Loving wife caught cheating

I personally am not into cheating. One person type of a person. I am not beyond getting violent if someone cheated on me emotionally. My thought... might get you excited, which is not normal. Get theraphy.

We have both been seeing a counselor and do not have a future decided for us yet.

We have been talking and communicating more to understand what happened and how.

She has ceased blaming me for the cheating and accepts it was on her to cheat.

She also says she did feel 'disconnected' from me since some time now but that did not cause her to cheat.

She says she finds sex more enjoyable when she is cheating and that she moved on from one guy to other for the same kick and thrills.

She says I should not kill myself to be with her for kid's sake and should do what is best for me(hinting divorce).

Although I am thinking about amicable divorce, must admit I am no good living all by myself and can't imagine marrying again in near future. It really really pains me to think what my kid will have to go through when people/friends ask her questions about daddy staying elsewhere. I love this family too much to divorce her.

I do not hate her at this point but resent her for the betrayal.

Maybe this is a problem with no solution. I don't know what I should do.

It sounds to me as though some progress/healing has occurred.

I am impressed that she is now accepting blame and is willing to state more of her feelings and perspectives.

A solution will take time.

An option would be to allow more time for therapy and personal reflection and better communication to bring more healing. In time you will know what you want to do.

Just an opinion,
But the Healthy thing to do, would be to Move to an Environment for You and your Daughter.
Your Wife's chosen life style,
will not be good for any of you!

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I have an opinion that i dont think was shared on this post yet. Just my personal opinion.

I was the cheater in my relationship. It was because i was unmedicated and manic.

Eventually my husband found out and gave me an ultimatum. Get treatment and stay with him and the kids, or i leave.

Is she mentally ill? They way she described her cheating sounded just like me. Did it for fun. Not for love or a relationship. Just to prove i can get who and what i want.

2 years later my marriage is amazing. But right when my h found out, he sent very threatening messages to the guys. I dont blame him. And i know he had thoughts like you do now.

Also, if you tell the other spouses, in some states there is alienation of affection, meaning cheating is illegal and could result in a civil case and a huge amount of money lost.

Not sure where you live tho.

Good luck on what you choose. And your childs best interest should always be number 1.

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Please share more about illness and medication.

What illness causes serial cheating??

I am sincere with my question and would wait for your answer.

Sure.

I have schizoaffective disorder with bipolar 1.

So during my time cheating over a few months, i wasnt sleeping for days. Drinking alcohol constantly. Leaving my house for days at a time to stay in hotel rooms with guys.

It was awful behavior. But honestly in my mind i was gaining a career and gaining control. In reality i was out of control and delusional.

Currently i am on an antipsychotic seroquel, adderall, klonopin an anti anxiety med, narcan for manic urges and i was just prescribed a mood stabilizer today.

I dont mean in any way to offer an excuse for your wife. Maybe none of my experience appiles to her. She did awful things to you and your child. (I did the same to my family).

I just wanted to offer an opion from the other side.

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Thanks. My wife does not exhibit these symptoms so I am assuming at least it is not bipolar.

She derives high from the secret cheating sex - but then which mortal would probably not if the truth was never to come out? (have never cheated so would not know for sure)

Think how this will end is that we will have an amicable divorce. Hope I get to keep my daughter, however would always feel guilty that I distanced her mother from her. Will probably cry for sometime now.

Oh im so sorry.

Its just awful and it wasnt your fault.

Hope for an amicable divorce, but prepare for a messy one.

All the best luck!

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Strength to You,
Every path has pitfalls!

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Have let my wife know that I wish to separate. Have requested her to allow me a month to sleep over the decision before we break this news to the families and get the process started legally.

She talks to me more openly now about the cheating. She cried and shared that nothing I could have done would have stopped her. She said she never really put a thought on how things are happening in her life and just went ahead with a shallow and easy thought process about things. She says this included marrying me, having the kid , vacations she asked for and the cheating along the way. She never thought responsibly about anything in her life.

She feels when she thinks about it there was nothing about me which caused her to cheat(relief). She cries and feels specially sorry about what she has done for the kid - taking away the father and how she will feel when she grows up and knows about her cheating mother. She feels she can't trust anyone else with the kid and will never marry only for that reason. She plans to move in with her parents and continue with her job. We were thinking about the second kid but of course that is now ruled out.

We have mutually agreed upon how we will split the assets/money/finances for the kid. She feels it is better idea for the kid to be with her now and promises to be very liberal with visitation. Also OK if kid is to be with me.

Life is slipping away. There would be no looking back by end of September.

I wish you the very best. Remember to take care of yourself. Its hard to do, but very important.

Even though it sounds very amicable, i would request a lawyer, even one you both could share, to put everything in writing.

For good or bad - divorce petition filed.

Did you end up getting a lawyer?
Wish you the best!

Yes and thanks for the good advice.

Of course. And take care of yourself!
This is a hard time in your life, but its not forever.

Good luck!