Is it wrong to look up to people

She is not a horrible person, and her response (protecting herself) is a healthy one. I hope you can learn to remember that your actions led to her response.

I remember. I never really thought of her as a horrible person. I didn't mean to make her or anyone else hate me. I'll just know next time what not to do and avoid doing it.

I don't think that she "hates" you as a person. It is your behavior that that she doesn't like. You can change that behavior now that you are beginning to see it for yourself. When I say that she doesn't like you (in this case) there is nothing that you can do now to make her change her mind. If you go in there one more time she will have had enough and you will end up in jail. That is how mad she is.

Ruby
She does not hate you. She just does not want to tolerate or enable your behavior.
And, unfortunately (as harsh as it sounds), no one is obligated to care about other people. We live in a very harsh world in which it is a luxury if someone cares about others. If someone does not care about you, that does not make her/him a bad person. Caring for others has a lot to do with resources (energy, emotion, time, etc.)
We all had times in our lives during which the entire world was against us (or at least felt as if) but that does not decrease our value as a human being, nor it means that other people are bad.
Everyone is handling life the way they know how.

So she told you she would take legal action against you and you still didn't get it?

Okay, letting that go for now...yes, change your route, stay away.

No, she's not a bad person because she doesn't like you. There are many people who I do not like and it does not make me a bad person. It's just personal preference. Personal preference does not make you a bad person. For all you know, she could think you're a horrible person for stalking her and making her feel so uncomfortable and unsafe.

Stop thinking about her and that store. When it comes up in your head, change the subject on yourself. Push yourself to move on and focus on other things.

Seesaw

Hi. I'm not sure if I've missed something, but I don't think what happened to you was fair. You sound like a nice person To me. Sorry you keep getting the short end of the stick ruby2011. You'll be okay, don't worry.

I'm not sure where you missed that Ruby stalked her supervisor, was given multiple chances to stop, did not, so was fired and told to not go back to the store. Now we're assholes for advising her to stop so she doesn't get thrown in jail?

We don't want to see her have legal action taken against her.

Hi seesaw. Sorry, you're right, I did miss the fact ruby2011 was warned multiple times and stalked the superviser. I still feel sorry for her though. Also, no, I didn't mean anyone commenting on her post were a-holes, I meant the people giving her a hard time in her life were the a-holes. Anyway, thanks for explaining, appreciated.

Hang in there ruby2011, it's all a learning experience.

No one here was being an A-hole. There were lots of harsh response because people here were trying to get her to see the consequences of her actions. I for one was about to go bang my head against the wall because she just wasn't "getting it."

Hi ForWhatItsWorth2U. I know no one was being an a-hole here, teehee, my apologies for giving the wrong impression. I didn't actually read the whole thread, only read ruby2011 intitial post and then I replied. Anyway, it's a good website, I like reading stuff here. Thanks for trying to set me right, appreciated.

I don't think anyone is being harsh. We're being blunt. Big difference. I'm not usually so blunt (I don't think) but there are real legal consequences here for Ruby and I don't want to see her get arrested or worse. I have commended her at least twice on this thread for seeking help and knowing she needs to change.

It is a difficult situation because Ruby is on the spectrum, so she's having trouble with dealing with boundaries, but the reason behind misbehavior doesn't change the misbehavior.

Seesaw

Hello. I don't think anyone is being harsh either. I said they [the people in her life not the people on here] were a-holes before I realized ruby2011 was warned multiple times and had stalked the supervisor. And I know everyone's trying to help. Okay, have a nice day seesaw. Thank you.

Hang in there ruby2011!

I disagree that “... the people giving her a hard time in her life were the a-holes.”. In fact, I think they are being kind and I am surprised that her former boss did not already file a restraining order. I do also feel sorry for Ruby but right now Ruby does not need a pity fest. She needs a reality check from us otherwise she will get a reality check in the mail and it will be harder to deal with the situation.
I have experienced and witnessed situations in which a person was acting much more mild then Ruby yet the consequences were much worse.
Unfortunately most don’t care about others’ MH conditions thus act in a very cold manner. I think Ruby got lucky in this situation and still has not yet faced that cold mannered and harsh behavior.

Yes, I thought they were a-holes. But that was before I learned that ruby2011 had been warned multiple times and had also stalked the supervisor etc. And you're right she doesn't need pity but everyone could use some compassion and encouragement. Everyone. Okay have a nice day FallDuskTrain. Thank you.

I am familiar with the concept of compassion.
It is not up to you to pass judgement (in a very passive aggressive way, I might add) on my behavior and judging me for not having adequate compassion towards Ruby. We all spent a good amount of time encouraging Ruby. Please kindly stop judging what you don’t know.

Oh my goodness. Okay thank you. Have a nice day.

Really? There were people like that? I figured there might be, which is why I’m stopping right now. It seems imperative that I stop given how urgent.

Actually it's not that she doesn't "give a darn" but YOUR BEHAVIOR caused her to HAVE TO set up a boundry to keep you at a distance because she would not be willing to show any caring toward you because it would only end up ENCOURAGING your BAD BEHAVIOR all over again. You FORCED her to react the way she does to you because she doesnt want to deal with your behaviors toward her & the only way to do that is to block ANY of her own behaviors that might be taken by you as encouragement to behave again in the SAME bad & wrong way.

She is NOT the bad guy in this situation. YOU are the one who has created the situation that has caused her to react the way she is toward you. Your Behavior is the TOTAL PROBLEM in this situation & you seem to still not want to take full responsibility for that when trying to figure out if her behavior makes her a horrible person.

The only thing horrible in this situation has been your behavior. YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON EITHER. You are just making some REALLY BAD choices in how you interface with ither people. Whether this is yiyr ASD or not...you need some serious good therapy to help you learn what is & isn't appropriate behaviors or you will continue to go through life creating situations that cause people to grow to dislike you as they get to know you because of your behavior & put up boyndaries to keep you away rather than to have to deal with behaviors that make them feel unsafe or bad or annoyed.

Stop placing the blame on others & start owning your own responsibility for what is happening in your life.

As other people have stated, and by the other posts you have mentioned, your behavior has crossed the line to full fledged stalking. The fact that you aren't in jail already is absolutely amazing. As weird as it sounds, you may have actually been working with some of the nicest and most patient people around because most people would have had a restraining order against you or even in jail a long time ago. Especially if it was someone with paranoia problems resulting in a fear that everyone is out to get them or someone who has a fear of a crime happening to them due to PTSD from a previous crime. I actually know someone back in high school who was like that. If you did it to someone like her or similar to her who has no patience in the world, you would already be in prison. So you actually lucked out that your supervisor and coworkers were as nice and patient as they were. Also I hope you realize that depending on where you live, the prison sentence for stalking is five years. I think some places are even ten years, all depends.

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just laying out the facts and wanted to tell you all of this. It is much better that me or someone else on the forum to tell you this rather than the judge who will be way harsher than any of us have ever been. Going back there to reapply and expect to be rehired, and going back as a customer, was a bad idea and I hope now that you realize that you should never ever step foot in that store again for any reason. The other thing is, if you were to get charged, it wouldn't be just stalking, it would be trespassing too. That too, carries a prison sentence and having both charges, adding on any other charges they feel like throwing at you, would ruin your life forever. This may actually very well be our last warning, since going back there again will result in you being taken away by the police. We understand that you have a disorder, but it is no excuse for poor behavior. I hope you learn to change very quick. Most people don't have as much patience as your former boss and coworkers. And some, like the person I knew, has none at all.

Ruby, it was imperative that you stop before. I'm sorry to bring this up, but if you look back through this thread, I, and others, WARNED you that if you went back to the store after the 90 days were up, you would likely be charged with stalking and a restraining order, which you were indeed threatened with, and that they would not rehire you. I don't know if you didn't believe us or if your compulsion to go in was just too great, but you disregarded us and went in, and exactly what we predicted happened.

So take that as a sign. We are all telling you the next step is getting arrested and charged. Believe us. Don't go in there again, ever. Stay away from that supervisor in ALL capacities.

Move on with your life.

Seesaw

Hi ruby2011. I just wanted to say I don't actually think you're a stalker. I think you basically, as you said, looked up to your supervisor and simply wanted to be closer to that person, admired that person and hopefully a real friendship could grow from it - nothing wrong with that - but they took it the wrong way, projected their own fantasies onto you, as a lot of people do in this world, and you ended up copping the brunt. Sorry about that. But, yes, all lessons learned ruby2011. All lessons learned. Hang in there and take care and good luck with your job. You just sound like a nice person to me.

@FallDuskTrain: I didn't judge you, merely stated a separate opinion of my own. You projected the judging thing onto me. You were doing the judging, lol Gotta laugh.

mote.of.soul have you read the entire thread?

I honestly don't think this had anything to do with fantasy. I actually think the manager just got FED UP with her behavior & using the stalking "card" was the best way to deal with her & make their statement that her behavior was purly UNACCEPTABLE whether you admire someone or not especially in a orofessional environment. It is ANNOYING in general but definitely inappropriste in the work environment. Then when she didn't get that shebwas in the wrong & kept trying to be back in that same place thay had to make a STRONGER statement with thenthreat of a restraining order.

I agree 100%....that Ruby was NOT intentionally stalking her manager but her behavior no matter what WAS UNACCEPTABLE & NOT to be tolerated in a professional work place. Problem is, sometimes when we deal with behaviors like that in a nice way it doesn't FINALLY sink into the oerson doing it that ehat they are doing is WRONG whether they have ASD or not.

I have a feeling that they gave her the warning with the firing rather than filing a restraining order up front was because they did take her ASD into consideration in hopes that she would finally realize the behavior she was having was TOTALLY unacceptable especially in the work place.

Yes. I think ruby2011 didn't grasp how she was effecting the people involved at her job, that's all.

Fair enough. I think there was a bit of fantasy involved. Fear, suspicion over practically nothing. Just my opinion. But you're right, the supervisor was within her rights to take the action she did.

Hang in the ruby2011. It's all a learning curve, that's all. It'll be okay.

Well if anyone as involved in fantasy, it wasn't her supervisor. WE were all here trying to get ruby to see how she was effecting the people at her job.