not sure where else to put this

so, I have a dilemma of sorts. I am a mandatory reporter in my state for child abuse/neglect. one of the men I had talked to online from a dating site, I finally found online, he had given me 2 false names (I could tell they were) but I pieced things together in a different way based on information he gave me and the location thingy on my ph when he called the other day. (my therapist told me to look up any guy I meet so I got instant checkmate) Anyway, he is a HS principal. he has acted inappropriately in a sexual manner while at school, while talking to me (video once and a picture, of him jerking off in his office) WITH children in the school.

I had blocked him the first time I talked to him which was back in August, because I thought he was creepy, he made a new profile and found me again a week ago and so after a short conversation I was going to give him a second chance.

Beyond the fact I found out that he is married and has kids at home which would have been a no go for me anyway (I asked him if he was married yesterday when we were texting, he said no) his behavior while in the presence of other people's children is SO disturbing to me I can't even describe my disgust.
I sent him a message saying so, and not to contact me again, I blocked him from my ph and the website.

My issue now is, do I report him? like a dummy I deleted our conversation, although it didn't have his name or his face in any pictures. I don't know how I would prove to anyone it is him, other than the fact that I saw him on webcam and talked to him via skype. so a 'he said, she said' thing and a pretty big deal to bring some kind of child abuse charges on him if it were to come to that. I would call it possible child endangerment, not necessarily abuse or neglect since he was talking to an adult.

thing is, school websites have filters that are so sensitive you can't even share a chicken breast recipe without it being flagged. so I don't know how he managed to skype from his office without being caught.

so. do I just deal with my freaked outness and get over it, lesson learned or should I report him? I just know I would be completely freaked out if my kids were in his school. I just find this whole thing very disturbing. Especially in light of some of the things he said to me while we were texting about his past experiences. I really need to listen to my gut, I should have never chatted with him a second time and thank God I never actually met him.

I am seriously sick to my stomach.

If there's no way you can prove it, and they'll need more than your word to check him and or his computer out... Then I don't see the point in reporting him. Although its a bloody shame because those poor children!

Since you deleted all proof, I would say leave it alone. Let's hope he hasn't molested any children. He'll fall down on his own when karma catches up.

This instance may not have been the first, and forensic tech experts can recover deleted information, so you still have the option to report him if it's still bothering you. He probably shouldn't be responsible for a single child, let alone an entire high school.

Absolutely do report him. You deleted it but he maybe didn't.

While I agree that he may incriminate himself, my question remains, will the authorities seize his computer just because OP says they should?


If the OP's position allows for this, I definitely say go for it.


But if they need more than her word for it...


Well, at least he'll be on their radar, so I'm sure that's still something to take into consideration.

The utter stupidity and lack of self control some people have always baffles me. I am also a mandated reporter in my state and if I was in your shoes, I think I would report him. His behavior is way beyond an isolated moment of weakness or bad judgement - it's very creepy and troubling. He is not someone I would want my daughters under the care of.

Even if nothing comes of the report this time, at least it would be on record in case something comes up in the future. If a second report is made, they would take it more seriously as it would indicate a pattern of abuse.

Are you sure it wasn't a home office?

no, I know it was at school, I saw his office background and he had to go to some meetings, he was having a 'quickie' I guess before the meetings ugh.

The thing about what I did have on my ph is that there are no pictures of his face, the only time I saw him was on skype...well the other part is him saying he was at work and what he was doing at work, it was on text. but it is not in his name either. can they get text messages back? I didn't even think about it at the moment when I deleted the conversation, I was too creeped out and wanted it gone. It didn't occur to me until much later that I should have reported him. I just have no proof and I realize this is a serious charge if I were to bring it.

he lied on his dating profile, said he was single, that's why I talked to him even with some trepidation...when I looked at his school profile, there he was with the description of his wife and 5 kids...I don't know I just couldn't deal. I even told him in my last message, that his behavior was seriously disturbing, that if my kids went to his school I'd be freaked out and that his family deserved better. what makes this bother me so much I suppose is that one of the coaches at my kids' high school some years back was arrested for child porn on his computer at school. sick sick sick

oh as far as the impulse thing...I'm pretty sure this was not an isolated thing, he also seemed to enjoy telling me how kinky he was, some of it was pretty out there

I only got as far as "jerking off in the office" before I felt sick...

I feel as if neither of us could live with ourselves if we didn't do something to remove this asshole from a school....

Time to call the Special Victims Unit; you definitely seem to have been put in a mandated reporting situation. Do it for the kids. He may already have accumulated a history of complaints or even offenses. If this guy is far gone enough to behave as he has in his position of responsibility, then what else might he be capable of? High school principals should be squeaky-clean. There's no burden of proof on you; just find a friendly detective, ask to speak to them in private, and tell them what happened. Whatever you deleted, you deleted; if they can recover it, they will.

I will make some ph calls tomorrow, I feel the same way, that these kids are at risk. this guy is only in his 40s, I cant imagine what could happen if he had a full career in education to retirement age...when online isnt good enough and he has access to an entire student body? I'll let you know what occurs

Frankly, he's victimized you in drawing you into this mess under false pretenses, then forcing you to act responsibly, which could be stressful and uncomfortable.

Definitely needs reporting. Maybe his profile is still available online. If so they can probably get him to hang himself.

If there is no proof of anything then it will probably be like you said a case of he said/she said. But with him being so careless it will probably only be a matter of time before he will be caught doing something. I do have to wonder why though that you thought he even deserved a second chance.

cause I was stupid? actually, I didn't know it was him initially with the new profile although it didn't take me long to start to wonder..I said some things about him in reply to some questions he asked which led me to think it was and he confessed finally that it was him. it really was a weird conversation, as well as the subsequent ones, probably texted 3 different days in a week. I honestly do not know exactly why I didn't say something back in Aug except it was just like one or two days of contact and I blocked/deleted him directly after the skype thing because I was creeped out by it. I was still pretty new to all of this online stuff. it was still summer so no kids but still. and I don't know why I was willing to talk to him again this time after I had chosen no contact with him. Just for some reason over the course of last evening after we stopped texting I started really thinking about what was going on and it really bothered me, then to finally find his real name and school and his personal profile through the school website, I guess it got real what had gone on and that it was completely unacceptable.

You could land up with egg on your face for allowing him to Skype you and doing it twice ... with webcams ... irrelevant that you may not have known at the time who he was, you allowed him to sex Skype you and were a willing participant.

He could try pull you down with him and say even though you're a mandatory reporter you knew full well at the time that he was at work / wherever he decides to lie about his whereabouts.

I just think there will be repercussions that won't stand in your favour / cause you a lot of personal grief over his disgustingness.

On the other hand, you'll put the suspicion of doubt in the minds of whoever you report this to, regardless of proof ever being found.

skype was only one time back in aug and I didn't know until I saw him on the camera that he was at his school.
I'm going to drop it, he's managed to figure out how to do this and not get caught apparently, since using aliases and not showing his face.
although...I do have his phone number. if the texts could be recovered and traced back to his phone then there would be something.
perhaps someone smarter and less trusting will be his next target and he'll get caught.
OR I could contact POF and see what they can do.
I"ll think about it.

I would at least contact the dating site and see if they'll pull his profile. I know some like match.com will if it's something like this. Also, you probably already know this, but you can file anonymously. Even if you don't, you don't have to prove anything unless it's the police you contact and even this I think you can make an anonymous complaint. The investigators determine whether or not to pursue the case.

Would you feel differently if your own kids attended school there?

What would you do then?

I had already thought that from the beginning, the whole thing about him being around kids..I think the different points of view I'm getting here is what made me think of dropping it. However, I contacted another teacher friend of mine who contacted her state rep. There really is nothing I can do without the evidence, basically if he manages to contact me again I will tell him that I will report any further conversations. I looked on the website and there is a way to unblock a person, he is not on the block list so I think he blocked me in return. Or he deleted his profile.
I think he is not as smart as he thought he was, even by using aliases, he had let me see his face, he mentioned his occupation and I knew he lived nearby, and when he called his location came up on my phone. It didn't take a lot of investigation to find his profile on the school website along with his picture.
So I think if he tries to continue to act like this, he will get caught. the fact that he might have blocked me or deleted his profile tells me he is concerned.

I wouldn't know what they would call it, but it's not abuse of any children since they weren't actually present in the room. I know the problem is that a student could walk in on him if he were too stupid to have a lock on the door but at best this is just inappropriately exposing himself in a school. I imagine he could get fired for it and probably should.

Without proof though I'm not sure how much would happen, they would probably put him under investigation at the very least and if there are any on campus closed circuit tv security, they might be able to catch him. As a father with kids in HS I would say it's probably worth reporting him, to get this on record, even though it may not result in his termination.

if you can move on without reporting it in good conscience then so be it, but if it's going to be something that you feel compelled to report, I don't see any reason that makes me think you shouldn't do so.

Using a phone, it is not going to go through the filters of the school. the school is on a network with the proxies and filters necessary but it only goes as far as using anything attached to that network. Schools, or any other place of business do not have their own networks set up for cell phone use. They go through the cell service the person is on which go through cell towers.

I work in a government building, that is federal. Things are very locked down in the building, even right up to using gmail itself, which is blocked but I can switch to my personal phone, and use gmail because they can't easily block it without turning off cell useage for all services.

Anyway that's how.

when I mentioned the school website, back in August he used skype with me on his laptop in his office so I assumed he was on their network. Perhaps he has his own hotspot, I don't know. I did report it to the vea rep through a teacher friend and gave his name, they didn't seem to think I would be able to do much more without evidence.
I feel like going up to his office and confronting him but I am pretty sure that would be a very bad idea. At least someone further up knows about him, even if it's not DOE. I'd hoped they would have better advice. Thanks everyone for your input, I appreciate it. I wish I'd had better news to report back. Hard to believe someone smart enough to become a HS administrator could be so stupid as to act like that though.

just wanted to put something of an end result here..I spoke with my psychiatrist today about this man and his behaviors. According to her, In my state this would be something that even if I had evidence for would end up swept under the rug by officials...and she really didn't want me to go through something that would end up probably making me sick and he wouldn't get punished. She made mention that there are lots of people with sexual addictions that do things in their offices...and that there is that possibility that he might be in need of medication (poor judgement, highly sexual) and these are actually the symptoms that hit me hardest when I am manic. I think this is most disturbing because he is a school admin. Anyway, bottom line, I deleted evidence, I blocked his contact so I have nothing really to give anyone except my story. Most likely if he is using judgement this poor, he will get caught at some point...or he might have gotten a wake up call from my message calling him out on his behavior.
It is not a satisfactory ending but it is what it is. I can only hope that karma gets him or he figures out he has to stop on his own. and if he needs help, lets all hope he gets that too. I'd hate to think I had no compassion for someone who may be mentally ill as well. I've done some pretty stupid crazy things when manic that I've had to apologize for and probably still have not been forgiven for completely.