What do I do

I am going to ask the therapist also about this, but please let me know where I can do this.
I sleep all day long. I have nothing to do when I am up. I feel alone and abandoned. I would like a warm family to come home to but I don't have one. I can't stay in one place too long because of this and cannot have closer friends or relationships or deeper feelings. Work alone does not necessarily fill this hole. Advise me what to do please, because all I do is stay on the internet in bed and maybe go for a walk but there is no meaning to the life.

Are you interested in a pet?

I am not an expert but what you describe sounds like depression. I am glad you are going to therapy. It is hard to reach out and make friends when you are depressed and I think isolation makes it worse--so you can't make friends because of depression and you get more depressed because you are alone. Sometimes the best thing about therapy is being forced to talk about your deepest feeling with someone again. If you have been depressed for a long time, you might have forgotten how to share your feeling with others. I was depressed when I first came to PC so the things people were saying at the depression forum really resonated. There were many encouraging people there. Many people at PC are in therapy and like to discuss it in the psychotherapy forum. Posting here and replying to posts can make you feel less alone. I hope you continue to post!

Thanks for your post, however I am not depressed.
I do not belong to any family, I can do whatever I like but this will not bring me closer to friends. I do not have a bond with mother. I do not know what to do during the day. I have not changed for a long time and am not sure what to do. Nothing feels meaningful because I have difficulty building a true bond with people. I sometimes feel shame about this. Mostly I have acquaintances or shallow relationships. I have difficulty taking the relationship from there to the next step, I do not know how to be close to people.
I do not like this and want it to change?

I can relate a lot to what you're saying.. How do you know you're not depressed? Have you been to a pdoc?

Either way, asking your therapist is a really good idea. Hope he/she will be able to help you

I have only had a handful of good friends my entire life, but here is how we bonded: Doing activities together--riding a bus to school together (my high school was 25 miles away), taking classes together, watching a favorite TV show, running, camping, biking, walking, etc. Admitting to each other the things we felt most ashamed of and sometimes laughing about them. Talking to someone and finding that you have common beliefs or interest. Talking to someone who has a different belief but wanting to understand (being open to their idea and explore it). Also, finding things about the people that you like/admire and telling them about it (sometimes I tried to be more like them ).

Ok... nice... so it is no wonder I don't have closer friends. I am left absolutely alone with no guidance and expected to swim with the current. I cannot relax or let people very close and nobody cares about me or how I'm doing. Family never calls... doesn't care how I am. I worry I will be alone all my life when I don't have to be. But that's how it is. There is no one to soothe me if something goes wrong, or comfort if I haven't paid my bills. Maybe people think I am stand-offish or not too open and they're right, because I can't... I cannot do this anymore, nothing works anymore. I am so ashamed sometimes I can't open my mouth and ***** of a "mother" just pushes harder. Plus being abandoned frequently, left with nothing to do. She doesn't even ask if I have a job at all. It's all left on me. So I have difficulty being close to people.
Well forget about it. I guess I will be alone but I can say that I won't ever call her.
What do you think about this?
And yet I can't live in this way...

I know I am lucky in that I know my mom and dad loved me. I assume that you are going to have to "process" (talk about how your family hurt you, figure out if you need to reconcile, keep your distance or something in between) your relationship/childhood. That might help you move on and make friends more easily. It may be a painful process but it will be worth it. Hopefully, you connect with your therapist. I am sorry you are hurting right now...
And being short on money for basic things is a very tough place to be. If we are worried about our finances, it makes it harder to focus on healing. I hope things improve for you. <<hugs>>

Let me put it this way. I can't live without basic support from parents because everyone deserves this basic support (like caring whether you are alive and clean and ok) and people socialise on the basis of this. I have lashed out so often and she just takes it as "normal" and doesn't even ask what is wrong. Everything I do is dismissed. Nothing is acknowledged. I have much to give but I need support to do so and I have none.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Can you have pets where you live? I consider my cat and dog as part of the family. They help me a lot emotionally. I'm sorry about your relationship with your mom. She sounds toxic to you. If that is the case maybe it would be wise to limit exposure. I think I mentioned in a previous post that you could sit down with your mother and talk with her in a non confronting way about what you need from her and what she needs from you. Were you willing or able to do that? Is there anyone at your work that you're interested in being friends with? Best wishes.

Thank you for reply but she does not work like that. She ignores all important feelings and pretends she does not know what I am saying. She is shallow. She abandoned me in every possible way and left me to fend for myself.
I have PM'd you.