introversion and processing speed might contribute to these things, but they are not the primary source. Since I also hav the processing speed issue, I will say that there are moments when my processing speed does affect me (I hate doing Q&As after giving conference papers because it takes me an extra moment to formulate a good answer) but it doesn't affect me when it comes to social small talk. My introversion does make it harder for me to "jump in" when I'm in a large group or around new people, but not when I'm 1:1 or with people I know. I would say I'm good one on one, but only so-so in groups. if I'm with someone who is more introverted than I am, I usually kind of "fake" being an extrovert and drive the conversation. (In fact, I did that on a date tonight). I'm pretty sure no one would associate my introversion with being "boring." Personally, I'm most attracted to people who are in the middle. I don't like it when I'm with someone who needs to be the center of attention and makes new friends wherever we go. I would rather be with someone who focuses their attention on me. At the same time, I don't like being with someone who just sits there like a lump, because it means I have to do the work of entertaining them (like on my date tonight). I prefer to be with someone where there is a natural back and forth, where we can have interesting conversations, laugh, etc. I would say that most of my friends are slightly more on the introverted side, but pretty close to the middle. That is how I would describe myself, too. I think your distorted thought patterns (which have been discussed on the forums numerous times) are really more of an issue though than either introversion or processing speed.

I don't know if it's just negative outlook. I think it's more than that.

op might have legitimate issue with social skills which might come from something more than negativity. Plenty of negative and angry people still form friendship and date and navigate the world just fine. Op doesn't.

You shadix seem to have very difficult time to read people ( like assuming people at work or gym hate you or not understanding what people are saying and what people might be up to) and difficult time with basic tasks like you are still living at home despite college degree and professional job and are unable to do basic things like use a coffee pot or find a therapist who works later hours etc which indicates to me more of a mental health issue or some other concern. Even distorted things could be an indication of a problem . Not just anger



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It is a sad truth that no one knows how girls think, not even girls. Just kidding. The other half of the human race are just as diverse and different, and there are some women who like an outgoing gobby git (I am not prejudiced) and others who prefer the quiet sort of fellow. You just have to find those who are compatible. If you are as intelligent, witty, charming and slightly reserved like me you may have to search long and hard through the dross to find the right person. I managed it, so can you.

I don't think it is being outgoing that is the factor for people being more attractive than they are physically - or vice versa. I believe it is entirely about their personality.

Someone with a genuinely true and pleasant personality is always more attractive than one who's beauty is solely physical. That is someone witty and able to maintain a conversation. Positivity is huge in this respect. Of course, that individual is often a people person.

Similarly, negativity will be a detractor. As is lack of empathy and fakeness.

Lots of very insightful responses here for you Shadix. Not sure I can add much but here goes.

Introversion and extroversion are simply ways to describe whether you get your energy internally (inward reflection) or externally (social contact). You can be a sociable introvert (I'm one), which means you like and enjoy company but need your quiet recharge time, extroverts I believe do not need that recharge time. It's not black & white. It's also a spectrum, which means there are degrees of introversion and extroversion and like some people have stated many people fall nearer the middle. You may find it interesting to complete the MBTI questions as the results will measure your introversion/extroversion and give you the percentage, they will also measure other aspects of your personality based on your responses.

Going back to your original question. Some women are introverts attracted to extroverts, some are introverts attracted to introverts, some are extroverts attracted to introverts and extroverts attracted to extroverts. Broadly speaking though introverts and extroverts tend to be attracted to similar to themselves - not always though. Neither is superior or inferior and certainly not the most important thing in who we are - if anyone tries to tell you that then that is simply their own prejudice leaking out, let them keep it.

Well, who is attracted to who is actually more interesting of a discussion to me.

Introvert vs extrovert is kind of like confident vs insecure. Which is more attractive? Confidence? Or lack thereof?

Of course, someone can be so extrovert, it becomes annoying. But an outgoing and open personality is always going to be more attractive than a shy and non-receptive personality, all else being equal.

I as an introvert, I am attracted to extroverts. Opposites attract for me. But I feel the females I am attracted to are opposite in what attracts. To them, like attracts like, I feel. So I am in a bound, in that respect.

People also complain about extreme extroverts. Too much of something good becomes bad at some point.
I feel long-term, preferences may shift. When you know someone longer, the introvertness becomes more appreciated and the extrovertness can become annoying,

I was thinking the same thing....after living for 33 years with someone who all the characteristics of ASD fit perfectly...there are some very similar traits that you seem like you may have. It's worth it to have a DX one way or the other to maybe learn the cause for your struggles & have a better understanding of yourself.

For me what is very telling is living with mom at 28. Despite college degree and a full time job. That's highly unusual in the US. I think even the least insightful therapist would question why? There is more to the story than just negative thought process.

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