[-jimi-]

I'm not going anywhere, yet I have three friends who cannot stand the thought I have other friends. I'm allowed to have more than one, right? I still spend a lot of time on them all. They act like as if I committed polygamy or something.

Don't tell me to break it off with the cuz I won't. But why on earth are some people like this? I've been here several years and I figure that is proof enough I'm not suddenly dumping any of them. Also they all HATE when I talk of other people to them. They act like it is some kind of threat.

Since I am from a planet where we can make many friends and we love when friends are happy making even more friends, I really don't get this. At all.

I think it's natural to feel jealous. People like to be the center of attention of the people they like.

[healingme4me]

Why are you telling them other people's stories? That is about all I can seem to find might be taken the wrong way. That wouldn't necessarily be jealousy.

[-jimi-]

Why? Hm... cuz I need to talk to handle things? Or is there a rule I can only talk TO the person about what is going on with THEM? I suppose there is. I worried about one friend who is very ill and in hospital, mentioned that to someone else, I guess I was dumb enough to expect a kind word. Sigh. I should have kept that to myself, cuz I can't talk to the friend in hospital because he is far from here and too sick to talk on the phone.

[eskielover]

I have many different groups of friends I share things about. I have so many different interests & abilities & am involved with a different group of people with each.

I have several horse groups I'm involved with..some overlap others done. We worked with the rescued stallions that I basically gave 3 months of my life to last year. We also do activities like zip lining besides riding horses also.

I have another group That is my ballroom dancing friends. We go to lessons 2 nights a week & go to dances.

I have a very special group of women & we get together just to socialize now but started off by going to the same Bible study for years.

I have my church family that are truly better than the family I had growing up.

Also have a group that I get together once in awhile with one lady from my DBT group.

They know how involved I am in the community & different groups & no one has a problem....my only problem is that all this activity is exhausting at times especially spring & summer when my farm demands a lot of work from me...but most of us own farms & live alone so we all understand each others lives....& we are all active with many different activities. Think this is normal living when someone has many different interests.

[RomanSunburn]

I think it has to do with insecurity more than anything else. At least that's been my experience.

Originally Posted by -jimi-

Why? Hm... cuz I need to talk to handle things? Or is there a rule I can only talk TO the person about what is going on with THEM? I suppose there is. I worried about one friend who is very ill and in hospital, mentioned that to someone else, I guess I was dumb enough to expect a kind word. Sigh. I should have kept that to myself, cuz I can't talk to the friend in hospital because he is far from here and too sick to talk on the phone.

Do they know the other friend who is/was in the hospital?

[-jimi-]

No, they don't.

[-jimi-]

Thing is those people who react to this, themselves speak about other friends that I don't know, to me.

Also some, hearing I found a new friend, will immediately make up faults in this person to prove they are dumb etc to me, and they haven't even met the new friend. They simply want me not to have more friends.

[-jimi-]

I do think insecurities can be part. I guess I think of it in a too theoretical way. Maybe they feel like maybe I will "leave" them even if nothing points at that, simply because they question why I want to be their friend in the first place or something.

The reaction though, it does the opposite, it pushes me away.

If someone told me about their friends whom I don't know, I would listen and try to be understanding if they have hard times, but not for the entire talk, because this would mean that they value the other friends more than me. Usually people share the same concerns if they know the same friend and at the same level.

[eskielover]

Usually if there is an issue they are having with other friends or I'm having, we talk about the issue not the person themselves & will discuss that. Sometimes it's good to have a sounding board & someone to get some other input from so it's important to be able to have an impartial outsider to get a thought from.

Guess no one I'm around is insecure because we don't seem to have any of those issues. It's important to have good friends who are open & reasonable....can't imagine having ones that aren't.

Originally Posted by -jimi-

Thing is those people who react to this, themselves speak about other friends that I don't know, to me.

Also some, hearing I found a new friend, will immediately make up faults in this person to prove they are dumb etc to me, and they haven't even met the new friend. They simply want me not to have more friends.

You can listen to them about their friends, but this doesn't mean they will listen in their turn about yours. If you did something of value to them personally, but they didn't reciprocate, then it would be an issue. I don't have friends at all, but I've always imagined that friends are mutual. I'm not sure how friends will have other friends!!

I don't like the people who talk behind others' back. Actually, anyone tries to speak ill of others in front of me, even if it's my father and he has the justification to do so,, I will stop them. Not listening about other people is acceptable, and I think normal, but talking ill about other people is not.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

Why? Hm... cuz I need to talk to handle things? Or is there a rule I can only talk TO the person about what is going on with THEM? I suppose there is. I worried about one friend who is very ill and in hospital, mentioned that to someone else, I guess I was dumb enough to expect a kind word. Sigh. I should have kept that to myself, cuz I can't talk to the friend in hospital because he is far from here and too sick to talk on the phone.

Knowing now that they talk negatively about others sheds light.

My initial thought was, I don't like being brought into the details of others' lives. It's none of my business. A quick mention, such as a health update or life event is acceptable.

[handheart]

Well i think its something with you friends .In this world you can have as many friends as you can and i sugest you to meet a lot of people .If your friends dont accept making you new frineds ,i think they are not good as friends

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

No, they don't.

That probably explains it. It's not jealousy. People can only listen about strangers that much. If they don't know the person what are they suppose to be saying? People might be so busy with whatever they are busy with that listening about strangers might not be on the agenda.

Overall if you have that many problems with friends then maybe they are not really friends or maybe you need new friends. It doesn't seem to be working. I don't understand being friends with people if I have that many issues with them

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Ocean Swimmer]

Hi Jimi. People have different personalities. That's for sure.

But in the example of the hospital friend, it's reasonable to expect compassion.

Jealousy usually occurs when people compare themselves to others. There's a great poem that says : don't compare yourself to others. You'll either become vain or bitter. There will always be greater and lesser persons than ourselves.

[-jimi-]

One friend I can't even mention other people's names to. Like they ask me what I did today and I honestly say I spent most of the day with friend X, that will not go over well. I do think that is jealousy if they don't want me to even say that one sentence.

I usually don't go on and on about people, but sometimes stuff happens and I would assume someone would listen. If there is something up with their family members I listen... but I guess the social rule is you can talk with anyone about family but not about friends.

Also if my friends made a new friend I would be happy for them. But when I make a new friend they get really annoyed. Yes everyone is different. I just wish I knew how they think. I've even asked in some situations.

[s4ndm4n2006]

there are many people that are possessive of others and there are people that tend to be the ones that attract those possessive ones. Thing is, if a friend is jealous and wants you to remove the other friends, that is exactly what this is. Also, what kind of a true friend is someone that merely wants you all to themselves? That is not caring it's possession and you become a kind of object to them it's not about your well being, your happiness or peace, it's about them and their sort of conquest and ownership of friends.

Friends that really care trust. Possession and jealousy is completely counter to that. In a trusting friendship one knows that their friend is a friend no matter how many others there are, because they trust you.

Look for trusting people that will believe in you, stand by you and support you. Not be busy trying to keep you confined to their small selfish world.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

I do think insecurities can be part. I guess I think of it in a too theoretical way. Maybe they feel like maybe I will "leave" them even if nothing points at that, simply because they question why I want to be their friend in the first place or something.

The reaction though, it does the opposite, it pushes me away.

And it should push you away, that's natural.

Their insecurities, if we are to assume that it plays a large role in this, is nothing YOU can do anything about. You could be the most wonderful, trustworthy and kind friend that you can be and their insecurities will remain, their behavior will not change, their thinking will not be changed, because it is an internal process that can only be resolved by them. Unfortunately there si nothing you can do about it.

[-jimi-]

It's exactly what I am afraid of. Actually several have "joked" about how they need me just to themselves. Otherwise they are good people and this is basically where I have issues with them. I just can't understand this, wanting unhappiness on others. Or they really think them only can satisfy all my friends' needs? Gah.

[Trippin2.0]

Some people simply just never learn to share. Sometimes its a character flaw, like pure selfishness, and sometimes its ignorance, like only child syndrome.


I see it with my daughter's friendships....


She has one friend in particular who is seemingly a real sweetheart, but if any of Jordan's other friends want to join in the fun, she will pout and eventually just leave without a word.

When they were younger she even told her mother she wasn't wanted at our house, and that's why she left.


(we got that all sorted out now and she is a bit more tolerant of extra friends)


So yes, your friends seem like they've never learned to share properly and their behaviour is really insecure and juvenile.


I would not be able to deal with someone trying to own me.

[Pikku Myy]

Simple- if I dont have it... I might want it. Some folks are more so than others.