[seeker1950]

I don't know what got into me...probably the lack of structure since my summer grad classes ended, and awaiting the start of my school job, but I took up the email offer from an online singles' site..."Christian Cafe," to take advantage of the free 10 day offer for membership. After two days of posting my profile there, and receiving several emails from fellas, I realized I am either too lazy, to scared or too old (56) to respond! I went to the site to delete my trial membership and could not, until the 10 day trial had expired, at which time it will be deleted. Today, I rec'd an email message from a fella nearby...very handsome, exactly my age, and to whom in my past I would have responded, at least with a polite reply. I can't even bring myself to do that!
Many of you here already know my history, and so not worth recounting.
Is it healthy to feel so isolated?
Patty

[sabby]

((((((((((((( seeker ))))))))))))))

Sometimes we need our precious "ME" time. I say go with what YOU feel comfortable with. It seems to me you are taking small steps to reach out. Maybe in time you will feel more comfortable with each step you take. Try not to be too hard on yourself....if and when the time is right, you will know it. Listen to your gut and do what you feel is right for you....no worries and no second guessing allowed

Hugssss
sabby

[seeker1950]

Sabau!! That's really good advice...Thanks for the validation!
Love
Patty

[sabby]

Hey, anytime sweety I can relate to how you are thinking and feeling.

Hang in there Patty...you are doing a great job of self care!

xoxoxo
sabby

i don't know seeker, i think you're rationalizing.
don't you agree there is value to a relationship?
if so, how would you ever expect one to develop without leaving your comfort zone for a while.
you can't expect a perfect man to drop out of the sky and land at your doorstep...it will take a little awkwardness at first but you must know you'll be happier if things do work out for you.
i say go for it!

<font color="#000088">I'd say, you took that first step by putting your profile out. So you might be ready for something. And you never know until you try, so this guy is about your age, and he already knows a little about you from your profile. I'd have to agree to give it a shot. He might just be a really sweet guy that needs companionship as well. But you'll never know unless you take the next step! Not all guys are going to turn out like the one that hurt you. I understand your fear in this, because I still carry the same fear! Because of my ex! Don't let it stop you from ever having a relationship again. Or he wins!
Once you've thought about it,you'll make the right decision, best wishes! </font>

[Wants2Fly]

I do not think you have anything to be ashamed of, one way or the other.

[eskielover]

Hi there Patty,

Just to let you know, good thing can come from a Christian dating site. My horse vet here in California, who is also our age (55+) was on a Christian dating site. He met a wonderful woman in Texas & started getting to know her. They ended up married just a few years ago. He had a horrible first marriage that would have made anyone not want to get involved again, but he took a chance & wow. She is really awsome & they have so much in common. They make the best couple you could ever imagine.

Sometimes our past leaves scars & makes us feel that we couldn't possibly have anything better & we are afraid to even look. Sometimes when the right time comes, or the right person, it is important to at least look. We can always end a relationship if we learned from our past experiences.....& if we see something we don't like, we can stop it....as long as you don't let your emotions take over, & look at the relationship objectively, you could find something that really does work.

The most important thing is that you know yourself & know what you are willing to deal with & what you aren't willing to deal with & don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to or don't feel comfortable doing.

Those are my rules to live by,
Debbie

[seeker1950]

Gtr, Justice, Eskie, and Wants...Thanks for the feedback. I actually did respond to the handsome fella who lives not far from me, but I also recall that I've seen his pic for years on the other dating sites as I perused them. I probably sounded too ambivalent, though I invited him to reply if he cared to, telling me more about himself. He didn't . No surprise. I find that men are not very interested in correspondence and getting to know each other that way first before meeting in person. He actually attached his personal email (deleted by Christian Cafe) and phone number. In my experience, meeting men on the internet, they are impatient ot meet and get right "to it!" My rule for future meetings is that the man must be willing to correspond at least for a while...Is this unreasonalble?
Patty

<font color="#000088">I don't think that is unreasonable at all. In fact, I think it's very important to really get to know somebody better before getting involved with them. And if they don't agree, than you just move on to someone else. Because if all they want is to meet up immediately, without getting to know you first, then that's a good sign of what's really on their mind!
I think setting up those types of bounderies, and rules with meeting guys online, is really good for your own safety!
In no way is it unreasonable for you to want to keep yourself safe! </font>

i don't see the internet as a valid way to meet men, given your circumstances.
i see you doing better at a coffe shop, a museum, during lunch, at the grocery market, or the old fashioned way...getting fixed up!

[bebop]

no hon it is not unreasonable and anyone worth having will do what is right. like not moving too fast. however I do think maybe from your past experiences you might be a little gunshy. we won't find anyone if we isolate. finding someone does not mean getting married or live together but could be companion type and get to know each other really well to see what might happen. good luck hon