Accidentally giving off the wrong impression

Anyone else have the problem of accidentally giving off the wrong impression? I seem to have this problem and don't know how to rectify it. For example, when I was in college, I would express so much happiness about being there due to my disliking of living at home with my parents. I hate living at home and hated it when the school year came to a end. Graduating was extremely tough for me since that meant moving back home.

Unfortunately, somehow this backfired because people just simply assumed I was obsessed with the college. A couple people told me they thought I was obsessed with the campus when in fact, I was just overly joyful about being independent. I was not obsessed about the particular college at all. In fact, if I could do it all over again, I would probably pick somewhere that has a little more stuff to do and a school that is a bit bigger.

I had to reassure them that I was not obsessed with the campus or anything like that. Also one person asked me in private if I had some sort of goal or some real big reason for being so happy to be on campus, or if I had some kind of mission. I said no and just briefly stated I just didn't like being home and being on campus was my way of getting away and being independent. I still hate being home but I wouldn't go back, I want to get an apartment especially when I go to grad school.

Also a couple times when I personally mentioned to someone that I was so happy to be back, a couple other people looked at me like there was something wrong with me or I was "special" or something. Other times when it comes to social situations, I feel like people mistake my shyness or anxiety about taking the initiative first for me not wanting to talk to anyone or appearing off and just different.

As I probably mentioned before in other threads, I feel like I bother people when I take the initiative to talk to others so I just keep to myself and if someone really does want to talk to me, I'm there ready to talk. Feel like it is safer that way. But I get the sense that I give off the wrong impression that I don't want to talk to anyone even though I still appear upbeat and just overall ready to meet someone, rather than awkwardly standing in a corner with my arms crossed.

From what I hear, just standing and watching from a corner during a social event can easily come off as unintentionally creepy so I make sure I don't do that. I will admit even I've been on the receiving end of that kind of situation. I may be eating or something alone, or in the rare chance, maybe even talking to someone when I realize that someone is just staring at everyone from a distance, and not looking happy about it. From that point of view, I can see how it could come off as different or creepy to certain people so I know not to do that.

I just worry that I give off the wrong impression about stuff which makes people think there is something wrong with me. I do have a slight paralysis on my face and also am hearing impaired so I don't know if those are contributing factors to people assuming that I am different or something. Same goes for my excitement towards things, anything to be honest. People share their excitements all the time and no one thinks twice about it, but when I do it, it is as if there is something wrong.

Just not sure what I could be doing. Also it is the same way, if I share something that is bothering me, people act like I'm just about to fall apart even if I am perfectly fine. Like a couple people thought I was going to off myself after graduating, which is something I would never do. And I have no reason to do that after graduating. Everyone goes through it, not just me. But apparently to some others, I came off as extremely depressed about it. Just don't know why people get the wrong impression. Is there a way to rectify this? Anyone else have this issue?

Hi rdgrad15! I can certainly relate to this, but maybe not in the same regard as you. I personally don't get out much, and my social skills are awkward, at best. When I am at a function (church), the people there can mingle and socialize and usually know one another. I tend to find it overwhelming. Even if I do know someone, a quick wave or smile is all they might get from me. I know I give off weird vibes because I'm so closed, but really I'm panicking inside because I have social anxiety and major depression.

Would there happen to be anyone you know that also has anxiety/shyness issues? Perhaps you can reach out to them? I'm sorry I don't have better advice... but just know that you aren't alone.

Yep I get what you mean. I have the same problem, even if I know someone, or multiple people, I fear annoying them so unless they actually come up to talk to me first, I will only smile and wave at them and maybe a quick hi. And thanks, you are not alone either.

I give people the wrong impression frequently... either by facial and body affect or mimic behavior of being courteous or funny. In an intimate relationship I can be flinty, fussy ad intense. But give the impression outwardly to others that I have no connection or bond to that I am chill, warm and nice. I will say that most times I am clueless if I am annoying someone or not. I have had a real problem picking up social cues, but have made a lot of progress in these area since I was a kid.

Hi rgrad,

Just wondering if you think this is all down to you, or maybe it (or a chunk of it at least) could be problems with some other people's perspectives...........you know there is a chance that it's a whole lot more down to how some other people read you/their mis-perceptions/their wrong assumptions, than as to you and how you actually "come across"................
Afterall, you did say that you knew some behaviours to avoid and avoided doing them, and even if you didn't talk much to some people, your smile and your "Hi" kind of stopped you seeming "cold" or "unapproachable"............
So maybe some of the misunderstandings could be based on their assumptions and "judgements" (which could come from their life experience), and them not knowing you well enough to know what applies to you??
And some people can just be less intuitive about others behaviours and what they may mean anyway, so it doesn't all have to be about you.
In which case..........one way around that..........you get to know each other a bit more/the scene is set for them to get to know you a little more??? That's if you'd want that with some of the people you've mentioned though............

So without thinking so much that you "have to", "should" do more...........where might you want to take this??
Do you maybe want to "let more people in" to get to know you better?? Maybe have some more self-confidence in "being with people"/expressing yourself more with them??
I'm not saying you should do that, but if...........
And those things are maybe things that you can develop in time.........with practise..........with support............
Sounds like your home life may have had a big impact on the way you're feeling though inc. about your "fear" of bothering people (??), but one step at a time........and real kudos for trying, as you have/are, to break down some of those barriers

And last word.........anyone who treats you badly, negatively, disrespectfully for being any kind of different............those aren't people who deserve to matter to you anyway!!

Alison

I agree with Alison that you learned these habits in your childhood, by the way you were treated then. One way that you can unlearn them is through therapy.

I agree with this. If someone is not socializing at a social event, people are much more likely to read that as "I want to be left alone/I don't want to speak" rather than "Because of my childhood it feels unsafe and bothersome to speak first but really I would love to speak with you."

IME being happy about school reopening is generally seen as a weird reaction, and I don't mean that in a bad or negative way.


It's just that your vacation is over (which upsets most people) and school is hard work. So if people don't realize that campus is your escape, then of course they're going to make incorrect assumptions about obsessions or whatever.


I have no comments on the other stuff you mentioned as I agree with the above that its more about others' assumptions and perspectives, instead of how you actually come across.


I would worry less about all these random people you keep posting about if I were you. It's just causing you unnecessary turmoil, second guessing every action and every word you utter.


Be confident and comfortable with who you are and who people think you are will matter less.

Thank you for your input Alison. Yeah in terms of worrying about giving off the wrong impression, yeah I have learned from previous experiences, going way back to childhood. I was always shunned by people, especially those who I actually tried to talk to first so I basically learned to not talk to anyone unless spoken to first but at the same time, keep an upbeat positive attitude and just look open to meeting new people.

Yes I did learn all of these habits going way back to childhood. As I mentioned before, I was shunned a lot, especially if I took the initiative so I taught myself to not talk to anyone unless someone came to me first. While waiting, I would still have an positive appearance and look open and ready for conversation. ANd yes, what you mentioned about those who stand in a corner with their arms crossed, I totally agree with you. I have seen people do that, and it is a turnoff. As hypocritical as it may sound, even I am more reluctant to approach someone who is acting standoffish since they may not want to be talked too.

I can see where you're coming from and what you're saying. I will admit, even I dreaded the days of going to class, writing papers, taking tests, and just the overall stressful course load. I was always happy when that part was done. But yeah, what you mentioned how to me, going to campus felt like an escape, it did. It was basically my only way to be independent and away from home. I obviously didn't tell many people that, only a few did.

Some people did understand so if they saw how happy I was, they knew why and didn't question it. And there are a couple people like me who also couldn't stand being home so they couldn't wait to be independent too. But yeah, I can see how for most people I may come off as weird to them. I no longer dwell on moving back to campus. I just now hope that very soon I can get my own apartment while working.