Am I really not Appealing to Males?

They will let me drive, when they feel I am ready too, for now I am capable of riding the buses, subways, and trains to get around places, including work.

As for my APPEARANCE, this is how the haircut in the photo I used of the girl looked, She had bangs that hung in front of her face, so how come she can look good but I look ugly?

And what type of glasses do you recommend since everything I pick is wrong.

These made me grin! They are actually worse now because those clothes don't show your curves at all. I love the spider hat for Halloween! Very strange guys are going to love these pix.

Much better without glasses. I would brush your bangs to the side though and show your eyes.

This outfit is the kind of clothes guys that like your music like to see on women. It's not overly trampy, but it's sexy. It shows off legs and curves. You don't have to even dress that edgy, just attractively.

If you could take care of yourself then you would be employed and not live with your parents.

I have anxiety and bipolar disorder. Join the club, many of us on this site for mental health have anxiety and depression along with a host of other things. And yep, depression and anxiety are always with me and the rest of us. You're kinda preaching to the choir on this one.

We all have our struggles. You're not unique in this.

A lot of us also have tons of parent issues and histories of abuse. So you're also not unique in that.

None of those things need to be explained to us. We understand depression. We understand anxiety. We understand family issues.

And a lot of us have been trying to shed light on things to do to help improve your quality of life in regards to those things.

Yet you insult us and repeat yourself, over and over.

Because all of you keep repeating yourselves to me. I am working on myself damnit. I am going to get a job and drive end of story!!!!!!!!!!!

And i give up on the dating profiles and photo taking. I am ugly and i will be forever alone end of story!

Pleas do get a job, it's what we keep suggesting. No one disagrees on that point.

We repeat ourselves because you seem to ignore most of what we say, and just throw out insulting statements, and well, kinda juvenile statements of pointless defiance.

And yet we keep trying in the hopes that you'll actually read a message not as an attack but as a desire to help you. You ask questions and ask for advice; a lot of us try to provide this as best we can and then try rewording things when you behave so aggressively because it seems like you miss the intentions of others.

I'd reread this part to allow it to sink in.

I don't believe you aren't attractive. I believe it was suggested to accentuate your curves?

I do feel that the oppressive homelife compounds any critiques, by virtue of hearing No, too often in your personal life. It's really complex how any dysfunction with family of origin and upbringing can seep out in how we see others as seeing us.

I was an only child to my mom. Gosh, the ties that bind as far as attempts to spread my wings. It resulted in a simmered anger of resentment and frustration with the world. Worth mulling over, to be honest.

And I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It's not all fear, anxiety, that is. Some is akin to bottled up stress.

I see. Well again I will get a job. What are you wanting from me, to say "Hey I got a job, I start tomorrow?" then what you will just be happy BIG WHOOP.

I think what you are wearing in the photos isn't particularly girly in looks more fancy-dress type outfit, you should go for something a little less out there. I think band shirts with jeans is probably too manly. If that's more your style however I'd probably go for something a bit edgy but still girly. Like black jeans, Denim jacket, boots, black fitted top, maybe a necklace
Hugs

I have looked at online photos of metal chicks and they wear band tshirts, jeans etc. And can look hot, but yet when I do it I get told I am a man and a trasngender person.

But then again I get told this NO MATTER THE OUTFIT I WEAR.

I wish you luck in your self journey. And you got a lot of support from us on here. It may not sink in, but it's what you needed to hear. This isn't just a dating advice site. It is about healthy relationships. A little thanks to us would be nice, not yelling at us. It's just common courtesy.

RE: the photos

You are not ugly, first off. Your photos just aren't super flattering. I do not consider myself super pretty, but I photograph really well (somehow), here's a few tips for dating site profiles.

People can tell who took the photograph or why. Having some photos that show you with other people is crucial. This is your friends shot. It shows you aren't a total loser. (Even if you don't have a lot of friends, you can stage this.)

SMILE with your teeth. Or better yet, get someone to capture you laughing. Shows you can have a good time.

Different angles of your face are good to show. People will see you from all angles, so why not show off your best angle?

Action shots! Picture of yourself doing the things you love.

Good luck.

Well I will be completely honest. Based on your posts I've read, you seem to have kind of a generally negative outlook or perspective of men. Saying things like 'why can't guys be honest.." and in that same post you kind of stated that they 'all think that way' lumping all guys into a big ugly group. That's how it came off to me. Well to be honest, I don't know for sure but likely depending on how you talk to guys, those attitudes may be come apparent in your conversations, profile, messages etc to guys. It may actually affect how you are perceived.

the idea that you're on dating sites or online to find a guy to date and you're already talking about goals and how you know you don't want kids but you want marriage, I don't know if that's all laid out before them when you message them, but it's kind of very forward. Do this one step at a time. Everything does not need to be laid out on the table even before you've met or made a date.

I know for me if I wanted to date a girl, even if I am thinking sometime in my life I want to get married again, it's not the first thing on my mind when looking.

it could be a case of too much information.

I haven't read this entire thread...I am confused as to why OP asked for opinions then became angry when opinions were offered. I think the pics are cute except for the bangs completely covering your eyes. That makes you look like a weirdo in my opinion. As for the other stuff...job, driving, and so on...meh...not so important, as long as you're not setting unrealistic standards about the guys you'll meet. By that, I mean, be open-minded.

Sorry but you are wrong! If I take a photo of me, with a friend next to me, it will have the person viewing my profile thinking, that my friend is me and me isn't me. Trust me, I have had this happen before, where the guy comment on my friend thinking it was me, and it wasn't. When I said which one was me they said I was ugly and my friend was ten times more attractive SO no friends in photos period!

As for taking photos I give up period. I am NOT and tired of trying to snap photos and no matter what I do, I am a ugly person period.

I have taken photos of me smiling showing my teeth and people say I am ugly when doing this. When I do not show my teeth they still say I am ugly so.

And I don't have a clue as to what you even mean by angles and crap.

And yeah right me doing stuff I love yeah sure I will just get told crap for those photos as well.

So sorry but no.

Sorry but you are also wrong.

If I see a guy on a dating website I like, and let's say the guy's profile says "I am a nerd and love music" and I message them saying "So what makes you a nerd? What types of music do you absolutely love?"

HOW is me saying that to them in a negative sense? Because thats how my chat's go with these guys we will message a simple "Hey whats up" and then ask simple things "what are you up too? How are you?" What do you like to do for fun? What are your hobbies?" etc.

So how is asking a question like those being negative or me giving attitude?

To me, I would rather do it like this, get ALL of the BIG stuff out of the way. The sex talk, kid talk, dating, relationship, marriage talk.

Because what if I find a guy and we date for 6 months and by then I tell him I want to wait until marriage to have sex or I want to get married later down the line, and hearing this at the 6 month mark, causes them to step away, that would have wasted my time if they end up doing that sort of thing.

And that has happened to me before as well. Trust me I nave been screwed over by guys A LOT of times over the years of my dating experiences and it sucks. I have been hurt a lot.

I have seen female and male profiles on dating websites and apps where the people clearly state "I am looking for marriage" so why can they get away with saying what they want and yet I get butchered for it?

You know, people are trying to help you here. And you are attacking them. I just offered to talk with you about how you can use your interests. I got back an aggressive PM of, "PROVE IT!" and "Where's the money??????????"

I ignored the aggressiveness and responded with 30-40 minutes of my time (when as I told you, I'm on a tight deadline myself) looking at the very impressive website you've built and the work you've done, and suggesting multiple avenues to expand on that, based on my own self-employed experience.

I offered to talk to someone I've hired to work for me, because I believe you can do the same work for others.

I shared some of my personal experience. I asked my daughter and friends for input to help you. I was willing to ask this person who works for me for her input to pass on to help you.

What I got back was, literally, "SCREW YOU" verbatim, and SCREW HER (presumably referring to the person who works for me) and a lot of anger and rages about how you're a loser so these things won't work for you, and ugly comments about the people on this board in general.

I know you're unhappy. On a forum like this, we've all been unhappy. Wait--we're human beings, that guarantees we've all been unhappy and hurt.

But I suspect this behavior, this lashing out at everyone, has a lot to do with your problems, both personally and business-wise.

I hope that in the morning, after a good night's sleep, things will look better to you, and you'll consider starting on some of the things I suggested. But I for one have both offered and received help tonight. When I received help, I thanked the person with genuine gratitude and offered a gift in return. When I gave help, I got 'SCREW YOU' in response.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find peace.

Well I am sorry and I would like your help, if your willing to help me and give me another chance. I want to prove to everyone here and elsewhere I can do this and make a living off it. But no one wants to hear it, let alone believe me.

Man, if all you want is to hear the answers that you want to hear anyway, then just have a conversation with yourself...You do this in all the threads you start...you ask a question, and when people respond and give you advice and suggestions, you tell us we're wrong or stupid or whatever.

I have had a few relationships off of dating sites, and I know what I"m talking about when it comes to photos and what people respond to. So no, I'm not wrong. What do you really have to lose by trying out people's suggestions anyways? It doesn't sound like your current approach is getting the guys you want. So even if it doesn't work, well what you're doing isn't working anyways, so you wouldn't be losing any ground.

I say this out of honesty and compassion to give you a new perspective. It seems to me that you just don't want to try anything because you're happy with your image of yourself as a "loser." Think about this...are you happy saying to others "I'm just ugly" and THAT'S your image of yourself?

"I want to prove to everyone here and elsewhere I can do this and make a living off it. But no one wants to hear it, let alone believe me."

Maybe no one wants to hear you because to-date all you've done is be pretty rude in response to people trying to help you.

I went through a period of my life where I didn't realize how my actions were painting a negative image of me. Some people were very kind to me and nudged me in the right direction to change my behavior. People here are giving you the same nudge. Take the hint.

Seesaw

So you really think if I post a photo of myself, and 2 friends in it, that guys will talk to me more? I HIGHLY doubt that. I have seen YouTube videos on dating websites, and 1 video says DO NOT post photos of you with friends, do not post photos of you with a glass of wine or beer in your hand, or smoking because those will tell the people right off the bat, what type of person you are and it shows your a party person or just like to drink or smoke or this or that.

And again if I post a photo of me and my friends I know guys will think my friends are me and not look at me. It has happened before.

I know I am ugly and a loser ok. You all say so so it might as well be true!

I use to be happy and happy with myself but then the internet came across and ruined it for me and now I don't like being who I am. Because everyone else's comments about me being me, was so wrong and bad of me.

I want to feel attractive and have guys talk to me and no guys want to talk to me, no matter what I message them and that hurts. AGAIN all I ever hear from guys is "Are you a man?" "Are you transgender?"

You hearing that every single day of your life you wouldn't like yourself either.

Let's get 1 thing clear. NOBODY on this site has said you're ugly (quite the opposite) and nobody here has called you a loser.

We can't control what your thoughts are, but I'm making it very clear that everyone who has responded to you has been more than kind and have given sincere suggestions with good intentions.

You have a masculine "look" to your features. And you are really unpleasant.

So, "Yes." To your original question which was "am I unappealing to men?"

I've been telling you to wear clothes that tell a guy you are actually a real woman, and your response to that is to ignore me and just say you are ugly. I don't get it. You are dodging the issue. Is your body totally curveless like a man's, too? Why are you covering up like that if the problem is you have masculine facial features?

I feel so sad for you about how you say the Internet ruined your life and people say you are ugly. I'd recommend you stay off the dating sites and meet people at church or doing volunteer work or hobbies.

Also, you should work on more social skills with people. On this site, everybody is open and trying to be respectful. You are too old for the kind of defensive talk you are doing. We've overlooked it because this is a mental health site and we realize your issues, but in RL, you wouldn't get away with just yelling at people.

No one has called you ugly or a loser. Except you.

You have a lot of cognitive distortions that are very clear to see. You can research what that is: I'm not going to bother as you will just yell at me and/or go "you're wrong!" As I'm starting to think that's your favourite sentence. (Which, btw, will definitely destroy relationships in the long run)