[bugsbunny]

I am in love with a guy who is sometimes quite nasty to other people, and am wondering whether his behaviour could be an indication that further into our relationship he could become quite nasty to me, or possibly that if we had children, he could be nasty to them. Or should I actually not judge him for it at all, and just accept this behaviour of his? Currently, he is very nice to me though.

To help imagine being in this situation yourself, would you be able to continue going out with someone if they were nasty to other people. If the answer is yes, then ask yourself the question again if the situation was to the extreme, whereby your lover killed someone in cold blood - would you still love them, and continue wanting to be with your lover?

Another reason for me questioning the situation and needing advice on this is because sadly, I've an on-going problem whereby I often find reasons to consider terminating a relationship. I've sought professional help in this area, but haven't yet got to the stage of knowing whether my fears are valid or not.

If anyone could give me any advice on this, I'd be very grateful. Thanks in advance.

[splash]

Well, I am usually turned off by people who are "nasty" to others. Could you tell us what you consider to be nasty behavior toward others?

I shudder at the thought that a husband can murder his wife, or can have his wife murdered. It happens all the time, but why it happens escapes me. It's unconscionable.

I would think that, if a person is mean toward others, then that person can potentially be mean toward you. That's wise to question his behavior.

Have you talked to him about how you feel when he's "nasty" towards others? If you're in a relationship that you hope willl continue indefinitely, you owe it to yourself to find out all that you can. Communication is key to any relationship.

Best wishes to you. Keep us posted on how things are going.

splash

[sugarandspikes]

Well, sometimes people grow out of their nasty ways. This could just be a phase, in which case, stick with it if you feel sufficiently motivated. However, is his nastiness a complete turnoff? Are you embarrassed to be seen with him when he's mean? I was in a situation like that, and I got rid of him for those reasons. Ask yourself: do you think you can respect and love him forever if he continues this?

Rachel

Rachel

[kayannarose]

Hi Bugs. I'll give you an old cliche' that I have found to be true by personal experience: If he is good to his mother, he will be good to his wife. My husband has always treated his mother as if she was stupid, ignored her, or used mind games to manipulate her. Up until she became addicted to prescription pain killers and "nerve pills", she was not stupid, just lonely and wanted to be included in her children's lives. Well, for 10 1/2 years, he treated me the same way. It started out gradually, but soon it was to the point I was ready to leave him. What he did to my self-esteem, making me doubt my own intelligence and common sense, is something I may never heal from.

Good luck to you hon!