Husband invited people over for Thanksgiving without discussing it with me first!

Yes, Mapper, but the problem is that you bury all your anger and don't talk about it with the person who.makes you angry. So you can either keep being miserable or work on your problems.

Seesaw

You need to work on your communication skills or nothing will ever change or get better and might just explode and erupt into something which could have been lessened and minimized by using proper communication. You have a right to stand up for yourself. People will walk all over you if you don't and even expect you to enjoy being walked on. (((Hugs)))

I think he doesn't want your company and goes to great length to make sure you two aren't spending much time together. I think you have more issues than thanksgiving. I understand it's an annoyance that he invites all these people but I think the issues are deeper

None of these issues are the problem.

The problem is that you have a deep amount of resentment for your husband. And it seems to just be snowballing....

What's going on inside, really?

I love my husband but we can be spending time two of us any time. On thanksgiving we want people. And I cook the whole thing, I hate potlucks. Me and my brother take turns hosting hoilidays. You only have to cook turkey! Honestly you two don't have good relationship yet you want to spend holidays just two of you? What for? And it's obvious he doesn't want just you two!

Life is too short. You two are miserable! Why stay?

Happy Thanksgiving, I hope you have a wonderful day.

Let us know how it goes with the company there.

Here we go again!! We met my coworker and her friend who is visiting from out of town for drinks last night after work. She and I walked over after work and her friend was already there and my husband showed up about 20 minutes later. She invited us over for Christmas Eve and H and her friend got on quite well. Well we stayed at this pub until about 8:30 and then took off to walk to our separate cars. H was parked the closest so he was in his car and on his way out as we were still walking to our cars. He drives slowly down the alley and opens his window and says "I was thinking we should have these guys over tomorrow night for dinner since he's leaving on Friday". Are you kidding me???!!! Not a word to me about this until now, right in front of them. If he had driven the other way down the alley, he never would have mentioned it. That was totally putting me on the spot! What am I supposed to say to that when my friend/coworker is standing right there other than "Um, okay."? Even they were like "Um, if you're okay with that". As he drives away my coworker goes "He's something isn't he." Yup, that's one word for it! So 22 hours from then we are to have 2 people over for dinner. I need to clean the house, I need to buy food and drink to feed them and I'm not going to be getting home until 9PM and need to get to bed so I'm certainly not going to be doing any of that tonight. Then I have to work all day tomorrow until 4PM, then go to the grocery store which won't get me home until about 5:30 and then I need to clean the house and prep food in order to be ready to have them over at 6:30?? I was livid! I get home last night and I say to him "So what are we going to feed them?" He goes "I don't know. We've got to eat up that split pea soup I made". You're kidding right? You ask them to come over for dinner and you see nothing wrong with simply serving up a bowl of soup you made 5 days ago and that's it?? He's like "Well yeah, I don't see what the big deal is." Oh my god! Then when he said we should have them for dinner they said they had planned on going to an Indian restaurant but they can come to our place instead. He then goes "Well you can go there and then come over afterwards." You JUST asked them over for dinner and then tell them to go have dinner and come over after, which wouldn't be until like 9PM! Then he said "Or you could go have lunch there and then come over for dinner." Geez! You ask them for dinner and then it gets all convoluted.

I'm super irritated. I now have to leave work early today in order to get everything done. Meanwhile H isn't even going to be home until 7PM, but he told them to come over at 6:30! I'm tired and have a headache because I don't think I slept more than 4 hours last night, probably because I was so upset about tonight. I have other things I'd like to get done tonight, but guess those are all put on hold. If I tell H I'm upset he did this he'll go "What is the big deal? We're just having them over for a couple of hours." The BIG DEAL is that you never even consulted me on this. The BIG DEAL is that I have to leave work early and rush around and get things and prep them. She's MY coworker and friend, but yet you took the liberty to ask her over!

Well it's irritating I agree

...but to all honesty I don't get you at times. You said you two do nothing but watch tv and you are bored, so why not have them over? If you have no time to cook why not get take outs? Or have something quick? I also don't get why you need to clean the house. You said all you do is clean and watch tv so shouldn't the house be already clean by now? Do you not keep the house clean on
a daily basis?

I do understand your spouses spontaneous nature would be tough on me too, I am a planner. But since you two never do anything then why not be excited there is a bit of fun in your life?

Sure I'd be up to having them over...maybe with a 48-72 hour notice but not 22 hours when I'm not even getting home that night until 9PM with no time to plan anything. The house is clean-ish, but there's still "stuff" sitting all over. It's not the kind of clean it would be if it were just me and I still think it's embarrassing to have people over. As we show them the house and go "Here's our extra bedroom. As you can see we use it as extra storage and the cat litter box". "Here's our bedroom with our crappy bed and furniture that I want to replace but can't do it because I have to pay all our bills." "Here's our computer room and notice how my desk is clean and H's has a ton of **** on it". Having 4 cats also means there is constant cat hair over everything so I need to vacuum. She had us over and made a nice meal for us so I don't want to have them over and then just throw down some Chinese take out in front of them. She also has a very neat and organized place. The kind my place would be if H wasn't there. Even our living room is embarrassing because he put up a Metallica poster and he's got half a wall with motorcycle posters, then there's the drawing from his daughter that she did when she was 5 which he has framed. None of that would be there if it was just me. He would be totally offended if I told him to take down any of those things, even though he had no problem telling me my picture of a lake in Canada was kind of blah and switched that out for the Metallica poster!

I would never invite someone over, in front of H without saying a word to him prior.

Gee so not only you support him financially but he decorates the house the way he sees fit. Gee. You don't have to show people your bedroom or spare rooms. Keep the door close.

Take out does not need to be Chinese. And many nice restaurants have carry out. If they wanted Indian you can check that out. It doesn't. It doesn't need to be home cooked meal.

I think it's established that your DH is an ***. He doesn't work and doesn't care about you and he does whatever the heck he wants. I mean it was established. I agree and so does everyone else that it's a nightmare. It's your choice though. Your choice to live in poorly organized and poorly decorated unclean place with poorly compatible husband. Unfortunately or fortunately life is full of choices.

You choose this life every day. You must have your reasons to live this way in 2016 when no able bodied adult is forced to do anything they don't want to

Sorry Mapper but it's your own fault.You could have said no when he invited them over.Yes you were put on the spot but you still could have made an excuse to get out of it.Wouldn't that have been easier and better than what you are going through now?

My husband has pulled crap like that before,so I get how frustrating and upsetting it is,but really it was my own fault for allowing him to get away with it.

Yeah, but that would have made me look like an *** in front of my coworker. "Yeah my husband wants you to come over, but I would prefer if you wouldn't." She has told me so many times that she needs to come up and see our place yet I've never invited her and here he is inviting her!

Who cares how it makes you look.Besides,there's 'polite' ways to get out of things,you don't have to say no I don't want you over,you could say some other time would be better,I am not really up to it right now,there's so many things you could say.

Just so much better to give a polite excuse than to be doing something you don't want to.

Altho it's probably annoying at least....but he went out.......

He wants to have a social life with people he obviously enjoyed having there company.

The reality is throw some pasta together totally simple it's my go too at the last minute , who doesn't like pasta ? lol ...if need be use jarred sauce and doctor it up with basil etc , they also sell bagged lettuce and grab a loaf of French bread or whatever you like.

I'm OCD about cleaning daily , do you maybe have the MI or do you just clean out of frustration at your husband?

I say let your hair down and enjoy literally breaking bread with people.

Could it be that you used to be angry at your husband and upset with your life so you can't enjoy life even when opportunity presents itself?

Throw some shrimp on top of that pasta as Christina suggested. Shrimp cook in 10 minutes.

Maybe you should.As a matter of fact maybe you need to start doing all the things he does just to give him a taste of his own medicine.

I just don't see your husband as the inconsiderate brute that you and others see here....

Sorry.

I still see no mention of an answer to my last question, so I'll step back and let you have a good rant.
It's good to get things out of your system....

I think there is more to the story. They both resent each other and equally treat each other poorly and imho both have alcohol addiction and he has pot addiction, which contributes to both possibly suffering with distorted perceptions of reality. Imho. Saying that him not working and not paying bills is an issue.