Do girls consider outgoing guys more attractive than introverted guys?

This is quite troubling to me - unless you are contributing (ie. paying rent).

Being a contributor builds a sense of confidence. I think not doing so likely encourages a decreasing sense of self worth. Not sure if this is what you are experiencing.

I think part of the attraction to an extrovert may be the mistaken belief that they have it all.

It is not offensive assuming that they are just two different personality types and neither is better than the other.

But if it is true that introverted men are unattractive to women, then it becomes offensive to call me an introvert. If introvert = unattractive and unattractive = offensive, then by the transitive property, introvert = offensive. Make sense?

I don't see how repressed anger would relate to not being able to think of things to say in social situations.

Also, I never said I wasn't intelligent. I think I am more intelligent than most of the people I hang out with who have better social skills. But because I have trouble initiating conversations and often get tongue tied when I do, I rarely have a chance to show it.

I have discussed ASD with my therapist. She said that it is a possibility, but if it is the case, then it is very mild, and that social skills training would be the best way to go.

Just as prefabsprout explains, introversion and extroversion have very specific definitions in the social sciences. It is not offensive to call people introverts, just as it is not offensive to call people red heads or to call people short. They ar accurate descriptors. Some people may prefer tall partners or brunette partners, but that does not make it offensive to point out that some people are not tall or not brunette. There are those out there who prefer every kind of type; you just have to find one person who likes your type. The actual problem you are having, once again, is your own distorted thinking and inability to either accept yourself as you are or make desired changes. That is something you need therapy for, because you keep going around in circles.

It would also be helpful to know why you are 28 and living with your parents? That may point to other issues you have in terms of motivation, disability, fear, etc.

In many cultures, including my family's native culture, it is the norm from people to live with their parents until they are married. A couple guys I work with are in the same situation, and they are very skilled socially and popular. However, I would have no issue with living in my own, in fact I want to move out at some point in the near future. But I don't think this is the issue.

So would it not be offensive if I called a girl fat?

I didn't say that repressed anger makes you get tongue tied. I suggested that your overall difficulty connecting with other people may be partially affected by your unexpressed anger because that anger tends to seep through in your posts here. You often seem angry that "life isn't fair" or you got the short end of the stick in terms of personal qualities or childhood experiences. I would imagine that people who know you see and feel this sense of anger inside you also since it is apparent to us. It may be a turn off to others in real life, too. You don't even have to speak for others to see it; in some people, it's expressed in their body language or in their facial expressions or in their behaviors.

Divine suggested that a slow processing speed might be correlated with low intelligence. I was pointing out, through my own example, that it's not necessarily the case.

@The O.P, the level of attraction that a female feels for a guy depends on a lot of factors such as how a man presents himself. Guys who seem confident are usually more attractive to women then guys who seem insecure and unsure of themselves.

It has nothing to do with being an extrovert or being an introvert. Guys who are to extroverted can be very annoying to some women as you can see by the responses you got. Some outgoing guys can even look like players, or they can even make themselves look shallow or conceited by trying to be the center of attention to often.

Try to work on becoming more confident. Even if you're feeling insecure, try to hide it and try to act more confident. Most women would rather be around a confident guy even if he can be arrogant at times than an introverted guy who makes it clear that he is insecure and full of self doubt.

You obviously have some things to be proud of like the fact that you have a professional job, a degree, so try to focus on what's good about you instead of dwelling on your inadequacies. Introverts tend to be better listeners, so use that to your advantage and ask women about themselves. Most people love to talk about themselves. It'll take the pressure off you to talk-

Most people don't want to be around anyone who seems hostile, angry, insecure, depressed, unhappy, negative, or those who tend to complain a lot. Trust me on that. I used to come across as being that way w/o meaning to in the past. So I try to keep my self doubts and insecurities more to myself these days, at least in person. On here I seem like a hot mess to some probably, lol.

Being called an introvert is NOT a criticism btw. I'm one apparently. Only stupid people will assume that you're boring w/o getting to know you better. I don't consider myself to be boring usually. I usually have a lot to say, but I'm selective in who I talk to. If other people don't want to talk to me because I'm quiet, then fine, I don't want to talk to anyone who'll judge me that quickly anyways.

Try talking to more people and in time you'll become more socially confident. I'm in my 40's, but omg, when I was in my 20's, I had such bad anxiety, that I couldn't even talk to most people, even the clerks at the grocery store! The fact that I managed to even get jobs and get married was a miracle! So there's hope for you too-

Just don't give up. Try making more eye contact and small talk with strangers. If they don't respond to you the way that you expect them to, then don't take it personally. Try not to take things to personally. Things aren't always about you doing or saying the wrong thing. Sometimes people like us are so hard on ourselves, that we naturally tend to assume the worst in other people. Sometimes people can just be rude, unfriendly, having a bad day, busy, tired, etc....

So if you say hi to someone for example and they don't respond, don't assume that person doesn't like you or whatever. If they do that all the time, then maybe they don't, but then don't take things personally. You tried to be nice, and they're not even trying to be polite, so eff them, lol. Don't say hi to them again.

Remember that there will always be jerks in this world. Try not to worry so much about what other people think about you. The more you worry about what other people think, the more it'll show, and that tends to repel most people. Not sure why that is, it just does. It also tends to attract the worst kind of people out there. Stop caring so much about what other people think and just be yourself.

It depends on the context. If an overweight person is at the doctor, it would be very appropriate for the doctor to discuss it. Some people, like Whitney Thore on "My Big Fat Fabulous Life" embrace the term fat and describe themselves that way. If you go up to a larger person and insult them about their weight, that would not be appropriate. That would be bullying. The same way if someone went up to you and said "what's wrong with you? Why don't you talk? Cat got your tongue?" But if someone simply said "joe is very extroverted and outgoing, while Shadix is introverted" that is not an insult. It is a description. I'm a professor and me and several of my colleagues describe ourselves as introverts or refer to each other that way. We do not find it insulting because it is true.

Who told you introverted men were less attractive? Maybe less attractive to the person who said it but not true of every woman.

If I was hanging out with two girls and I said: "X is thin and slender while Y is more large" I can almost guarantee that Y would usually get offended. That is because being larger is generally associated with being less attractive in our society. So if introversion is associated with being less attractive in our society, then calling me introverted in relation to someone else is the same thing. That is how I think of it.

That's the thing you keep missing- introverted is not less attractive!!

Like pretty much all of your other threads, you take one little thing that someone has said or that you've read, and then you apply it as being truth because it confirms your misguided view that society has screwed you over.

I agree social skills training is needed so when do you start therapy again?

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If you really want things to change then you need to do the things that will make positive changes in your life...they aren't going to JUST HAPPEN.

Sounds like therapy & social skills training would be truly beneficial for you.

Our society doesn't consider introversion less attractive.

You have this strange preoccupation with what society thinks. No such thing. It depends on the area you live and culture and socio economic level and age etc no such thing as what society thinks collectively. Society is composed of people who are all unique and different



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I don't think it's a matter of attractiveness at all first off. outgoing people get more attention because they are out there, they are interacting, meet more people and are able to be part of the group they are in. Introverted people are not less attractive just less noticeable.

Second, I don't think anyone can nail it down to [insert feature/personality/behavior] is more attractive to [gender] There is no standard there are those women that want the quiet type of partner, there are those that want guys that are more outgoing. Whoever stated that girls in general find extroverts more attractive is being rather simplistic and generalizing something that cannot be generalized.

You're talking about a small group of men here. Extroversion does not make you conceited and shallow. There are some that are attention seekers and are like what you describe but this definitely is not a feature exclusive to extroverts

Well, I'm not in the stage of life where I am looking for relatioships as I am in a pretty great one. Still, when I go out I tend to gravitate towards people for different reasons. Of course there are those that are the life of the party. Yes they are outgoing, but are they vain? Are they working the crowd for their own benefit? Are they stealing energy from those around them? Are they cultivating a persona? These things are very annoying - and it pisses me off to see people drawn in by that - to me and thiis is where I find someone become unattractive. It even seems their physical attribute become ugly too.

The extrovert I am attracted to is of the kind that is the life of the party in a way that they are inclusive to those around them, the kind that shares energy and gives it back to the crowd. This person is always encouraging those around them to enjoy and have input; He/she will be truely interested in wanting to ensure those around them are enjoying themselves. And it is this extovert to which I am attracted. Likewise they become increasingly physically beautiful.

But there are introverts to which I have an attraction too. I admit it is not as instant as it may be to the extrovert. But, even if quietly, the introvert wants to participate and share, I can find myself drawn to them.

Finally, there is the person who puts on an air of extroversion yet is actually the introvert at heart. While this fakery isn't always good I find myself seeing myself. I speak of the person who is so scared that they overdo putting on a mask of extroveresion as a defence mechanism. Often I find such a kindred spirit. Infact, it is just such sort of a person that is my boyfriend. While it often takes a lot out of him to do so he manages to be one of those that people in a group gravitate too. But I know how much this takes out of him fighting off the fear to do so.

Hmmm, I realized after you said this that I projected a recent experience on this persons post, and that sounded kinda...dumb. I have met extroverted people who don't just take everyone who comes their way like a temporary fixture. It's true. But I was thinking this person needed to hear the other side of things. Other people said it best when they said there are all kinds if people who are attracted to things other than extroverted behavior. And other good advice. Chalk one up to posting too early in the morning with a heartache.

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It does seem very much to me like the vast majority of girls are attracted to this personality type which is characterized by a witty, charismatic type, which is exactly the personality my brother has. I absolutely cannot stand to be around him. It is almost as though he is intentionally trying to steal my thunder. He seems to be trying to create attraction in EVERY person he meets. He can't just tone it down ever. What the **** is his problem?

If it is his personality, why does he need to tone it down? It's not his problem that you dislike his company.

Not everyone is attracted to witty and charismatic. Quiet and shy people are also like-able. There are many different people out there

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It suits you to think that.

I bounce between the various extremes (yay bipolar) and from my actual experiences, I'm liked just the same whether I'm more reserved or more outgoing. Different people are likely to like me on one end or the other, but others like me most at the other end.

Most people like me no matter which end I'm at.

As for myself - I like the company of both outgoing and reserved people. Regardless of what end of my spectrum I'm at. Do you know what they all have in common though? They are friendly. They are kind. They are positive. They are accepting.

I go out of my way to introduce myself to the quiet people, as I know how it can feel to be shy. They aren't always shy though, just like I'm not always shy. Sometimes they approach me.

Your brother has people around him who like him because he puts himself out there. You don't. It's not because he is outgoing, although it can make it easier (not always though! A lot of the people I meet when I'm bouncy are people who are more likely to remain aquaintances).

You don't put yourself out there really. You seem to judge and blame (read your above post - you do both of those to your brother). You might not notice or intend it, but a lot of people probably do pick up on that vibe from you - a lot of people will back off once they pick up on the fact that the quiet person they've just started to talk to is actually rather bitter.

"witty, charismatic type"

1. Witty is an ability to use humor in a way that makes people smile and laugh. Definitely not a personality type exclusive to people that are outgoing.

2. Charismatic is a characteristic of some personalities that means that they have a certain magnetism toward people. Also nothing to do with extro-intro vert personalities because both can be charismatic.

IDR if I mentioned this in your thread or elsewhere but fact is, it always seems like people (both male and female) are attracted more to the extroverts, and people that are outgoing, more verbal and interactive. YOU CAN'T MISS THEM! they are not in the corner being quiet, or at a table talking to only their closest friends and being reserved. They are getting out there and being seen. IT doesn't make it better but my point is that even if the same amount of introverted quiet people are making connections, you wouldn't see it. They don't shout out to the world I HAVE A HOT GIRLFRIEND (or boyfriend) AND LOVE HER! they are being ... introverted and reserved.

Do not be fooled by what is seen. Introverts are every bit as attractive as extroverts but It's just harder to spot them.

Not only that, if you're an outgoing person you probably meet more people. More people met = more chances to find the ones attracted to you. so even if they are meeting more women attracted to them it's about the number of friends they have an connections they have made not that being an extrovert is more attractive.

I was just pissed off when I wrote that, I don't actually expect him to tone it down.

It does seem very much to me like most girls are attracted to guys who are witty and charismatic. Most girls even admit this. For a while I overlooked it, but I started paying attention to this recently, and I've realized that my brother's personality is exactly what girls are describing as the personality type they like. It's almost like he is following some guide on how to be attractive to girls, but he isn't, this is how he naturally is.

Yesterday I went to a friend's house for a gathering, and there were a few girls there whom I have met before but have barely talked to. My brother came along, and did his usual thing. He barely know most of these people but he was sitting there chatting with everyone around him, joking and making witty comments. At one point he was sitting there talking to this guy about a show, and a girl who was sitting within earshot of him with her back to him was awkwardly turning around and trying to join the conversation. Meanwhile none of the girls even acknowledge my presence. And there is nothing I can do about it! When I try to be outgoing and talkative like him, I end up sounding like a fool. He just knows exactly what to say. Words cannot describe how ****** this makes me feel. It probably goes back to trauma I suffered in my teen years as a result of realizing he is socially superior to me. This is just something I could never accept and I don't think I will ever be able to accept it.