Is it wrong to look up to people

Yes. Agree with this whole heartedly. Never go back to that store. If you like their food, go to a different location to get it. I assure you that if you do go back there, she will not talk to you or engage with you. She will have another employee handle your order so she doesn't have to deal with you.

Thinking this shows you really don’t get it. I’m sorry to tell you, your dreams of becoming management and climbing the corporate ladder will never happen if you don’t get your thinking straight.

You write very intelligently, but you must have a disorder that is distorting this thinking.

She never wants to see you again. You were a threatening stalker. She was friendly to other fired coworkers, because they got fired for other reasons, not for being stalkers.

Even though you say your intentions were good. You showed threatening, intrusive behavior. What did you want from her? Why did you want to physically cling to her? In your fantasy, what would have happened if she allowed you to cling to her? You never answered me— What did you want from her?

She might have imagined you wanted to hurt her because stalking and clinging is strange and creepy behavior. Nobody does this!

I want to reiterate something here:

By no means should you ever go back to that store, and especially not before the 90 days are up. Some others here have said they gave you that 90 day limit to teach you boundaries or limits. That is not the case. They gave you a 90 day limit to create documentation for which they can get a RESTRAINING ORDER against you for stalking the supervisor. You need to understand the legal implications of continuing to behave and think in this way. If you show up at that store, they WILL call the police and have you removed. You do not want this to involved law enforcement.

Your actions were not simply bad behavior or failing to follow the rules. Stalking is illegal. What you were/are doing in obsessing about this woman and stalking her was setting you up on a road to have legal action taken against you. Do you need/want an arrest on your record? A felony stalking conviction? Cause that's where this is going. You may think, "my intentions were good" but your behavior is the beginning of dangerous behavior. I am worried that if you continue to obsess and don't get what you want that you could become physically dangerous to her. For example, if she didn't wish you a happy birthday, how would you react. If you go in there after 90 days and she refuses to see or speak to you and hides out until you leave, how will you react?

Your behavior is scary. SCARY. The obsession is scary. I think you should write these consequences and possible ramifications to continuing to obsess down and every time you even start to think about her, pull that index card out and read it and remember that you don't want to ruin your life over an obsession.

I hope you will realize the seriousness and severity of this situation. I'm not trying to be mean. I know this perspective is kinda harsh, but I just really want you to understand the consequences and how other people are viewing it so you understand the danger that YOU are in by continuing to obsess and possibly (although hopefully not) acting on it.

Seesaw

1. Other people did not stalk her. Other people did not stay after hours to walk with her. Other people did not return to the store on their days off. They were good employees who did their job and kept boundaries. So of course she said goodbye.

2. Why would she miss you stalking her, she is most likely relieved you are gone.

3 she would probably be nervous seeing you again, if you truly admire her don't force her to see you. Stay away.

I wanted from her what I wanted from everyone I’ve ever admired. I wanted some kind of a friendship. Or maybe to be shown the ropes. I don’t, have not, and never will intend to do anything bad.

And to answer other posts, thx for warning me never to return to that store. I don’t intend to go back now that I’ve been warned. It’s very likely she won’t acknowledge me and I don’t think I could handle it. And I definitely don’t want the consequences of going back.

I’ll be praying for myself and to mend all broken relationships, both personal and professional. As a Christian, I always count on God.

First off that kind of clinging behavior makes others PUSH YOU AWAY. I am sour you have seen them do that to you before it just NEVER got this bad before to require such severe action against you.

Friendships dont happen between boss & employee no matter How bad YOU WANT to be friends. Work places have a heirarchy which is professionalism. There is always a wall when it comes to management relations otherwise favoritism issues come up & thst makes for a very unprofessional environment to work in.

As for hoping to be shoen the ropes, managers have to see POTENTIAL in your BEHAVIOR, ATTITUTES, & mostly ABILITIES before they are ever willing to groom anyone gor a management position. Just because YOU WANT to be in management doesnt mean you have the ability to perform all the things required by mamagement most of which is having people skills to deal with the employees. You have serious problems with the skills needed to interface with people & to communicate with them & to even SEE a problem & know it needs to be fixed.

Shoot, you seem to seriously have problems understanding people here JUST BECAUSE it's NOT the way you think. That would be a serious problem in a management position.

You have a lot to work on before you would ever be qualified to be shown any ropes. Let them come to you when THEY SEE you are ready, not when you want or THINK in your ASD thinking that you are ready. Just because you think something doesnt make it so in reality. A hard lesson we all have to learn, just a little more difficult when ASD is involved.

You will find a place that fits your abiluties & learning these difficult lessons along the way will help

Just remember that you dont have to have contact with the person to heal a relationship. Sometimes our BEST HEALING happens just from learning our lesson from the broken relationship & not breaking others in the future
Most times we physically dont go back & personally heal the relationship. We go on from where we were with a new understanding we take with us to other future relationships. Dont seek to personally heal some relstioships like this one. Learn from it & GROW in your understanding. Some thimgs are best walked awsy from

By friendship, I meant work friendship, which is kinda like friend in general but we don't hang out outside of work. My supervisor was like that to almost everyone. And by showing me the ropes, I don't just mean management. I meant work in general and possibly life. Back when she used to like me, she actually helped me through my personal problems. She also confided in me hers as well (and laughed at what I had to say until she found out it worked).

For instance, it's partly bc of her that I know I ain't stupid. Even when I was a dumbass, she said I ain't stupid. And when I had problems with my folks, etc...

That was among the many things I like about her in that people could actually open up to her. And she never stayed mad at people for long (in fact, not more than one day). I never kept friends or relationships for more than a few years and I'm 28. I make friends easily and had alot of them, but I lost most of them along the way. If I got a dollar for every person who walked out on me (fair weather friends and whoever I looked up to), I'd be extremely rich.

btw, of the ppl who walked out on me, 98% of them were fair weather friends and 2% were whoever I looked up to.

The important thing now is to focus on doing well at your retail job and to recognize when you are getting these obsessive thoughts again so you don't get into this sort of trouble again.

I think it was explained to you many times that it doesn’t matter what your intentions were. You behavior wasn’t acceptable.

I know and understand.

THIS is what your PARENTS should have done (or maybe they tried to do but you wouldnt listen?) This is what your therapist or counsellor should be doing now for you. Teaching you skills that you NEED in order to be successful in life. God doesnt just give us teachers in people we "look up to". He provides us teachers in anyone who touches our life.

The thing is that a person can be a very caring person & an acquaintance but it doesnt necessarily equate to A FRIENDSHIP. What many people even without ASD find that acquaintance levels are as numerous as the ASD spectrum & not always easy to define or understand.

Just because YOU FORCED HER to set the boundry she had to set doesnt mean she doesnt like you. It means she had to set the boundey & do what she did to TEACH YOU that your behavior was unacceptable because like with your parents trying to teach you, YOU WOULDNT LISTEN TO WHAT YOU WERE BEING TOLD until you were FORCED TO. She actually likes you or she woukdnt have bothered making this situation into a learning opportunity for you. She would have just had enough & FIRED YOU without all the learning opportunities that were put in place for you & making sour your caseworker knew & understood the situation.
YOU were the one WHO FORCED HER to respond to you in the way she did because your behavior was SO VERY UNACCEPTABLE & YOU WOULDNT LISTEN any other way.

Im glad you know you arent stupid. God has given ALL us us our ABILITIES & LIMITATIONS for us to figure out how they apply in our own lives.

Sadly some people overlay DIFFICULTIES learning & comprehending with being stupid rather than understanding the need to work within your limitations to bring out yoyr abilities.

Some things we will NEVER be able to do & we have to accept our God given limitations & look for our abilities in a different place. For instance, I got my AA degree in music. I wanted to be a professional flute player. I practiced 8 hours a day, had an outstanding instructor but my playing got worse nit better. I had to acknowledge that being a professional flute player was not within my abiluty or talent. I changed majors & ended up successfully having a career in computer engineering but it took years & years of more work on my part. I wasnt stupid because I couldnt learn how to play my flute well enough to be a concert professional. It just wasnt where my talents lied. My computer engineering path wasnt easy either. Everything we do in life takes hard work & an AWARENESS of what is needed to succeed....which is even more of a challenge when ASD is involved.

My ex Husband was ASD & was a computer engineer also. He could do his job well enough. His HUGE TROUBLE always came with interfacing with management & the other employees around him. It limited his success. Accepting our limitations & working wirhin them is critical.

Its nice to have someone we can talk through our problems with. HOWEVER IT IS BEST to have a professional therapist to do this with because DISCUSSING oyr problems with friends OVERLOADS THEM WITH OUR PROBLEMS & is NOT fair to them.

I have friends I share some of my issues with but I talk indepth aboyt my problems with my psycholigist who is trained to help me learn how to handle the difficult situations I have to deal with. I WOULD NEVER consider taking those issues to friends. They know at surface level most things. We need a good Therapist to help us LEARN how to deal with our problems. That is NOT a job for friends.

That is actually NORMAL in life. We meet people we have things in common with for awhile then things in change & life takes us in other directions & we meet new people we interface with for awhile. It IS NORMAL to have these kinds of acquaintances throughout our lives. People who are there, not ling term but for a short season while we have things in common that pull us together.

We also HAVE TO BE CAREFUL that it is NOT OUR BEHAVIOR that is pushing them away. Similar to your bad behavior that PUSHED away your supervisor. Sometimes our behaviors can makebit so that people dont want to be around us after they get to know us better & it isnt that they are fair weather friends it that sometimes they find its just too stressful & too much work to be around certain behaviors & they leave FOR THEIR OWN WELL BEING (called self-care) That is exactly why I left my husband...because I couldnt tolerate his behavior any more & my own well being & mental health was in jepordy. Much better to leave someone before it gets to that point.

With ASD, you do not see how your behaviors are negatively affecting others so to you it looks like they are fair weather friends.

I think your deep down desire you wanted from her was to feel special. “If this person who has it all going for her likes and gives attention to me, I am special and good.”

Your problem isn’t so hard to stop doing. If you’ve learned where the boundary is between friendly and stalker, you will be fine.

We all learn boundaries by crossing them and getting punished.

One person blocked me on Facebook. Another person deleted me. Evidently they didn’t like the post I made about my supervisor. Also, my supervisor prolly told others bad stuff about me. Cuz when I was still working there, I heard stuff (good and bad) about former employees. People talk amongst themselves.

What was your post about your supervisor?

Well the post was from shortly before I lost that job. I posted that she told everyone I obsessed over her and she exaggerated everything I did. I also played victim and posted that everyone I’ve looked up to rejected me just for looking up to them. I was looking for sympathy and I got it from people outside of the company. It only momentarily felt good.

I don’t think that way anymore. Now I know what I did wrong. I deleted those posts 2 days ago.

I hate that people still talk even after I’m gone. They don’t just talk about me. They talk and ***** about other people who left. When I worked there, I heard it all. For instance, an hourly manager was being *****y to a crew member very late in the evening. That crew member flipped out, screamed obscenities at her, and banged stuff around. The next day, corporate fired him.

For the next 2 weeks, people talked bad about that guy. One even told me the whole story when it was just the 2 of us. Why even gossip? Btw, when he went in as a customer, my supervisor never even acknowledged him. When we worked together, we were never really friends. But now I could see what happened to him parallels what’s happening to me.

Oh and that hourly manager was so scared of him that she hid in the restroom while he was raging.

Facebook is not a good place to air those things. So it's understandable that some people were uncomfortable with that post and unfriended you.

What happened with the gossiping is what ALWAYS happens when someone leaves in anything other than the best of circumstances. I know people talked badly about me at my last job after I got laid off too. It's just the nature of the politics of a work environment and how back stabby everyone gets.

Try to put it out of your mind and move on.

Seesaw

you do realize that his behavioral reaction even to her *****inesz was as unacceptable as your behavior. Different but still UNACCEPTABLE in the work place. One learns to just let *****iness go. If continual then seek another job awsy from that but NEVER react in RAGE either.

NO, facebook IS NOT THE PLACE to air those kinds of things in your life. If people cant see both sides they will not be willing to assume you are the victim. That choice to post your issue on FB was just as inappropriate as your following your supervisor around. Peiple have been fired from their jobs for what they have posted on FB. Maybe that also added to your being fired also. Wouldnt surprise me

I understand the need to ask for sympathy. We all do. We all want to be understood and we want our pain to be recognized BUT the audience matters.
Why do you just post here, on PC? This is a totally anonymous platform and from what I can tell, PC is filled with very wise and compassionate people. Even if someone judges you unfairly it is not as hurtful as a friend deleting you on facebook. When you reveal that much about yourself on facebook, you are sending an open invitation that says “judge me”. And people react to your problems. And from what you are telling us, they react negatively.
I am sure a similar occurrence could happen to me, if I chose to share my very intimate and personal problems on FB (don’t even have FB).
Also, why do you share that much of YOUR private life with people on facebook? That is way too many people having access to your very intimate fears and issues.
I suggest that you keep your life struggles, especially your relationships, to yourself and only share it with your T and with us. We all care about you here at PC and we will be here for you.

I am on FB all the time. I am going through a very bad situation with my xH. I never posted sbout it of FB thoygh sympathy would be nice. I privatly messaged a couple of people about what was going on but NEVER took it public.

During the election there were a few of the more liberals of my close friends who didnt like conservative points of view & unfriended them on FB ehen their POV was challenged....we are still good friends IRL & would do anything needed for each other. FB is a strange creature at times but never a place to air personal problems in public.

That old saying "dont air your dirty laundry in public" holds TRUE on FB

What’s interesting is that the people who gave me sympathy were all outside the company. Those who actually worked with me and the GM didn’t give me sympathy. In fact, the ones who deleted me were my coworkers. Is all that to be expected?

Yes. That is exactly what would happen. The people who still work with your supervisor would be very uncomfortable remaining your friend after you took to FB to complain about their boss/coworker.