Am I really not Appealing to Males?

Here's my dating profile with info and photos of me -

nataly66687 Anime, Antiquing, Brony, Conventions, Cosplay, Dancing

It seems every time I find a guy to my liking, I will message him, he will view my profile and never reply to my message. Or if I find a guy and we do chat, we talk and then they never talk to me again.

So is it my looks that drive them away, or is it what I am about as a person, I am not like other girls or guys of today, I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I am not a party person, I am not looking for a hook up or friends with benefits thing, nor am I looking for phone sex or any other type of hook up. I don't have or want kids, but I do want marriage. I have values and morals as well.

Maybe ALL of that drives the guys away as well? What do I have to do to get more guys to talk to me and accept me for me?

Or is it my looks and I am just down right ugly.

You do not have to do anything to get more guys to like you. You are who you are and someone will come along and appreciates you for who you are. I don't drink, smoke,or party either and I remember feeling the same exact way. I thought I would be single forever because I was ugly or boring. I encourage you to just love yourself and who you are because that's you! Forget those guys they weren't the ones for you!!

Hmm.

While reading your profile, it stuck out to me how much you are insisting that you are different/better than other women. It definitely put me off reading that, as I do like to drink, I am not religious, but I have very strong morals and I stick to them: it was a bit offensive to read that. You could possibly reword things so that you aren't comparing yourself to other women.

You can state that you don't drink, and you can state that you're old fashioned, just like that: there's no need to mention other people.

Also, you make it clear that you are honest. But you aren't being completely honest in your profile. You say that you work in music journalism. But you don't, you volunteer. Reading it would make someone think that you are employed.

No I don't believe that it's your looks that drive them away.

You just need to wait for the right guy to come across your profile.

Not wanting kids might eliminate 50% who do look at your profile as the other 50% of men may want kids somewhere down the track.

Not all guys your age will be into anime and cosplay either.

I don't think you need to change that. I just think you need to wait for the match to find you.

I don't think it's your looks. I think the "looking for someone to marry" part might be off putting from the get go.

I think without compromising who you are, you could improve the photos and the blurb. The photos aren't great, could be more flattering.

IMO you say too much about music, get too specific. They get the idea, you could keep that part shorter.

You say you 'want someone I can communicate with, by talking on the phone or video chatting, for late hours into the night/early into the next day. '. Is that really what you meant to say?

What guy 'has his life together' but 'isn't concerned about working the next day'?

There's also no need to say as much as you do at the end about not cheating. I think you did that because of all the guys who told you girls cheated on them in the past. I'd remove that, too, and just say you are loyal.

What's the test and the compatibility results? Maybe you're not getting hits because you don't have that completed.

No, it is not your looks at all. I think that one mistake people make in dating profiles is including too much specific information up front. For instance, some people might see that you're into anime and be turned off. However, it might be different if they discover that after you meet and hit it off.

I would focus more on what you think you have to offer other people and not say too much about what you do or don't want - a couple of sentences is fine. Your profile is basically an advertisement for yourself to attract other people, so focusing on what is negative about others can be a big turnoff as it sounds bitter. You want your profile to include enough info to attract people you might like but omit enough to leave some mystery. It's like a movie trailer- the best ones give you a good sense of the movie without giving away the whole plot - and plot twists. This stage of dating is the same way, it's best when you know a little bit and can't wait to find out more.

How can they be more flattering? I have done tons of photos over the years of me, and no matter what I wear I get told, I don't look great. So what am I doing wrong?

And no they don't I will say I like metal, rock, and punk and they will probably assume I like the basic stuff when no, no, I like the heavy duty metal, rock, and punk sides of music.

And yeah someone I can talk too all night and into the next day, haven't you done that with a boyfriend? Where you would talk from 9PM all the way til like 1-2AM? If not later than that.

Thats what I meant. I have done that before with other guys I dated in my past. And trust me most guys don't like talking on the phone or video chatting, thats why I mentioned it, so they know what to expect.

And ok.

Well I updated my profile so go and re-read it.

Do you use more than 1 site? I think your profile is fine, it's a matter of timing and the viewer base. Being a non drinker, non drug user, non smoker and being interested in the things you are interested in might first grab many attentions, yet, it's also a weeding out process because they may have their own vices and rule themselves out, if that makes sense?

You're looking for a guy who is as into alternative music as much as you, and who is ready to get married.

You talk about wanting to talk on the phone. That's confusing. Why would you be talking on the phone rather than being together in person?

Maybe if you touch upon more of the things you offer in a relationship it'll help. Saying that you like to cook, garden, build things at home, for example. That you hope to travel with him someday...

Ah, it all makes sense now.

I highly recommend changing your photos, they are not flattering at all.

As for your profile, most guys won't read it. I've been on OKCupid for years and it took me a very long time to set myself up with flattering photos (which is hard when I change my hair color every month) the right things to say, and to spell out exactly what I want in a relationship and the best way to start dating. And still, guys are donkeys and will still send me "Hey"....and that's it, which is NOT what I want and if they read my profile they would understand that I want more than just "Hey". And then the ones who seem truly interested in me live in Europe. So WTF?

Well how can I make more flattering photos, what do I need to do?

And yeah I would like to talk to a guy for a few days and then have us meet. Now talk the first day and meet the same day. Thats too rushing into things. And again most people today don't talk on the phone or video chat, they rather text only and I am getting tired of that.

The things you say you want in your profile contract each other. You say you want a guy who "has his life together" and has a job-- yet you want someone who can talk on the phone from 9am-2am. No adult with a professional career has that kind of free time. I realize you don't understand that because you don't work. If you worked full time, you would be TIRED at the end of the day and the LAST thing you would want to do is sacrifice sleep to be on the phone for 5 hours with someone you just met on the internet. It's selfish to think that men with jobs should accommodate this request because it is not "apples to apples." You don't work; he is the only one sacrificing himself to entertain you. Maybe what you need is a guy who doesn't work, so he has the same kind of free time that you do?

I would also recommend being more honest about yourself in your profile. You say you are a music journalist and describe yourself as ambitious and say you want someone who is as ambitious as you are. But you aren't really a music journalist-- which anyone reading your profile would know because you also list your highest level of education as high school. It would be extremely unlikely for a professional journalist not to have a college degree in journalism. So, if I read that online, I would assume the person was being dishonest and not contact them. I would wonder what else they weren't being honest about.

Interesting photos.

I didn't read your profiles I just looked at your pictures and without seeming rude I think something about you isn't be totally truthful with yourself. I mean with a dating profile less is more. It is better to list your positive traits and the kind of person you are without going into to much detail about what you do. That might be a bit offputting to read all that when you haven't hit it off with the person yet.

Oh how I can relate to you... All I get is like weirdos that send me **** pics or when they are interested in me I am not ready for a relationship it's just like why destiny? Why you do this to me?!

I think you should get different glasses and don't have hair hanging over your eyebrows. They are even in front of your eyes. In my opinion/taste, you can have that set of glasses once in a picture, but they should not be your everyday ones.
Also, all your pictures were clearly made at the same time, same spot, same clothes.

I also think you smile odd. It's like a smirk. If that's just how you smile, not much can be done about it. But if you want my honest harsh opinion, that's what I think.

It's not easy to ask people to criticize you, then embrace everything people say and reflect on it.
And maybe other people have completely different opinions.

But I am a male in your age range. So I am like the people you hope to target.

I do agree with all other comments about the content. You should write down stuff that makes people feel good about messaging you. Not write down stuff that makes a rational case about why they should be in a long-term relationship with you.

Just read your updated profile:

It's nice to see that you removed your comparisons with others, you sound a lot less bitter. At the same time, you also erased all the traits about yourself that you wanted to include! As I said before, you can totally include the fact that you're a bit old-fashioned in some ways and that honesty and loyalty are some of the most important things to you.

You can express your interests without so much information. I'm pretty geeky and enjoy knowing other geeky people. But reading your list is overwhelming and will make many people go "whoa that's a lot I can't compare" and then think they won't be accepted by you if they aren't interested in all of them.

Same with your music list. You can always say that you enjoy music ranging from rock to punk to heavy metal, and then state that heavy metal is your favourite and that you enjoy mosh pits.

You state that you want someone who will go to a midweek concert and not stress about work the next day - but you also want someone who has their life together. Most people are going to view that as a contradiction and something which they can't do, same with talking all night. Most of us have jobs and need sleep during the week and those two activities are only options on the weekend.

You're still leading people to believe that you are employed and earning a wage. You need to be honest about the fact that it's volunteer with some occassional paid work. A lot of people who have their life together, like you say you want, are going to be turned off as soon as they find out that you lied and don't earn a living wage. People in the same situation as you won't mind, but they likely won't message you because they know they don't have their life together.

As for how to get nicer pictures: try different angles. All of your photos are directly facing the camera. And your smiles look a bit forced. There is absolutely nothing "wrong" with how you look, it truly is just the photos. I'm not very photogenic either and pretty much the only photos I look ok in are selfies, because I know the angles that work for my face.

When I had a profile on a site, I included pictures of me living my life - including a somewhat blurry photo of me with a hard hat on inside of a cave. I was having one of my happiest days ever then, and I knew I looked so genuinely happy. So up it went! It wasn't my main photo but it was definitely included.

Eta: I got a lot of responses too, I'd ignore the ones that clearly hadn't read my profile where I said I was not having any one night stands. The ones that said "hey" alone would depend on their own profile - sometimes I'd reply anyway and I'm glad I did as I met one of the best people I've ever known and he'd only said hi!

Hi,

I dated many ladies from POF and eventually met my wife there. I think your profile is very good. You are honest and grounded. I do think completing the surveys and using all of the tools on the site is a good idea.

You're attractive and I would not worry about that. There are plenty of fish who are into your type. Do you meet the standards that you set forth with accomplishments in life with career, education, and living sitation?

It will probably be better to try match over POF. Even as inexpensive as match is, the fees weed out completely broke losers and casual hookup guys.

Good luck. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like you are. I admire this. Keep growing and learning from this and you'll find love soon.

moogs

Oh, agree at high quality photos. No solo selfies and please God no mirror selfies.

I had a gal pal do some high res 35 mm shots for me that helped a great deal!

I disagree with another members comments on the glasses. If you wear glasses, wear them. Yours are unique and adorable, but what you need is the right angle, which is definitely hard to do when you take your own photos. And I also disagree that you need a fancy camera to get the right angle. I take lots of selfies...dozens of them...just to get the right one. I think your photos are blurry with too much exposure, but that's easily fixable if you spend time walking around trying to find the right light. When I take photos for OKCupid, I will try on several outfits which I highly recommend, or sometimes if I'm lucky family and friends will take a great photo of me.

Here is what you need to do.

You need at least THREE "best photos". The first is the most important, because that is what your target audience will see right away, and if they like what they see, they will click to see the rest of your photos. The other two best photos can also be your prettiest, but many people like to include backgrounds or outfits or hobbies or pets that show off who they are. In your case, I would show off photos of you at your concerts. I wouldn't post photos of the concerts without you in it, because people who are looking to date don't care who you saw at the concert if you are not in it.

RE: The photos. Please get someone to take a couple of photos that aren't straight-on shots. I think what might be happening is your description reads like a very petite female but your pictures are reading like a male (it's hard to explain) dressed as a female. The straight-on photo makes your facial features look very masculine and when you couple that with the very "aggressive" commentary you have put on your profile, you may be attracting men who are attracted to transvestite or transgender people. I'm just giving you my immediate reaction (as a female) when I read your profile. Also, I think your glasses might be prescription and cannot be changed right now, but they are too big for your face. Next time you get eyeglasses please have the person who assists with ordering give you their opinion on the correct size frames for your face.

^ I didn't want to say that. I was wondering if you were transgender.