My H has always teased me about something. Due to my thread about being monitored and how I was acting at that time, he now frequently teases me about things he needs to do in order to monitor me (he had to fix the router today--so he says he has to get on it in order to monitor me). Also, whenever the topic of divorce comes up in songs, on TV, etc.--I feel like he is teasing me about it. I am not mad, just a bit embarrassed--I am afraid I was a bit "out there" in some ways when I was talking about being monitored and trying to divorce him. I really do like him. What does your SO tease you about?

[*Laurie*]

I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who teases me. To me, teasing is mean and oftentimes has the same effect as bullying.

[Crazy Hitch]

Maybe he just doesn't know how else to deal with it?

Some people joke about topics that's they're nervous about. Not the best way to deal with it, but it's a coping mechanism for some.

"Monitored" - are you talking about psychosis as in paranoid delusions of persecution in the medical sense?

He was monitoring my posts on PC--I was acting a bit strangely though part of it was because I suspected he was monitoring me and when he denied it (despite possible evidence), it was making me crazy.
I don't mind the teasing. My attempt two years ago was really hard on us both. It is hard to talk about sometimes. My family and I blamed him more than he deserved for my actions. I have recovered a lot but occassionally my MI feels like the "elephant in the room" but I don't want to talk in depth about it all of the time. I prefer to be teased and just laugh about it. It doesn't traumative me--it relieves some of the tension. His jokes aren't mean--they are more like (when there is a story about a divorce) "poor guy, if he can survive a divorce, he can survive anything--I know what that must feel like!"

[gothicpear]

My SO teases me about not hearing his text messages when I text him.
He teases me by hiding his phone every time a text message from someone else goes off and won't let me see his phone.
He teases me about not understanding what I am saying when I ask him a question.
He recently "teased" me about noticing a jogger's behind...when I told him that hurt me, he said he wasn't going to walk on broken glass for me, and I needed to get a thicker skin.

I'd rather be with someone who wasn't so much "fun."

[Erebos]

Me and my SO tease each other all the time, I tease him about being needy and insecure (because to the rest of the world, he comes across like doesn't give a fk.)
He teases me about being TOTALLY disorganised.

It's like having a valve on a pressure cooker.It helps by laughing off stuff that gets on our nerves but in no way justifies an argument or 'talk'.

If we held onto these things bottling them up it probably would become an issue, it there is a massive difference between teasing and bullying.
It's Not typical to hear nothing but good things about ourselves, it does you good to be able to brush off criticism, especially if your safe and you know that person loves you.
There is nothing wrong with growing a thicker skin either.
You can love someone despite their faults and the things that drive you crazy.
Nor does it do any harm for you both to try and find the humour in things.

To the OP, what r the things that drive you crazy about your husband, but you love him all the same?

Originally Posted by Erebos

It's like having a valve on a pressure cooker.It helps by laughing off stuff that gets on our nerves but in no way justifies an argument or 'talk'.

To the OP, what r the things that drive you crazy about your husband, but you love him all the same?

I Agree.

Sometimes the things that you love about someone, also drive you crazy. My H has always been so sure of himself--what he wants out of life, being with me, that he made the right decision about everything. I have a hard time understanding how anyone can be so sure of themselves. I even find myself wondering--does he have all this conviction about everything just because he thinks it is what I need? But no one could fake this. He is just to d*** consistent for that to be the case. I am the opposite; I second guess many of the decisions I have made. Of course the maddening thing about it is that not all of his decisions turn out for the best (though many have) from my POV and when you are married your partner's decisions effect both of you. So it IS best to laugh because being married means that I bear the consequences of both his good and bad decisions (so does he in regards to me).

[divine1966]

Your marriage sounds abusive to me. Monitoring your posts? Constant teasing? It doesn't sound like he sees you as his equal. He sounds like a bully. Are you happy in this marriage?

Originally Posted by divine1966

Your marriage sounds abusive to me. Monitoring your posts? Constant teasing? It doesn't sound like he sees you as his equal. He sounds like a bully. Are you happy in this marriage?

Was wanting to keep it light but I suppose I asked for it since PC is all about diagnosing/admitting what is really going on.

The teasing doesn't bother me because I have been teased my entire life for doing impulsive/absentminded things and learned to laugh at myself at a very young age (since middle school--perhaps even earlier). For example, on the 2nd date with H, I met him after work at his townhome (his was next to the base, mine across town). When I parked in front of his garage door, I had left the parking brake off (it was stick shift). While talking to H inside, we heard a loud noise and wondered, "What's that?" Soon, the neighbor knocks on the door. My car had rolled into the neighbor's garage door and trashed it. H was very understanding about this.

H has a very sweet heart but can be a bully when he feels threatened. When things get rough, he fights for the people he loves. As far as feeling like an equal goes, not always but having done more self reflection since my attempt--I understand myself better and feel a lot better about myself. I am getting better about setting boundaries. I learned it here and through my T. I went to a T for the first time in October 2015. My H has a few narcissistic qualities but many people do. I am hardly perfect myself.

I have been married nearly 30 years and have had both good and bad times with him. We are dependent in many ways including financially. Having considered divorce earlier this year, I have made the decision to stay and make it work. It really would be hard for me to leave him. Yes, the feelings of love have been all over the map during the last 30 years but I have no one else in my life whom I have shared so much with and we have shared some wonderful adventures together. For good and bad, we are committed to each other.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

Was wanting to keep it light but I suppose I asked for it since PC is all about diagnosing/admitting what is really going on.

The teasing doesn't bother me because I have been teased my entire life for doing impulsive/absentminded things and learned to laugh at myself at a very young age (since middle school--perhaps even earlier). For example, on the 2nd date with H, I met him after work at his townhome (his was next to the base, mine across town). When I parked in front of his garage door, I had left the parking brake off (it was stick shift). While talking to H inside, we heard a loud noise and wondered, "What's that?" Soon, the neighbor knocks on the door. My car had rolled into the neighbor's garage door and trashed it. H was very understanding about this.

H has a very sweet heart but can be a bully when he feels threatened. When things get rough, he fights for the people he loves. As far as feeling like an equal goes, not always but having done more self reflection since my attempt--I understand myself better and feel a lot better about myself. I am getting better about setting boundaries. I learned it here and through my T. I went to a T for the first time in October 2015. My H has a few narcissistic qualities but many people do. I am hardly perfect myself.

I have been married nearly 30 years and have had both good and bad times with him. We are dependent in many ways including financially. Having considered divorce earlier this year, I have made the decision to stay and make it work. It really would be hard for me to leave him. Yes, the feelings of love have been all over the map during the last 30 years but I have no one else in my life whom I have shared so much with and we have shared some wonderful adventures together. For good and bad, we are committed to each other.

I understand. We joke around too. Hopefully you can tease him back. I don't have MI but my DH has Tourette's syndrome, severe OCD and anxiety. I am concerned about his well being but I don't understand monitoring especially online postings. I personally feel it's not acceptable but if you feel it's not abusuve and it works for you then I understand. Best wishes

Well I do understand that sometimes teasing is hurtful, but, it can also be a bonding experience. And one that you never forget so if you can coax a positive emotion from it--it can be a wonderful memory.

One time, despite the fact I was washing the waterbed sheets, I eagerly took my clothes off when H asked. Next he asks me to lay at the head of the bed with my arms over my head so that my feet touch the right railing and hands the left railing; then, very carefully and slowly, on command, asked me to roll to the foot of the bed. When I got to the end, he said, "Don't move an inch!"
He reaches down, opens the stopper, lets some air out and says, "Thanks, we really needed to burp the bed!" We have laughed at this many times. It is a great bonding memory. Because of my anticipation, I have an emotional response when he teases me about this. I like the feeling.

One year ago, I was going to therapy a lot but I journal here instead.

I have only had one panic attacks this year (It was in the morning after a dream). One year ago I would have them driving, at the grocery store, during my walks with H, and in the morning when I had bad dreams.

Yesterday, during a walk a car was coming and H and I started retreating to the opposite sides of the rode. So I change course and said with a lot of emphasis, "I'm following you!" H says, "You are a very sexy woman." and I say, "I know!" That is great progress for me because about a year ago when a car was coming H pushed me to the side of the rode and I had a huge breakdown. I refused to take any further steps. I had been reading here about narcissist abuse and I saw the push as a huge red flag. Of course, in reality, it was a combination of H being protective of me, the fact that we had already been arguing during that walk, plus I had been having panic attacks. I have recovered so much from the state I was in one year ago. I am so grateful that I have improved.....

I get teased by my husband and son for my clumsiness, my overthinking, my seriousness.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I get teased by my husband and son for my clumsiness, my overthinking, my seriousness.

We have something in common--I have been teased about my clumsiness my entire life......

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I get teased by my husband and son for my clumsiness, my overthinking, my seriousness.

Prefab--

I realized this weekend that when I am depressed--I am way to serious as well. Assign way to much significance to my mistakes. And my H's mistakes! So when I am depressed, I beat up on him for the slightest mistake. But he says it's no big deal. I am not that bad. He probably feels this way because when I feel guilty about the way I have treated him, I sometimes overcompensate by treating well in all sorts of ways. He teases that he won't stand in my way if I want to do any sexual favors or cook for him--he's just trying to help ease my guilt after all! Maybe this just describes a mood disorder. That is my diagnosis after all.

So I woke up at 2:30 AM this morning, replied to some threads here this morning that got me thinking about my lack of confidence in many areas of my life. When I was able to go back to sleep, it caused this dream:

I was trying to express myself to my H but failing badly so I tried to show him at PC. As I was about to type in the PC address, all my icons were turning into Pokemon monsters; when I typed a couple of letters a bazillion characters start filling in the address line faster than I can cut them out and replace them with the proper address. As usual, I am feeling like a computer retard in front of my H who is very competent in general and has made a career in the IT field.

When I told my H about the dream he said it sounds like our real life

[Chyialee]

I think it's normal to tease about some things. And likewise, to have a few areas about which the "OFF LIMITS" sign needs to be up -- and flashing!

Crazyman teases me about some things consistently -- and because they're true but not painful, that's OK. F.e.; bc I have "Aspie-Lite" spectrum disorder, I am very literal in some ways. When I give him a response of "Acceptable" or "Indeed!" he says "Okay, Seven"! (re Seven of Nine, Star Trek Voyager). We are both huge nerds btw. He gives me shyte about never having my phone around; I tease him that he can't breathe without his. When he's pushing a boundary, I will tell him, "Keep that up Man Child -- I shall phone Mommy and tell her on you, and she'll put you in the naughty chair!" (He is a huge, acknowledged, mama's-boy.) We both laugh, the air clears a bit.

I don't tease him about his clumsiness or forgetfulness, nor are his panic attacks and PTSD on the subject list to be made light of. Things he doesn't ever tease about: My kids are off limits; so is my seizure disorder & vicious claustrophobia.

Those boundaries can take awhile to gel. And imo it's OK to ask for a re-assessment: "Can we put ___________ on the No Trespassing List for awhile, please? I'm not doing so well with being reminded of it." is perfectly fine and should be given respect, imo.

JMO of course

Chyia, only half-caffeinated so...

Originally Posted by Chyialee

I think it's normal to tease about some things. And likewise, to have a few areas about which the "OFF LIMITS" sign needs to be up -- and flashing!

Crazyman teases me about some things consistently -- and because they're true but not painful, that's OK. F.e.; bc I have "Aspie-Lite" spectrum disorder, I am very literal in some ways. When I give him a response of "Acceptable" or "Indeed!" he says "Okay, Seven"! (re Seven of Nine, Star Trek Voyager). We are both huge nerds btw. He gives me shyte about never having my phone around; I tease him that he can't breathe without his. When he's pushing a boundary, I will tell him, "Keep that up Man Child -- I shall phone Mommy and tell her on you, and she'll put you in the naughty chair!" (He is a huge, acknowledged, mama's-boy.) We both laugh, the air clears a bit.

I don't tease him about his clumsiness or forgetfulness, nor are his panic attacks and PTSD on the subject list to be made light of. Things he doesn't ever tease about: My kids are off limits; so is my seizure disorder & vicious claustrophobia.

Those boundaries can take awhile to gel. And imo it's OK to ask for a re-assessment: "Can we put ___________ on the No Trespassing List for awhile, please? I'm not doing so well with being reminded of it." is perfectly fine and should be given respect, imo.

JMO of course

Chyia, only half-caffeinated so...

Chyialee--Asking for a re-assessment is a great idea..

My H said that he only looked at this thread because I bated him but I feel sure he still monitors me on PC. Very sure. He says that I think this because of my mental illness. I do not have the energy to constantly prove whether he is lying to me or not. The fact that I think he is not telling me the truth about this (just admit it) is devastating to me. Stalemate.

Actually, it was a thread titled, "Does your spouse monitor you because of your MI?"--accidently posted on this thread instead. Don't care to reactivate that thread anyways. I am having a hard time, on and off, lately. My concentration is gone.

[Shazerac]

I HATE....let me repeat that....I HATE getting teased by my husband or anyone else either. I think it's snarky and abusive. What I do when my husband starts that crap is call his bluff. As in "ok it seems like you have something on your mind....out with it dammit!"

As for your husband, monitoring your computer, not letting you see his phone, and joking about divorce... WTF?????? That sounds abusive to me also. Sounds like y'all need to have a long talk and clear the air, or even try marriage counseling. That ***** is not ok.

During our recent fight, he says I need to get off this forum---it is not helping me. We did talk about marriage counseling. He would never admit to monitoring me in marriage counseling. Another stalemate. And I have more pressing issues than this to deal with.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

During our recent fight, he says I need to get off this forum---it is not helping me. We did talk about marriage counseling. He would never admit to monitoring me in marriage counseling. Another stalemate. And I have more pressing issues than this to deal with.

Get off this forum??? Woah! Red Flag! Danger danger! Cutting yourself off from a support network is not a good thing . What "pressing issues" are more important than your mental health and wellbeing?

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am concerned about his well being but I don't understand monitoring especially online postings. I personally feel it's not acceptable but if you feel it's not abusuve and it works for you then I understand. Best wishes

I would tend to agree.. that the online monitoring is not OK and crosses boundaries, but if you feel it's not abusive, you love him and are committed, then that's what matters the most. ((((hugs)))). The teasing seems to be Ok with you too, and again, that's what matters most -- how YOU are feeling in this relationship and whether you are OK or not feeling safe and endangered.

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

During our recent fight, he says I need to get off this forum---it is not helping me. We did talk about marriage counseling. He would never admit to monitoring me in marriage counseling. Another stalemate. And I have more pressing issues than this to deal with.

I missed this post when replying. What are the issues and why is he suggesting you cut off your support network? Why does he feel it is not helping you?

Sorry to confuse everyone. It is a long story. I do love him (mostly ). We are under a lot of pressure. I made a serious attempt 2 and a half years ago. I am not going to say anymore. I just needed to vent. My life really is a stalemate.....

I appreciate everyone's support though--people at this forum are very caring. I think it is because most of us have dealt with some sort of challenge in our lives. I won't leave this community because I have genuine affection for the people here.