Loving wife caught cheating

Do you not care about your child/children? Listen, life it tough, deal with it and not using violence.
Makes me sad that you are ok with disfiguring your "loving wife"! That's how this tread was titled. Do you remember anything good about the marriage, because if you don't, you need to let her go. If all you really want is to "get even" with her and THEM, please try to get some professional help with this.

I care about my 4 year old daughter. It eats me out thinking some day she would be exposed to all this crap. World WILL make sure she knows about it. I will think about being non-violent to them but their spouse HAVE to know. With them I need to get even.

She is a loving wife and everything was good in our marriage till this bomb dropped.

She gets to walk away unaffected despite causing all the trouble in my life? That is unfair and it would prevent me from really forgiving her and moving on? How can that be good for our association ahead?

It really bothers me that she would be supportive about retaliating on and hurting these guys. She was the one who egged them on. The fact that she'd throw them under the bus for her jealous husband to hurt is beyond creepy of her. What a B!

Also, she kept all this in a diary! Was she wanting to get caught? Was she hoping you'd sneak a peak and read her diary? She's messed up.

Remove her finger? This isn't a Tarrantino film. Cut the wise-guy crap. That's ridiculous.

It sounds like you really love her and the sex is great. You even said the sex has been super hot since all this went down. I don't know what to tell you except calm down and get counseling to sort all this out.

I hope I wasn't too harsh. Your reactions are all very understandable.

Go speak to a therapist about your homicidal ideations. They're beginning to sound a bit creepy.

At first I dismissed it as an over active imagination but you appear to be giving it far too much thought.

Yeah, the homicidal ideations sound way creepy.

Look, I get that you're hurt, but is having your daughter have a monster for a father and role model really worth it?

So a good wife gets to get away with cheating?

20 years past, she may as well boast about her conquests and be cruel. I honestly feel the ***** is trying to pull off a classic novel out of her immoral life. Yes, she keeps reading titillating books/novels all the time. Where will I be left then?

And those guys, what if they smug around me recalling the treasured moments shared with my wife? What if they feel like boasting and talking about it and my office colleagues savor the news in hushed tones around me.

I take to non-violence and detach from this world?

Your wife chose to have affairs..

You really can't put the blame on these guys., she was throwing it out there and of course many guys are going take it .

Yes you have a right to be mad .. I was furious when my first husband cheated on me... Was I mad at the women .. yes ... BUT my husband chose to cheat on me ! He was the married one ! He was most at fault !

Cheating is a choice . Your wife made that decision and it wasn't with just one guy so that kinda of speaks volumes on her mindset of her marriage.

The fact that she thinks retaliation to these guys is warranted? Oh hell NO ... just NO.. SHE DID THIS !

Sure that is going to be awful if they do go around boasting ( which I doubt)

This honestly is a time for you to take the high road .. get yourself a Therapist so you can process what happened and start to figure out if you want or can even stay married to her, Stop sleeping with her, she could have any number of STD's.

Yes your child is young and will eventually find out Mommy cheated whether you stay married or not... I personally didn't want my daughter to think it was okay for Daddy to cheat... Children learn alot of about relationships just by watching there parents..

Please be smart and stop all this thought about harming these guys.. You getting arresting is not going to help a damn thing.. You need to get a handle on that anger and find healthier ways to get through it, Hense the need for a Therapist.

Take care of you and your child..

I feel sorry for that 4 year old girl.

It's not like they raped her. She chose to do all of this. You just need to take her to court and make her suffer through the court system. Don't be a cuckold.

So what's this about?

^ He has a cuckold fantasy or she does?

Without commenting over who has or not the fantasy - should a fantasy really decide course of a marriage? Isn't a fantasy just that - a fantasy?

Will it be OK to focus on what's more important here? The marriage/divorce?

"20 years past, she may as well boast about her conquests and be cruel. I honestly feel the ***** is trying to pull off a classic novel out of her immoral life. "

This is very telling. There is a whole lot going on here that needs to be sorted out in therapy.

Believe me, those guys who cheated with her are scared of their wives finding out and/or her jealous husband's rage. If you decide (after calming down) you want to tell their wives, fine. But don't do anything to them physically. It'll only hurt you more.

Judging by your posts, imho you are no position to decide on marriage/divorce right now. Judging by your posts, at this moment you are having difficulty keeping yourself out of prison. Many here have urged therapy, as do I. Is therapy in your plans and what steps have you taken to find a therapist to speak with?

You are right but possibly will give therapy a miss right now.

I am sorry need to respond to this situation my own way so that I can own my actions later.

This appeals to me and am tilting towards divorce. There appears no other way

What a way to spoil life. All the investment in making a beautiful life is gone - or maybe was gone 4 years back itself. Wasteful. I would never have the courage and zeal again. She has broken me for good.

I am sorry that your wife cheated but as I continue reading this something just doesn't sound right. I know people whose spouses cheated on them and it is devastating but I have never heard of people wanting to cut their spouses fingers or permanently physically impair other people. And you plan possibly killing someone if this happens again ?

Something about even suggesting such violence just doesn't sit right. What's with the violence? And you think divorce is bad for the kids but mom cutting her fingers and you impairing those guys is very good for the kids? Is this for real?

And along with all this "sex is hot". Why even mention it? You are so devastated that are you willing to end up in jail yet you talk about sex is hot with her. Something is just off.

Please see a therapist. It all sounds scary to even read.

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I do not know why I felt such things. Just wrote out whatever I was going through and what was going on in my head. Sorry.

Your feeling that your life will never be happy again and you think like your broken for good is not always going to be the truth, right now you can't see it.. But time does indeed heal such pain.

The reality is everyone feels like you are when they have been betrayed in such a way.

My daughter was 6 years old when my husband cheated on me. I just focused on her.. I think it took me about 8 months to see that I could find love and accept it into my life.

Find a Therapist to help you work through all this and help you find out what you really want to do...

Oh boy.

If this is how you really feel, doesn't sound like you're ready to forgive.

I'm not sure, based on what you say, you should continue this relationship then ....

I kind of thought that when my (ex) husband that I was with for 19 years (married for 14) separated in February. What a waste of 19 years.

But.

Despite it all there were fun times.

And I have 2 beautiful kids, as do you a beautiful daughter.

I'm so sorry, this sounds horrible.

It's not going to help your kids to have a father who is in jail because that is what would happen if you "disable" the three guys. Are you referring to physically attacking them or blocking them on the phone and internet?

I realize you're angry but having your wife disfigure herself is also a ridiculous thought. The cutting of the finger was quite disturbing.

Go to therapy TOGETHER. Work on forgiving her. If you don't think you'll ever respect her again, it might be time for you to let go. If you decide to forgive, you need to work on uniting yourselves in a healthy way. Your kids are every reason to unite and be closer and happier as a UNIT.

I understand the thirst for vengeance but the best idea for you is to harm non. Don't tell their wives. You don't know what other people have going on or how they will respond. Just leave it.

Best of luck.

Okay, if the sex is still super hot then there are undercurrents in the situation that are not being addressed and could even serve to stabilize or even recover the relationship. You're leaving out a big part of the story whether you realize it or not.

You are not repulsed by your wife's infidelity; you're powerfully aroused by it. Did you have or share fantasies about this in the past? Is there a chance that you steered her into her affairs by wordlessly sharing this impulse? Could you acknowledge and harness the impulse to recover the relationship for the sake of your child?

I don't judge you. I hope that you and your wife can achieve an equilibrium that will benefit everyone.

Personally I believe that if you are not happy in a relationship you leave the relationship, not have affairs. What your "loving wife" did is unacceptable.

To me the most important parts of a successful relationship are trust and respect. You have neither with your wife.

Take some time to deal with the raw emotions that you are now experiencing until you can think more clearly and make decisions based on reason rather than anger. I am not saying you should not be angry, quite the contrary, I would be very angry.

If I were in your situation I would see a therapist to help you deal with the emotions. When people walk away from you let them go! Your destiny is not tied to the person that left (left emotionally).

Do not have closure and taking my time to think this over.

She says she wants to be with me and is ready to work on the marriage. Has promised not to ever communicate with any of these guys and changed emails/phone numbers, blocked numbers etc. Has offered all her online passwords and is open to ad-hoc checks. Shares details that I ask for.

Would say we are almost giving this one more chance. what remains to be seen is if I am going to make it through.

The guys get disfigured nevertheless - ultimately. No hurry on this and thinking it through. Have I gone psycho? I don't care about that answer too much.