breaking up but trying to be civil and getting stabbed for it.

this is me getting a bit personal with things in my life and touching on really rough and raw things in my life right now that are kind of school relate but kind of not. So I have been deal with going to school for a fairly long time now and for various reasons of one kind or another struggling with it.

I just went through an incredibly hard and rough break up with my fiancé of a year. I just found literally today that aparently he feels that I was using him to advance myself with schooling and with my career choices of becoming a CVT and a CNA.
I called him today to tell him I did not want him to forgive me for what I had done or to let me back in his life cause I know he does not not I just wanted acknowledge that I had hurt him and that I was sorry for it.


out of all the things I have delt with and heard from this person this was the one thing I was truly most stomped by, I went and did a CNA class this last fall and did fairly well with the class. However due to a long standing issue with anxiety I could not get through the written exam, in fact I took the exam three times and was not able to pass. But I am still not willing to give up I am going to be taking the course again in the fall and hopefully will get a better result.

in addition to this I am doing CVT training through Pennfoster online. I thought for the year I was with him and living with him that I had his support in what I was doing my life, and wanting advance myself with it. Apparently even though I took care of ALL of my own finical issues with both forms of training, in his eyes I took advantage of him to advance my careers.

I know that hearing this words deeply hurt me and and because I have been struggling with my depression a lot.....hearing further hurtful things from not just someone I loved but someone I viewed as my best friend for a long time. This does not help with my over all emotions and sometimes my motivation to further myself. But in a way it does, I never needed this mans help for my schooling when I was living with him and I surely don't need his assitance now. I can have a job, and do my schooling and get through all this. Even if the road is long and its a hard one for me to see through I am going to see it through no matter what. That was my decision years ago before I even meet him and it still is.

I'm sorry he said all those mean things to you. It's clear you're working hard for yourself, so I'm not sure what he had on his mind. But you've proved to yourself that you don't need him for your studies, so I think it's a good things to move on.

It sounds like he was looking for low blows that would hurt you, regardless of whether or not it was true.

Its hard when you're the civil one during a break up and the other person just wants to hurt you.

Just remember to hold your head high and know you did the right thing. Don't sink to his level! Hugs.

I have admited to myself and to him now that I did things that hurt him I mean what made us break up was the fact I ended falling for someone else and sleeping with that person. But even that is tricky cause I went into the relationship telling him I was bisexual and poly.

I have two girlfriends I have been in comitted relationships before I even meet him....and at a certain point I got frustrated that I was allowed to date girls but guys where totally off limits.

when I meet this new person I told my fiance and talked about it as often as I could out of respect for him. Now I am being told I have communication problems and that I lied to him. I have a lot of problems and I admit at times I did not treat him as best as I could have.

not intentionally mostly due to the fact I have PTSD and he did not deal with my triggers in an understanding way I felt judged and cirtized when I had my triggers, and it did not help me get through them well.

not to mention the fact I had ambitions to go to school, and to motivate myself forward i think he envyed that, and was becoming bitter toward me about it.
cause he admited to me that he was feeling that way toward me going to counciling and dealing with my PTSD issues
so the fact he could have felt that way toward something else does make sense.

I don't justify what ended up happening with me and him but I never ever lied to his man and I tried as hard as possibly could not to hurt him even though I know I did.

I'm not trying to be rude, but please don't pretend to be the civil one at the end of the relationship when you are the one who cheated on him. I think MOST people would have a few negative emotions regarding a cheating event, and justifiably so. I can't help but feel that you're using the bi/poly thing as an excuse, when you shouldn't be, as it just makes it look like this is a typical/to be expected bi/poly behavior when its not.

Honestly, I can see why your ex would say such bad things. I can see why he felt used. I think that if the worst he does is say a few mean things to you, then you're lucky this cheating episode ended as well as it did.

I'm not trying to be rude, rather I don't think its fair of you to tell us half the story in order to get support when you have not exactly been faithful in your relationship and cheating is what made your ex so mad.

And I'd like to add, that as someone with PTSD, I really hope that you take responsibility for your triggers instead of putting the blame on others for not handling them well. (This gives people with PTSD a bad reputation.)

What's done is done.

You cheated on him.

His callous words of you using him to advance your career are nothing compared to the pain you caused him.

Dust yourself off from this whole experience and continue moving onward and upwards.

You are making positive advancements with regards to your schooling all of which will hold you in good stead in the future.

I admit that telling half the story is and was not a good way to handle the situation, the reason I even called him was to tell him flat out that I amdited to my mistakes and that I felt badly for hurting him. I did expect for him to just forgive and take me back and that was not what I expect to ever happen as I said before there were things that I know I did wrong in the relationship but I also he was not entirely at fault either. I actually told him if he had an issue with my being poly and not being able to deal with it we should break up cause I did not want to hurt him.

He in turn did not listen to this request, I never lied to him about anything in our relationship including the affair. Do I feel bad for it of course I do...but I can't go back and change the situation. I know people will make judgements on me for what I have done.
and even go as far as to say that my life style is the cause of it.

but I don't truly think its fair of someone to claim they accept you for how you are and then one day realize that they are not.
That seems just as much playing with someone's emotions to me.

that is not to say I don't realize the pain I cause him in this process, but this was not something I did simply for having sex. I made a deep connection with the person I cheated on and still have that with him....I told my fiance about this person and how I felt about him from the very beginning of everything.
and he pretended he was ok with it all, when in fact he was not. I advised him that if this was an issue for him that we should just end things.

I understand that what I did was wrong and I live with the hurt of what I cause him everyday, but he cause me hurt before this as well. And I personally feel that I was lied to as well about what was ok for him and what was not.

Just a side note for people reading. Being bi/ poly, does not mean we all feel entitled to multiple partners.
I for one fully focus and commit to my partner. If WE want to bring someone else onto our relationship, it is after a long and Frank discussion.
We do not go about hitching up with other people and strike up separate relationships.
I just wanted to be clear on that.
Anyway to the OP, I hope you manage to be successful on your own it would prove an excellent example to others with similar disorders.
I thinkaintaining NC with your ex would be kindest on you both in the future.
All the best.

I did not expect to really talk to him again in the future and obviously the efforts I have made in the past to communicate with him in the past about adding on this new partners where totally ignored and I feel possibly twisted to his own way of thinking.

I do agree that not talking to him anymore is for the best. I just him to understand that I did feel badly about what had happened and how it happened.

I did have separate relationships which he seemed totally ok with before I had gotten together and as I said before I had spoken to him about this new person that I had meet and had an interest in for quite a while honestly.It changed from being just a friend to someone I started to have more feelings for, and I think he thinks I lied to him about that cause it changed over time.
but I was always honest with him about what was going on with things.

as I said before I don't condone how I went about with things in the long run. But I do think there was sadly factor of mis trust and unhealthy ness in our relationship that lead to this point.

I personally think it could even be debatable that he could have possible similar feelings even if this was with one of my already established girlfriends.

I have to second this.

As someone who at one point considered myself bi (I no longer label myself), this was the worst-----people automatically assumed that because I was bi that I couldn't be faithful, that I was a slut-ho-bag who would eff anything and everything. This couldn't be further from the truth, AND this was the biggest reason that I dropped the "bi" label and pretty much anything to do with the LGBT community (as they were actually more discriminatory towards bi people than anyone I'd ever met who was "straight")

If you want to be taken seriously as being bi/poly, then don't be cheating on people. "bi/poly" doesn't equate with "can sleep with whomever I want, even if I'm in a committed relationship".

If you want to "play" then stay single or ONLY get into open relationships where both parties are free to do as they please.